“John.”
Clara called Brahms. she was pretty Although she was 14 years older than Brahms, not even wrinkles could mar her beauty.
“Yes, Clara.”
“When this child is born, I want you to be a good teacher, friend, and family member.”
Clara said that and put her hand on my stomach. It was the belly of a pregnant woman, convexly protruding.
“That’s no problem. I am rather grateful that you asked me that.”
“Because I know there’s no one better than you.”
“…”
It was a strange nuance. No, do you really want to say that you are looking for nuances that are not there? Brahms smiled, suppressing the rampage of the demon in his heart.
“I hope a pretty child will be born.”
“A beautiful child will be born. Because my husband and I gave birth to a child because we loved each other so much. Well, there are very few babies born without love.”
“······yes. Yes.”
“If there is one thing I regret, it is that I want this child to be able to remember his father even a little better. I don’t know if that will work.”
Schumann, who attempted suicide, was now in a psychiatric ward. It was not a situation where anyone could see that he could act as a good father.
And such situations sometimes stimulated Brahms’ dark and secret desires, bringing up thoughts that were inherent in his very depths. Thoughts he couldn’t believe he had even subconsciously.
Apparently, such moments were relatively more frequent when he was in front of Clara. Because she was the source of all his anguish.
So, at such times, Brahms speaks even harder,
“Don’t worry. Clara.”
It’s like saying it to myself.
“Mr. Schumann will be fine. By the time the variation for that person I’m writing now is complete… I’m sure it will be corrected and you’ll appreciate my songs one by one.”
Was that serious?
Just as Rowoon did not know the answer, Brahms did not know the answer either.
For Brahms, composition was also a journey to find the answer. Each time he wrote a note, Brahms had to face the monster in his heart. I draw the appearance of the monster, express the smell of breath, and capture the sound of crying.
‘teacher.’
Reminds me of Schumann. For Brahms, Schumann was not simply a music teacher. He discovered Brahms, created an environment where he could shine in the music world, and cared about everything about him like a father.
From noble mtl dot com
Could there be a partner more suitable for the word benefactor?
By the way, Brahms is longing for such a benefactor’s wife.
‘······Wake up, Brahms.’
Every time he wrote a musical note, Brahms had no choice but to contain such self-reproach. I can’t express my honest feelings for Clara. But ironically, if he didn’t express his feelings for her, he couldn’t express anything.
It is a song that contains such mixed emotions. The reason why critics always like to attach the expression ‘majestic’ to his songs, maybe it’s because he has so many emotions packed into him.
So, when the songwriting journal is over,
“…”
Rowoon again ends up feeling desolate somewhere.
“Where do I start with this…”
It is not unknown what Brahms felt. But it just wasn’t Rowoon’s feelings.
Even if he pretended to be Brahms and played his feelings as if they belonged to Rowoon, it was not Rowoon’s performance. If you were going to imitate Brahms’ playing, you just had to replay the performance log more often than practice.
‘But I’m not trying to become a second Brahms. Beneficial.’
No matter how great Brahms is, Rowoon shouldn’t be satisfied with being someone second. If it was Rowoon in the past, yes, maybe even the second Brahms would have been an undeserved goal for him.
But now Rowoon had a Walkman. All the masters were by his side, teaching and guiding him. They were literally ‘passing on’ their experiences.
However, if only that level of disability became his goal, it would be tantamount to wasting their blessings and goodwill.
so,
Rowoon has to play his game.
‘First of all, understanding love is the first thing.’
Besides, Brahms’s feelings for Clara were not ordinary love either. As a rational person, as a person, as a musician, Brahms looked at Clara from a very broad perspective and admired her.
More ideal and absolute love than anyone else’s.
If Rowoon wanted to understand even the outline of it properly, he had to hold at least an ordinary love in his heart.
‘I wish I could fall in love with someone right away as soon as I made up my mind that I just want to love you.’
It was when I told Chris about my worries. Chris took this ridiculous question more seriously than I thought.
