036. Ocean (6)
When the story about the saint came up, Lucia’s mood sank unbelievably quickly.
She felt unfamiliar with her own reaction.
But that wasn’t the important thing.
She wanted to keep Owen away from this story right away.
She didn’t want rumors involving the saint and Owen to even brush past his ears.
She hoped he wouldn’t pay attention to those rumors.
No, she hoped he didn’t even know.
He probably already knew to some extent, but…
Even so, she wished he didn’t.
It was just a trivial rumor, but she didn’t want his attention to be diverted elsewhere.
She wanted his interest, his gaze, to be solely on her.
Since he was originally a man of work.
She felt greedy for everything about him except work to belong to her.
So she forced herself to go in.
Yet Owen simply nodded his head without saying anything in response.
– Is that so.
She liked his compliance.
He obediently answered my demands, without any objections.
His attitude of surrendering as if saying anything was fine excited her.
The greed for him to be mine entirely emerged.
‘What should I do.’
She was certain he liked her.
But if he didn’t know his own feelings, if he didn’t realize it, then he would not be entirely mine.
It was pointless to throw a direct question asking if he didn’t like me.
Then, perhaps, he might release me with a frown on his face.
Having lost his parents in such a way, Owen does not believe in love.
Just as she thinks love is unnecessary, he does not believe in it.
That is an unchangeable truth.
How can one make someone who does not believe in love realize love?
It was a difficult task for me as well, as I did not understand love well.
“…Owen.”
Lucia quietly held his name on her lips.
The two who had returned to the villa were sitting face to face in the reception room.
It was the same place where they had tea together yesterday.
Today, as well, on the table, there were well-brewed tea and a few finger foods.
“What does Owen like?”
The emotion most similar to love is ‘liking.’
Of course, this ‘liking’ would feel distinctly different from romantic feelings, but still, it seemed the closest among the options.
After much contemplation, Owen tilted his head slightly at the words he finally spoke.
Having thought for a while, he soon met her gaze and opened his mouth.
“As I mentioned before, I like roses. I also like the color red.”
…”
The things he mentioned were still related to me.
Speechless, Lucia closed her mouth.
At this point, it felt like she should know.
Saying that you like everything that makes me up, but unsure if you like me.
Even the thought that it might not be a noble sentiment crossed her mind.
“And…”
As Lucia hesitated, lost in thought.
Owen tapped the table thoughtfully, thoughtfully.
He, too, was deeply contemplating.
What I like.
Apart from roses and the color red, there were other things.
Like the flowers she gave, the tie she received from her.
There were also the gloves she gave or the cufflinks.
Besides that…
As Owen continued his thoughts, he eventually sighed.
It was not something he could list one by one.
If he did, Lucia would undoubtedly look at him with a very strange gaze.
She would be even more surprised to know that there is a cabinet where these things are carefully kept.
‘What did I really like?’
He shifted the direction of his thoughts that were reaching towards the sky.
Trying to recall what he truly liked was not easy.
His tastes and preferences were honestly not that clear-cut.
He was not someone who strongly liked or disliked things.
Just like Owen.
‘…If we had to pinpoint, he disliked poverty.’
If we had to name one, he disliked poverty.
He detested a life where he worked tirelessly but money was always scarce.
The life of struggling with labor every day was also suffocating.
‘Yet, it’s a life where you keep working. If there is a god in this worldview, that god must be a devil.’
Upon returning, Owen resolved to organize his business.
Except for a few important things, clearing it up would not affect his livelihood, nor would it have a significant impact on the aristocrat.
“Owen?”
How much time had passed?
Lucia called Owen’s name with a puzzled look.
Only after she spoke did Owen recall that he had not finished speaking.
“Um.”
However, he still had not found a clear answer.
Uttering sounds as if in contemplation, he finally spoke.
“It seems I also liked books.”
More precisely, novels.
Anyway, it didn’t matter much.
Although he had almost no likes or dislikes, one thing was certain.
Owen liked ＜The Flower of the Empire＞.
Among them, he liked Lucia the most and also had a liking for Kyle, who was the male lead.
“….”
Owen closed his mouth without continuing his thoughts.
There must be a reason why Lucia brought up such a question.
Since he clearly named it ‘liking,’ what she wanted was probably his confession.
There was a reason why Lucia was putting so much effort into this.
Owen had never had a lover before, and his parents died terribly.
He was insensitive to emotions.
He did not know love and was not someone who believed in it.
Although it was a noble society where people dated and married without love, what Lucia truly wanted was not that.
Of course, she might be considering that as a last resort.
However, she genuinely hoped that Owen would truly become hers.
