‘Did you do it?’
With his body buried in the chair, Rowoon asked himself. However, the question was unclear from the beginning. If you did, what did you do?
enjoying music?
To fully capture the lives of Chopin and Liszt in a performance?
To properly play what he wanted to say and express?
To convey to the audience the joy he receives from music?
‘I don’t know.’
There is no need for rational, linguistic, or logical thinking. The pianist’s intuition told me. At least for today’s stage, I don’t think I need to have any regrets or lingering feelings. He gave his audience everything he had, and it must have been good to hear.
“Roun! awesome! It’s completely torn!”
It was while I was resting. The door to the waiting room burst open and a group of people appeared. Heather, Chris, Gregor······ In addition to other friends, including Jungwoo and Rami. It was the moment when the narrow waiting room became noisy in an instant.
said Julie, making a fuss.
“Hey, you know what? There are so many people in the hallway right now.”
“In the hallway? ······why?”
“Maybe I want to get your autograph? Or maybe you just want to shake hands and say good things.”
Crossing them and entering the waiting room might have made her feel like a VIP, but Julie had a proud expression on her face. Rowoon grabbed the armrest.
“Oh, then you shouldn’t be here. I should go out and say hello…”
“No, take a break for now. It’s because you can’t see your face right now. Wouldn’t that be more rude if I went out with such a tired face?”
“…then hold on a second.”
Rowoon sighed and buried himself in the chair again as if he had waited for those words. Everyone looked down at Rowoon as if that was the case. It was such a tiresome performance. A performance that seemed to throw everything I had. His sincerity was felt, and his performance must have sounded more valuable.
Jungwoo patted Rowoon’s shoulder.
“Good work.”
“Thank you, bro.”
As if he didn’t need to say more than that, Jungwoo held back his words. Rami, who was next to him, smiled silently and just looked down at Rowoon.
‘He’s a more admirable guy than I thought. very.’
From the moment Jungwoo showed a liking for him, he thought there must be something. Because Jungwoo wasn’t a person who gave his heart to just anyone.
However, Rowoon showed more than Rami expected from him. When practicing for the concerto with her, he gritted his teeth and tried hard not to be pushed by her, so I wondered if he was a friend who was quite obsessed with music, but what he showed today was that he loves music more than anyone else.
Rowoon met Rami’s eyes. No one can say whether Rowoon understood everything Rami was trying to say with his eyes. However, the smiles on Rowoon and Rami’s lips clearly proved that something had come and gone between these two musicians.
It was an atmosphere that would not be enough to stay up all night listening to all the congratulations they conveyed. Rowoon got up. Unless there were people waiting for him, he couldn’t keep them parked in that hallway. It was late at night.
“oh!”
“Oh, did you come out…”
When Rowoon came out into the hallway, a group of people standing there smiled with delight. Just as he was a pianist who had just given them a performance worthy of remembering for the rest of their lives, their eyes were dripping with affection as they looked at Rowoon.
“I heard you play well!”
“My God, of all the doggie waltz I have heard, yours is probably the most emotional.”
“I prepared some flowers in a hurry, I hope you like it.”
It was like that. Most of the people who came to see him were of an older age, but there were quite a few young friends among them. And some of them, like Rowoon, were walking the path of the piano.
“I will work hard too. So someday… I hope to see you again on a stage like this!”
was it ten years old? When Rowoon saw those young eyes that seemed to be resolute, he didn’t know what to say. So, I just kindly tapped him on the shoulder and smiled quietly.
“okay. OK.” while saying
You can do it, it wasn’t a word of reassurance or much support, but it seemed like it was enough for him. The child’s expression brightened, he nodded “Yes!”, handed Rowoon a piece of candy he was holding as a gift, and disappeared.
It was a friendly atmosphere. The life of a pianist Rowoon imagined, exactly the same moment.
So, the encounter couldn’t help but feel more dramatic.
“Loona.”
At the sudden voice, Rowoon’s expression hardened for a moment. Rowoon’s gaze slowly moved up from the candy in his palm. Passing through black shoes, luxurious suit pants, a belt with the brand logo on it and a slightly crumpled shirt, on top of a thick beard, behind thin glasses, somewhere stubborn… and reaching familiar eyes.
“How have you been?”
“······ah.”
Not long ago, Rowoon’s Rachmaninov Piano Concerto was over, and he was the man who exchanged greetings with Han Seok-hoon. Jinyoung Kim.
He was Rowoon’s father.
#
Mom, why can’t I have a dad?
It was a question that I brought up when I was young, when I was still immature. He might have been embarrassed by his young son’s young questions, but his mother, who was just as young, was not. Lee Yeon-ju laughed quietly. With a smile that no one could bear to find traces of tragedy, he quietly stroked Rowoon’s head.
— Because my mom likes Rowoon so much.
If my mom likes me so much, is there no dad?
– huh. My mom loves Rowoon so much, I didn’t make a dad because I wanted to take it all by myself. why? Does Rowoon wish he had a dad instead of a mom?
no? I can be a mother!
