134 – 138
No, that can’t be. Something must be wrong. The stories I heard from the maids are strange.
From Noble mtl dot com
He surely can’t be that kind of person.
I feel like the ground is slipping away beneath me.
Something must be wrong. He… He wouldn’t do that, right?
Devian, who always said he loved me.
How can I believe that he secretly handed over my territory to Johannes for the empire and the emperor?
How can I believe that my dear Devian sold my younger sister to the imperial faction, risking her life?
I can’t believe it. Something must be wrong.
I try to think that way, but tears well up in my eyes.
My head hurts.
How… could it be…
He said he loved me? But how could he stab me in the back?
No, he wouldn’t do that.
How close he and Joy were.
Devian selling Joy, handing over my Epirus and Ejip to Johannes, they’re all lies.
They must be lies.
“Sob…”
Strange, right? Why am I crying? It’s all lies…
Why are tears flowing like this?
I sit on the sofa and cry for a long time.
I feel dizzy from crying too much.
“Sob… liar.”
How long have I been crying like this?
I became able to face reality a little.
I could analyze his actions a bit more rationally.
The time when Devian made a secret pact with the imperial faction.
The imperial forces were heading towards Roman.
Certainly, at that time, everyone thought Devian’s end was near.
Even Chairman Charles said Devian was finished, and the imperial faction would rule the country.
I believed that too.
But instead, he made a pact with the imperial faction, strengthened himself, and even got their support for our marriage.
If that was all because of the secret agreement between Devian and the Imperial Faction, it makes sense.
A wave of emotions begins once again.
Is that really true?
Why would that be?
From his perspective, perhaps he had such thoughts to prevent the empire from falling into civil war.
But… if that’s the case, shouldn’t he have told me?
I can say it clearly.
That I love him, and if that’s the only way at that time, I can give Epirus and Ezip to the Imperial Faction.
Because it’s the method chosen by Devian, whom I trust and love.
Even if he had told me late, I would have accepted it as inevitable.
Both territories are important, but I believe that Devian would have considered a different way.
But…
I feel deep disappointment and betrayal in the fact that he hasn’t told me until now.
It’s almost been a year since he handed over my territory without saying a word to me.
If he truly loves me… if he truly trusts me, shouldn’t he tell me about it?
It’s not just that.
Joy.
My beloved younger sister.
I honestly can’t forgive him for selling my sister.
Epirus or Ezip.
Both lands are important to the emperor, but Joy is not as precious to me.
Pure and kind Joy.
Joy who believed in and followed her brother-in-law who sold her.
Devian easily sold such a Joy.
For his own safety. Under the pretext of the empire’s safety…
Worthless scum.
The part that angers me the most is this.
Devian, who kept selling Joy in secret, laughing and enjoying with our family.
Is he a monster without emotions?
Placing pieces on the political chessboard without knowing anything but weighing…
Is he a person without emotions?
He surely has emotions. Because he feels deep sadness about his soldiers dying.
At that moment.
A whispering voice comes from beyond the bedroom door.
[Has His Highness arrived?]
[Yes. Did Theodora come looking for me?]
Devian and the guards’ conversation.
What kind of person is he… really?
Honestly.
Based on the stories I’ve heard, I feel a strong sense of alienation between the image of him I’ve painted and the one I knew.
The person who always confidently declared their love for me…
It’s hard to believe they are scheming behind my back.
[Would you like to study in the study hall today? Your Majesty seemed quite upset.]
[Your Highness. What did you do to make the Emperor so upset?]
[Tsk! This person, what could have made the Emperor so angry… Is there nothing else?]
[It’s not that. Don’t worry, just open the door.]
[Yes!]
Tears welled up again at the sound of their conversation outside.
Does he really love me?
He loves, but doesn’t trust me?
And… is he a monster without emotions?
Confusion sets in.
The image of him that I knew seems to be shattering into pieces, making my heart ache.
-Creak!
His familiar voice, along with a gesture.
“You found me?”
His casual tone adds to the confusion.
His voice and manner of speaking as if nothing had happened.
It all annoys me and anger wells up inside.
Maybe I’m mistaken.
Just like in the case of Hans before, perhaps he has his own reasons.
A faint possibility.
Right now, I want to cling to that faint possibility.
That’s how desperate I am.
With a locked voice, I ask,
“Is it true what you said? Really… you handed Epirus and Eseb over?”
His answer comes to my question.
“Yes. That’s right. I handed Epirus and Eseb over to Johannes.”
He says casually.
His words shatter the faint possibility inside me.
His voice awakens the anger within me.
“Why?!, How… how could you hand them over to me without a word? What… what kind of land is that? What kind of land is that!”
“So what?”
His calm response to my questioning feels strange.
Doesn’t he seem like a monster without emotions?
I despair at his nonchalant demeanor.
“So what?, Is that why?!”
A monster… he is truly a monster.
No hint of remorse, the man who has hidden this truth from me all this time…
He is undoubtedly a monster.
“If. If I had made that choice then…”
“Shut up!”
I don’t want to hear anymore. Words that belittle me.
Where is the Deavian I truly believed in…?
