‘theory.’
Gregor watched Rowoon without saying anything. It seemed that Rowoon wasn’t particularly excited about the subject of such a transcendent performance that he couldn’t believe he was a student. Probably because it’s not a fluke. It’s probably because he’s done that kind of thing countless times already.
Gregor looked down at his hand. Just as Rowoon had already intuited the result before playing, Gregor felt the same way. Today, Gregor says the sky is clear for me Rowoon is located under the sky for me.
In the meantime, Gregor felt many things while watching Rowoon. He realized that there is no fixed position for a person, so he decided to fly too. And I actually believed that it got better. At least in his world, the impossible is now gone. As I ran, I was able to have a vague belief that I would reach my destination.
‘theory. you keep running I’ll keep chasing you.’
It’s a story that I can’t bear to tell myself even if I’m embarrassed. But you don’t have to say it. He has a piano, and a pianist’s voice is most beautiful when it is played through the piano, not through the mouth.
Afterwards, when his number was called, Gregor left the waiting room without hesitation. And he did the best he could.
It was a distinctly different atmosphere from Rowoon. The judges didn’t hesitate when Gregor stopped playing, and unlike Rowoon, they didn’t leave any hints of a hopeful future. But Gregor didn’t care. At least he ran. There was no need to regret not running. That’s it.
And when he returned to the waiting room, Gregor found Rowoon staring at him. I don’t know what Rowoon said through that gaze. Instead of letting him know, Gregor opened his mouth.
“Should we go eat meatloaf later?”
Gregor is hungry.
#
To start with the conclusion, Rowoon was accepted into the California Conservatory of Music.
It was an unsurprising story. If there was one element that Rowoon would fail to pass, it would be his meager history of winning competitions, but Rowoon’s playing was too attractive to use that as an excuse to drop it.
Rowoon wasn’t the only one who did well in the entrance exam. Both Chris and Mila got into the universities they wanted. In particular, in the case of Chris, he was expected to enter the California Conservatory of Music at the top of his class and receive a scholarship to some extent.
Rowoon’s situation was not as good as Chris’. His performance certainly overwhelmed the stage, but Rowoon nevertheless remained the second-placed entrant, not the top. Maybe there was someone who performed better than Rowoon on the other audition day. At least on the day Rowoon went out, there was no one who performed better than him.
‘It’s a long way to go.’
When he heard about the second-seat admission, Rowoon had a somewhat embarrassed expression on his face while looking at his Walkman. Even with the best teachers in history sticking by his side, he has yet to be the best at the school level.
There was nothing surprising. Rowoon knew that there were still countless better pianists his age. But it was the future, not the present, that had to be taken care of. Just as all child prodigies do not remain the best pianists, there was no way that just because he was a few steps behind everyone else, he would always be behind him.
And there was a person who was in a much worse situation than he right now to feel sorry for not being able to hold the top spot. It was Gregor. He was put on the waitlist, waiting for additional acceptance.
It was unfortunate, but honestly, Rowoon thought it was worth it. The performance Gregor showed at the audition that day was clearly in compliance. And compared to Gregor of the past, there was definitely a feeling that the color was more alive.
It was just lacking. The California Conservatory was a place that valued individuality the most, and Gregor, who was good at restrained performances, could not fully abandon his old temper until the end.
Things worked out for Kate, though. She was also on the Carnegie Mellon waitlist, but the university contacted her before the official additional acceptance date arrived. It was a call that I had passed. That day Rowoon went out to dinner with her. As a student, I went to a fine dining restaurant, which was inevitably burdensome, and we talked for a while. And Kate said.
“Shall we break up soon?”
It was too calm a voice to say goodbye. Through that voice, Rowoon realized that Kate had been preparing for this breakup for a very long time. Rowoon couldn’t answer right away. Both my heart and reason knew that it was correct to nod my head to Kate’s question. However, it only took a little while. Can I nod my head so easily at that question? is that really correct?
“I won’t be able to continue seeing you.”
“I am Pennsylvania, you are California. It’s only a few hours away by plane, but if we can meet each other, how much can we meet? And even if we meet, I wonder if it will be good for us.”
