348 – I am not alone – 3
My mother, who repeatedly said she was sorry, still shed tears, and as time passed, my eyes wandered, shaking from side to side. Her mother cries sadly as she holds her son’s hand, but she cannot bear to take her hand away. However, it is an embarrassing situation where you don’t know what to say to comfort it.
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In the meantime, the sound of whimpering can be heard from behind, and it seems that the maid is also shedding tears. She feels surrounded from front to back.
“Mother, I’m fine. You have nothing to be sorry for.”
It was obvious that if this situation was left unattended, the atmosphere would deteriorate terribly, so she hurriedly opened her mouth to soothe her mother. It’s obvious that I’m okay with appeasement, but I have to say anything now.
No, honestly, I have nothing to say other than that it’s okay. I’ve never felt sorry for her mother or been abused by her.
“It’s been a while since I came to see my mother, and if she just cries, I’m not happy.”
As I spoke as softly as possible, the tears that fell on the back of my hand began to lessen little by little.
A mother crying because she is sorry for her son. Is it any wonder that such a mother stops her tears when she hears that her son is not well? Watching right in front of her nose, I am also confused. It feels like something is intimidating.
“Have you eaten?”
I quietly opened my mouth to my mother, who was gently wiping her eyes, as if the tears had completely stopped. The boss of her house had to convince her mother to let her eat. If it’s not the timing right now, I don’t think I’ll be able to say anything.
“You haven’t done it yet.”
The lady-in-waiting also answered hurriedly, leaving behind her mother who was hesitant about the same idea. She cried and collapsed over and over again, she added, saying that she had no food, and that she had barely begun to drink water. She is going to freak out
Of course, she heard from the magician and the head of the house that her mother was fasting, but it got even more complicated when the head lady-in-waiting admitted that she was close to her mother.
“Chief Maid. Bring me something simple to eat.”
“I-I’m fine—”
“I’m going to eat with my mother, so it’s for two.”
At that, the mother shut her mouth. If I dissuade him from eating, it would be like my son going to fast together, so I can’t stop him.
It’s a despicable way for the son to take himself hostage, but there’s no help. Isn’t it the mother who made the situation worse enough to have to use this method? Self-employed
“Yes, I’ll get it right away.”
The lady-in-waiting left the bedroom as quickly as someone who seized the chance she would never have again.
I could feel the hardships the maid must have been through in her almost leaping step.
The maid brought two bowls of white porridge. I would like to think that the porridge usually eaten in the West was oatmeal, but now the worldview has come too far to pay attention to such trivial things. In fact, she is confident that she won’t be surprised if gimbap pops out.
And isn’t oatmeal a bit difficult to digest? Considering her mother’s condition, this is better.
“It’s a little hot.”
She scooped up the porridge she received from her maid of honor with a spoon, and after a few puffs, she held it out to her mother’s mouth.
Seeing that she is still shaking her hands, her body seems to be weak. If you hold the spoon in this state, you will surely miss it, so it is correct that I feed it myself.
“Gwa, it’s okay. Give it to me as I can eat it.”
“I’m not okay.”
She responded firmly to her mother, who stretched out her hand in embarrassment. What can you eat No matter how I look at it, I can only see a future where porridge is spilled on the blanket.
“Eat it. Soga Lord seems to be very worried.”
In the end, the mother put the spoon in her mouth only after the lady-in-waiting responded. She hesitated even for a long time before biting it, but she ate it, so it’s a relief.
“Is the temperature okay?”
“Yes. It’s nice to eat because it’s warm.”
Having swallowed her porridge, the mother gave a small nod of her head in reply.
“Eat more. You should empty at least one bowl.”
He said it was good, so I set it to just that temperature and held it out to her mother again. She doesn’t mind giving a bite.
She is fortunate that every time she eats her mother, she does not intend to decline, and from the second time onward, she silently accepts it. Her embarrassed expression remained the same, but she tried hard to pretend not to know.
“I’m sorry. I should have come as soon as the call was over.”
By the time her bowl was empty, she cautiously opened her mouth. He apologized for not showing his face even though his son was confirmed to participate in the war.
Before she went on the battlefield, she said she had planned to stop by, or that she had already met the head of the household—there was no meaning to those words. Hasn’t the mother already collapsed? It’s a bad thing to shamelessly make excuses in front of someone who fell because of my mistake.
And the mother, who mumbled porridge on my apple, hardened.
“Do you really, really have to go?”
Still, her mother’s reaction was better than before, whether it was because she had already shed tears, or if she calmed down because her stomach was warm.
Of course, compared to the time when she cried out loud, she was in good shape. Even now, tears welled up in her eyes.
“You’re busy at the academy. You’ll have to get married soon, and during vacation you’ll be busy with the Inspection Department.”
When she saw her mother desperately bringing about one cause or another, she even felt sorry for her. She actually knows her mother too. I can’t stop participating in the war, and no matter how busy I am with various things ahead of my wedding, I can’t put it above the war.
Because she knew that, her mother also collapsed. Her body and mind couldn’t stand the news of my participation in the war, and her intuition that she couldn’t stop it.
