117 – In the midst of anxiety
So Gale, accompanied by some of his vassals, set out for Whitewood with a troop of soldiers.
At the same time, Edgar tried to have a serious talk in the room with Ariel, who had barely been torn up and left in the castle.
With her head bowed down, she was lost in a daze like someone suffering from an incurable disease, but came to her senses belatedly when he returned from fetching water for a while.
Edgar first handed over the apple.
It may have been for her sake and for the Loveheim family, but it was true that he ignored Ariel’s will.
“I’m sorry, Ariel. I couldn’t help it.”
“… No, I must be crazy. To think that even I would go to Whitewood under that circumstance. Besides, he even yells at you… … .”
Ariel couldn’t even raise her head and apologized, saying she was sorry.
As long as Yulken is not there, she must protect this place.
Nevertheless, he lost his cool at the unexpected news and almost made the worst possible move.
In addition to that, he even yelled at the advice of his lover, who was more calmly aware of the situation than anyone else.
At this rate, I wondered if I had lost both my qualifications as the next head of household and my qualifications as his lover.
The feeling of contempt for himself made his teeth tremble.
“If I were in your position, I would have said the same thing. Of course, I’m always grateful to Her Highness and Lady Helene, but even so, it’s the third party after all.”
This is the reason why people around you can grasp the situation more calmly and give plausible advice when someone consults about their worries.
There may be differences according to each person’s mental strength, but most people have already gone blank in their heads or clouded their judgment at that point when they have experienced an incident or accident.
That’s why a third person wanders without grasping even the seemingly obvious perspective.
Edgar considered the situation to be just such a moment.
Even if he thinks of Amman Yulken and Helen as benefactors, in the end he is not their family or anything.
To put it a little coldly, it’s just a stranger.
That’s why, even when Yulken said something might have happened, he was able to calmly grasp the situation and stop Ariel.
If each other’s position had changed, Edgar would not have been very different.
So Edgar couldn’t accept Ariel’s apology.
No, more precisely, it did not require an apology.
What happened just a moment ago is just a gap created by the difference in position between each other.
“First, drink water. Sir Gale has already departed, so all you have to do is gather your mind and prepare for what’s next.”
“… It always bothers you.”
Ariel’s self-deprecating murmur.
If Edgar was normal, he would have added a word to this, asking if he knew now, but he knew that saying such a thing at a time like this would only add to the burden on her heart.
“What kind of lungs are this much? It’s okay, so get up.”
That’s why he handled it gracefully by passing it off moderately with a laugh, and he held out a cup of water he had brought and stood her up.
“What about Shuri?”
“I told you to stay outside for a while. And it might be a bit heavy news for you… The news must have reached Madame Helene’s ears.”
“I can’t help it. As long as things turned out like this, it was something that would eventually be known.”
Ariel added that she was more worried about her mother than herself, but Edgar thought differently.
Of course, he may have been shocked, but unlike Ariel, Helene was the one who watched Yulken from the side all the time when he was wandering around the battlefield.
In other words, it means that her husband must have prepared dozens of times before leaving for the battlefield.
So, it was highly likely that she would have received less of a shock to the extent that she couldn’t even properly take care of herself like Ariel by now.
‘Still, I’ll have to visit.’
Even if you pretend to be as nonchalant as possible because you don’t want to cause trouble to the people around you, you can’t be without a shock anyway.
So, Edgar thought that he would calm down Ariel and find Helene’s place by tomorrow morning at the latest.
Above all, there was something Yulken asked for before he left.
It would be right to visit him even to fulfill his duty.
‘Before that, I’ll have to put Ariel to bed first.’
Now that Gale has left for Whitewood, Ariel has nothing more to do.
In a way, it could be seen that she had left her hand, so even if she put her mind to sleep, there was no proper way to come out.
Then, Edgar thought, it would be better to get some sleep and talk with the vassals tomorrow in a clearer spirit.
“Ariel, it’s a bit early, but let’s get some sleep. Now that Sir Gale is gone, you can put your mind at ease.”
“Will I be able to fall asleep in this situation… … ?”
“Well, you should try. Or should I sing you a lullaby?”
Ariel’s eyes brightened for a moment as Edgar joked to lighten the mood.
Even though I’m not at the age to fall asleep with a lullaby, it’s because I’ve come up with a way to fall asleep somehow.
“Ed.”
“Why? Can you bring me more water?”
“Ugh, that’s not it… … .”
Perhaps because of her psychological insecurity, her tone was somewhat slurred, uncharacteristic of her.
In response, Edgar stroked Ariel’s hair to reassure Ariel and encouraged her to speak slowly.
“Just one day… Can’t we hang out together often?”
“… uh?”
Feeling so weak, the princess shyly asked for bed.
* * * * * * *
The lights were turned off and the two lay down on the bed with their backs to each other.
Ariel was wearing rather comfortable clothes, but Edgar was wearing the same clothes as before, with the intention of sneaking up in the middle.
In response, Ariel asked why she didn’t change her clothes, but Edgar couldn’t say it honestly.
I just act moderately and deal with it so that Ariel doesn’t notice.
“… Ed, how are you?”
“no.”
Edgar replied in a low voice to Ariel’s question coming from the darkness.
