50. Koshiba Himawari’s ‘Want’
*
“W-why are you saying such things?”
I’ve explained it thoroughly and clearly many times already, but Onee-chan says such things again with a dazed face. She trembles as if she’s scared, and weakly resists, trying to shake off my arm, which I’m holding.
“Onee-chan is Onii-chan’s wife, right? Onii-chan likes to see heroes in action, so he’d be even happier if the person he likes was a hero. Onee-chan is the one who can’t understand that , so ‘why?’
I’m not saying anything wrong. Everyone thinks it’s natural to want to work hard for the person they love. But Onee-chan is making excuses and refusing to do it.
“But if I overdo it, my body…”
Why is this person always so worried about her own body? As a hero who fights with the power of love, her body should be nothing more than a tool for love, but doesn’t she know that a tool is useless if it’s not used ?
Besides, it’s impossible for Onee-chan, who is supposed to have a greater power of love than me, to be unreasonable at this level.
“I don’t know what you’re so reluctant about, but it’s your job as a hero to do it, right?”
She’s making excuses and trying to shirk her responsibilities, betraying Onii-chan’s expectations. Why did Onii-chan choose this person?
Feeling a little sad, I let go of Onee-chan’s wrist, which had been trembling the whole time. I didn’t mean to tie her up, but as soon as I let go, she immediately distanced herself.
“Or, is it that you don’t really love Onii-chan?”
I can’t forgive this person, who is loved by Onii-chan more than me, for not loving Onii-chan. Because that would surely make Sora-onii-chan unhappy.
“Of course not! We love each other very much. But that’s a different matter, and even a hero’s power has its limits…”
“Limits?”
Hearing those words, I realized that my bad feeling had been right.
“The power of a hero is the power of love. In other words, there’s a ‘limit’ to your love, Nightingale-onee-chan… That’s what you’re trying to say, right?”
The person my brother chose must be a wonderful person. I could never deny my brother’s judgment. But the emotions I had been suppressing until now, with such thoughts, burst forth from the depths of my chest, becoming unbearable.
“That’s not it, Kuchiye-san, it’s not like that…”
I snatched a syringe from Nightingale-onee-chan, rolled up my shorts a little, and plunged it deep into my thigh.
“Hih!”
The needle was thrust unceremoniously into my thigh, and I felt the sharp, then dull, spreading pain. I glared at my sister-in-law, who had let out a small scream on my behalf, and pulled out the syringe.
“Limits, my own body, unreasonable… I think all of that is meaningless in the face of true love. Am I wrong about something?”
The syringe, which had simply been carelessly inserted and removed, was stained with blood on the tip of the needle, but not a single drop had been collected inside. Blood flowed freely from my thigh. I felt a slight numbness and a pain similar to a cut, but it quickly disappeared somewhere along with the wound.
“See.”
My leg, which had been cleanly repaired, was being stared at by my sister-in-law as if she were looking at a monster.
“There should be no limit to the power of love.”
This person doesn’t love my brother enough. She doesn’t love Sora-onichan.
“I can shed as much blood as I need for my brother’s sake. I don’t care if I lose my arms or legs. All that matters is how happy my brother can be.”
I don’t think that kind of hardship is hardship if it makes my brother happy.
“When I cherish my body, I understand that my body belongs to my brother and that I must not destroy it with something unrelated to my brother’s wishes. But it’s different now, the doctor said. This is a mission special, a mission for those who will help us heroes in the shadows. In other words, whether or not this mission succeeds may have something to do with the hero activity itself. You understand, right? If there are no more heroes, my brother will be sad. This is a time when I can put my own body’s worries on the back burner.”
I got so worked up by the sight of this person who was reacting so badly that I started ranting. Because this person has no intention of making an effort for my brother.
And yet, she is loved by my brother. That’s ridiculous.
I wanted at least my words and actions to reach my sister-in-law, and with that in mind, I continued.
“Nightingale-onee-chan. If you love Sora-oniichan, let’s work as Philanx Green until we break. That’s the fastest way for us heroes who fight with the power of love to make my brother happy.”
However, my sister-in-law remained unconvinced by my words and looked down.
“…Yes.”
And in a small voice, she said something as if she were squeezing it out.
“What?”
“If I’m going to break, then I don’t need to be a hero! I quit being a hero!”
…Huh?
What is this person, what is she really saying? Quit being a hero.
Denying the power of love? Giving up on my brother’s happiness?
Sora-oniichan became a hero because he was loved by and loved, and by doing so, he was able to make his brother even happier. This person, who is in the middle of the best perpetual motion machine, started saying that she didn’t t want to be a hero for her own sake.
“That’s impossible.”
This person’s “I love you” was just lip service. Otherwise, she wouldn’t be talking about quitting being a hero. I can’t forgive this arrogant woman for being my brother’s wife. I can’t forgive her for being loved by my brother.
“Why, why can you say such a thing?”
Even though she has the power to make my brother the happiest in the world. Even though she has the only right, she throws it away so easily.
Is it because she is confident that she can be loved by her brother even if she is not a hero? Is it because she doesn’t care if she doesn’t have love from this side?
“That’s not fair to Sora-onichan.”
I know very well the pain of not being loved by the person you love. I can’t let my brother experience such painful, lonely, and helpless feelings.
From Noble mtl dot com
“If you don’t love my brother…”
I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately, the ‘reward for effort’ that I’m going to ask my brother for. I’ve been told to think about what I want, but for me, the only thing that would be the best reward is to be praised by my brother. If he would just look at me a little more, I wouldn’t need anything else.
I knew I couldn’t be the special number one, and I had come to terms with that. It’s all because I’m an immature and childish child. I was happy enough that he would remember me from time to time.
But even though I was satisfied, as time went on, my desire to see my brother grew stronger, and I found myself telling myself more and more that such selfishness was unforgivable. I had been enduring, enduring, and enduring, suppressing my feelings for my brother, knowing that it was inappropriate for someone like me to stand next to him and ask for his love.
But I’ve had enough of enduring. If I’m going to be taken away by someone like this, by someone else…
“I’ll be my older brother’s bride.”
I love my older brother more than anyone in the world, and I want to make him the happiest person in the world.
“I want to be loved by my older brother!”
That was what I ‘wanted’, something I had never known before.