28 – 28. He doesn’t need to know anything. Anything at all.
A few days have passed since then.
I was like a dog waiting eagerly for its owner to come back, unable to do anything in the room, but now I feel like I know exactly why I am so welcoming.
There wasn’t much in the room to do anything alone. There is no computer or cellphone here, just a pen and paper.
Even unfastening the chains on my hands was only done when she came into the room and completely locked the newly installed door.
Every time she returns, she smiles happily and removes the metal clumps from my hands.
“Ah.”
“hehehe. Euh-heehee.”
I wonder if it’s enough to just hold her.
When our delicate, warmth-filled bodies intertwine, I gently rest my hand on her back and carefully stroke her hair,
It feels like holding a puppy, with her face nuzzling into my chest, releasing warm breaths.
During that time, I simply matched her pace.
When she puffs her cheeks, I close my eyes and enjoy the soft sensation against my cheek, and as she holds me, resting her head on my chest, her breath warms my clothes.
If you ask me if I’m happy about it, I don’t think I can give a clear answer lately.
I am not Repti Gail. At least, not the person she thinks I am… I hope.
In reality, I wasn’t particularly good-looking, nor did I have a face that made me sigh when I looked in the mirror.
I didn’t have well-defined muscles, nor was I extremely thin.
Why haven’t I met any women? It’s because of reasons like these.
If I were handsome, would I even have the desire to try my hand at romance novels?
Her feelings must be genuine. On that day, who would think her cries were lies?
But are my feelings genuine? No, do I even deserve to receive her feelings?
No, I mean… Isn’t there a saying like that? If your face is ugly, you won’t get anything.
Repti Gail was handsome. Much more than me.
The smile she shows, the emotions she gives. The promises of marriage.
If she were to see my true self, wouldn’t she recoil? Would she think she was deceived?
…But she didn’t know anything about it.
Something that even the crow couldn’t see. It must be blocking my true feelings from her.
If I had known, there would be no reason for me to be here.
Rather, I might be trying to find Lepeti with bloodshot eyes.
Ah, I fell asleep.
They say even a sleeping face is beautiful. It really seems that way.
But sleeping like this… isn’t it uncomfortable… hmm.
I couldn’t even loosen my arms with my own strength. Should I just leave it be?
“Irene, you should sleep comfortably. Isn’t this position a bit uncomfortable?”
While gently shaking her motionless body, I tried to wake her up somehow –
But in the end, I gave up. She fell into a deep sleep so quickly.
I gently brushed away the hair that covered her eyes and looked out the window for a moment.
The sky was clear, without a single cloud, as if to say there was no need to worry.
The slightly rattling window indicated that the wind was blowing.
…If I open it a little, wouldn’t it feel really nice?
But I can’t go near the window like this, being held like this.
Should I just stay like this?
When I tried to turn my gaze back to her, a crow that was in the room quietly landed on the windowsill and lifted the curtain that was hanging on the window.
Then, two more flew in from outside and held onto the window handles, vigorously flapping their wings –
Shoo-oo-oo-
And with that, the wind filled the room and left.
“…Thank you.”
Those crows, they were reading my mind.
It’s convenient, isn’t it?
*
He doesn’t need to know anything.
He doesn’t need to know that the reason he can’t leave this room is not because I don’t trust him.
From Noble mtl dot com
Even if the rebellious prisoner in the underground prison is taken care of, and the “guests” invited to the mansion disappear one by one,
He doesn’t need to know.
He doesn’t need to know that the knights wearing the crest of this family are advancing into the lands of the masterless family.
Those knights don’t need to know the true meaning of their expedition.
He doesn’t need to know that either.
He doesn’t need to know that it’s all for him.
He doesn’t need to know that even when the crows are asleep, they are watching over him.
He doesn’t need to know that there are multiple gazes watching him from the window, not just the one that resides in the room.
He doesn’t need to know that we sleep together, with one wall by our heads.
He doesn’t need to know his soliloquy, his thoughts, his sighs, everything.
…He doesn’t need to know.
To know everything means truly knowing everything.
To know everything about him, and to be able to read all his thoughts.
Whether they come to me subconsciously, or just fleetingly.
Even if they are words I don’t know, or the fact that the person I thought I knew wasn’t actually the person I knew.
He doesn’t need to know that I’ve figured it all out.
I’m not sure what to call him anymore.
Lepti is not his name.
In fact, I don’t even know his name. I’ve never mentioned it in my thoughts.
He continues to think of himself as Lepti. He has never thought otherwise.
…Because he’s acting as Lepti for my sake.
I wonder if he’ll be shocked, if I’ll go crazy,
Only kind thoughts and worried voices whisper to me.
Sometimes he complains that the room is boring. He says there’s… nothing… to see, but he still says it’s boring.
But whenever I come, he greets me with a bright smile.
Even though he’s bound to the bed with chains and handcuffs, he doesn’t resent me.
He’s just waiting for those moments to pass.
…To leave me.
I don’t really know what it means for him to love me in order to leave me.
Where is he going? Where is he heading?
Even the crows only say that they don’t know.
The idea of another world, different from this place, is an unbelievable story.
His thoughts are filled with flashes of things.
He enjoys watching little people moving inside something like a box, vigorously hammering something made of iron.
Sometimes he rides a carriage made of iron, without any horses, and sees the landscape zooming by at an incredible speed.
As I read words I cannot understand, I see him clutching his head in frustration.
Who is he, and where did he come from? Could he be someone I know?
How is it possible that he has my familiar face but possesses the thoughts of a stranger?
Can such a thing truly make sense?
However, his thoughts, his decisions, and the emotions he feels when he looks at me,
As he gently brushes my hair with his soft touch,
Understanding and accepting my emotions with a warm heart,
They are so similar to those of someone I once knew.
*
Who are you?
I want to ask that question over and over again.
He knew me. From the moment we met again.
Is he pretending?
To say that would be denying it.
But he knows Repti.
He knows about the things between Repti and me, understands them.
But he doesn’t know Repti’s childhood.
No one is without knowledge of their early years. Even if they are fragmented memories.
But he has no past with Repti.
Why did he come to me? Why did he pretend to be Repti?
Why does he continue to wrap me in kindness?
With his dark, unfathomable heart.
Does he envelop me in warmth, in that familiar blue?
Even if I wanted to ask if you are not that kind of person, not Repeti.
Every time the warmth I see in him brings back memories of him.
Such questions always disappear down my throat.
Do I love him? Does he?
But I know that he wants to love me.
Despite all the hardships he has gone through, he wants to love me.
He tries to understand.
But I can’t see the reason. The reason is not clear.
There is no reason in emotions.
I love him. Because he embraced the world for me. He helped me regain my world.
But why does he…
I imprisoned him. I tied him up, prevented him from leaving. The reason he died is because of me. He knows that too.
He saw Repeti dying in the cold river.
Yet, despite everything, he tried to understand the truth. Even if he resented my attitude, he did not resent me.
How should I accept him?
Did I, did I love a person named Repeti?
Did you like his shell?
As I walked down the street, I saw people with extraordinary appearances, comparable to him. Even among my servants, there are those who are popular among the maids.
But I’m not interested in them. Only in Lepeti.
No, is it him?
Which one is it?
Why did you start liking him?
Because he gave me the world. Because he loved me. Because he awakened my emotions. Because he painted my world with colors.
He gave colors to my black and white eyes.
Because of him, I was able to have a heart that beats with excitement every day, and I was able to have expectations for tomorrow.
Then why are you worried?
…Yeah.
Why was I worried?