Life is short, and there is no need to waste time obsessing over trifles. It was a pretty fitting outlook on life for someone who had just graduated from high school. Rowoon asked.
“Are you really okay with that?”
“That’s fine. Your body and mind are slowly falling apart, but it’s better to remain in a relationship that keeps holding on to the phone as if it’s not the case and only burdens each other… isn’t it?”
Eventually they broke up like that. After ending their last date like that, Kate smiled and told Rowoon that it was fun. Rowoon couldn’t come up with a good answer, so he had no choice but to return a clumsy answer.
When I got home, I turned on the Walkman. I put earphones in my ears. But no notification popped up. The puppy waltz performance log homework, ‘Separation with the one you love’, was still unresolved.
It’s not that we didn’t break up. If so, what have you not done?
“You said you broke up? It looks fine despite that.”
The words of Mila, whom we met at the cathedral a few days later, hinted at the answer to that question. Rowoon replied with a shy expression.
“What are you going to do if you’re not fine?”
“I knew I could do a little bit of a drag.”
“f*ck.”
“Well, I can’t even imagine your grunting face.”
“Well… I don’t know if I need to squeeze a little bit.”
At least my heart shouldn’t hurt. Just as Beethoven’s leaving Eleonore and Chopin’s heart abandoned by Sand were torn to pieces, shouldn’t his heart be torn to some extent?
Rowoon changed the topic. It was a story that wouldn’t be good to keep going.
“Is your neck okay?”
“It was fine, it was not fine. It’s like a ticking time bomb. It might not explode at all, but it might explode tomorrow.”
And there was nothing Mila could do for him. So she said to enjoy the present. To be faithful to the song every day.
To be honest, Rowoon thought Mila’s attitude was beautiful. The second thing is how pretty she has a voice. At least Mila was the person Rowoon knew who was most dedicated to the music he was doing. If you sing every day thinking it’s your last, how could you not?
“I don’t know if I can say this, but maybe it’s not just that thyroid cancer… the curse.”
“A curse is a curse. It’s not like a blessing. But my attitude towards this is really cool.”
“Very narcissistic is always applied.”
“Musicians live by their taste. I don’t know?”
Mila grinned. Even when Rowoon looked at Mila as if she was being ridiculous, she immediately smiled. Rowoon muttered as he looked up at the cross and the surroundings lined with funeral chairs.
“It’s not long before we can do this here. Is it over next week?”
“Ah, that’s something I didn’t even mention… Actually this week. I go to my hometown as soon as the semester ends. I’ll catch a flight on Thursday.”
“······Next week is the graduation ceremony. You’re not going to do that?”
“My parents have a hard time coming here because of work… and I don’t really care about graduation ceremonies or anything like that.”
Mila replied as if it didn’t matter. But Rowoon felt something strange. My heart felt tighter than when I was told to break up with Kate. My heart was pounding, and my toes twitched. Rowoon hesitated and asked.
“······So this week is the last?”
“It will be like that. But won’t we meet again someday? up there.”
Mila said as she pointed up. The appearance was a little strange because she had her back to the mosaic of the Virgin Mary, but Rowoon did not laugh. I couldn’t help but laugh. he muttered.
“I will pray.”
“Are you going to church? You have no faith.”
“Maybe we can go out if we have something to pray for.”
From noble mtl dot com
“Whenever you say something about faith in blessings and blessings.”
Mila chuckled. and stretched out his arms
“It may be a little early, but should I give you a goodbye hug?”
It was an open arm, thinking that Rowoon would curse or throw a taffy. However, Rowoon hugged her without hesitation. Rather, while Mila was a little embarrassed, Rowoon hugged her tightly and relaxed his arms. Then he took a step back and looked at her.
“bye. Mila.”
“I haven’t gone yet.”
Mila answered in a bewildered voice. Rowoon felt, sought, and hoped for a heart that might be similar to him, hiding behind that bewilderment, but he didn’t say anything about it.
At night, Rowoon visited the Walkman again. I put my earphones in my ears, leaned back in my chair, and let out a slightly dejected laugh. His hands tuned in to the radio stopped, and Rowoon closed his eyes as if he had fallen asleep. After a few minutes, he got up and headed to the practice room.
