56 – Escape 6 –
The angel’s face stiffened as she listened to my words.
And her frozen expression turned from confusion to anger.
From anger to doubt.
And from doubt to fear.
The confusion to understand the truth in my words.
Anger with a hint of mockery.
Doubt, just in case.
Finally, the fear of not knowing if it’s real.
Perhaps because I have never had a conversation with other beings for thousands of years.
“I didn’t even think about hiding my expression.”
“Don’t talk nonsense. The heavenly gods have confined you here after escaping the restraints of the heavens.”
“If this isn’t abandonment, then there’s no other way to explain it. How can that be possible?”
“In the end, you admit it. The heavens have forsaken you.”
“Are you mocking me? Did you deliberately undermine to get such acknowledgment?”
“It’s not really undermining. Because, in the end, nothing has changed. Let me put it simply: the heavens never abandoned you. You escaped from the heavens yourself.”
That was not incorrect. The heavens had never forsaken an angel. She had simply forfeited her own status.
“Do you know why you thought the heavens had abandoned you? If not, you wouldn’t have been able to bear it.”
“Don’t talk nonsense. Why would I ever think like that?”
“If the subconscious could be controlled, it wouldn’t be called the subconscious. And even if it could be controlled, you can’t control the subconscious.”
“From the moment it’s controlled, it’s no longer the subconscious.”
“What are you trying to say?”
“The one who escaped was you, even if it was under the name of the heavens. So, you want to say that you’re exceptional because you succeeded in escaping, right?”
“Accomplishing what no one else has. It’s an extraordinary achievement beyond words.”
“That’s sophistry. Doing something no one else has done is impressive? Someone must have been the first to engage in homos*xuality, and they’ve done something no one else has, so are they a great figure who overcame their innate s*xual attraction to the opposite gender?”
“You’re trying to equate the incomparable. You’re spewing nonsense.”
The angel started to get angry. But I had to press on. An angel who had been alone for millennia, and the fixed beliefs formed during that long period. I had to break through them in my own way.
“Thinking about it, there are many issues. Many things in the memories you showed me remain unexplained.”
I knew all the truths because I had seen the WFS. And there were things that couldn’t be explained by the way the angel had presented them.
“Why didn’t you ask to recreate the restraints? Why didn’t you return under the heavens?”
“The heavenly gods—”
“I hope not to resort to such common excuses of being that kind of person. I know well that I’m not that kind of deity. You’re not going to stubbornly insist otherwise, right? You said you came here of your own volition?”
I understand the divine.
It’s because I saw through the WFS.
Looking back now, was that game something created by a deity?
Or perhaps, something substantial enough for the creators to fashion this place, I’m not entirely sure.
But I saw the divine.
And I know well that such an existence wouldn’t be like that.
“You were thinking like this in your mind. You didn’t want to follow only the divine’s will again.
So, you didn’t want to acknowledge the fact of giving that up and going under the divine’s wing.”
Though angels live for a long time.
The reason people consider them wiser for their longevity is due to their vast experience and knowledge.
Simply put, if one hasn’t accumulated much experience.
An individual who has lived for ten years could be lacking in wisdom.
“You wouldn’t have known. Of course not. Who would have taught you? There likely wasn’t a subject to learn from for tens of thousands of years.”
I thought I was discarded.
But I wasn’t discarded; I departed.
Yet, I rationalized it as being discarded.
Because I didn’t know.
“Even if you entrusted your thoughts, your memories didn’t vanish. Your experiences as an angel operated as anxiety towards the new.”
Angels were anxious about new things.
But they anticipated them equally.
However, bound by constraints, they couldn’t comprehend the emotion of excitement.
The divine is the creator of this world.
They weren’t an entity capable of feeling excitement.
Hence, angels felt more fear than excitement.
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They rationalized to diminish fear while ignoring their emotions.
The divine abandoned themselves.
To transform fear into hatred.
And felt superiority.
To justify hatred, they had to consider themselves special and miserable.
To flaunt in such a pitiful situation, one had to become a great figure who resisted injustice.
Of course, that’s a distant story to me. After all, I am not a sage who has realized something profound, but merely reading a WFS report.
“Stop it…”
“Why, you ask? It seems like you’ve lived alone for a long time. You, who are not an angel, are nothing. You have no social status or racial characteristics.
The reason humans feared angels is that they were messengers of God. Why should we respect you, who are not a messenger of God?”
“Stop it,” was the response.
“So, please tell me a valid reason. If your argument seems strange, attack the argument. If there’s a reason I should stop, please tell me.
At least say it’s because you feel bad about it, even if it’s just an excuse. It may sound petty, but that’s also a reason, right?”
“Stop it, will you…?”
“Oh, and by the way, don’t be too upset. Even among humans, mistaking their own authority for their rightful authority is quite common.
After retiring from high office, they come to realize it.”
“Stop it…”
“Shall I say it one last time? Even if you’re called an angel, your achievements are similar to the first person in history to eat a pufferfish to survive. There was no need to do it, but it’s something that can’t be done easily.
