77 – Chapter 77 – The Fourth Encounter with Wood –
I had this thought when I was young.
The thought that my face might look different in reality.
A person cannot see their own face in reality.
We can only see it indirectly through mirrors or photographs.
There are hardly any people who have seen their own face directly without going through something.
So when I was young, I had this perception of my face.
That maybe it was not actually the way it looked.
I say this for a simple reason.
Because there is no guarantee that it is my soul.
Just like with a face, there is no living being that can see their own soul.
So, there is no way to know how my own soul looks.
One should not believe it blindly.
“Of course, it’s not like I realized that when I was young.”
Having only that fact makes it insufficient to doubt.
But due to my unique characteristics, I can know that that being is not ‘me.’
An element that must be present in ‘me.’
Because it was missing.
“I don’t know what you are, but isn’t it too obvious? Just by reading it roughly, it’s clear that you don’t look normal.”
I pride myself on being normal.
But others define me as a crazy person.
But I am a normal person.
Just as it is normal for a normal person to avoid an experience of death.
If a normal person experiences the same thing as me, they would become like me.
After living in reality for 27 years, I was reborn into a fantasy world.
If I lived there in a different status for 17 years.
How many people would show a different side from me?
“I had my honor denied, my status denied, my self denied. Of course, I’m okay now. But it wasn’t like that before.”
The social atmosphere here is different from reality.
If there is a reason, murder is justified without hesitation.
The gap in status is a given.
Everything I maintained in Korean society for 27 years was meaningless here.
Sometimes people say things like “I’ll kill you.”
That’s a statement from someone who doesn’t know.
I thought the same.
“When I first killed someone… Even though I knew that the person would go to the afterlife, it was difficult and for a month, I was melancholic.
I felt a terrible sensation. I didn’t like it. Guilt surrounded me and imprisoned me. But do you know that?”
There was a moment of silence.
“No matter how vivid the reality was, the further you go back in time, the memories gradually sink into the depths. They become merely experiences and memories.”
I don’t know what that existence is trying to say.
I don’t know why I ended up here.
What is certain, is that it’s not me.
I am myself.
Whether it’s me from South Korea or me from the Helium Empire.
I am myself.
That’s how I defined it.
“So, I am not a special person, just an ordinary person.
I’m closer to a pitiful soldier trembling in fear in war than a great soldier who stands tall in battle.”
Although my experience of rebirth may be special.
As a human being, I am not that special.
Of course, I didn’t belong to the ordinary category even in Korea.
However, that is in terms of ability.
In terms of my personality, I was at least ordinary.
Only my older brother and sister-in-law died in an accident.
My parents weren’t in good health, so I took on the responsibility of raising my nephew.
And in the midst of it all, I got cancer.
After making a promise to my nephew, I lived on until my rebirth.
Such experiences are indeed unique.
“s*xual assault may not be common, but it’s not unusual for the victims to express their pain. Special experiences lead to unique tendencies, not because the subject is peculiar, but because of the extraordinary experiences they’ve had. It’s not inherent from birth.”
So if this existence records everything about my experiences and more, it should represent the background, experiences, talents, and my soul that shaped my beliefs.
There must surely exist a record of my life lived in an ordinary manner.
“You can’t not be me. Just by looking at your life here, you’ve been a unique being from the moment you were born.”
Excluding the 27 years of my life in South Korea.
If we only consider my life as Abroxas Menthutihohtep in the Helium Empire.
I am indeed an extraordinary being.
As the son of a posthumous author.
I was intelligent and quick-witted from a young age.
I acted like a genius, even without formal education.
Gradually, I did crazy things.
Behaved strangely without a care.
Committed reckless acts that no ordinary person would.
Considering all of this, I am an exceptionally unique and extraordinary individual.
But when I think about the fact that I lived in a different dimension for 27 years, it’s not really that unique or special.
Just as soldiers returning from war experience PTSD.
I, too, am a natural phenomenon.
I got lung cancer.
For a while, I clung to hope, but as the pain and the diminishing chances took over, I eventually gave up on life.
Once I gave up on life, I realized that giving up is the most regrettable part until you actually do it.
There is no lingering attachment after giving up.
That’s why I have no lingering attachment to life.
Because I had already sorted out my heart.
But that wasn’t the only problem.
Everything I had lived for 27 years was invalidated.
The name my parents gave me.
The premise that humans are equal.
The human rights that claim human life is precious.
The helplessness that one could die at any moment.
As a human who had lived where all of these things did not exist,
What thoughts would one have if they were to be born again in this land and experience them without any special measures?
That’s why everything has lost its meaning for me.
From Noble mtl dot com
The values I pursue now, as well as the values that the people here pursue,
Whether it’s the past or the future, they will hold no significance in another dimension.
In medieval times, it was natural to risk one’s life for honor,
But now, it is not strange to lament and endure hardships for one’s own survival.
Therefore, amidst a mindset where evaluations change at any moment,
I have decided to uphold the values that I pass on to just one person.
“I will leave a trace in this world.”
That is why I am living like this.
“…”
The soul did not speak a word.
The more I looked at the soul, the more discomfort I felt.
Every record was special.
It was not the wounded me, but the cheerful me who would get up without a care even after failing, that was carried by that soul.
But that is not me.
Just an existence that has become too familiar with pain and can laugh even in agony.
That is me.
“…”
I do not know why I revealed everything.
I simply wanted to speak it out.
I wanted to be acknowledged.
Maybe it was because no one was watching.
This is something I can’t tell anyone.
