3 – 3. Something is different. Something is.
By the way, she is incredibly beautiful.
Even with her hair pulled back, her sharp jawline and eyes were very attractive.
Moreover, rather than pushing away with coldness on her face, which was tinged with some emotion, it felt even stronger, melting into my heart.
Despite resembling my father at times.
“Il-eun, no – more than that… Nice to meet you, Irene Melvus.”
After bowing lightly to greet her, when I faced her again, she seemed to be engulfed in confusion.
I was the same.
She clearly tried to keep the first meeting short and concise.
According to her father’s ‘command’.
Of course, even after that, the original owner of this body, Lepeti, tried to win her favor through various attempts,
But it seemed like it didn’t go well, and only self-blame followed.
But, such a girl is standing in front of me.
“…Ah, no, nothing, it’s nothing. I just wanted to make sure you arrived safely.”
She wouldn’t behave like this.
She wouldn’t. Unless something happened.
The thought that brushes my mind is that she is right – if my assumption is correct –
I have the memories of the previous chapter.
I don’t know how much of the memories from the chapter before I possess.
The one who killed Lepeti was Eugene Gibus, the trusted aide of the landlord, Rambert Melbus, who carried out his orders.
She doesn’t know the cause of Lepeti’s death.
In the first place, I don’t even know how Lepeti’s death was described.
…Honestly, if it’s this kind of story, shouldn’t the protagonist be more of a heavy drinker to be dragged to a place like this?
Why did they bring me along just once?
“Um, excuse me…”
When I raised my head momentarily lost in thought, I felt her anxiously scanning my face.
I glanced to the side and noticed a maid who alternately stared at me and her, not knowing what to do.
But… let’s continue the conversation with her for now.
“I came to meet the landlord.”
Upon hearing the word “landlord,” her body visibly flinched.
But eventually, she spoke up.
“You… mean my father. Is he… okay?”
Her voice carried kindness.
Indeed, she is quite different from the original her, the one that ‘I’ know from the previous chapter.
“Yes, I was quite… nervous. I’m worried I may have made a bad impression.”
“…I see.”
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
In the meantime, I observed her appearance.
Slightly bored lips, faded makeup marks, slightly darkened eye shadows.
Just how urgently did she come?
Firstly, it seemed better to let her rest and then think about what to do next.
“Well… You seem to have come urgently after finishing work. It would be better to take a break, don’t you think?”
“…!”
Her eyes widened at those words, she touched her face and looked around her body.
“I-I’ll tidy up my appearance soon. I-I mean…”
“…?”
Swallowing her saliva several times, trembling her lips, she finally spoke in a voice that could be heard with a long breath.
“Can you come to the reception room later?”
“The reception room… you mean?”
“T-That’s right – we- no, I mean, what am I saying… I mean… we should get to know each other a little more, right? That’s what I think.”
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Clutching her clothes tightly, she was struggling to spit out each word.
And those words, though small, were fiercely striking her ears.
“When I’m ready, I will do as you say.”
“Yes, yes… That’s good. I’ll be waiting. I’ll send someone separately…”
With each word, she showed her emotions so visibly.
They all seemed, yes.
Like someone deeply in love.
“He seems like someone who doesn’t belong to our family.”
“He’s disappeared. Probably left.”
“His family, nothing from them is of any help to us. Didn’t you know that too?”
“But more importantly, there’s a lot to do.”
Those were the words my father said.
There was no falsehood in those words.
My father had never lied.
However, those words were thoroughly centered around himself.
Until he arrived, I accepted everything as being for the sake of the family.
The moment when the simple criteria of black and white, family and other families collapsed, was probably the moment when his father quietly, dumbly spat out those words.
Those words were like freezing bones,
They were a coldness that even the winter wind couldn’t give her.
With that chilling attitude, she left the room as if possessed.
She walked endlessly.
She pushed away anyone who tried to hold her, and made way for anyone who tried to stop her.
The screams and cries were drowned out.
There was only one sound of waiting.
As strange as that man… A voice that reminded her of the autumn wind.
As she walked, before she knew it, that man was there, wearing the family’s clothes, unable to hide that blue shade that shimmered beneath the black and white, right by her side.
But he was not there.
Only after the third time the day and night, night and day had switched did he realize it.
*
She followed her father’s words.
Because it was natural.
Those who did not follow their father’s words had disappeared without a trace, and she did not find it strange.
Those who did not listen to absolute words were unnecessary.
Everything was done out of necessity.
Food to not die. Water to not die.
Alcohol… to form a “bond” with people.
Every action had to have a valid reason.
And if it was for the family, even better, her father said.
She, eventually, only did what her father commanded.
Until her father told her to do something, she only honed her own talents.
The faster the work was done, the more things she could do.
And if she could do more things, she could contribute more to the “family.”
That was a “good” thing.
And it was what her father taught her.
But there was a man who slowly questioned it.
It was strange.
He would purse his lips – that was his smile.
He would widen his eyes – that too was part of his smile.
He would make strange noises – that was his laughter.
He didn’t find it strange to ask about those things.
He would teach me everything I didn’t know, one by one.
But Father said those things were “things that should be hidden.”
And Father knew that he possessed useless things, things that would only disturb the family, and his only purpose was his position.
And in order to grasp that, he decided to form a relationship with me.
He said that it was just a ceremony in name, and that I only needed to spend a little time with him.
He said there was no need to fit in perfectly.
He said we would meet briefly and then disappear.
But even after that, I spent time with him.
When he had no work, he would drink tea, and after training, he would wipe his sweat for him.
Sometimes we would talk.
Every time, Father would call me and tell me to maintain my dignity.