I couldn’t fall asleep properly in this situation, and I couldn’t fall asleep because I planned to wake up a little later.
“How long has it been since we slept together?”
“Somehow the expression is strange.”
After all, since we are childhood friends, there have been times when we used to play together when we were young, then come back and roll on the bed to take a nap or spend the night.
Ariel must have said it while recalling that time, but to Edgar, it felt somehow obscene.
Or maybe it sounded like that because of the evil thoughts creeping up in his mind.
“Without saying anything wrong. We used to sleep together like this when we were young.”
“… It doesn’t.”
Edgar immediately nodded in agreement with Ariel’s calm reply.
I fell asleep in the same bed as Ariel.
According to his memory, 13 years must have passed.
She also liked to play outside, and when she came back from somewhere, she would quickly fall asleep from exhaustion.
Edgar would watch such Ariel from the side and fall asleep next to him, not even taking into account his young body.
Besides, among the memories that were still vivid in his mind were these.
It happened when the two were five years old, and on that day, Loveheim and her daughter visited Ardenum.
After playing together all day, night comes and Edgar is just about to go to sleep in the room, when Ariel comes into his room with a pillow.
The reason was no different.
That day, he had heard an unreasonable ghost story told by Sheppy, but the contents kept lingering in his head, and he came to ask if he could sleep with him, saying that it was scary.
At first, Edgar also asked if he could go to Helene’s room, but the main reason was that he needed Edgar’s strength for that day because the content was unreasonable about a ghost taking women away.
“When I was young, people came to my room because they were afraid of ghosts, but now the reason has changed.”
“Hey, didn’t you say something like that? Be quiet, I’m going to sleep.”
Edgar’s inadvertent self-talk made Ariel furious and dragged the duvet.
Since the quilt was so large, there was still enough space left for Edgar to write, but he let go of his hand holding the quilt with a feeling that it was old.
I’ll be leaving soon anyway, so what’s the use of a blanket?
“Ed, how are you?”
“I heard you were sleeping.”
“… I can’t sleep. Tell me something to make you fall asleep.”
“You are a child.”
Edgar, who was dumbfounded, threw out a word.
Whether it was counting sheep or doing anything else, I wish I could have slept with a bit more discretion, but maybe it was because I was nervous, Ariel had a lot of demands today.
Edgar, who decided that it would be difficult to put her to sleep by talking, eventually turned to Ariel.
Then, at some point, he met eyes with Ariel, who was looking at his back, and both of them looked straight at each other without avoiding their gaze.
How can we see each other so clearly even in such a dark room?
It was a question that suddenly popped into the minds of the two people who were staring at their lover.
Seruk.
While they were staring at each other like that, it was Ariel who moved first.
Standing halfway up, she strode towards Edgar and placed her head on his outstretched arm.
There were many times when we hugged or kissed each other, but thinking about it, it was really strange that this was our first arm pillow.
“Will your father be okay?”
“I told you. Sir Gale himself participated. You just have to wait here for the news of victory while protecting Hespania.”
“I want to… It’s not going to be as easy as you think.”
Ariel’s hand, which was slightly gripping the sleeve of Edgar’s chest, trembled slightly.
It seems to be a little better than before, but it must mean that anxiety is still covering the whole body without expressing it.
In response, Edgar hugged her shoulders and patted her on the back.
I was grateful that my body, which looked like it would break even if I just held it, didn’t collapse completely at such shocking news.
“Do you know why I asked you to sleep with me?”
“He said he couldn’t sleep.”
“Of course there was a reason for that, but… In fact, I was most afraid of anything else.”
What do you mean by something else?
Edgar, who had no idea what it was, said, ‘What is it?’ Ariel, who had been bobbing like a cat in his arms, raised her head slightly.
“Because it was the first time that my father had participated, but it was the first time that it happened. So I was afraid that if I open my eyes tomorrow, you might not be by my side.”
“… Seriously, why are you worried about that?”
Edgar smiled and stroked her hair, but on the other hand, he felt sorry for Ariel because he was so mentally preoccupied.
“don’t worry. I’ll be by your side no matter what.”
“Do I have two sides of the sky?”
“I’ll be on your side ten. So sleep in peace.”
“… Yes, I will believe you.”
Edgar somehow felt that today Ariel had gone back to her childhood and innocence.
I’ve heard somewhere that people go through infant regression when they are psychologically cornered, and I wondered if this might be the moment.
Still, it looked pretty cute, so it wasn’t bad.
It would have been better if it wasn’t for the sad news of such a cute appearance, but that was something I couldn’t hope for right now.
As Edgar patted Ariel on the back, her exhaled breath gradually faded, and only a gasping sound could be heard.
After dropping his body for a moment, he sneakily checked her appearance, and before he knew it, he was asleep with his eyes closed tightly.
‘I guess we should sleep together today.’
Originally, I was going to sneak out in the middle to watch the sleeping figure on the sofa.
However, when he remembered the request Ariel gave him a little while ago, Edgar closed his eyes with a wry smile at the thought that even that could not be abandoned.
Hopefully, when she wakes up tomorrow morning, she will hear something that will make her smile.
We slept together hoping for that.