Civil Servant in a Romance Fantasy chapter 114

Something I’ll Get Over Someday – 3

I went out to the balcony quietly, not to be noticed by others. In the rainy summer, she was strangely unhappy.

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No, it’s not really strange. You yourself know why. ‘Cause I’m still stuck on that day Even now, 9 years later, I can’t forget it.

I looked up at the sky full of dark clouds. As expected, it’s black, I feel it every time I see it, but I feel intimidated because it feels like an older sister’s heart toward me. It was black then, and then it was raining.

‘I’m sorry, sister.’

She has long since surpassed her sister’s age. When she was young, she easily surpassed her older sister’s height, which seemed tall. She said her sister stopped in the past but I’m growing up alone. I’m sorry, I’m really sorry.

But no matter how much she apologized, it wouldn’t reach her sister. It is said that the soul of a good person stays with the person she loved in life and becomes a guardian spirit, but she said that her sister hated me. Sister, she won’t be by my side. She will be in heaven

I can’t stop apologizing though. Because it’s my fault. It’s my fault that my sister left.

“—This—”

I don’t think I’ll see her sister even after I die, but still…

“Louise?”

At that time, along with her brother’s voice, she felt a weight on her shoulders.

“Oh, brother?”

I was surprised because it was so sudden. And after looking back, I felt sorry for myself. Wouldn’t you have cried? Would the eyes be red?

At most, you are invited to your brother’s home and you are having a good time, but if the guest shows a depressed expression, it’s rude to your brother.

Fortunately, my brother didn’t say anything, as if I didn’t cry without knowing it. He was just worried about being out on a rainy day.

It just came out, so please notice it and come out. The older brother is really kind.

‘I wish I was like my older brother.’

If I resembled half of my older brother, or even half of half, wouldn’t she have left her sister? If you look at the relationship between your brother and Erich, that’s definitely the case. Yes, it would have been

The thought made her glance at her brother. Standing side by side with me looking at the garden. After saying the words of concern, my older brother stayed still without saying anything.

‘Is it okay?’

Suddenly, I thought that it would be okay if I talked about her older sister.

It’s a really sudden idea, but at the same time it seems like a good idea. I’m sorry to tell the other kids.

Even though I know that the kids are showing favor to me, they don’t accept it for personal reasons. It’s too selfish to say that personal reason unilaterally. It seems like you only find it when you need it.

But if it’s an older brother, if it’s an older brother who thinks of me like a younger brother and is considerate of me.

“My older brother and Erich seem to have a good relationship.”

Of course this is childish. He is acting foolishly one-sidedly, relying on his brother’s kindness. That’s selfish enough. From the point of view of the older brother, he may be embarrassed by suddenly bringing up a heavy story.

Still, my mouth has already opened. I’ve been patient until now, but strangely, I couldn’t stand it as much as now. Because today is the same weather as that day, I have an older brother who seems to listen to me kindly.

So I exploded it. Until now, I have been able to share the same sadness that I have been able to share with my parents who share the same sadness.

‘Like an idiot.’

And it was only after I said everything that I came to my senses. You idiot, why are you talking about this? I’m just bothering my busy older brother.

I added an apology belatedly, but you must have been disappointed already— right?

“Oh, brother?”

My brother’s hand came up to my head. It’s unlikely, but it was so sudden that I was surprised that he was going to hit him, and then he moved his hand here and there and scratched his head.

“At times like that, you don’t have to apologize.”

At those words, I inadvertently looked straight into my brother’s eyes.

“You didn’t do anything wrong.”

‘Really?’

The words came up to the top of my throat, but I couldn’t bear to say them. It’s very sorry for you to go through with your brother’s words.

If she admits that there is no fault of mine here, her sister will die for no reason. I appreciate my brother’s words, but I can’t.

Since I kept my mouth shut like that, my brother silently continued to comb my hair. He was getting stronger and not just his hair, but his head started shaking in all directions.

Are you punishing me for saying something stupid like this? I’m sorry, I’m so dizzy, brother. No, is it an offense for not answering? Either way I was wrong.

“Thank you for telling me.”

But my brother was neither. It wasn’t an attempt to scold me, but a little violent expression of affection.

