064. Dream (2)
It might just be a simple desire of my own.
Or it could be a misconception.
I might not have realized my subjective thoughts, hoping she loves me because I love her.
I suppressed all my desires for her sake, but that doesn’t mean I’m without desires.
“No. In fact, quite the opposite.”
Internally chuckling at himself, Owen finished speaking and quietly stroked Lucía’s hair while gazing at her.
The sensation of the soft red hair under his fingertips was vivid.
“You’ve been like this with me for a long time.”
Owen replied as he gently caressed Lucía’s hair.
At that, she shuddered.
He bowed his head, kissed the hair he held in his hand, and continued speaking.
“Lucía. You’re my goal and desire. It’s also a selfish desire.”
“Selfish… It’s not like that.”
Lucía responded to Owen’s words like that.
Enjoying her response, Owen let out a small chuckle again.
“I’m glad you think that way.”
“It’s only natural.”
“Is it?”
“Yes. If it wasn’t natural, would you think of me the same way? That my gaze towards you is selfish.”
In response to her following words, Owen shook his head.
“That’s not true.”
“Exactly. It can’t be selfish. It’s just what I want.”
Owen fell silent.
Her notion of desire and his were different.
To Lucia, it might have seemed natural regarding Owen.
As the master of Verdin Castle, it didn’t seem like he desired Lady Edelt out of greed.
But for Owen, it wasn’t about that kind of meaning.
To him, Lucia had simply existed like a dream, a person in a fantasy.
However, one day he saw her in reality, and he became the person she wanted.
To wish for more than this in such a situation would be greedy.
“…Still, I’d be happy if Lucia liked me.”
Knowing it was greedy, but being human.
It was inevitable to hope for such a thing.
“If I wished for it, would you willingly only look at me?”
Lucia blinked in surprise at the question filled with desire.
Just as she was about to try to recover from what seemed like a mistake, Lucia’s laughter rang out.
“Of course.”
With her answer came a feeling in his heart as if it had sunk down with a thud.
“It shouldn’t be difficult. What can’t I do for you?”
The problem lies in saying it so easily.
In being so nonchalant about it…
“Besides, I already told you. You’re an exceptional person.”
As he tried to resign himself, another phrase slipped out.
His heart made a loud noise again.
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Annoyingly, he had easily set expectations.
“Owen, there won’t be anyone as selfless and affectionate as you. Who else would I look at besides you? It won’t happen.”
The impact of the resolute words spoken with a firm voice was significant.
Lucia does not speak falsely.
So, the words she uttered now were all sincere promises.
“…Yes.”
She thought she would willingly give herself to him, but it would be a lie if she had not been afraid of being discarded.
Lucia easily grows tired of things.
Although she may not be able to truly leave him after being engaged and married, she could cut off her interest in him as she had done to others.
Owen had sometimes thought about the day she would eventually leave.
And he couldn’t help but entertain negative thoughts.
“So don’t worry.”
Was a shadow cast over her face?
Lucia quickly sensed his emotions and caressed him.
Her hand, which gently stroked his hair, soon moved to his back.
Lucia pulled Owen towards her and embraced him.
Due to Owen’s much larger body, it looked like Lucia was the one being held, but…
“I understand what you’re worried about, but it won’t happen. I promise. I won’t abandon you.”
The whispered words in his ear were sweet.
With his head resting on Lucia’s shoulder, Owen nodded.
“Yeah.”
“I told you, you’re exceptional. You should be prepared instead. I’ll never let you go.”
Obsessive words poured out of Lucia’s mouth.
These intense emotions were very familiar to him.
So, it brought relief instead.
“Okay.”
“Isn’t that too easy of an answer? I’m trying to possess you for a lifetime.”
As he nodded, Lucia questioned him.
Without hesitation, Owen replied.
“That’s what I want.”
“…Truly, you’re quite different from me, Owen.”
Lucia murmured softly as she caressed Owen’s neck.
“Don’t run away? Because I’m scared.”
“As if I would.”
“I’m actually scarier than you think. Even if you tell me you don’t love me anymore, I won’t let you go.”
“There’s no way I don’t love you.”
Owen asserted.
Lucia let out a hollow laugh, looking disappointed.
“You’re so sure of yourself. Your feelings.”
“They’re clear to me.”
“Envious. I never really understood them, always.”
Seeing Owen’s certainty, Lucia began to speak.
“Emotions are complicated. Honestly, I never tried to deeply contemplate them. Happy, angry, sad, joyful. I thought just knowing these was enough.”
Lucia’s life was monotonous.
Living a more glamorous and attention-grabbing life than anyone else, she was someone who never received deep emotions and affection from anyone.