＜＜ Rowoon. don’t think hard There’s no such thing as suddenly wanting to be love in your heart like lightning. No, it won’t be there at all, but don’t expect it to be more common than the lottery. ＞＞
“Then what should I do?”
＜＜ Don’t think too hard. It’s not just that there are people around you who want to be okay. Oh, it’s a request, so please don’t say no. let’s be honest How can there be no feelings like that between a man and a woman? There must be a certain line for you, and even if someone couldn’t step on that line, wouldn’t there be someone who got closer to the line? ＞＞
“…”
＜＜ Okay, at least I’m not denying it. That’s a good development. So, who are the candidates to cross your line? ＞＞
“······well.”
＜＜ Well what the hell. From what I can see, the candidate is pretty obvious. Heather or Rami. which one of the two Even within the conservatory, there were quite a few rumors about you and those two. ＞＞
“Rumors are just rumors.”
＜＜ But do you know how many times it’s not even rumored? If you think about it that way, rumors are never something to belittle. It has meaning in some way. ＞＞
“…So you’re going to target those two?”
＜＜ Which side do you think the scale leans more on? ＞＞
“I don’t know.”
＜＜ I don’t know means both are on your scales. ＞＞
Chris giggled. Rowoon couldn’t say anything for a moment as if he was hit on the spot, then stuttered and asked.
“No, hey, but, ha… isn’t it a problem from the fact that both of them are on the scale? You are too impure.”
＜＜ Everything is impure. men and horses. ＞＞
Chris clicked his tongue.
＜＜ I don’t think there’s any pure love. Oh, you might also think I say this because I’m a bully, but it’s not like that. It all comes down to calculation in the end. ＞＞
“… so you want me to calculate it?”
＜＜ Yes. It’s a joke to love before you even date. It’s just an obsession and an illusion. Love is just when you reach out to someone close to you, that’s love. Guys who bring unnecessary justice to it are more likely to be unable to date. ＞＞
Chris was secretly dissing Rowoon like that. However, Rowoon was lost in thought instead of being furious about it. Chris may not be absolutely right, but it’s certainly worth considering.
If so, which of the weights on his scale should he focus on?
Who weighs more on him?
‘······It’s difficult.’
okay. difficult.
But no matter how difficult the question is, there is always an answer.
＜ Two Hearts (3) ＞ End
＜ Two Hearts (4) ＞
“what do you think?”
[ ·······. ]
“I think it would be better to ask an adult about this rather than a friend. Who do you think I like right now?”
[Do you know who you are asking this question to? ]
“Yes, I know. malignity. greatest musician. Father of Classicism and Romanticism. Beethoven.”
[ ······But are you just giving me dating advice? ]
“But isn’t it too dry for us to always talk about music? I thought we would become friends like this.”
[Have you seen such a low-key guy… ]
“Are you sure you won’t say anything?”
Beethoven did not answer. It seemed that planting was uncomfortable in many ways. It was only belatedly that Rowoon realized that Beethoven had always failed in love. I wasn’t in a position to give advice to anyone.
‘······Then who is better?’
When it comes to the person who is the best at dating, there was someone who immediately came to mind.
Liszt, the most popular pianist in history.
[Hmm, Rowoon-kun. ask one ]
“yes. Ask me a question.”
[Do you think those two are pretty? ]
“・・・・・Do you hear? It’s not that they aren’t pretty no matter who sees them.”
[Then you like it. ]
“yes?”
At Liszt’s words, Rowoon couldn’t help but put on a dumbfounded expression for a moment. If you think it’s pretty, you like it. Where is that nonsense? But Liszt was more serious than I thought.
[Being pretty means you think you have charm, being attractive means wanting to get closer, and wanting to get closer doesn’t mean wanting to have a relationship? So, the logic that the thought of being pretty is the feeling of liking is indeed correct. ]
“······The elixir is too strong?”
[Love always has to be a leap. ]
Liszt said proudly.
[Isn’t it a leap in itself that there are emotions worth risking your life in the world in the first place? ]