So, is that why this happened? If you really are great, then this prison…”
“Didn’t I tell you to stop!!!!”
Even if you’re called an angel, there are limits. No matter how skilled you are, eventually your patience can run out.
The reason angels have deep patience is that it’s due to the nature of their leash. From the perspective of the divine, no matter what actions they take, it’s ultimately meaningless.
If they wish, they can return to a handful of dust at any time.
The angel draws a sword from the void.
In the slightly transparent space, the distortion takes the form of a sword.
Though it’s transparent, for some reason, there was a dark shadow. The deep shadow on the edge clearly defined the sword.
It can certainly be said that it’s not an ordinary sword, but a familiar one.
The sword of the heavens, the celestial sword.
The reason I came here.
The angel unsheathed her sword,
And pointed it at me.
[In the dimension of caring for you, I forgave impoliteness, but you must also know that there should be limits.
Did you think you could defeat me just because your rank is high?]
I didn’t respond to her words.
There was no need to.
After entering this dimension, our opinions crossed paths for the first time.
Both of us could understand what we desired.
[Come. Salvation is in my hands.]
Behind her, enormous wings unfurled.
Six on each side, a total of twelve wings.
In her right hand, with six pairs of wings spread, was the celestial sword.
In her left hand, the shield given to all angels for use.
Above her head, a radiant halo confirmed her angelic nature.
The energy emanating from her was the divine power, the sanctity.
After a series of preparations,
She was ready to charge at me.
And then, suddenly,
Her sword surged towards me.
I couldn’t avoid it.
After all, I was an angel bestowed with the heavenly sword.
Even though most of us perished in the battle against the demons,
I am currently one of the most powerful angels.
Although I cannot interfere in the mortal realm without the help of the heavens,
This is the surreal realm.
Here, I can fully display my strength.
But even though I do not value my life much,
I prefer not to leave without leaving anything behind.
There is always a way for me.
“Can it really be done?”
The angel did not hesitate to approach me, nor did she hesitate to answer my question. I could not find any hesitation in her gaze. However, hesitation is something that doesn’t exist before it occurs. If there is something to hesitate about, one starts hesitating without a care. That is the nature of a sentient being. I had such thoughts, and I yearned for the sincerity of the angel.
“Wouldn’t the reason you didn’t go back be the opposite of what you just said?”
With those words, the angel’s sword, held in her hand, stopped. The angel herself also had an expression of not knowing why she had stopped. Momentarily startled, the angel was perplexed by her own appearance and intended to continue her action of striking me. That’s when I spoke again, in order to stimulate her sincerity once more.
“That’s not what you truly desire, right? Becoming an angel again, returning to being a celestial being. That’s not what you genuinely wish for.”
[What…do you mean…]
“You don’t know yourself. It’s not strange. How many people truly know themselves accurately?”
The angel doesn’t know about herself. She has lived for a long time, but she only acted according to the will of the heavens without having a sense of self. After breaking away from the heavens, she stayed on this earth for a long time.
“You are a sentient being with emotions and desires. That’s why there must be a reason behind your actions. But it’s strange, isn’t it? Why didn’t you even consider going back?”
Even though there was a possibility of returning.
She didn’t attempt it.
Even though she had shed her restraints.
“As an angel, perhaps it’s because it’s not what God wanted, but you have already moved away from God back then. Was it because of arrogance? Were you arrogant when the power of the heavenly sword was taken away? No. You have a different wish.”
Because…
“You merely admired the intellect of beings on Earth.”
The angel lived without freedom. But she knew more about freedom than anyone else.
Not moving according to the will of the heavens.
She had seen countless beings who found their own path.
No one else knew.
Not even herself.
But I know as much as the heavens and WFS.
What emotions she harbored.
“In the distant past, you were given the Celestial Sword and couldn’t contain your joy. You were pure until then. You admit that, right?”
[…]
“It’s strange. You were given the Celestial Sword not because you were special, but because all the angels superior to you had died.
You knew that better than anyone else. And even until just before being trapped here, you were not arrogant. Why did you change like that? Isn’t the reason obvious?”
[What…do you mean…]
“You could have gone back. But you didn’t. You weren’t arrogant. So, there’s only one reason.
You didn’t want to leave and couldn’t find a reason why. That’s why you decided it was arrogance. I didn’t want to become an angel again because I’m special! That’s what you thought because of this reason.”
[Just by my thoughts, can I change like that?…]
“Is there a reason not to change? The reason why the origin of a life form changes is because of the will of that life form, right?”
[Even if it’s like that, it doesn’t make sense. Why would…I admire beings of intellect…]
She asked me for the truth.
The tower of false rationalization she had built for thousands of years.
Collapsed in just a few minutes because of me.
No matter how many falsehoods there were, they were nothing in the face of truth.
She must have known that unconsciously as well.
The problem was that there was not enough experience to bring the unconscious to the level of consciousness.