…So in front of him, I maintained my dignity.
Maybe that’s why he stopped coming after training.
*
He described his territory in detail.
He said there were lush things.
When asked if it resembled him in color, they said it was much more “beautiful”.
When asked what beauty was, he said it was me.
It took a very long time to understand that.
A very, long time.
Whenever I became curious about his story, I would glance to see if he was not there.
Since when was he not by my side?
However, he started to be in his room a little more.
I tried running busily at the training ground, wondering if he would come out, but he wasn’t there.
But I couldn’t go find him myself.
Whenever that thought came to me, something happened.
Tasks assigned by my father.
After finishing them, an unpleasant smell would emanate from my body, but –
Perhaps that’s why he doesn’t come close.
If I wash myself cleanly and put on light makeup, would he come?
But he didn’t come.
*
The last time I saw him was before a “big event”.
He showed me a small “smile”.
But since his eyebrows didn’t go up, was it really a smile?
He taught me what it meant to be “sad”.
Tears flowed from my eyes, and I said, “I’m scared because I might never see you again.”
When asked what that was, he said he didn’t need to know.
He simply wished that I wouldn’t feel them, so he told me.
I said I am happy when I’m with him.
I said I am happy to learn things I didn’t know.
But he left.
His face, I thought, resembled that of our father.
It was a face with nothing.
*
After he left… I don’t really know.
After leaving my father’s side, no one came looking for me.
I only realized then that there was no one else looking for me except my father.
But. It didn’t matter to me.
What mattered more was where he was.
To her, he wasn’t necessary.
He was only bound to her family out of necessity, that’s all.
But now, the reason for searching for him was because he had so much to tell me.
What to do, how to do it…
Above all, being with him allowed me to know more.
And above all,
At first, I thought it was an illness.
I hadn’t been exercising vigorously, yet my heart was hurting for no reason, and I even ran intensely.
I found myself waiting, wondering when the person next to me would come.
How long did it take for me to admit all of that?
When I asked an old man passing by what it was, he answered “love.”
When I asked what love was –
He simply said it was someone who was good to have by your side.
When I asked what sadness was –
He said sometimes tears flow from your eyes, but it also feels like your heart is empty, and it can make you hurt badly –
So when I asked what pain was –
He pinched my arm.
But I didn’t feel anything.
So I asked if I had been cut by a knife.
He said it had never happened even once.
When I asked if I had seen someone who had been cut by it,
There were many, but I said I had never felt anything from it.
I found it strange when they asked if I had shouted loudly or shed tears.
Do people normally act like that when they are cut by a knife?
Anyway, when I answered that there were none, she gently told me to show her my finger, cut by the knife.
… And only then did I understand that it was pain.
I shivered.
…What is fear, I asked.
Can you put your finger back on the knife, I asked.
They said it was impossible.
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That’s what fear is, they said.
So I asked.
That I can no longer meet the person I want to see. That’s why my heart feels empty. What should I do, I asked.
If only I had known, they said, don’t regret it and chase after.
So I chased.
Until I closed my eyes.
*
When I opened my eyes, I was on a carriage.
I urgently asked the coachman, who said I was deeply asleep and seemed tired from fighting off a group of bandits, so he didn’t wake me up.
Bandits, deep sleep?
…No way.
I looked outside the carriage.
The road, I remembered.
Did I dream a deep dream?
Or were all the things that happened until now just in my own head?
But to say that, everything was clear.
And with that suspicion, a single word that gave her certainty.
“If the young lady returns to the mansion, she will meet her fiancé,” he said.
Upon hearing those words, she hurriedly headed towards her destination, riding a horse and rushing.
And in the room she remembered, he was there.
A man in blue. The only person in this empty house with a single touch of color.
A maid seemed to have just woken him up.
His disheveled appearance didn’t catch her eye.
But one thing was clear.
This time, she can hold onto him.
She didn’t know what her own face looked like now.
Her voice trembled and her face burned with heat, but she didn’t pay attention.
She couldn’t take her eyes off his face as they spoke.
Only then did she realize how truly complex a person’s face could be.
Or perhaps, it was him who was complex?
If the corners of his mouth slightly lifted, would it be ‘happiness’?
If his eyebrows furrowed, would it be ‘sadness’?
If his lips slightly opened and his eyebrows lifted, would it be ‘happiness’?
But in the end, he showed me a ‘happy’ face.
That made me ‘glad.’
But the fact that he revealed his exhausted and weary state made me ‘sad.’
So, I decided to take a break and meet him again.
It’s something my father used to do, having conversations with people while drinking tea.
He said that you can get to know someone through that.
So I decided to give it a try.
I felt my head spinning for the first time, but even that made me “happy.”
To know a little more.
To spend a little more time with him.
This time, I wanted to spend a little more time together.
Maybe, from morning till evening?
Maybe that’s too much, then – from lunch till evening?
I don’t know.
But for now, I was “happy.”
When I arrived in my room and looked in the mirror, seeing my mouth curling upwards, I knew it was true.
*
Master, there’s a problem.
…What?
She says she laughed.
…
Master?
…She laughed, you say?
Yes, the maid was so hungry.
In front of whom?
She said it was in front of the Duke’s son.
…How on earth did this happen? Who taught her to laugh? Before this – who – no, is this even possible –
That guy doesn’t even show a hint of emotion, no, is it even possible for her to laugh? Is it possible that she naturally learned it –
No one here reflects any emotions. Especially in front of her.
There is no need for it, and there is no reason for it, you know that too.
Master, what will you do?
…I need time, I need time. No, that’s not it. Call her to my room. Immediately. Right now. I must confirm it.
I will do so.
Of all times, why now? Of all times.