145. What you couldn’t accomplish.
What you have to accomplish.
What I couldn’t accomplish.
“Mr. Taemin. “I told the teacher tomorrow, so you will be able to take lessons until 10 o’clock.”
“…Yes.”
“I think it would be better if you read the script and practice a bit today and then come back tomorrow.”
“…Yes. Thank you.”
“Then please come out on time at 8 o’clock.”
After half-heartedly saying hello and getting out of the car, rather than going straight into the house, I looked up at the darkening night sky.
Perhaps because the air was thick, not a single star was visible.
“Haa…”
If I smoked, I think I could smoke a pack.
I went home empty-handed, so I went back down to the bus stop and bought two bottles of soju.
The sound of bottles hitting each other resounds as you step.
I also need to contact Doa…
I guess I could say I slept because I was tired.
I was in no condition to hide my emotions today.
I didn’t know if I would burst into tears just by hearing his voice.
It was difficult.
It was just so hard.
I wanted to hit him all the time, but the contract period was long.
The contract period, which was only a few weeks away, was weighing heavily on me.
Even if you tell them you can’t do it, they say you have to hold on for at least a few more weeks.
When a headache suddenly struck me, as if someone was hitting my brain with a hammer, I reached out my hand and grabbed the lamppost standing next to me.
What? Come on. This.
The hand holding the streetlight becomes increasingly stronger.
It was difficult to breathe and my legs were shaking.
Only after the brief pain subsided and my breathing stabilized did I climb the slope again.
So much so that now even my body is talking sh*t to me.
Are you also angry because I lost my lines?
It’s enough for you to be the director, but you’re angry at me.
I complain angrily and helplessly climb the stairs.
As I unlocked the door and took off my shoes, my eyes widened at the sight of shoes that were not mine.
Did Doa… Leave her shoes behind…?
No? I don’t think it was there when I left in the morning.
“…Oppa.”
I was putting a bottle of soju on the refrigerator and almost screamed at the feeling of popularity I felt as soon as I walked inside.
“What… What is it? Doa. “Why are you here?”
Because I gave him the password, he could have opened the door, but I had no idea why he was here.
Instead of answering the question, Doa buried her head in my arms.
Did something difficult… Happen…?
I couldn’t get used to seeing her like this for the first time, so I stroked her head.
“…Are you okay? “What’s going on?”
“…What about my brother?”
“Huh?”
Doa suddenly asks me if I’m okay.
“Is your brother okay?”
You wouldn’t know.
I’m sure you don’t know how I’m doing outside.
After hearing the meaningful answer for no reason, I gave a fake smile as if I had learned it in class.
“Hey~ I did well today.”
I, who had not done anything right for her, shamelessly told her her lies.
Doa lowers her head.
“…Doya?”
“Why do you keep lying?”
“Huh…?”
When she raised her head again, tears like dew formed around her eyes.
“Why are you saying that to me?”
Pronunciation that sounds slurred at the same time as crying.
“No… When did I lie?”
“You got scolded!”
I was not given the opportunity to finish speaking.
An angry voice just takes its place.
“You got scolded for being such a mess today! “Oppa… But… why don’t you tell me…”
The soft white tears formed a single line and flowed down her cheek.
“Am I so… Unwilling…?”
“No… It’s Doya. “It’s not like that…”
“Why are you saying that to me?”
Why do I know this?
Did you even see it?
If you did, what kind of scene did you see?
There were a lot of things she wanted to ask, but her first priority was to appease her.
“If it’s that hard… you don’t have to… just go and say you can’t do it… you can do it…”
As if my acting skills weren’t enough at times like this, tears gradually began to well up in my eyes.
“I’m fine. It’s a doya. Me. “I wasn’t very good today, but I don’t usually do things like this.”
I bite her lip and smile awkwardly.
But what follows is that I am in a bad situation.
It collapsed miserably.
