133 – Stockholm Syndrome
“…Yeon Seon is…”
Jinah stopped talking. A few times she… She kept falling her lips – she repeated attaching, but she never got out what she wanted to say.
Can I say this? Do you deserve it?
There is something wrong that I can’t assure myself… I was worried and thinking in my heart, and I wasn’t blind to the fact that I didn’t know that there was deep concern in my light brown eyes.
What are you going to do next…?
…I could tell without talking.
When I was young, I was immature, and Jina was even more immature.
Jina didn’t even have the determination to live in a different place from me, and I didn’t even think that I could break up with her, but I tried to get away from her too hastily.
Jina was afraid, so she threw various irrational numbers.
I have no intention of criticizing Jina of those days now.
I made the wrong choice, so she had to come out like that…
When she was young, she knew from before that the feelings Jina had for me were not simple friendships.
When I was in elementary school, when I did something, he followed me like a shadow and tried to do it with me. I burst into laughter at every word I say. There were times when I was sleeping at night and suddenly thought of Jin-ah, so I couldn’t sleep at night, and the more I did, the more I repeated to myself that Jin-ah and I were just friends.
It must have been the same for Jina.
When did you start seeing me as a member of the opposite s*x rather than a friend?
Spraying perfume that I didn’t wear, putting on makeup, wearing fancy accessories, and acting cute.
I was able to do things that I would never do between friends without hesitation.
“I’m not as good a person as Jin-ah thinks. I was depressed when the girl I had helped so far didn’t need my help. Chin tuck- I couldn’t accept giving it away. I could understand how you gave me such a gift. But my pride was too strong to admit it. And I knew that Jin-a would soon become distant from me. We just keep going like this, and in the end, the way we have to go…”
“…Not so!”
“Wouldn’t we go…? I thought, but in the end, as you can see, this… Result came to us, right?”
Because if I were in Jina’s position, wouldn’t she act like that?
It doesn’t matter what I really like or what I want to do, but a person who likes ‘me’ as I am among snobs who are only interested in the wealth and power I have.
That person is about to leave me.
You are fine. You deserve to share everything I enjoy. As much as I have received from you so far, I can now give to you.
Can I make a normal decision when I muster up the courage to approach but get a cold reaction and the relationship gets worse and worse, and the choice I make leads to the wrong path?
Wouldn’t I make extreme judgments like Jin-ah?
There was no proper adult or teacher to teach me that.
There is no way a child who grew up in an environment where normal value judgment is impossible can make the right choice.
In the end, Jin-ah had no choice but to choose such an ‘option’.
There were many intertwined and twisted problems for anyone to take responsibility.
Coming to think of it, it’s been a long time since I’ve had such a long conversation with Jin-ah.
In terms of years, more than 10 years…. I had never said anything like this in a long time.
How many times have we been able to honestly talk and understand each other’s thoughts?
Always someone had a one-way conversation, like talking to a wall, but not today.
“…Am I no longer able to be happy in my future life…? Is that so…?”
“…”
“I can promise you everything…I will never touch Yoo Seon-i again. This won’t happen in the future…….Nothing will bother you in the future… Watching from a distance I won’t do anything… This is a promise… But… I’m happy even once… I want to be happy just once more…”
“…”
“I also want to eat delicious food with Yoo Seon. I want to have fun together, and also- I want to sit on the bed like this and talk every day…”
I will do that in the future. I couldn’t get those words out of my mouth.
“If Yoo Seon wants to, she can cut her hair short and dye it a different color. And also… If she wants to have big breasts, she will have surgery to grow them up, and these days, she can increase her height. I can do anything I want… Because I have a lot of money… So… What kind of girl does Yoo Seon-ie like…? I don’t care if you don’t treat me well, and if you treat me harshly…
I can do anything Yoo Seon wants…”
Jinah really likes me… She was always desperate. She somehow tried not to fall for me.
I couldn’t accept her feelings. You too can be happy
I know what it means to say that in front of Jina.
I’ve lived my whole life unhappily, and I’ve been plagued with guilt. Can Jina live happily just because I tell lies like that?
I don’t think so. I knew all too well that for her to live happily ever after, she needed me by her side.
The power of Jin-ah who held my hand became stronger once again. As if she didn’t want to be separated from me, Jin-a was entangled.