“The self remains, but because we share emotions and sensations…we can’t perceive it when we are synchronized. But after we break free, there are parts that can’t be understood.
Why did I make this choice? Why did I have these thoughts? Thoughts like this must have started to occur.”
[Because the heavens…do not share all memories…]
“Doubt calls curiosity, and curiosity calls action. And through action, the image seen is more terrible than expected.”
[My life has been denied. Humans have betrayed the heavens without a care.]
“So instinctively, you must have felt disgusted. But you couldn’t truly detest it.”
[Why…?]
“Because eventually you also escaped with them. At the time, before your personality was distorted, even more so.”
“I see…”
“Empathy breeds homogeneity. Homogeneity creates familiarity. If familiarity is established but cannot be realized… that emotion becomes longing.”
“Is it because I wanted to become human?”
“Not human, but freedom. I wanted freedom of thought as well. Angels ultimately lack freedom of thought. No matter how moderate the method may be, it still imposes restrictions on their thinking.”
“Why did I… for such a long time…”
“It’s normal. Humans who realize without being taught are special. If that happens, it’s truly fine to be arrogant. It means being a genius.”
The angel was being convinced by my words.
Realizing after thousands of years.
What she had hoped for in her heart for thousands of years.
And that anticipation was about to be fulfilled.
I told her, who held such anticipation.
Now is the time to leave.
“Now is the time to escape from this land. From the land in the north.”
“Can I… really go out?”
“You could have left anytime. You just didn’t notice because you were fixated on one thing.”
“I have no idea what it is…”
The angel muttered that she didn’t know.
Naturally, not knowing was expected.
But from my perspective, knowing the answer, this space was filled with questions.
Why didn’t the heavens kill this angel?
Why did they stop at confinement, even after committing the great crime of betrayal?
Confinement holds strong connotations of penance.
But this angel has no reason to repent.
If they truly wanted to correct her, they could have just taken away her power and imposed restrictions again.
So why did the heavens place her here?
“Isn’t it strange? Many people have come to this place, so why couldn’t you escape? Have you never had any doubts?”
“Of course not. I am a guardian angel. Angels are beings of the sky.
That is why they cannot escape the contradictory space of heaven and earth. Humans are not bound, so they were able to leave.”
It’s true.
Angels are beings of the heavens.
This contradictory space confines angels within itself by the mere fact of their existence.
But on the other hand.
If you’re not an angel, it means you can leave.
“Well then, it’s simple. Just escape from being an angel.”
[Are you telling me to change my race…? But that’s impossible. There is no way to change one’s race.]
There is no way to change one’s race.
But there is a misconception.
It is possible to change one’s race.
Only angels and demons.
“Angels are impossible.”
[All races are impossible.]
“No, ‘angels’ are impossible. But you are not an ‘angel’ anymore, are you? So it’s possible. Because you are no longer an angel.”
[What is this…!]
The angel said that she couldn’t understand.
But if she thinks a little bit, there is an answer.
Gods exert their power through concepts.
Therefore, the flaw in language is the weakness of divine power.
Therefore, angels can become another race.
By utilizing the flaw in God’s power.
“As a race, being an angel is correct. But when we refer to you as an angel, we don’t mean it as a race.”
[No way…!]
“An angel is a representative of God, a being that proclaims the will of God. If we look at it from that perspective, you are not an angel anymore. So it is possible. Because you are no longer an angel.
You are not an angel anymore. So you should be able to escape. But why can’t you? What is implying that you are still an angel?”
All the answers were thrown at her.
If she didn’t know this, then she wouldn’t be called an angel but rather something else entirely.
Luckily, she was not a celestial being.
She immediately looked at what she held in her hand.
The proof that she was once an angel.
“Please give me that sword. Then you will no longer be an angel. Although only the shell remains, and it can only fulfill its original purpose as a weapon, its symbolism is significant.”
The celestial sword was given to the celestial being, the ‘angel,’ who was most cherished by the celestial deity.
Therefore, as long as the celestial sword exists, one can only be an angel.
If the celestial deity wished, they could create restraints and bind the angel.
They could even kill the angel altogether.
However, the celestial deity chose to leave her be.
Because she was no longer an angel.
Having broken free from the restraints, she was no longer an angel.
She was told to give up being an angel and live on as a human.
And that realization was her punishment.
“Become human. You did not have a name, right? So, I will give you one. If you accept this proposal, you will no longer be an angel.”
If at any point she expressed a desire to become an angel again.
The celestial deity would have taken away her identity and made her into an angel once more.
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But she refused.
Because she longed for freedom.
The celestial deity despised sins.
But it was not freedom that they despised.
[I will allow it.]
She no longer defied.
Because she was no longer the representative of a god. She was no longer an angel.
She was merely a sentient being wandering this world, free.
“You are Petroel. You can choose your own name. Normally, others give you a name.”
I pronounced her name just as the NPC from WFS had given it to her.
Petroel. The angel who should have lived in the heavens will now descend to the earth and live with us.