“Do you believe the saying that smokers quit?”
“You’re pretending to be addicted even when you’re young.”
“I am not that young anymore. stand up If you smoke here, the smoke goes to you.”
“……I was sitting first?”
“Are you going to drink half of my beer and not do this?”
In the end, Jungwoo had no choice but to stand up. Rami picked up a cigarette and lit it. A cigarette got stuck in her finger holding the violin bow, and her makeup-less face brightened and darkened every time the light from the lighter sparkled.
After all, a cigarette doesn’t suit that hand,
Jungwoo thought for a moment, but as always, it was a voice that smokers couldn’t hear.
“Ha, I have to stop.”
“……If you can’t even quit, don’t even talk.”
“Hmm, maybe I should at least say something so I can quit someday?”
Rami giggled as she said that. Then, looking at Rowoon, he clicked his tongue.
“You are you too. I still have a lot of free time, but I still get sleepless and anxious when I am in front of the stage.”
“……Isn’t that you? There is such a saying in Korea. Talking to your in-laws, what does this mean…”
“Ah, okay. it’s okay. know. I’m not in a position to say this. I know.”
Under the yellow light of the street lamp, her red cheeks had a strange color to them. Jungwoo looked at Rami like that, then turned his gaze to the sky.
The US had a bigger moon than Korea. Maybe it’s not just big, maybe it’s another month. Otherwise, you can’t grow like that. I can’t look that pretty. Thinking so, Jungwoo said.
“It’s not just about the stage.”
“……Then is it because of Rowoon?”
“I wish I knew.”
“Well, I thought I could. The same Korean, the same pianist, even though I’m one younger… aren’t we going really well? It is shocking that it has not been properly known to the Korean media yet.”
“That would be a matter of time. Information about Korean reporters is slow. It’s nothing new.”
“Anyway, I just wanted to be conscious. Even me, the violinist, was annoyed by something.”
“Are you annoyed?”
“I always get annoyed when I see musicians who have something I don’t have. Whoever the opponent is.”
Rami said that and then inhaled a cigarette. Cigarette smoke drifted slowly between her nostrils and lips.
“I want to play like that, but even if it’s not a better performance than mine, but simply a different performance, I want to gather all the advantages that can exist in a performance and make it my own, but if I feel that it’s difficult right now… I’m so annoyed I can’t stand it. That’s why I practice more.”
“……Actually, all domestic musicians are like that.”
Rami giggled at Jungwoo’s self-deprecating joke. Then, probably because of the cigarette smoke, he started coughing very violently. It was so painful that Jung-woo was taken aback for a moment.
“Gwa, are you okay?”
“Ku, cool……. It’s okay, it’s okay. Ugh, ugh… that’s tough.”
“I told you to stop doing that. cigarette.”
“Isn’t this kind of common? Big, big, big……”
Rami took a slow breath. And soon, as if he had calmed down, he continued talking in a cracked voice somewhere.
“Anyway, to say the least, there is competition all the time in Korea. No, in fact, ranking games in competitions are the same in the world, but it’s a town that says it’s meaningless if you don’t get first place anyway. We grew up in a place like that, so how can we collaborate with other musicians next to us? I would rather fight.”
“But, well, I don’t really want to talk about that system right now…”
“What is different about me? It’s just like that. It’s just natural for us to feel competitive with everyone in the world. And, maybe that’s why I’ve crawled all the way up here.”
Rami put another cigarette in her mouth.
“Just show me. How do these idiots play? I always showed…”
It seems like he wants to burn away his weakness along with cigarettes.
“It will be the same tomorrow.”
#
“Yo, Ron!”
“Hey, I saw the stage yesterday. Did you kill him?”
“Will you join our club?”
“There will be an after-party house party this weekend, come over, okay?”
After the Raccoon stage ended, Rowoon’s popularity definitely increased to an incomparable level. If it was just a part of watching Rowoon’s stage in the past, now that the majority of conservatory students watched his stage, it was a natural change.
“How does it feel to suddenly become famous?”
“……Looks like you’re wearing clothes that don’t fit your body.”
“Then grow up. Star players always have to live like this.”
Heather shrugged. Chris said, sticking out his fist at Rowoon.
“Are you going to school soon?”
Rowoon smiled and slammed his fist into that fist.
“Don’t give a damn.”
Wherever Rowoon went, the students gave him pretty friendly looks. No, it wasn’t just for students. Anyone can see that ordinary people who came to enjoy the music festival often recognized Rowoon and greeted him. And there were people like this among them.
“Oh, Rowoon! Aren’t you Rowoon?”