As he grew older, Rowoon couldn’t help but realize how absurd the answer Lee Yeon-joo gave him was. But age gave her the discernment to judge her lies, as well as the wisdom to understand the circumstances that forced her to lie, so Rowoon never asked her that question again. I couldn’t do it.
But that didn’t mean that Rowoon wasn’t curious about him. The curiosity about his father always remained in the corner of Rowoon’s heart.
Perhaps Lee Yeon-joo was thinking of telling Rowoon about him when he became an adult. But she never got that chance, and Rowoon’s coming to know her father ended up being her funeral.
It was crumpled here and there as if it had been picked up in a hurry, but it was somehow luxurious. A thick beard and messy hair that makes you want to go to a beauty salon.
“Yes, you are Rowoon…”
When dealing with Rowoon, he was in an atmosphere where he didn’t even know what kind of expression to make, what kind of voice to use, or what kind of tone to use. It was worth it. What should I say to my son, whom I have never spoken to in my entire life? Any nice words would sound impudent, and it was natural that he would not dare to be indifferent to it.
If there was one thing that Kim Jin-young was fortunate for, it was that Rowoon didn’t have any ill feelings toward him. It wasn’t that he didn’t have a crush on his father, who had abandoned him and never visited him, but Rowoon couldn’t help but feel that the man in front of him was his father.
In other words, it was a story that I didn’t really care about anything, not only hating but also not yearning.
Afterwards, Rowoon talked with him for a while. promised to provide support. Whether it’s tuition or living expenses, don’t worry about anything. Rowoon wasn’t rich enough to reject the offer, and he wasn’t in the mood for evil.
At that time, Rowoon was almost as good as a corpse. No matter what anyone says, honestly, I don’t care, I don’t care, I don’t even think about it. Seeing Rowoon like that, Kim Jinyoung seemed to feel even more apologetic, and it seemed that he didn’t have the courage to say anything more than that.
To be honest, it was more comfortable for Rowoon. He was old enough, but now he wasn’t free enough to build a bond with his father, whom he wasn’t very close with, from scratch. I had no time, and I had no desire to do so.
And it’s been a long time since I’ve been in a father-son relationship that I barely contacted like that. So, to be honest, Rowoon couldn’t help but feel quite awkward at this moment. In front of Rowoon’s dormitory building, Kim Jin-young looked around the building and opened his mouth.
“How is the dormitory?”
“are you okay.”
“Did you say you were alone in the room?”
“Yes, most of the California Conservatory is private.”
“I’m glad.”
Then again the awkward silence.
From noble mtl dot com
At this point, even Rowoon began to wonder why he had come this far. Was he just curious? I don’t think there’s too much contact on a regular basis for that kind of thing.
“Play, listen well. Rachmaninov’s Piano Concerto No. 2, Chopin and Liszt today.”
“······Ah yes.”
“Come to think of it, this was the first time I heard you play. So I was surprised. He was more like a musician than I expected. If I keep going like this, I will become a great pianist. I guarantee it.”
“······thank you.”
Perhaps it was the most awkward time Rowoon had ever had? Just as Kim Jin-young didn’t know how to treat Rowoon, Rowoon didn’t know how to treat him either. Kim Jinyoung seemed to feel that too. he laughed bitterly
“I’m not a very good father. No, I know very well that I’m lucky if I can be a bad father. However, I felt like I had to do something even now. I’m sorry if it’s too sudden…”
Jinyoung Kim blurted out. Looking at Jinyoung like that, Rowoon thought. Perhaps coming here now must have been quite courageous for a man who couldn’t even be this bad father. It wasn’t that it was touching or anything, but it wasn’t uncomfortable either. But, as always, it was difficult. Rowoon said quietly.
“I am grateful. Helping me with my life and coming like this. In fact, from my point of view, it would be ridiculous to stretch out as if I would not rely on it. But, I don’t know. I really don’t know. Will my mother say I can do that? As if nothing happened, should we just let the two of us live happily as father and son?”
“…”
Kim Jin-young did not answer Rowoon’s question. He did not know the answer, and even if he did, he was not qualified to speak.
So Rowoon had no choice but to sigh again. Rowoon had no more love or hatred for his father, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t hug him as if nothing had happened.
“Well, I guess that’s just how it is.”
Rowoon scratched his head.
“You came too late.”
＜ California Music Festival (19) ＞ End
＜ California Music Festival (20) ＞
“okay. It was late.”
Jinyoung Kim put on a bitter expression. He didn’t even know it was late. He didn’t know that he was not qualified to ask if he was doing enough as a father just by helping him with living expenses and school expenses.
“But just because it’s late, quitting is more like a handshake.”
“… I guess so.”
Rowoon also nodded meekly. It’s a different story than not being qualified to be a father and not being able to do it properly just because you’re not qualified.
Kim Jin-young is late, and that is why it is difficult for Rowoon to accept him as a family member. Nevertheless, Kim Jin-young must work hard. Even though you know you can’t get close, you have to try to get closer.
“did you eat?”
“no.”
“What do you want to eat?”
Rowoon hesitated. Even he himself doesn’t know what he was thinking about. Too many thoughts swept Rowoon like a wave in a very short moment.
Rowoon opened his mouth.
“pizza.”