5 – 5. Initiative
When I opened my eyes again, the sun was gradually dyeing the light crimson.
Perhaps, if I stayed a little longer, the clouds would eventually be tinged with red, and finally turn violet.
But without that sun, darkness would descend.
A deep, seemingly endless darkness.
As I looked down at my legs, the weight was gone, and she wasn’t by my side.
Well then –
“I woke up -“
“Huh?!”
An unexpected voice made a rough sound.
As I quickly turned my head towards the source of the noise, a sound that shouldn’t have come out of my throat slipped out –
“Ugh… cough… my throat…”
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“Are, are you okay? Oh, are you in pain?”
In the darkness, a white hand reached out and grabbed my throat.
“Whoa, ah?”
“Oh, you shouldn’t be in pain, if you’re in pain…”
And that darkness is a shadow,
The owner of that hand was none other than Irene.
And on her face, there were things I hadn’t seen before.
Her eyes fixed on my face, slightly parted red lips, a faint wrinkle at the corner of her eyes.
She was showing emotions.
The sword of the Marvus family, Count Lambert’s heir,
was worried about me.
“Um, um…”
“First, could you let go of my hand?”
“Oh, does it hurt now?”
“No, it’s just a little sprain, please.”
As she quickly withdrew her hand, her gaze continued to flicker towards me.
Why is that?
“Irene Marvus”
– The fiancée of Le Petit Gail.
– Relieved by Le Petit’s awakening.
– A little regretful about the dropped hand.
I was so clueless, it seems.
If I understand the implications correctly, I can surely act a little more boldly.
Before her other hand, which had just been holding my neck, could touch mine,
“…!”
I lightly held onto their fingertips.
“If it’s not too much trouble.”
As I met their gaze, the more I slowly lowered their hand –
“Ah, uh, ah….”
Their face was gradually turning as red as a radish.
Not a sudden, cartoonish red that rises from the chin,
But a spreading, fiery red from their cheeks,
Like red paint dropped in water, or blood.
Slowly, meticulously, I was filling in the blank canvas of their pale skin.
As I continued to gaze at their beautiful face, my mind became numb,
And I was captivated by the silky touch of our hands meeting –
Before I knew it, they had lowered their head and trembled slightly.
“Indeed, it seems…”
I tried to release their hand before it became more dangerous,
“But-“
Snap! Their hand grabbed onto mine, catching me off guard.
Even the slight pain in my fingers, tightly gripped together, could be felt.
“Just a little longer…”
From their deeply bowed head, a sinister reddish light filled the room.
Although the darkness seemed to overflow like pouring out, it was actually just a play of light caused by the setting sun.
The man trapped in the body of a boy with a pitiful fate had no way of knowing.
Even if a twenty-year-old soul were trapped in a twenty-year-old body, would there be any significant difference?
Even if he thought of this place as a game in his mind, could he dare to call it false in the atmosphere and liveliness around him?
In the moment when she momentarily appeared, falling into the depths of her own desire, even his sanity slipped away once again.
His fallen body touched the body that no one else could reach.
But she gladly accepted it.
From their touching bodies, she could feel a heartbeat so strong that even she was surprised.
Without even realizing that the man had lost his sanity once again,
she embraced him.
…Throughout her life, she had never even held a doll, so she cherished it.
She didn’t know what her actions meant, as she had never been embraced by a mother or father, but she held onto the man more and more.
Their touching bodies seemed to become a dim purple of the dawn.
*
When the dark night arrived, he regained his sanity once again.
He never expected to lose consciousness several times a day.
He often said that he would go out for lunch, but was losing his mind really just a figure of speech?
When he regained his sanity once again, she was there, watching over him with a candle by her side.
…She seemed to have noticed that I had woken up,
but her expression was difficult to discern besides her radiant gaze.
“Have you awakened?”
A calm voice.
That voice, even its emotions restrained, reminded me of her father.
It was a voice that portrayed dryness, beauty, and elegance, as if a voice actor was announcing inside a building.
But if it was a voice in a setting where people were having a “conversation” rather than a “notice” or a “notification,” it wouldn’t be awkward.
In that slightly uncomfortable moment, I stood up and greeted her.
“I think I caused you a lot of discomfort.”
“Discomfort…?”
“Yes, discomfort.”
She stared at me for a moment, as if piercing through my eyes, and then asked me again.
“Are you hurt?”
“No, I’m not. Rather, it’s… after the pain.”
“Then, isn’t it painful?”
“That…”
“How can pain be better?”
Her shining pupils trembled.