“Oh… come to think of it… now there’s one more.”
Alice Tantalota. The second princess of the Helium Empire.
She knows that I’ve been reborn.
“It’s rather indifferent… is there a need to talk about it…?”
I thought I would die, so I revealed all my secrets.
That’s how she became the one who knows all my secrets.
“If we meet again next time… and you’re curious again…”
I decided I would tell her what happened.
“I’ll tell you then.”
Did the soul stop imitating me?
It started using formal language.
“Who are you?”
There was a question before that.
What exactly is this presence?
Is it something that can appear even in a normal state?
Or did something go wrong, and this presence emerged because of it?
“This is the world of the mind. But it’s not your mind. The way Daechensal teaches you is not about falling asleep, it’s a way to temporarily summon you here.
It’s just that the world of the mind is a different law for everyone, and you just didn’t realize it.”
“So, are you telling me this only?”
“It’s not really a secret. No one else wanted it.”
The soul seemed to have something to say as it continued to speak.
“This is a lake. And I am the spirit of that lake. Don’t think that this place is special.
In the world of the mind, the physical body cannot come, so only the soul can be present.”
“I see. Since I can’t see my own appearance, I just don’t recognize it. Right now, my appearance must be my soul.”
“Okay.”
“Then why did you come out? If that’s the case, there still exist things that haven’t been explained.”
“You might not know, but you have a boundary in your soul. So, if I understand correctly, you would separate those two things and think about them while living two lives.
However, that boundary is something that generally cannot exist. That’s why I simply imitated you.”
“Why?”
“The fact that a boundary has been created means that you could have entered here with a body. I just pretended to be you and watched over the situation.
The reason for hiding was to show the most natural scenery.”
Indeed.
If matter enters the imaginary world, problems could arise.
Of course, since there is hardly any information about the imaginary world from WFS, there isn’t much to say.
“There is no way to see oneself. Therefore, mortal beings rely on others, but it is not very helpful in finding themselves.”
“That’s true, but why are you suddenly saying that?”
“When I saw your soul, it reminded me of advice to give. Transcending dimensions. That is something the gods allowed.”
What nonsense.
What advice could you possibly give me?
Either teach me how to see souls or let me see my own soul directly.
That’s why I said it.
“You didn’t even mention what my purpose is.”
“I am a spirit. And this place is imaginary. Couldn’t you recognize the mark bestowed upon you?”
“Well… that’s true… but what do you call this? I won’t do anything strange, though.”
“It doesn’t matter. It will be stories about your treatment.”
Treatment? What is that?
“You came here through the Great Heavens’ Sacrifice, right? And you probably offered your body to it.”
“That’s correct.”
“Have you thought about the method?”
“The creation of the Celestial Kingdom, the fruit of the World Tree, and a 1,500-year-old retired dwarf. These three should be enough, right?”
I have made it with just those three in WFS before.
That’s right. But just because it’s possible doesn’t mean it’s allowed.
So, what does that mean?
It means that it cannot be made within the given time.
“Is that so?”
At WFS, it was portrayed as completed in no time.
“To create a proper physical body, you need something more than the World Tree’s fruit.”
“Are you suggesting speeding up time?”
“That’s correct.”
Time can be long, or it might take just a month or two.
However, there was no harm in listening.
“Before anything else, you need to learn how to see souls. In your case, you were fortunate to grasp the differentiation method, but you don’t know the details. So, that’s the first thing you should learn.”
What are you saying?
It seems like spirits have a different way of thinking than humans.
Someone once said that what annoys people the most is speaking without end.
They sure know how to get on people’s nerves.
But I still had one lingering question.
No one offers one-sided kindness. So why is this happening?
“But who are you to be so kind to me like this?”
“I am a spirit, another kind of deity. It’s natural for me to help you, as the son of a god.”
Was that the setup?
Why was I not aware of it?
The spirit refrained from commenting.
“Typically, it’s best to awaken gradually in this world, but I will teach you directly.”
The unusually benevolent spirit approached me without any prior agreement.
“Accept it.”
Unknown knowledge began entering my mind.
Well, it’s a spirit, so it doesn’t really care about manners.
I haven’t encountered spirits like this so far.
I accepted the knowledge, thinking that spirits, too, have their unique characteristics.
—-
“Hmm. You seem to be doing well. Chuckles.”
Yggdrasil murmured while looking at Abraxas, who had a relaxed expression.
He was called the Grand Slaughterer during his lifetime.
A man known as the Malevolent Spirit after his death.
He was very pleased with the visitor who had come after a long time.
“All those who have come before have said strange things like justice and whatnot. hehehe. Do they even know that their ancestors were beasts?”
As someone who had lived in a world with the System of Continuous Combos.
His thoughts were influenced by the system.
From his perspective (by modern standards), they were descendants of the humans from the prehistoric era who had committed numerous atrocities.
It annoyed him that those who considered themselves blameless.
“But this guy doesn’t have that kind of talk. He’s just someone who acts as he pleases… hehehe.”
That’s why he liked Ainz who didn’t care about committing evil or doing good.
Ainz valued leaving behind traces, which was why he committed evil acts.
“Can you truly surpass the limit of martial prowess?”
Ainz, who was so powerful that he was called the Grand Slaughterer.
And the legendary knight who defeated him. Herohero.
Ainz was expecting great things as he observed Ainz who continued to show potential.
“If my disciple can defeat you… wouldn’t it be the same as me winning? hehehe.”
Ainz had high expectations for him.