It was a middle-aged Caucasian couple who looked a little older. When they saw Rowoon, they walked as if they were running and held onto his hand. Ever since I watched the performance video of the LA Competition, I have been liking Rowoon’s performance. And I came to appreciate the raccoon stage this time. It was a good performance, and I’m rooting for it.
To put it simply, they were fans of Rowoon. Alice and other schoolmates could be fans if they were fans of Rowoon in a way, but it was the first time they met through a purely fan-musician relationship without any other relationship…
‘Actually, for that person… no, I played for him.’
Whoever the subject of the letter was, the content itself was good, so it seems that they did it.
After the stage ended, Kim Jin-young did not appear in front of Rowoon. There were no texts or calls. Rowoon took that to mean that Kim Jinyoung properly understood Rowoon’s letter. Because I came to understand and respect his sadness, loneliness, and wounds, it must have been something that could not have appeared so easily.
‘It’s not that I don’t understand you.’
I understand everything about Kim Jin-young’s hesitation, his greed, and his not being able to welcome Rowoon.
But motives are not an excuse for all sins.
Kim Jin-young must pay for his crimes. The wound that Rowoon had to bear and bear was too deep for him to hug him generously like Jesus, saying that he would just forgive you now.
‘someday.’
Rowoon stopped thinking there. I wanted to focus on his life now. You could say I was irresponsibly putting things off, but I wanted to be irresponsible, at least for now. Kim Jin-young put off his responsibilities for nearly 20 years, so there is no law against him just because he is Rowoon.
‘For now, let’s focus on Jungwoo hyung’s stage.’
To be honest, the performance Rowoon wanted to hear the most was Jungwoo’s. Not surprisingly, his playing had a more delicate and dreamy quality than Heather’s. Just as Bach felt the flow of music three-dimensionally, Jung-woo also felt something more multi-dimensional in his performance.
‘…… Now I can only sympathize with other musicians for the songs I have obtained a performance log for…’
If you put your mind to it, you might be able to make some of Jungwoo’s performances his own. No, it’s not just Jungwoo’s. Heather’s things, Han Seok-hoon’s things, even Lang Lang’s and Horowitz’s things…
But today is the time to appreciate Jungwoo’s performance as it is. In fact, the other day, when Jungwoo played with Rowoon and Rami in front of him, he had already fully grasped what his performance was like, but his performance on stage would inevitably be qualitatively different from that time.
‘Concentration.’
As much as Kim Jin-young caused a big stir in Rowoon’s life, Rowoon wanted to focus on Jungwoo’s stage now. In fact, for Rowoon now, the stage has no choice but to be much more attractive than before. No matter what stage, Rowoon is now able to make it his own.
‘…… First of all, preparation.’
Rowoon quietly operated the Walkman in his pocket and pressed the record button. I was ready to accept Jungwoo. Rowoon looked at the stage with subtle excitement,
Jungwoo came up.
＜ California Music Festival (26) ＞ End
＜ California Music Festival (27) ＞
“…….”
Rowoon clenched his fists.
know. Jungwoo has now overcome his stage fright. Isn’t it possible to come to this place because I have already successfully completed a solo recital?
But that wasn’t the only thing Rowoon knew. I knew that fear was something I couldn’t completely overcome. It’s something you have to keep fighting for. Rowoon, who is on the rise right now, is always worried that he will fall.
— Rowoon, what is stage fright?
Jungwoo had asked such a question before.
From noble mtl dot com
— Why are we afraid of the stage? not ready? No, the stage was always scary whether I was ready or not.
— Then why are you afraid?
afraid to make a mistake I’m afraid I won’t be able to show you all I have. So maybe that’s scary?
At Rowoon’s answer, Jungwoo thought for a moment and nodded.
– okay. That’s right. But why are mistakes so scary, and why is it so scary not to show everything you have?
Um… Maybe I could do better, but maybe it’s because people don’t recognize it.
– huh. yes.
— Because I want to be recognized more.
— Probably because I want to be loved more.
Somehow, when Jungwoo said that, Rowoon got the idea that he wasn’t just talking about the public. Maybe those eyes are chasing Rowoon’s teacher, Han Seok-hoon.
They said that there is no father-son relationship without drama, and they did just that.
— I guess I still want to be loved. Rowoon.
Jungwoo said so.
— That’s why I’m still scared of the stage.
Then, the pianist, who was afraid of the stage, sat down in front of the piano.
Jungwoo was wiping his hands with a handkerchief. He hadn’t even started playing yet, but his hands were already sweating.