“You have to tell someone to be comforted.”

I couldn’t bear to raise my head at my brother’s words. Yes, it may seem that way. In a way, it seems like I said it because I wanted to be comforted.

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No, I just wanted to tell anyone. I didn’t dare to be comforted by a child like me.

Still, a corner of my heart tickled. Even if I thought that I was a sinner and that I was a sinner who did not deserve comfort, I felt like crying when I heard it.

“I didn’t want to die.”

That’s right. It can’t be. Who wants their one and only sister to die?

“It’s not like I turned away.”

Yes. Did not turn away I’m responsible for her sister’s departure.

“You haven’t forgotten.”

Of course not. How can i forget that It’s something I’ll never forget.

Even if I didn’t deserve it, the more my brother comforted me, the more I wanted to hear it. Just a little bit, a little bit more. Any words are fine. It’s fine even if it’s not sincere.

“No one’s going to say it’s your fault.”

Is it really? Are there really no people who say it’s my fault?

My parents just blamed themselves. The family servants who knew about this were also busy hushing up while looking at me with pity. Other than that, I’ve never opened up.

Won’t other people really blame me? Even knowing this, can I say it’s not my fault?

‘As for my older brother.’

My brother has always been considerate of me. And he never lied.

Yes, if you said that, you would be right. It will be right

…Actually, that’s what you want to believe. Deep down, I heard what I wanted to hear from a trustworthy person.

“It’s getting cold now. Go in first.”

My older brother, who gave me a thoughtful answer despite my one-sided foolishness, sent me back inside first. The cold must have been the same for my older brother.

Before I went inside, I saw that my brother was also a little wet from the rain. Let me bring you something to clean. You may catch a cold if you stay wet.

Looking around like that, I met Erich’s eyes, who was a little farther away from the other kids.

“Louise, were you outside?”

“Yeah, just to get some fresh air.”

“What if it gets wet?”

After rummaging through a nearby drawer, Erich took out one of her towels and handed it to her. As expected, he is a person who has lived there, so he finds things he needs quickly.

“Could you give me one more?”

“Ah, isn’t it enough?”

At that, Erich glanced at the balcony as well. Then, with a nod of his head, he pulled out another towel.

“Unexpected. He probably doesn’t like rain very much.”

I stopped walking to the balcony at the words that I couldn’t just pass by. You don’t like it, brother?

“Why? What happened?”

“Ah.”

After thinking for a while while letting out a quiet voice, Erich finally opened his mouth. He said that it wasn’t a very good story, so he couldn’t elaborate.

“A big incident happened a few years ago. At that time, everyone was worried that hyung would die.”

My hair went white at the comment that it had rained at that time as well. So, did I complain in front of the traumatized person that my trauma was difficult? And that to the older brother who was usually indebted?

The hand holding the towel trembled. You had the same scars in your heart, but on the contrary, did you comfort me?

“Don’t tell anyone, okay?”

“Ugh…”

I could barely nod my head to Erich who asked again. How do you say that I also hid my business, but with what qualifications do I tell others about my brother’s business?

As we head to the balcony, we see the older brother’s back. Her back, which had previously seemed sturdy and massive, looked different now.

That’s it. The reason why my brother has been strange since before. What was hidden, reluctant, and cherished.

Of course, I don’t know the details. Don’t even know Until my older brother says it himself, I shouldn’t know anything.

“Brother!”

You can’t look weird. You shouldn’t worry about your brother or show sympathy for him. My brother will be suspicious if the kid who just entered comes out with a dark expression.

So let’s laugh. Because I can laugh enough in front of my older brother.

My older brother who comforted me and cared for me first. I’m the first person to open up.

‘Let’s wait.’

One day my brother will open up to me too. One day I will comfort my older brother.

Looking at my older brother smiling at me, I made that resolution.

***

I was moved by the manager’s heart when he came back saying it was wet. Tears come to my eyes when I think that such a good child has been suffering all this time.

‘Please be happy.’

If Louise overcomes her trauma, I can gain the courage to move on. That thought is still the same. Still, regardless of my courage, I also want to see a pink child smiling brightly without any scars.

Cheer up, Louise. If there is such a thing as conscience in this world, you, the main character, would have a happy ending.