It wasn’t about external pressure or formal relationships; she wanted Owen to be hers in truth.
“…Lucia.”
Owen was aware of that point as well.
He knew, but his words didn’t come easily.
Even though he could do anything she wanted if that was what she desired.
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It felt as heavy as if he was forcibly prying out a secret.
“I still don’t quite understand.”
He was just confused.
In this world, his life existed solely for her.
He had been watching her for a very long time, praying for her happiness.
So, for her…
“I need a little more time.”
Do I like her?
Not as a fan, not as an admirer.
Do I really love Lucia?
His heart cried out with a loud sound.
As the thumping sound reverberated in his ears, Owen lowered his eyelids.
The trembling felt unfamiliar.
Strange.
Since the moment he actually saw her for the first time, his heart had been beating loudly.
The resonance was so clear and unfamiliar, as if it would be etched in memory.
“So, give me time.”
Genuine honesty was laid out.
He didn’t intend it, but it was there.
There was no falsehood among the words that came out.
Owen was confused, unable to understand anything about himself.
What his current feelings were, what his emotions towards Lucia were, and therefore, what he wanted to do…
Even though none of these were clear, Owen spoke.
“I need assurance about myself.”
He needed assurance.
Assurance about this trembling he was experiencing.
He needed to figure out the subtle color of this emotion, not just call it admiration.
Because he didn’t know what love was, what it meant to like someone.
He had never lived with the leisure of liking someone.
For someone who knew nothing, he needed time to understand himself.
* * *
The schedule in Oceane ended peacefully.
As Lucia wished, rumors spread even more about her and Owen being lovers.
Like a small spark spreading in a vast forest, it spread everywhere, becoming almost comical to deny.
Everything was flowing perfectly.
Even though everything was going as planned, Lucia couldn’t be nonchalant.
– I need assurance about myself.
The confusion in his eyes as he said that was clear in meaning.
He was doubting himself as well.
His own emotions.
Yes, that was the case.
-May you become such a place to him. So that you may linger in his memory for a long time.
I don’t know why he from that night keeps coming back.
His figure, reciting words while gazing at the night sky where the silver moon rose, was still vivid.
“Your Highness.”
When Lucia was reminiscing about Owen from that night.
Mari knocked on the door.
“Come in.”
“Your Highness, the Duke is calling for you.”
Upon receiving permission, Mari entered and promptly delivered the message.
“Father?”
“Yes. He has asked you to come to the Duke’s study.”
Lucia was puzzled by the sudden summons.
Was there something significant for him to call me?
There hadn’t been any excessive spending recently, nor did she recall any accidents.
There had been no disturbances or events in society either.
Although there was no apparent reason, one could not ignore a summons, so Lucia promptly rose from her seat.
Then, with Mari, she headed to the Duke of Edelte’s study.
“The Duke, Your Highness has arrived.”
As the two approached the study, the steward who was waiting there reported.
“Ask her to come in.”
“She is coming in.”
Soon, the door of the study opened, revealing the Duke of Edelte sitting behind his desk piled with papers.
“…Louis?”
Lucia’s stepbrother was also seated on the sofa in the study.
A conversation fit for father and stepson.
Lucia, even more puzzled, briefly glanced at the Duke and greeted him.
“I heard you called for me, Father.”
“Yes. Please, have a seat.”
“Alright.”
It seemed like a conversation that needed to be heard even while seated.
She still couldn’t guess what it was about.
“Louis will tell you.”
With a cup of tea in her hands, full of questions, the Duke spoke.
“You’ve been meeting with Duke Verdin.”
“…Yes.”
Although it wasn’t true, Lucia held back a lie.
After all, it was a lie that everyone in society believed.
She couldn’t understand why such a story had come out of Louis’s mouth, but it didn’t seem harmful to affirm it.
“Yes. That’s what he said….”
After confirming, the Duke stroked his chin.
Looking like he was contemplating something, he soon spoke again.
“You’re of age now, aren’t you. This year you’re….”
“I’m twenty.”
“Yes. That’s old enough to get married.”
At the mention of marriage, Lucia flinched inwardly.
There was no error in the Duke’s words.
Typical nobles get engaged in their late teens and marry in their early twenties.
Even if delayed, by their mid-twenties, everyone becomes a married person.
“Duke Verdin is twenty-four this year. It’s about time for him to get married within the next year or two.”
Mentioning Owen’s age as well.
Lucia could predict well enough what the Duke’s next words would be.
He definitely…
“They are in a relationship, and there shouldn’t be any issue. It benefits the family. If what you said about ‘only being beneficial to the family by becoming a support’ goes in this direction, I approve. It’s a valid point.”
He didn’t know that the trigger was Louis, but.