8 – 8. If the person you trust isn’t family –
When I first saw her, she seemed emotionless like a robot.
She had built a wall around herself, as if she wouldn’t show even a hint of herself.
But she was different now.
Her reactions were honest, and she had many questions, and her voice was filled with the resonance of her emotions.
She called me a bright person.
Although not entirely, it must have been because she herself was locked in darkness.
Perhaps it was her own actions that made her realize she was trapped in darkness, and because of that, she became unhappy –
…Before thinking about such things, it would be better to think about my own situation.
I said I would try to be a pillar of support, but I’m already being swayed by her emotions.
Both my house and hers caught fire, and while my house is turning into ashes, I’m helping her first.
Lost in thought for a moment, she anxiously stared at me as if trying to see through my eyes.
With red eyes, somewhat sad yet affectionate, those kind of eyes.
“…I don’t know you well.”
“Why -“
“We haven’t known each other for long. At most… it’s been less than a week since we met. If I were to call you ‘Moor,’ wouldn’t that be… impolite?”
…She might be different.
Look at her trembling eyes. Look at her bitten lip. She definitely knows me. Absolutely.
Even if I look at her with suspicion, she says the same thing. She’s hiding something.
I want to say it, but I’m holding onto something she won’t believe.
But I can’t say it.
Right now, I can only live as Lepetti Gail.
Even if I were to say that he wore a disguise, I can’t honestly reveal that I watched her from a distance, one step away.
In the end, she finished the question by taking a bitter sip of tea.
“What kind of person is your father… Count Lamber?”
As the next topic to continue the conversation, she chose her family.
But after bringing it up, I realized it wasn’t such a good topic.
There was no way someone who tried to use my daughter as a tool and kill her emotions could be normal.
Even though it was clear that what she felt wouldn’t be so positive, it was obvious that asking about it wouldn’t be a good idea.
But she spoke up.
“Count Lamber is truly an impressive person. The power and influence of our family have spread throughout this country.
He suppressed his siblings and rose to the position of the head of the family, quietly eliminating those who threatened the country and striving to create a better world.”
Before I could say anything, she opened her mouth again.
“This is what he told me to say. The story about the man named Count Lamber.
However, it seems like what you’re expecting is different. Isn’t that right?”
“That may be true, but-“
“Tell me about the existence of your father, who he is as a person.”
In the corner of her eyes, something glittered.
Her eyes were redder than ever before.
“I haven’t fully answered your question yet.
Help me define the Marquis of Lamber as a father.”
*
What kind of person do you think a father is?
Every person carries many stories.
Some fathers are humorous on the outside but become boring at home.
Some fathers are stern on the outside but become warm at home.
Some fathers are passive on the outside but can’t control their anger at home.
Some fathers are choleric on the outside but try their best to be kind at home.
Just with the stories I know, there are dozens of variations.
Some fathers horribly mistreat their own children, while others see their children as substitutes or means to achieve their dreams.
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Some see them as evidence of love, while others see them as a means for success or maintaining their own lives.
Some wanted to raise their children strictly, while others hoped their children would be free.
Some didn’t care at all.
But perhaps the most important thing is love.
Even if unable to express it in words, even if feeling embarrassed to show it through actions,
…even if causing inconvenience to their children by being too proud,
If there is only a heart that seeks the well-being of their children, wouldn’t that be a true father?
That’s why I told her about the image of a father that I had in mind.
“…It seems that Duke Frederick truly adores his son.”
I thought of my own father at that moment.
He may have been old, but he was not weary. He was a man who held onto his beliefs.
And one of those beliefs was none other than the fruit of the love between my wife and me, Lepeti.
It was about ensuring that he could lead a safe life.
Of course, in the end, he couldn’t even protect his own life –
But I knew he had done everything he could.
Although it didn’t reach my son,
I knew he had made efforts.
On that night, the efforts my father made, which Lord Lamber mocked as he narrated.
The fate of spies and assassins. And the downfall of the family.
“Yes, I can say that he is a proud father.”
I offered her a cup of tea, with a gentle smile.
She also smiled, but it would not be an illusion to say that her eyes looked sadder than ever.
