042. What You Truly Desire (6)
Surprisingly, Lucia couldn’t give any answer to Marie’s question.
Her mind went blank to the point of being momentarily abnormal.
‘…Why?’
It wasn’t a question that should have been so perplexing.
Lucia found her own reaction awkward and strange.
So, as she furrowed her brows, Marie left the carriage.
“Then I will go to my carriage.”
The carriages of nobles and servants were separated.
Lucia’s right carriage was a grand and ornate carriage with the family crest, while Marie’s was small and ordinary.
Lucia watched Marie walk back to her carriage absentmindedly, then blinked her eyes.
Whether it was the lingering effects of the alcohol or dizziness, her head was spinning.
She let out a long breath and leaned against the window.
‘What do I want?’
It still didn’t make sense.
Why Mary asked such a question.
Although the person who had been by her side the longest seemed to have realized something before others, what that was simply could not be guessed.
‘I just want someone like usual.’
The person who, when they wanted something, had to have it no matter what.
So, Owen was that person.
Just as Mary had taken a liking to me, just as the attendants and knights under Lucia did.
Or like the noble youths who socialized with her in high society.
Owen was such a person.
Surely, that was the case.
‘…If there was one thing different from usual.’
After Mary threw out that question, something began to bother me.
‘Owen must have tried to make me like him. Trying to implant the certainty of liking.’
Lucia wasn’t someone who made a great effort to make someone like her.
People generally liked her.
It sounded overly conceited, but it was true.
Most people either already liked her, had a favorable impression, or needed her.
Just like Mary.
Whether they were in poverty and distress, wanting to establish themselves in high society, or aiming for success.
People from either side wanted what she had.
Except for Owen.
‘But isn’t that natural? Owen already has everything.’
But then again, thinking about it, Owen didn’t need what she had.
At most, her beauty and noble lineage might hold some significance.
Since there were hardly any people who matched her in both nobility and appearance.
Of course, Owen seemed to have little interest in that aspect as well.
‘Even now… He doesn’t seem to care much about nobility.’
From a few months ago, Owen began to change, but he still showed no interest in nobility.
As Lucia, it was a good thing.
She herself had no particular thoughts about nobility.
Instead, Owen started to show interest in Lucia.
Regarding appearance, he seemed to react differently than before, but that wasn’t all.
Owen was reacting to every little thing about Lucia.
It was quite a remarkable thing.
Her voice, her words, her actions.
It seemed as if everything about her became everything about him.
It made one wonder if that was what love was.
Lucia considered love unnecessary, but she had heard the word “liking” countless times.
She had experienced the gaze of unrequited love despite not knowing the affection between family and friends.
Yet, Owen’s attitude was very unfamiliar to her.
No one who had fallen in love had behaved like that.
No one put others before themselves.
That was only natural.
Was it reasonable to have someone more precious than oneself in this world?
Yet, Owen went beyond this basic and natural principle.
Owen did anything for Lucia.
Without a word, without question.
At the thought of her getting hurt, he rushed without seeing anything else, and he quickly understood what she wanted and willingly provided it.
Being with him made Lucia feel like she became an absolute person.
In his world, she became the only one.
‘Because Owen likes me.’
That was his love.
They say that everyone has different ways of loving, and it seemed that Owen’s love was like that.
Owen’s love seemed to be a world filled with only one person.
‘Perhaps it’s his first love.’
It could be.
Since Owen doesn’t understand emotions well.
Like me, he probably doesn’t know possessiveness, obsession, or the desire to have someone.
So, he could be swept away by strange emotions with a completely clueless face.
It was a natural thing.
‘But….’
However, why am I excited about his behavior?
Am I just happy that he likes me because I want to have him?
‘Why.’
Then why did I refuse my father’s, Count Edelt’s proposal?
If I wanted him so badly, all I had to do was accept the proposal of marriage.
Engage, marry, and he wouldn’t be able to escape anymore.
The answer that had been postponed would eventually come out soon.
Even if one day he stopped liking me, he wouldn’t be able to get away from me.
Divorce in noble society was never an easy thing.
‘Why did I do that.’
If there were means and ways, they had to be willingly used.
Because that was what she was.
Until now, Lucia had lived her life in that way.
It was natural, and that was the only way to get what she wanted.
Even ordinary nobles did the same.
It was a common thing.
‘Did Owen hope to realize it by himself?’
With the following thoughts, Lucia came to her own conclusion.
But the conclusion was so absurd that a short, hollow laugh escaped her.
‘What’s the point of that?’
To make him realize his feelings.