From that day on, the sound of dog waltz playing came to the practice wing of Hidden Valley High School every day.
It was a strange puppy waltz. Beyond the melody, which seemed to spin round and round like a puppy chasing its own tail, they couldn’t help but feel a vague gaze. Like groping for past memories, groping for past love, lingering regrets…
Listening to the performance, no one thought of Sand and Chopin, or even the separation that Rowoon must have suffered.
Even so, the performance clearly sang of farewell.
#
[Your understanding of Frederic Chopin has increased! ]
[ Chopin’s blessing is strengthened! ]
[ Congratulations. The grade of ‘Mirage Rubato’ has risen! ]
＜ Flight of the Swan (6) ＞ End
＜ Private Tutoring (1) ＞
Unlike the breakup with Kate, the breakup with Mila made Rowoon depressed in many ways. But, as always, time was the medicine. As time passed, my heart ached less and less when I thought of Mila, and I began to think of her less and less.
‘But is this heart enough to be described as love?’
What gets erased just by the passage of time?
Of course, Mila occupied a good place in Rowoon’s consciousness. I don’t know if it was because of the tragedy of thyroid cancer she had, or if Rowoon naturally liked her so much that there was no need for such a reason.
But unlike Kate and Rowoon, there really was nothing between Mila and Rowoon. They never held hands, never talked on the phone late at night, never whispered words of love. Of course, sometimes when our eyes met, I thought that there was something indescribable sympathy going on, but… can I say that I loved her with just that?
Can not be done. Love shouldn’t be so light. The love that made a giant like Chopin suffer so much shouldn’t be so easily shaken off.
When these thoughts came to mind, Rowoon played the dog waltz. There was no stage where I had to play the doggie waltz now, but rather that’s why the performance might have been more pure than other times.
I felt the resonance of each note of the puppy waltz. The more the keys were played, the more the dog Chopin remembered, the dog Sande’s eyes touched, and Chopin’s eyes, which touched Sande… mixed with Rowoon’s eyes and heart, which touched the singing Mila.
But the problem arose there.
It was overindulgence. When playing Chopin’s pieces, Rowoon would sometimes stop playing midway through and breathe heavily, like someone who hit the brakes. It was because his heart and Chopin’s heart mixed, and the intensity of the emotion was amplified several times.
It’s been like that since I went through a breakup with Mila, not a breakup. There were times when Rowoon felt Chopin’s feelings so desperately that they were too much to bear. Facing the emptiness as if his heart had been ripped out, Rowoon felt satisfied with the feeling of being one step closer to Chopin, but at the same time felt terrified.
Chopin was Chopin and Rowoon was Rowoon. That boundary line had to be made clear at any moment. Looking into the lives of Chopin and other musicians, shouldn’t that life cover Rowoon’s life?
But that didn’t mean I couldn’t stop using the Walkman. Because Walkman was the most decisive moment that gave Rowoon’s life a chance.
‘There must be a way to use it most appropriately without being caught and eaten.’
If it wasn’t there, I couldn’t lose the Walkman even if I had to create it. Rowoon continued to think. And at the end of that thought, I found a solution on my own.
‘I’ll put Chopin on hold for a while.’
When looking at the diaries of other musicians, the aftermath was not so severe. It seemed that Rowoon was more obsessed with Chopin’s music and journal than other musicians. I didn’t necessarily compare him to other musicians, but the pianist Rowoon loved and respected the most was always Chopin.
So I thought it might be time to accept the lives of other musicians a bit more. If I accepted so many lives into him, I thought that one day his bowl would be bigger too. To the extent that I would not be shaken even if I accepted Chopin more.
If there is one thing that is regrettable, it is that the performance score of the puppy waltz is already 68 points. A score of 70 was just around the corner, and given the short playing time of the puppy waltz, there was a possibility of reaching 70 points faster than other songs.
Looking at how the Walkman works so far, there is a high possibility that another function will be unlocked the moment it breaks through the 70 points. I couldn’t help but feel regret.
‘There’s no hurry.’