What thoughts does she harbor now, embraced by Lord Lamber?
As she tidied up the teacups and handed the used dishes to the maid, her figure lacked the confidence it once had.
Suspicion, sadness, envy, loneliness.
Although both knew that they had lost their mothers at a young age, how they accepted that death,
how people around them talked about that death,
perhaps it was becoming more apparent how their father and mother’s relationship had become entangled.
What about the children? Can children escape from their parents’ shadow?
Repeti was driven to death by his father’s choice.
His father regretted that choice and only in the end did he try to save his son.
Both of them, at the moment of death, lost their blue light.
What about her? She was raised with a sword her whole life.
Living without being treated as a human, without even having dreams.
Could she have lived as Irene?
Could she have felt the warmth of a happy home?
Could she have known what happiness was?
Could she have known what she could rely on?
I dared not speak about how her life was.
I dared not ask her more questions.
All I could do was accept her gaze,
hold her delicate hand and rise from my seat, quietly walking beside her,
I didn’t have the courage to try anything else.
“Father, who is this person?” she asked.
“That is correct,” he replied.
If warmth could be felt in his tone, this man’s was chillingly cold.
No, it was quite hot.
But it was not the warmth of a cozy fire; it was like a raging inferno, engulfing everything, fueled by oil.
As if intentionally cultivated to erase any trace…
“Do you have a reason to be curious about it?”
He rose from the shadowy desk and stood before me.
Still shrouded in darkness, his face remained hidden.
It was truly remarkable that, even though our eyes met directly, I could not read his.
His was something that I wanted to hold onto forever, even if it wasn’t warm enough.
Compared to those warm people he spoke of,
who may be gruff but had beautiful souls,
compared to those who exposed and poured out their dirty flaws to their families,
compared to those who hid their dirty flaws and acted innocent in front of others,
this man who refused to reveal anything to me,
who didn’t even consider me his child,
was perhaps the worst.
Indeed, does the name “father” suit him?
When he gave birth to me, did he have any emotions at all?
Only resentment and hatred swirled deeply in my heart.
However, there was no chance for it to surface on his face.
To this man, it would be a waste to show my true form.
I simply kept those things in my heart and observed him.
“…So the little brat from Ga-il-ga completely turned you upside down.
You can’t even hide your emotions, and you explode with hatred towards me. It’s not even funny.”
“…!”
“Are you surprised? You must be. What a useless conversation we had, talking about what a father should be like, what love is, and what kind of interest parents have in their children…
My goodness, why did we even have such a pointless conversation together?”
” – “
“No, there’s no need to talk. All kinds of stories flow abundantly in your mind. You are – you are truly dreadful.
I don’t need to prove that the way I chose was right. Anyone can tell what others think of me just by looking at your expression.
You resemble your mother, a pitiful woman who can’t even hide anything. That’s why I didn’t tell you anything. Would you understand that? No!
Do you know the value of the grand goal this noble family has walked towards, a goal that no one else can aim for? No!
You don’t understand anything. You probably don’t even know why you have such ambition. That damn blue – entering a flower garden, but even the talent that will be used for that great goal is rotting away.
But you should know the reason why I let you be – because your hands are too precious to waste.
Even though you’ve cut down countless people, that talent has never been used once!
That talent is the perfect tool for this great goal, which is why I still decided to keep you.
So don’t provoke me any further.
It’s even more disappointing that I stopped trying to deal with that guy right away because of one of your filthy emotions.”
…Before more thoughts could be read, I turned my body around.
In those eyes, he averted his gaze and hid.
I couldn’t bear to hear his words any longer.
I didn’t feel well.
Like the first time I smelled blood and vomited,
my stomach churned and my head spun.
Handle it? Who?
Lepeti, by my side?
Should I be afraid of him?
If he even flicks a finger, he will disappear.
But I couldn’t think that thought.
I swore I wouldn’t in front of this man.
Otherwise, he would die.
Was this the fear Lepeti felt?
…I quickly left the room.
As if escaping, I headed towards his room.
He, he must not leave my embrace.
As long as he is in this mansion…