“It’s okay. I’m just going to be a war inspector, I’m not going to fight.”
That’s why I had no choice but to give obvious comfort to her mother. It is impossible to fall into a war, so shouldn’t we appeal to them that they are safe?
“An inspector can be someone else. You don’t have to go. I’m not going to fight, so why would you…”
However, the words that pierced the core made my body stiffen in an instant.
That’s right. If the emperor wanted a non-combat inspector, he wouldn’t have to send me. If anything, he appointed me as an inspector in order to send forces to fight on the frontlines and to put pressure on the nomads.
“Since you participated in the last war, you did your duty enough. Wouldn’t it be better to give up your title and leave?”
Suddenly, the image of her family head superimposed on the image of her mother asking for help.
The head of the family who said that since I had done my duty, I could leave this time. They look alike because they are a couple. Maybe it’s the parents who are worried about their children.
“The head of the family said so too. I don’t have to participate in this war.”
She said with a slight smile, and her mother quickly nodded her head. Since the family head recommended it, she seemed to ask me to follow her.
I’m not in that mood, but I almost laughed. The image of the head of household in my head was a cold-blooded man who used his children for the sake of the imperial family and the empire. But now, against the Emperor’s will, he intends to keep his son out of the war.
It seemed like laughter would come out at that gap. No, there was no such thing as a gap in the first place. It was just my prejudice and misunderstanding.
“I know the feelings of my mother and head of household. They worry about me, but I can’t help but notice.”
Hope filled her mother’s face as she spoke softly.
Seeing the expression full of hope made me feel guilty. What I am going to say next is to completely overthrow that hope.
“Chief Maid. Can you leave for a moment? I have something to tell you.”
“Yes, I understand. Call me if you need me.”
Unlike her hopeful mother, the lady-in-waiting must have noticed that my will was firm, so she withdrew with a rather dark complexion.
‘…It’s time to talk.’
After confirming that the maid had left, she turned her attention back to her mother.
Okay, it’s time to talk. It’s time for her to tell her mother about Hecate and her about those guys. I’ll have to talk about that to convince them I’m going to the north.
“Mother.”
“Yes, speak.”
“I almost got married a few years ago.”
Her mother’s eyes widened at the sudden remark.
I continued her words as carefully as possible. The words were as soft as possible, and the situation was explained as briefly as possible. If I tell my mother who has repeatedly fallen down and got up, she may pass out from shock again.
“My friends and my lover fell there. As I am left alone, it is my responsibility to go back there and finish everything.”
And it was the right choice. Her mother’s complexion suddenly turned pale despite the words she had somehow wrapped up.
“So, Mother, thank you for your concern, but I have to go.”
I sneakily grabbed her mother’s hand, but her mother didn’t respond as if she was stunned.
“…I’m such a useless mother.”
Even the reaction he barely showed after a while was full of shame.
“My son, I didn’t know that he went through this kind of pain for years… Use that ignorance as a shield… To stop you from trying to unravel the pain inside you…”
It is natural not to know. Because I didn’t say it in the first place.
“And in the midst of all this, I wish you wouldn’t go… Messed up mother.”
It’s natural to feel that way. As a mother, it is natural for you to want your son to be safe.
But she lowered her head little by little, as if her mother didn’t think so.
“I don’t think so.”
Her mother’s shoulders trembled at those words.
“To say that my mother is unhelpful, that she is a mess. She never once had that thought.”
I am sincere. Mother blames herself too much. The Great Subjugation War was a disaster caused by the uprising of nomads, and this time, too, the war was caused by the uprising of nomads and the order of the emperor. There is no mother’s responsibility anywhere.
“…In the first place, how much did my mother help me?”
“What do you mean?”
A mother raising her head with a blank voice.
“Didn’t you send me herbs and take care of my meals when I was young?”
He smiled at his mother, whose eyes were shaking as if she was surprised.
“I can’t put it into words, but I know very well that she always took care of me and Erich. To think that such a mother is not helpful, she is ridiculous.”
She hugged her mother, who was still speechless, as if embarrassed.
“I’ve never once thought or resented my mother for not being helpful.”
This is also true. To be precise, it was the memory of the real owner of this body.
There was no resentment toward the head of household or mother in the memories I gained from being possessed or the memories this body possessed.
“So please don’t say that.”
I felt a strong trembling in my arms at the determined words.
I decided to pretend I didn’t know that the chest area was getting wet.
My mother lay back on her bed. She did not pass out from exhaustion as before, but her tension was relieved and she fell asleep.
‘It’s fortunate.’
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She let out a sigh of relief as she exited the bedroom. About the herbs and meals I told her mother, I actually heard it through the owner of the house. There was no such memory in the memory of the original sword.
Still, the timing was good. Rather than simply saying that she never resented her, she said, ‘It’s okay because she knows her mother took care of her.’ She said the same way, so she put her heart at ease as well as her mother. Thank you, butler. She lives thanks to
And thank you to the original Carl. If Original resented her mother, it would have been hard for her to comfort her, but Original didn’t know that her mother had taken care of her behind her back, so she didn’t harbor resentment.
‘Is the child kind or foolish?’
Fortunate, yet bitter.
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