Civil Servant in a Romance Fantasy chapter 345

345 - Halfway - 2

345 – Halfway – 2

Before I go north, before I finish the unfinished disaster, before I untie the knot with my own hands, I have to go to the last place.

Unfortunately, I asked Ma Jong-gong to teleport to me because the future was too obvious for me to be caught every three steps. I’m sorry that I seem to be pampering Ma Jong-gong, who has become depressed over the fact that I’m going to war, but what can I do because it’s a place I must go to.

“It’s embarrassing to see it again soon.”

That’s how we arrived at their tombstones. When something happens, I turn around and come back here. I still don’t have anyone to call friends except for these guys, and I can’t go without seeing these guys when it comes to the north.

“I can’t stay long. My future wife is waiting outside.”

Maybe he felt serious after seeing my expression, or he thought it was not yet time to say hello to Hekate, and Ma Jong-gong decided to wait outside. I’m really sorry that I seem to bother Ma Jong-gong for my personal reasons.

Anyway, I sat down in front of the tombstone and sighed. There’s no alcohol, and there are people waiting, so let’s just talk quickly and go back. Although I have no desire to stay long.

“That bastard, Dorgon, crawled out again. To be honest, I wanted to die somewhere else, but I guess it was a very careless wind.”

A moment of laughter came out. It was because I admired Dorgon’s name that survived the two-year war and the three-year chase after the war. At the same time, my conscience was dumbfounded for wanting that monster to die on its own.

Each of the eight horses was a monster, but that foal was unique. Force wasn’t overwhelming, survival instinct and head rolling skills were art. Seriously, the imperial army, who had killed all the other eight runners, couldn’t have taken care of that calf until the very end. The baby was even more difficult to catch because he was also the commander of the Kagan’s bodyguard, Kesik. A devil-like bastard who goes with the Four Heavenly Kings.

“It’s not the worst, though. In the last war, the anti-Imperial tribes were thoroughly trampled on, so the forces gathered now have some flaws.”

I didn’t bother to say that the current Empire was flawed. I didn’t want to say negative things to guys who should only listen to good things.

“And I’ve also decided to go to war. Then killing Dorgon won’t be difficult.”

The bad relationship between Dorgon and I was deep. To be precise, I clashed with Dorgon and Tala bizarrely often, and among them, I fought and fought and fought with Dorgon until the end of the war. It was such a fight, but I am alive and the bastard is alive too. Even though I couldn’t kill him, he wasn’t capable of killing me either.

But I am confident that this time will be different. Unlike Dorgon, who has no kagan and eight horses, I have a number of elite soldiers who will be sent to the north after the emperor declares the northern conquest, the ink buffalo that I resurrected with my own hands, the imperial army that has been restored. The background that supports me is superior.

So you can kill it. We can finally put an end to a long and long bad relationship.

“If you kill that baby, I will be qualified too.”

I finally closed my mouth.

Yes, qualified. If I solve the reason why I was brought into this world, I will be qualified to say that I am a resident of this world.

‘That’s what I came for.’

If you usually look at possess novels, the possessor has a reason for being possessed. Ultimately, there is a purpose to be achieved. Whether it’s to prevent the end of the world, the death of characters, a better ending, or just peace. There is no possession without reason, and there is no life without purpose.

But I don’t know much about this world. I stopped watching the original, and after eating and spitting it out, I didn’t pay any attention to it. That’s why I didn’t know why I came to this world or what to do. I just thought of an orphan focusing on the good fortune of becoming a nobleman and living a happy life.

But things got twisted and I went to war, and meeting you guys made me think differently.

To kill the kagan, end the war, keep the peace, and save you. I thought that might be the reason I came to this world.

‘No matter how much I thought about it, that was the only thing.’

Kagan boasts insane power and is in the position of a demon king. If I, the possessed chair, had to deal with such a monster, wouldn’t it be right to think of it as the will of the world no matter how I look at it. And wouldn’t it be the goal to keep the people I met in the process, the first relationship I made after being possessed, to live with you until the end.

But it failed. Kill the kagan and end the war, but you are dead. The peace that had been achieved at best came to an end with Dorgon’s flight and a half-false peace.

I thought so from then on. I’m the one who didn’t achieve the purpose I possessed. It’s an alien species that doesn’t deserve to settle in this world. It’s a bug that took someone else’s body and ultimately failed.

Obviously, others call me a hero, and say I’ve accomplished an unprecedented feat. But what use would that be? I, not anyone else, think that I, who could not save you and die alone, should abandon myself.

‘Half.’