2)
“…It hurts”
A low-pitched voice rang out. … The more I did, the more I raised her fingernails and drove them into the back of Yu Seon’s hand. Just like.. Taking a cliff with her grappling hook as she climbs over it.
I have 5 nails, so I can drive hooks into wire teeth.
It looks like it will hurt… I don’t cut my fingernails well…
That’s why whenever my long, pointy fingernails prick and pierce Yoo Seon-i’s body, a lot of red marks come up…
If you do this, it will hurt… Yoo Seon only makes a noise that hurts… She didn’t do anything.
…I certainly won’t hurt Yoo Seon-i’s body. I said that myself, but I broke my promise to Yoo Seon again…
But… I got the feeling that if I didn’t get an answer from Yoo Seon right now… If I didn’t catch him, I’d leave this house right now.
I am a liar.
From noble mtl dot com
I promise to get Yu Seon out of this house right away. I even made a promise, but I never thought to keep it.
Rather, living in this house with Yoo Seon every day is so happy for me… I want to stay like this forever.
If I knew it would be like this, I wouldn’t have said such a thing… I didn’t want to see Yoo Seon-i scared for no reason, I hate seeing him scared…
When I was young, I asked Yoo Seon-i to do this or that. I only made that request, but I don’t think Yoo Seon has ever listened to what I wanted…
If Seon Yoo asks, I should listen to him- I just thought about it, but I’ve never really listened to him…
At that time, I couldn’t do it because I didn’t have the ability… But now I can, but I’m not doing it… In terms of crime, this one is worse.
Even now, Yoo Seon-i only increases the number of embarrassing demands… I can see the troubled mind appearing on her face.
I want to be loved, protected, and… I want to be with you.
I want to live a life like that girl, sleeping in the same bed, washing in the bathroom together, eating together, exercising, playing games, and then sleeping again…
I also went to cafes and had coffee, went to good restaurants and ate food together, went to arcades… Went to bars and had drinks… Just… I wanted to get along just like in elementary school.
I always… I only received from Yoo Seon-i… I didn’t know how to give. Instead of always helping, they only hurt and harass.
I know very well that I shouldn’t do that. But once I stopped, I thought Yoo Seon would leave me forever… I tied her with a leash and tied her with a rope… Even now, I only hurt her like this with her fingernails…
So… Yoo Seon hates me…
“Just looking at his face makes me happy, just being together makes me feel good, just walking down the street side by side makes me happy, and just holding hands makes my heart beat. We knew each other before we started, but Yoo Seon-i approached me first! He approached me first when I was having a hard time…”
…If I was going to do this, I’d help or not… Then… I would have died sooner rather than suffer like now.
“…”
“…Give me one chance to apologize for everything I’ve done up until now… Because I’ve done it wrong. Because I’m reflecting on and regretting everything I’ve done so far… It’s okay to pay it back. I just… Hit, pinch, harass… And everything… I can do whatever I want with whatever I’m thinking in my head… But… I have a chance to apologize to Yoo Seon-i… I wish I had at least one. This is really… I know this is an unreasonable request…”
“…”
3)
Jinah, who was sitting on the bed, got out of bed. And the body of Jin-ah, who stood up on her feet, lowered.
What are you doing…?
Her body curled up. Jina tapped her bottom with her forehead.
“Stay with me forever… I don’t want anything like that. While I’m in this house, Yoo Seon-i can do whatever he wants in the future, and if there’s anything he wants, he’ll tell me everything… Body, mind, I’ll give everything to Yoo Seon… Because I’ll apologize for everything I’ve done to Yoo Seon so far… I hope you forgive me…”
After I entered Mirae High School, the relationship between Jina and I changed from a horizontal relationship to a one-sided one.
…Of course, a relationship where I am on the bottom and Jina is on top. Even after several years, when we met again, Eul was still ‘me’ and ‘A’ was Lee Jin-ah.
This relationship that I thought would never change… Was flipping before my eyes.
I looked at Jin-ah, who was curled up like a loaf of bread.
I used to lie down at her feet and look up at her true self, but now I never thought I would look down at her true self.
Jinah was sincere. I could have given up everything to go back to elementary school, when we were happy.