Episode 194 – I was my parents’ stain 6
The battle situation, which had become inferior due to the death of our parents, was slowly turned upside down because we sold our souls to the devil.
However, just as if one gear goes off the rails, the rest also go off, and with the death of brother Neil, the dead slowly began to appear among us. I wished they would rather resent me. I wanted you to curse at me saying that I would die because of you, and that if it wasn’t for me, I would have been able to live happily. Because I brought my sisters to death to protect them.
But they all died with a smile on their faces. No one left me a word of resentment.
[Don’t feel guilty. It’s not that you brainwashed us, we followed you with our will. And… it was fun. Wouldn’t that be okay?]
[ … It hurts. Still, it was fun, so that’s okay.]
[I go first, fool.]
It wasn’t even that they died gracefully on a hospital bed. Limbs are ripped off, half of the body is missing. Died spilling his intestines. Still, all of them were smiling.
Besides, black magic was rapidly eating away at our bodies. The whites of her eyes had turned black, and hideous tattoos appeared all over her body. For that reason, all the other members of the unit started wearing masks like me. I don’t know if he didn’t like his hideous appearance, or if he hated the verbal abuse he heard by showing it to others. But it was all my fault.
They told me it was okay, but there was no way it would be okay. They were all victims of my longing for the love of others.
As I returned home with a heavy heart, a cold gaze greeted me.
“If you leave without saying anything and come back home in three months, why don’t you tell me something, brother?”
There was no way I could talk about fighting enemies drinking rotten water while rolling in the wilderness for over three months. Because we were a unit that didn’t officially exist. Because the state couldn’t inform them that they had hired warlocks or something like that.
“…I only went there because there was good business in the West. It’s because my father wasted money to pay compensation to the bereaved families of the fallen. I don’t know if you’re saying that you know how hard I’m struggling to build that meager inheritance.”
“Ayla asked me to be with her on her birthday.”
“Before that birthday, the clothes you wear and the food you eat were all obtained with the money I earned.
I shouldn’t be looking for your love who else might die
You must not know my love. Rachel might stop trusting others.
I shouldn’t be happy. It is absurd to say that I, who led other people’s lives to ruin, will become happy.
So I will speak harsh words. Hate me to the fullest. No matter how painful it is, I will definitely endure it. Because that’s the punishment I have to accept. Because this is the most ideal fate that our siblings can have.
“Brother, don’t fight…”
Ayla pulled me by the collar. Yes, even if we talked more than this, we would only fight, and there would be no benefit to either side. I didn’t care about my sadness, but it only caught Rachel’s mood.
“Haa… I’ve said it like this, but it’s meaningless. I’m leaving.”
That day, I left the house and went back to my old hideout with my friends. It’s been a long time since the hideout that seemed wide turned into a narrow room. No, I was the only one who changed.
The body has grown, but the mind has been corrupted. And he made those who laughed and chatted together in this hideout die.
I won’t reveal my feelings to anyone anymore. I won’t ask for love I won’t ask for understanding. I will commit any evil deed if necessary. for them. It’s okay even if you get some notoriety. After all, something like me is an animal that shouldn’t be desired for anything.
“You were here too.”
“Elina…”
Even if you have to…
“The death of Neil, the death of Tartan, the death of Zaha, the death of Erdan, the death of Merna, everything…”
“It must be my fault. It happened because I reached out to you guys. No matter how many excuses you make, the fact remains unchanged.”
“It wasn’t because of you. It was for you.”
“… What are you talking about?”
“We are all orphans. That’s why we don’t know parental affection. We didn’t have it from the beginning, so it’s okay to not have it.
“I’m sorry… Ha!”
It was clear that all of my parents’ deaths were due to me making strange promises to them. If I didn’t want my parents’ affection, if I just lived quietly like a rat, my father and mother wouldn’t have suffered like that. Other mothers wouldn’t have been involved in that.
But Elina put her hand on my head.
“Don’t put your hand on my head. If you put your hand on it, everything will die.”
“Not only me, but all of us were prepared to die. You did it. Please die for you. Take our lives and throw them away as you please.
“How many years have we met…”
“It’s a world where even the friends you’ve made throughout your life betray. There’s no unit as meaningless as time when it comes to the depth of a relationship.”
“… don’t die.”
If I could survive to the end, my younger sisters would be able to stand on their own without me, so I wanted to leave with everyone and live quietly farming. The time allowed for us who sold our lives to the devil would be very short, but I wanted to spend even that short time for myself.
“I am the worst stain left by Archmage Werner and former Mage Lord Lorsha. Even you who live and die for me are not normal.”
“… Well, maybe it’s like that. Maybe it’s stained by you? More than that… You keep wearing that goblin mask, but we’ve been together for several years, and I can see all the expressions inside it.”
“… I’m sorry. You guys would have been happier without me.”
“How can I be happy without you? Don’t say things like I’m sorry.”
I hugged Elina that day. in several ways.
—–
On the eve of the Christmas festival, news came that Urboros, who felt unfavorable as the war situation was pushed back, was going to sortie himself. I heard that the serpent that ate so many powerful creatures became so strong that it almost rivaled that of a god. It was said that if the snake was left as it was, the world could become a mess.
“I’m leaving. I won’t be back for a while. Maybe I won’t be back.”
Even if I die, no harm will come to you. That’s because I obtained a pact from His Majesty the Emperor.
Rachel grabbed my wrist.
“Are you leaving by today? You promised to spend today as a family! Both Ila and Violet were looking forward to today!”
don’t catch me Even leaving now is what I did after eating my heart.
“…just dinner. More important things have happened. Don’t whine like a child about one person leaving.”
Then Rachel looked at me resentfully and pushed me away.
“… bad guy.”
“Unlike you, it’s a reasonable evaluation.”
When I opened the door and arrived outside the gate, everyone was waiting for me. Everyone seemed determined to die.
“I’m sorry. I was a little late because I had work on the way.”
“Anyway, it must be the younger sister’s business. Oh… I heard that kids who are loved don’t know that they are loved.”
“It’s better not to know. I tried hard for that, but if I find out, my efforts will be put to shame.”
“Ehh, what do you expect? I didn’t even expect it.”
I headed to the final battlefield with everyone. It’s been a long time since I’ve forgotten even the purpose of fighting.
—–
After sacrificing many things and giving many things, the fight could be ended. With Urboros captured, the war will be over and peace will come.
But… I had nothing left. I lost all my friends and lovers. My sisters are alive, but they couldn’t be by my side. I couldn’t even bury my friends in the graves of the dead.
What was left of me? A will saying that you’re sorry for leaving everything to me? The perception in the world that I killed a family member in a fit of power?
I don’t know.
If I were given the opportunity to right the moment when all of this was out of order, the moment before I was born, I would do anything.
“That determination…is it true?”
Then, I heard my grandmother’s voice. When I was very young, he was someone I had never met except for one visit.
He stared at me with purple eyes and asked a question.
“No matter how much you turn back time, this was the best future. But can you change that?”
I came up with my answer.