It was natural that she couldn’t properly grasp the emotions she never received.
She deemed love unnecessary, just like she considered other emotions unnecessary.
“In fact, there were many times when I didn’t know what I wanted to do with you, Owen. I only understood this because of Mari.”
Lucia calmly revealed, causing Owen to pause.
“I simply thought I wanted to possess you, but Mari told me to think about it again. Is that really what I want?”
If it was Mari, she must have been Lucia’s personal maid.
Having been by her side the longest, Mari was both the most cherished among all the possessions and people Lucia desired.
“Coming from someone who has watched Lucia closely for so long, she must have realized something first.”
This point was certain.
Someone who had observed for a long time inevitably came to know the other person well.
While Owen had also known Lucia for a long time, he hadn’t actually watched her, so there were limited aspects he knew.
But Mari would have noticed even those aspects.
Having lived with Lucia every day, it was likely since Lucia was around 12 years old.
“After much deliberation, it boiled down to me simply preferring your kindness.”
“…”
Simply, she said.
Owen raised his head to look at her without a word.
The hand stroking the back of his neck was still there, and the embrace remained the same.
In a life filled with likes and dislikes, desires, and weariness, coming to the conclusion that ‘kindness is good’ was not an easy task.
Of course, among her people, maybe Owen was the kindest, relatively speaking.
But…
“Surely Mari, the maid, would be the same.”
In a world full of people who disliked Lucia, Mari was the only one truly on her side.
So surely, that maid must have been kind as well.
“And the conclusion was not to intend confession but to demand it directly. Ironically, Owen confessed right away.”
Certainly, that wasn’t typical of Lucia.
She knew the reason for turning the conversation around, but if she realized it wasn’t getting through, she should have demanded the confession right away.
If she was confident.
That he liked her.
But Lucia didn’t do that.
As if hoping she would realize it herself.
“…Lucia.”
He felt the need to confirm.
He really wanted to be sure what emotions she held.
There weren’t many options.
Her possessiveness, obsession, jealousy, and the like would render conventional methods useless.
So what was left was…
“Can I kiss you?”
It was just physical contact.
Even in a relationship without love, there could be exchanges, but the response was different.
“Uh…?”
At the sudden question, Lucia seemed somewhat surprised.
“Ah.”
But soon, she made a sound as if she understood.
Seeing her embrace Owen first, or stroke the back of his neck, she seemed to be thinking something on her own.
Although it was Owen who initiated the kiss, having been provoked by her actions, he boldly decided to proceed.
If you would misunderstand me, I would be grateful.
“…Alright.”
Slowly, a positive remark slipped out.
Owen gently held Lucia’s head and pulled her closer, tilting her head down.
Their lips met.
However, neither of them closed their eyes.
A ripple spread through the meeting red irises.
It was a look that said Owen didn’t expect her to close her eyes.
Seemingly recalling the kiss in the carriage where Owen had closed his eyes, he probably thought she would do the same this time.
Apparently, Lucia didn’t close her eyes this time.
Seeing her make that expression with her eyes open.
Owen silently followed Lucia’s startled hazel eyes.
He had to read the emotions within.
However, perhaps due to the surprise of their gazes meeting, other emotions weren’t as easily discernible.
Owen, unable to resolve things with a simple kiss, had no choice but to do more.
“Ah.”
As his lips grazed hers, Lucia’s reflexively parted.
From their previous experience, he already knew how to kiss her well.
Owen delved into the gap, intruding into her mouth.
Instantly, their breaths mingled.
The heat in their gazes rose.
The emotions seeping into the red irises became clearer.
Owen carefully deciphered the emotions reflected in her eyes.
Obsession, possessiveness, and…
‘…Ah.’
In addition to the usual emotions, there was one more.
It wasn’t jealousy.
It had a different shape.
Red and fiery like obsession, possessiveness, and jealousy, yet also intense and passionate.
[If love had a color, it would surely be crimson. There’s nothing as hot and passionate as love.]
A lyric came to mind.
It was a song lyric sung by the female lead in “The Witch’s Man.”
She spoke of her love in that way.
[I love you like that. As hot as being engulfed in flames, as intensely sweeping you away with that fire.]
That’s how it was.
It was undoubtedly love.
It burned like flames, intense like the sun.
Intuitively, he knew.
That color of emotion must surely have such a name.
Though it bore a different hue from his love, it felt like it could be that way.
Owen slowly pulled away their connected lips.
Perhaps due to the prolonged kiss, they were breathless.
Lucia breathed heavily.
Owen called out to her.
“Lucia.”
Their gazes met.
The heat of the kiss lingered, emotions still swirling.
Facing them, Owen asked.
“Do you love me?”