87 – Excommunication-6
“How, well, that…”
Because the words were so sudden, my brain couldn’t understand her words.
“I didn’t mean to cheat in the first place. But… It turned out this way.”
She thought that she had changed, but she hadn’t thought that the change was this way.
It was difficult for me to understand that the cause was me.
“But… Why?”
“Because we fought.”
It was natural. It wasn’t unusual for gladiators to fight.
“Come to think of it, even when I first met you… You fought. You fought against Logan, who was in control of Selam, without being intimidated in the slightest.”
“That’s a friend…”
“For a friend.”
I tried to correct it because it seemed to lift me up too much, but Iris’ eyes continued to twinkle.
“At that time, I couldn’t understand it. I just suspected it. Anyone who did this must be hiding something else. An ordinary person would not dare to fight Logan and come out of Selam.”
“Hmm…”
Now that I think about it, it seemed very suspicious. At that time, I saw with my own eyes how disgusting Selam was, no, it was a place that didn’t suit me, so I couldn’t afford to even think about it.
“I suspected you as a foreign spy. However, you just laughed at my forced suspicion.”
“Just laugh… Oh, wait. That’s it.”
At that time, I couldn’t stand my overflowing emotions and burst into laughter, but thinking back on it, it wasn’t something I was proud of.
“When I think about it now, it’s understandable. How ridiculous I must have looked, clinging to a man, shackled with the shackles of lies, compromise, and submission.”
“No, that was not my intention.”
It was not a lie to avoid the situation. Her sincerity, I didn’t laugh at her.
She thought it was a way of life. It was just that situation that made me laugh.
The ridiculous situation that no one understands me, judges me at will, and forces me to say things I cannot understand.
Adding a little bit to that, the feeling of liberation that I can finally get out of Selam.
“Even so… From the beginning, you were only telling me the truth. I wouldn’t have understood. No, I didn’t.”
Still, her eyes were clear.
Even if you don’t have big feelings, it’s still better to see the person in front of you smiling than being sad or angry.
“You, who left in search of true freedom and true love… I would never have understood it at that time. I did not have the eyes to see it or the wisdom to understand it.”
“You don’t have to blame yourself.”
“Really, to the very end… You embarrass me.”
However, I haven’t heard what I’m really curious about.
“So, why…”
“I’ve been monitoring you for a long time. What kind of life you live, what thoughts you move.”
Eyes full of longing and affection felt more like Oksana than Iris.
“Really?”
“From surveillance you know to surveillance you don’t know… But, your attitude was the same.”
The fact that she was being spied on without her knowledge was a bit creepy, but it wasn’t so strange if she was thinking of her as an intentional spy.
“A person who loves the people around him and is kind to everyone.”
“It wasn’t to that extent.”
“…Didn’t you live in Selam?”
“Ah.”
Being kind and caring, everything is just a relative concept.
It wasn’t a very good attitude to generalize a ‘man of high status’ with Logan alone, but it was clear that I would look like an angel even if the other men had only half the disgust he had.
“I saw your sword fighting. You always did your best.”
“That’s something I’m proud of.”
“At the same time, Logan thought he possessed me. What’s even sadder is that I, too… Have been sympathetic to it since some time ago.”
“…”
“Of course, to be a lover of a man, to be possessed and bound by him is desirable. But I was not loved by him, and he had no intention of loving me.”
“But…”
Iris carefully held my finger.
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“Still, I am a pure body.”
“Sir…”
“It’s the first time I’ve ever held a man’s hand. Maybe the day before yesterday… That disgusting guy tried to hit me, so I stuck him to the ground, but there was no other physical contact.”
“Is that possible?”
“Because Logan was strict.”
Even if you say that your body is pure, you have never held hands.
In Selam, I knew that men terribly hate giving their bodies to women.
However, it is the relationship between Logan and the princess. I’m sure I wasn’t the only one who thought their relationship wasn’t light.
“Even though it looks like they broke up… It’s a little ambiguous. Didn’t they really shake hands?”
“Of course. If you think you’ll be able to touch it even a little bit, you’ll be startled and say, ‘Are you going to make me a cheap guy?’ I used to resent it.”
At least holding hands was something I did all the time in the Colosseum.
It wasn’t that my hands were worn out in particular, it was a small thank you to the people who split their time to give me advice or practice sparring.
Whenever the women who held hands with me reacted excessively, they said, ‘Is this something we have to go so far with?’ Although I had my doubts.
“Yes…”
“Your words also pierced my heartstrings. Truly, the moment I met you for an investigation to harm you… Was longer than the moment I was with my former lover.”
She just threw it out, and I didn’t expect it to really hit her.
Logan, beyond my imagination, was a man who neglected Iris. No, it was unreasonable to describe this as negligent.
She was simply treating her as her slave to earn her money, as an opportunity to raise her status.
“I looked away. I erased the fact that he didn’t love me from my head, and I just thought it would get better with time.”
“…”
“If I become emperor, if I have children, if I give more gifts and attention… Now that I think about it, all of these things were meaningless.”
“It must have been difficult.”
It was a story that I couldn’t bear to listen to with a smile, but Iris, the person in charge, was smiling brightly, so it was a bit awkward for him to keep his face on himself.
“And lastly, I saw you fighting Oksana.”
“That’s…”
“A person who fights because he thinks it’s ‘polite’ to fight desperately until the end, even though it’s obvious he’s going to lose.”
Thank you to the point of exaggerating.
“This person is fighting like this, and I thought that I must have been afraid of something so insignificant…”
“Thank you.”
“You could call me a benefactor. Well, to be saved by a man after becoming a woman. It’s a shame.”
“That’s not it.”
I didn’t do much. I just lived my way and lived faithfully to my work.
It was thanks to the strength of Iris herself that she gained courage and changed.
“Until the end, you are kind.”
She did not let go of my hand.
You can feel the fine hands with a soft texture like silk.
“However, I know that you are kind to everyone. The reason why you did not shake off my hand is probably because of that kindness after all.”
“To be honest, I don’t hate it.”
“But, I want to take it a step further. Can I be someone special to you?”
“…”
“With simple mercy and consideration, I do not want to sit next to you. To you, what kind of person am I…?”
If you were looking at me with all your heart like this, I couldn’t resist.
“Thank you.”
“Whoops…”
Her fingers intertwined with mine. The feeling of her fingers filling up seemed to travel through her hands and into her head.
“However, we will need time to get to know each other better. From now on, let’s talk about work.”
“If it’s work…”
“Because we have promised. In three days, there will be a meeting with the people of the Pungi Guard and the elders of the Empire. Could you join me?”
Come to think of it, when she agreed to the proposal to ‘meet the daughter of the imperial family’, she had such a deal in mind.
“But, I’m not the type of person who speaks well… Even if I go there, I don’t think anything will change.”
Basically, common sense is different. If I were to open my mouth, I would have touched the emotional barrier that ‘in this world, of course, must be observed’.
“It’s okay. Just by being there, the Pungi Guard won’t be able to say anything that crosses the line.”
“Hmm…”
“The elders of the imperial family are strict about respecting men.”
“So what?”
“Punggi Guards also said, ‘A man must not be attacked, even if it is imaginary or virtual media.’ They are pressuring people for the same cause.”
“Aha.”
Just being in the midst of people crying out for the release of oppression made them collapse on their own.
“Even if Evan just frowns, the elders of the imperial family will protest instead. Attacking men for the sake of public morals is a direct violation of their values.”
“It’s fine.”
The words stopped. Iris looked at me and carefully put her hand out in front of me.
I held her hand with both of her hands. A smile spread across the princess’s lips.