Did I really believe in and love such a monster?
Sorrow and anger towards myself.
And Deavian’s nonchalant appearance.
All of it angers me.
“Shut up! I said shut up! Who said they wanted to hear such excuses? I… I thought you were… loyal. I thought you were loyal to the Empire and me! But what? I admit you saved Roman in the turmoil of war! But… how could you give away two of my territories to others without my permission and not say a word to me?! How could you do this to me?!”
The more I speak, the more the anger overflows within me.
-Slap!
Unable to hold back, I slap his cheek.
“Why! Didn’t I tell you! Did you enjoy deceiving and belittling me like that? Did you enjoy it? Selling Joy to a man much older than her! How can you laugh and shout in front of us like that? Are you human? No… do you love me?”
From Noble mtl dot com
A slight sense of confusion passes through his eyes as he gazes at me silently.
“Do you know how much Joy follows you! Did you enjoy selling that child like a slave?! How can you do such a thing and laugh with our family?!”
Is it because of the slap?
A trickle of blood from his lips.
He releases my hand and says, “Did you think I did it willingly?”
No matter how angry I get, his emotionless voice makes me even angrier.
I wish he would say something logical with that clever mouth of his.
“Well?! At least try to justify yourself! You’re good with words, right?! Don’t just stand there like a mute, say something to defend yourself!”
But his lack of response only angers me more.
-Smack!
“Why did you deceive me! Why did you deceive me?!”
-Smack!
“Did you enjoy it? Playing with me! Tell me! You bastard! You trash!”
Deavian stands there unaffected by my hits.
Fine! Let’s see how much you can take!
Until your thoughts come out of that clever mouth.
Until you say you’re in pain! Until you apologize!
-Smack!
I pound his chest in frustration.
“I believed in you! I believed you were different!”
-Smack!
“How… could you deceive me like this?”
I keep hitting him relentlessly, but he shows no reaction at all.
My hand feels numb, and my legs weaken.
“Ugh… Is this what love is?… Is this your love?”
What is this?
If you make a person out of ice, would they be like that?
Devian, who remains silent, is so cruel.
“You are a monster. Ugh… A monster who knows nothing about human emotions. What makes you different from Baloran?”
Say something!
“Both you and Baloran are monsters, it would have been better if both of you were beheaded and hung in the square!”
“A monster plotting rebellion and overthrowing the empire!”
“An emotionless lunatic!, a deceiver! It’s no different than inciting rebellion against Johannes! Do you know? Because of you, more people may die! Shedding tears over soldiers who died for such a cause, you hypocrite! You will die and fall into hell.”
“Why did our father save someone like you… Just you and the Duchess of Pulvia. I would let both of you die.”
He, who had shown no reaction to my curses and insults, finally reacted for the first time.
He felt a small pleasure when he flinched at the mention of the Duchess of Pulvia.
Oh? You also react to this story?
“Huh?”
I am pleased to have found his weakness.
I feel slightly better knowing I can make him suffer.
“Oh! By the way. The Duchess of Pulvia died trying to protect a monster like you, right?”
His face gradually distorts.
As his always relaxed expression distorts, I feel a sense of liberation and refreshing coolness inside me that I have never felt before.
“Why? A monster without emotions. Does it upset you when we talk about your family?”
Devian approaches me and grabs my chin.
“Insult or hit me as you please. But just once… if you mention my mother again, I won’t stay quiet.”
Monster, you have a weakness too?
It may be hard to breathe, but at this moment, it is more important to me that he feels pain.
*Cough… Cough…*
When he releases my chin, he clears his throat and looks angry, bringing up the story of the Duchess again.
“Oh~ Poor Duchess of Pulvia. Abused by her husband all her life, and lost her life trying to protect that son.”
For the first time, his expression crumbles, and he grimaces at me, coming closer and gripping my head.
And…
-Whoosh!
He roughly pulls me back and locks eyes with me.
“I clearly said I won’t stay quiet, didn’t I?”
Spitting at his disgusting face, I say,
-Spat!
“Shut up! Traitor.”
His black pupils stare sharply at me.
With a face full of anger, he opens his mouth.
“If you bring up my mother one more time. I will kill both Joy and Hwantaehu. Got it?”
For the first time in my life, I feel my body trembling with fear, but apart from that, I feel my head clearing up.
It’s too satisfying when he gets angry like this.
His angry face is good.
It doesn’t make sense that only I’m in pain, right?
You should feel pain as much as I do.
His suffering, his pain.
Ah… if only he suffered more.
The sight of that monster in pain stimulates something different from the instinct to survive.
His existence is clearly terrifying.
But the fact that I can leave a scar on his heart to the extent of uprooting his life brings me great joy.
“Ugh…!”
“Just get back that damn Epirus and Ezip, right? Joy? Do you think I’ll let Joy have a sham marriage?! Shut up if you don’t even know!”
Ah… hurt me more.
That way, you’ll pay for your sins.
“hehehe… hahahahaha! Go ahead! Try it! Lay a finger on our family! Then…”
Touch my family? If you can, go ahead.
“I’ll die too.”
I’ll die so I can shatter all the power you hold dear.