That was Lucia’s ultimate goal at the moment.
But she didn’t expect his consent.
‘…Why didn’t I just say it?’
That’s what she had thought.
Regardless of the method, she thought as long as he realized it, it would be enough.
Thinking back, she wondered if there was really a need to beat around the bush.
‘I could have just asked if you like me.’
Then surely Owen would have reacted honestly.
Blushing, feeling embarrassed, and ultimately realizing it himself.
Why didn’t I say it?
Lucia took a deep breath and thumped her head against the carriage wall.
“It’s because the alcohol is too strong….”
The thoughts continued to gnaw at her.
They were ridiculous thoughts.
Whatever way Owen behaved, whatever way she led Owen, what did it matter?
Once she realized it, she just had to act accordingly.
There was nothing complicated about it.
“Just say it, yes….”
Muttering in a drunken voice, Lucia soon fell into a deep sleep.
When she opened her eyes again, she had already arrived at Count Edelt’s estate.
“Uh….”
She woke up, feeling sober, but there was still a lingering sensation of a hangover in her head.
As Lucia let out a small sound, Mari brought her some water.
“Did I make a mistake?”
As she gulped down the water Mari handed her, Lucia immediately asked.
“Not at all. But…. Do you remember anything?”
Mari shook her head in response to her question.
Then she cautiously added another question.
“Yes. I remember up until the end of the picnic scene, but I don’t remember anything after that.”
“Oh….”
Mari made a disappointed sound at Lucia’s response.
She had tried her best to be helpful by saying those words, but she had forgotten them all.
It was regrettable, but there was nothing she could do about it.
Maybe if she said it again now, it might come across as meddling.
“Why? Was there something important?”
“No, there wasn’t.”
“Really?”
Lucia, who had a puzzled look for a moment, told Marie that she could leave now.
Forgetting all the conversations she had with Marie and the thoughts she had in the carriage, Lucia casually got up from her seat.
She had to choose what to wear for the social gathering tomorrow, as well as decide on the social events she would attend the following week and the week after.
Moreover, since she had agreed to go to the boutique with Owen this week, she needed to pick out the clothes to wear there as well.
Opening the dressing room door and stepping in, Lucia examined the neatly arranged dresses before pulling the bell cord to summon the maids.
This time, she called not her personal maid, Marie, but the maids who specialized in managing the clothes.
“I will wear this dress tomorrow. The other one will be for the boutique visit. Prepare them in advance.”
“Yes, understood.”
“Could you also bring out the jewelry that matches the colors of the dresses?”
“Yes.”
Lucia had not just one or two dresses.
Her dressing room was as big as a bedroom itself.
Naturally, there were dozens of dresses stored inside.
Her clothes spent more time hanging than being worn.
If left stored in the dressing room, they would not only smell bad but might also be overlooked for washing and repairs when needed.
Therefore, a preparation process was necessary to choose the clothes to wear to the social gathering in advance, airing out the musty smell in the dressing room, and, if necessary, preparing for washing and repairs.
In addition, she had to select jewelry that matched the colors of the clothes she would wear.
“Hmm… this will do.”
Lucia picked out a piece of jewelry made of a deep red sapphire that Owen had gifted her from the selection brought out by the maids.
Since the dress she would wear to the greenhouse tea party the next day was a deep red, it seemed like a perfect match.
The dress she would wear on the day she went to the boutique with Owen was black.
Along with it, she chose earrings and a necklace with decorations of gold on a black onyx base.
As the symbol of the Verdin Marquisate was black, wearing black clothes and jewelry would give a significant meaning if she went out like that.
It meant that Lucia would soon become a person of the Verdin Marquisate.
“Prepare this as well.”
“Yes, milady.”
The jewelry would be meticulously cleaned and arranged, perfectly prepared.
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Lucia then dismissed the maids and sat at her desk.
Although she had agreed to go to the boutique with Owen, they had not set a specific time yet.
She picked up a pen and paper.
She wrote calmly about when it would be good to meet and, after sealing the letter in an envelope, she called for a servant to send it.
Even though the letter had not been sent to Owen yet, Lucia hummed softly, feeling content.
“My world is all about you.”
It was a song sung by a singer in an opera she had attended a few months ago.
The opera was called “The Witch’s Man.”
The song was called “For My Beautiful and Cruel Witch,” or something like that.
It was a song sung by the male protagonist, a viscount, who was enchanted by the female protagonist, not playing the role of a witch.
The lyrics went like this:
“I can do anything for you. Even though the world calls you a witch, it doesn’t matter. I love you as you are.”