There is no other word that suits me better than that. Because I achieved half peace, I am also half. The half that took your family away from your parents and younger siblings, the half that called you friends but couldn’t protect you, the other half that couldn’t bring comfort to your first lover.

For a subject that rolled in from another world, how can it be said that it is perfect when it has come so brazenly and has failed to achieve its purpose?

‘The other half that cannot be compared with you.’

Aristocratic environment, a strong body with the blood of a prestigious samurai family, and crazy resilience, whether it’s a perk of possession. Even though I had these elements, I was lacking. Unlike me, who had no goals or dreams, who just wanted to enjoy life as an aristocrat, you guys shined.

You were from a commoner background, you didn’t receive a proper education, but you were an ordinary human being who felt pain when you were hurt—you all went forward with your own mission. For family, for faith, for conviction, for peace. Unlike a guy like me who was dragged into the war just dreaming of parachuting, you guys were great.

To be honest, I was jealous at first when I saw you like that. I, the possessed chair, would be the main character, but why can’t I shine and you guys do? So when I was given the position of chief team leader, I was quite happy. Because I felt like I was recognized as better than you. Thinking about it now, I feel like a child.

‘You are 6 swords.’

Looking at the six tombstones lined up side by side, I laughed again. Six swords, six swords that protected the empire. It’s the perfect name for you. I have no shame or qualifications for that honor. It’s too noble a name for a half-ass, a guy who wanders around without any conviction and never achieves anything in the end.

So I declined the name 7 swords. Because I’m not worthy of that name.

Because he monopolized all the glory you would enjoy just because he didn’t die alone.

No, because I thought that you who might have lived in the original work might have died as a variable with impurities called me.

“I’m rather a sinner.”

It’s bittersweet, but that’s the reality. I’m just a sinner who doesn’t deserve to be side by side with you. If I wanted to be side by side with you, I should have died then.

With that kind of heart, I gently stroked the tombstone. Gerard, Oliver, Drake, Walter, Idrid, Hecate. My close friends, my lover, whom I should have saved.

“…But even a sinner wants to live.”

Muttered, slightly raising the corner of his mouth. Although I have not achieved anything, I am an impurity and an alien species in this world, but I still wanted to live. He didn’t die alone, but he lived nonetheless.

Maybe that’s why there are six lovers. They are the people who prove that I am qualified to be in this world, not the bonds I built with this body——the bonds I made again after losing you guys.

Maybe that’s why I made a lover because I wanted to be comforted by being a part of this world, and to feel loved even when I lost everything.

“It actually stopped there.”

It was a relationship that I dated because I wanted to be recognized as a member of this world, but it was scary to go further than that. When I tried to go further, I whispered from the bottom of my heart. Are you qualified to form deep relationships with people in this world?

You’re scared. It seems like a trauma. I don’t even know why I’m doing this.

‘That shouldn’t be the case.’

Not even expressing affection for someone who confessed to someone like me. How rude is this behavior?

I hold lovers’ hands because I want to become a resident of this world, but I do not go further because I am not a resident. There is no such thing as a nerd.

“It should be different now.”

I took a deep breath and turned around. Now the time has come to untie this terrible knot.

I will kill Dorgon and bring true peace. The reason I came to this world, even though you couldn’t keep it, I will achieve the peace you desire with my own hands. Then I think I can throw off the bondage that I have tied myself to. It seems that I can live as a confident citizen of this world, not an impurity or an alien species.

Not half, but a full-fledged one.

I stopped by the mansion for the last time before returning to the academy.

‘It’s been a while.’

To be exact, I found the warehouse in the mansion. It’s because the baby bottle I’ve been planting for three years is sleeping inside. Actually, it’s not grandiose enough to be called a favorite soldier, but it’s still the weapon I’ve been using the longest and fits the hand the most—- when I think about it like this, it’s a favorite soldier.

Anyway, I reached for the sword that was placed alongside their armor. Since the expeditionary force is not formed in one day, it must remain at the academy as usual until a more specific order is issued from the imperial family.

Although that may not be the case, there is a possibility that the current resolution will be somewhat blurred if the period of residency at the academy is prolonged.

‘I have to prepare it in advance.’

So I held a sword in my hand for the first time in a long time. A simple wooden sword, not a spare or training sword, but a sword shared in the north.

I inadvertently took the sword out of the scabbard. The red blade seems to symbolize the blood shed in the north…

?

‘What the f*ck.’

Why is this red?

Has it rusted? No, it can’t be?

– What is it?

And at that moment, a familiar voice rang in my head.

– Huh? Uh huh What is this? Did something like this happen?

A very puzzled woman’s voice.

‘Eternal blue sky?’

Why are you popping out again?

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