“I saw that you come home late at night and practice very hard every day…”
Doa, unable to finish her sentence, sadly cried in my arms.
That’s right.
Doa was the first person to take my side today.
When I wondered why her heart was so heavy, today was a day when I had no one on my side.
From noble mtl dot com
Rather than trying to make excuses for her, he hugged her even stronger.
“Ah… Really… Why are you acting like that…”
“I’m sorry… I’m sorry…”
It was a day full of sin.
A sinful day where I have nothing but to apologize, both outside and inside.
It took quite a while for her girlfriend’s crying to stop.
Contrary to the manager’s orders to practice, the bag was not even opened.
Doa, whose face was swollen from crying so much, hugged my pillow tightly and glared at me.
“…Now tell me. “Why did you lie?”
Why? That’s because I’m your boyfriend.
Because it’s embarrassing.
How can I tell my girlfriend that the director threw a megaphone at me because I couldn’t do it straight?
How can you say that filming was stopped and the staff was sweating for two hours trying to convince the director?
“I only want to say good things.”
“…Where is such a thing between couples?”
“You said that too. “I just want to show you my pretty side.”
“That and that are different…”
I held out a tissue to Doa, who was sniffling, and stroked her head.
“Couples talk to each other when things are difficult…”
“But I… I only wanted to say good things when I got home. Really.”
When you say that your heart is pounding as you prepare for the solo concert, how miserable was my day.
I thought it would be a disservice to talk about how badly I was broken.
Even though I rolled around in the mud, I wanted to end the day with a happy conversation with Doa.
Even if it was my selfishness.
And I thought this was a conclusion that would not change much right now.
“…Oppa.”
“Yes.”
“Is acting fun?”
It was a primitive question, but now it doesn’t seem like a very nutritious question.
The filming location was not during a high school career class.
Camera and lights. It was a reality where dozens of people moved and breathed in the name of capital.
“It’s not bad, but I don’t think I’m very good at it.”
Nevertheless, I tried to answer her words honestly.
“Stop it. Then.”
“…Doya.”
“You know that I’m not the type to give advice like, ‘Don’t tell your brother what to do.'”
Doa slightly bites her lip.
She stretched out her arm and grabbed my hand in hers.
The body temperature at her fingertips felt hot, not to mention warm.
“I’ll think about it.”
This is the best answer I can give right now.
I had already been paid, so I couldn’t quit right away.
“Why!”
She seemed to be unable to understand my judgment, so she pushed me hard.
And I also thought that it might be okay to try a little more.
It’s all because of my lack of practice.
It could have just been my lack of effort.
“You can stop doing that and come back and be happy watching Luca’s show, which you like!”
It must be happiness.
Because there is no greater happiness than that for me.
But then I will return to being a person who has nothing I can do for you.
The dream of simply leaving the concert and standing side by side with Luca becomes an illusion and dissipates.
She closed her eyes and sighed, burying her face in the crook of Doa’s neck.
“…I love you.”
“Are you trying to move on like this?”
You might have thought that I was trying to move on to the right word, but I wasn’t.
“No. I really love you. “Doya.”
My hands are overflowing with feelings that are difficult to put into words.
Doa received the answer that she loved him instead of the answer she wanted.
Her small hand stroked her head.
“I really love you too.”
Doa, as if those words were not enough, she lowered her head and whispered in my ear.
“So, we are happy.”
The word happiness brought tears to my eyes again.
“Let’s get along well, right?”
The two of us lying on the bed side by side.
Perhaps she was tired from crying, Doa quickly fell asleep.
Nevertheless, I had to live tomorrow.
I open the zipper of my bag and take out the script book.
Even if you can’t say it out loud, just enough to memorize it.
I sat in front of the computer with my back to the sleeping Doa and unlocked the phone notifications that I couldn’t check.
What is it? There won’t be any contact at this time.
[There is night shooting in the afternoon of 03/05.]
My world collapsed once again with a simple message without a single emoticon.