“I don’t like pain. When I experienced it for the first time, I realized how ‘disliked’ it is.”
Once again, she emerged from the darkness and clasped what was mine in her hand.
“So please tell me.”
In the warmth flowing through that clasped hand,
In her awkward expression,
But in that feeling.
“Is it uncomfortable, or painful?”
…Caught up in that feeling, I couldn’t pay attention to the blinking notification window.
Without realizing that this feeling was not just a simple kindness.
I just thought it was because she was naturally a kind person,
That’s what I thought in that moment.
“…How should I explain this discomfort?”
I held her clasped hand and slowly stood up from my seat.
“Should I…sit on the chair and try?”
I sat down properly, and immediately all the strength in my body seemed to melt into the chair.
“How does it feel to sit like this?”
“What kind of feeling do you have?”
“Do you…feel ‘comfortable’?”
“No, I’ve never heard of that before.”
She doesn’t even know what ‘comfortable’ means.
Maybe she never had emotions to begin with, or maybe she just didn’t know.
If that’s the case, has she now come to know those things through the ’emotional’ choices I made?
“What if a stranger becomes familiar with you?”
“What do you think about ‘being unfamiliar’ and ‘being familiar’?”
“If you’re unfamiliar, it means you haven’t met them several times, or you’re meeting them for the first time. Being familiar means you’ve met them several times, and they’re someone you know well.”
She pondered for a moment after hearing that, then approached me and spoke.
“When I first met you, you intrigued me.”
“Intriguing, you say?”
“It was the first ‘reaction’ I was warned about by my father.”
“A reaction, you say.”
I couldn’t say her face, as she whispered those words, looked good.
“When my father uttered a few words and commanded all those knights, it seemed like a ‘surprised’ expression – my father told me not to show any ‘reaction.’
He said reactions become weaknesses. Reacting to the other person’s reaction as well.
Now I know that the reaction I have towards you is an emotion.
Although I am inexperienced in this, still…”
…As expected, there seems to be something beneath her cold demeanor.
It wasn’t coldness, it was unfamiliarity.
This place is where weapons are confined.
Emotions are unnecessary for a sharp sword, and this mansion was for the management of the sword.
“So, tell me more. There is still much I don’t know. What is uncomfortable, what is comfortable. What are those things?”
“What do you think of my reaction – how do you feel about it?”
“I like it. I like it.”
…Her face flushes.
Clearly, when I see her blushing as well, I can tell it’s about feeling embarrassed, but –
“Well, then that’s comfortable! So, it’s not something you dislike.”
“I don’t dislike it. I like it. This time is important to me.”
“Well, let’s start by fixing the way you speak so blatantly.”
“What does it mean to speak so blatantly?”
This woman is truly dangerous.
She is surprisingly pure, like something that has no color.
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She didn’t lose her emotions, nor did she not have any.
She didn’t hate or dislike Lepeti.
She didn’t know what emotions were, and now she finally realized.
And the first emotion happened to be affection for Lepeti.
…Better than any other negative emotion, but –
“Tell me more.”
She doesn’t hesitate to make physical contact and gets so close to me, asking me curious questions.
And damn it.
Why is she so beautiful like this?
It feels like my heart is about to burst.
…
In the end, that night was spent filling her curiosity all day without eating anything.
She kept asking me until she finally got tired and fell asleep, sitting on the chair.
…Surely she must have received this kind of education, but did she value this time so much that she even forgot about such things?
As I carefully embrace her and try to lay her down on the bed,
The clothes crumpled with a loud noise.
She buried herself into my arms, supported by the arms I put behind her back and under her legs.
“Mm…”
…Seriously, does she know anything?
But wait… it’s my limit.
Unexpectedly, it’s heavy.
Come to think of it – wait…
Her arms are stiff.
Her legs, too.
No flab, despite her delicate figure.
…This woman seems much more remarkable than I thought.
This is not the time to be thinking such things.
I should quickly put her down and find a place for myself as well.
“Um, excuse me, could you let go a little?”
She, burying her head in my chest, was irresistibly charming,
I didn’t believe in love at first sight, but as soon as she appeared before my eyes, I couldn’t help but believe,
She was so lovely for doing that,
But as soon as she slightly raised her head and our eyes met –
“…Uh, ah?”
I instinctively laid her on the bed and couldn’t stop myself from getting into bed as well, unable to stop my own movements.
“What, what on earth happened -“
“Come, let’s sleep together…”
And with those words, she tightly held onto my arm,
And we both fell into the bed together.