97. Momoko Sekichou’s Sin
As soon as the back of his hand touched hers, it was as if that was the signal for her senior to gently clasp Momo’s hand.
Dinner was over, and their first date was almost at an end. They were in the middle of savoring the last of their plans, which was to walk Momo home. This was the first time she had ever felt so reluctant to say goodbye. She wanted to be with her senior a little longer.
At first, holding hands, which was something lovers did, had felt awkward, but compared to that morning, it felt somewhat more natural now. However, it seemed like she still needed to get used to it a little more in order to stay calm enough to keep her hands from sweating too much.
“I had a really nice time today,” Momo said, and her senior’s face lit up with relief.
“Really?”
“Yes, of course.”
“…That’s good. It was my first time on a date, so I wasn’t able to lead you very well at all, and there were times when it felt strange, so I was worried that you would get tired of me .”
Was the strange feeling he was referring to when Himawari-chan had gotten all worked up, or was it when he had told her that his first love was Philans Red? Either way, Momo was so filled with happiness that she didn’t mind.
“hahahaha, there’s no way I would ever get tired of you. I enjoyed seeing that side of you too.”
“Don’t tease me. I was nervous the whole day.”
“…Hmm.”
“?”
She was happy to be with her senior, but when she saw how nervous he was around her, she couldn’t help but smile.
“I’m happy that you were nervous…at least, I am.”
“Happy? Why? Wouldn’t you rather have a boyfriend who could escort you properly, instead of someone like me who’s trying my best?”
“Because it makes me think that I’m your first.”
“Wh-what do you mean, first…”
Hmm? For a moment there, it seemed like her senior was thinking about something strange.
“Would you prefer it if I had more experience?”
Momo said this in a seriously mischievous tone, and her senior realized that he had misunderstood her in a vulgar way, and he looked away. Even though their eyes were no longer meeting, their hands were still firmly clasped together, and they grew warm.
“Well, it’s true that women are more in demand when they’re a little more innocent…no, it doesn’t matter who you’ve dated before, I’d probably still like you.”
“It’s okay. Like I said, you’re my first boyfriend too.”
When she said this, her senior didn’t look very happy. She had thought that anyone would be happy if the person they liked was their first lover.
“….Probably. You only like me because I’m a college student, an older man.”
“Huh?”
Momo couldn’t even bring herself to deny the unexpected words that her senior had spoken. Her senior’s expression was terribly clouded, and he repeated the same words in a voice that was even more subdued than usual.
“If I wasn’t older, I don’t think you would have even looked at me. I know how it is, because I was the same way. There’s a time when you kind of admire older people. But what you want from an older boyfriend is things like financial security and a sense of tolerance, that kind of margin that comes with being an adult. You’re a hero who’s actually doing hero work, so you earn more than me, and I don’t have any experience getting along with girls, so I’m not very good at treating them either.”
Suddenly, her senior began to make negative remarks that were unlike him. It was as if some kind of switch had been flipped, and her senior continued to pour out his bitter feelings. The words ‘ha’ seemed to come from her senior’s heart, and Momo felt a strange mix of anger and sadness.
“Sure, I might seem a little more mature than the high schoolers around you, but I’m really not that great. I’m just an ordinary guy who happened to show up near Momo, who’s still innocent and doesn’t know much about the world. I think I’m just a sly adult who’s taking advantage of the fact that you don’t have any experience, that you’re still a child.”
From Noble mtl dot com
Her senior often had very low self-esteem.
It seemed like he was always telling himself that he wasn’t as good as everyone else, even though he was so well-liked by Momo and all the other heroes. Her senior always felt guilty when he was with Himawari-chan or Uguisu- san. He always felt like he was deceiving them, and he was sorry. It seemed like he really believed that he wasn’t the kind of person who should be liked, and that this wasn’t just modest.
Momo had come to a certain conclusion: when such a senior fell in love, his own sense of worthlessness would manifest itself in this way.
She was happy to see her senior getting all worked up over her, but she felt like he was becoming more distant as he showed her this ugly side of himself.
“…That’s why, if a better man than me comes along, you can dump me anytime.”
Her senior said these words with a lonely smile, and they weren’t meant to be sarcastic or to get her attention. Even though he was right next to her, he felt very far away.
“Senior.”
It was inevitable that she would feel timid and insecure, because this was love. Momo had made her senior fall in love with her, so she had to accept everything that came with it. She loved her senior no matter what. That’s why it hurt her heart to see him praying for her happiness with such a lonely expression.
It would be painful for her to give up on her senior. For Momo, her senior was someone she wanted to have, no matter how painful or difficult it was, no matter what she had to do. Even if she had to stop being herself , even if she had to wither away and die, she would do anything, break any taboo, deny her whole life, and throw everything away. She would destroy her feelings, her ethics, her true intentions, her emotions, everything, and cheat and sacrifice herself, just to have him.
That’s why she didn’t want him to lie and say that he could step aside for her happiness because he wasn’t good enough for her. If he said something like that, it would mean that everything she had done was evil.
For the sake of my senior, I abandoned justice.
“You know, Momo isn’t as innocent as you think she is.”
“Huh?”
Momo had already reached the point of no return, but I couldn’t help but despise the fact that my senior was still having a normal romance. I hated him, but I hated myself even more for being attracted to him, who possessed such ‘ normality’ and charmed Momo with such ease.
“She’s been confessed to by boys since elementary school. She’s even thought about dating them just for fun. She ended up not doing it, though.”
“Since elementary school!?”
Momo loved him so much, and there was nothing she wouldn’t do to make this love come true.
“That’s right. And since she’s also a hero, I think she knows more about society than her friends. There are quite a few male seniors in high school who talk to her normally, and of course, she’s been confessed to by older men other than you?”
“…”
Why did I want this person so badly? At first, my senior was someone who made me shine, but the closer I got to him, the more he became someone I needed to exist.
Momo had become unable to love herself without her senior. With him, she could live even if she couldn’t love herself blindly.
“Um, what I’m trying to say is… Even if you weren’t my senior, I think Momo would like Asagi Sora. You’re so special to her that she doesn’t need to think about things like ‘ because you’re older’ or ‘if there was someone better.'”
The “like” that I had obtained from my senior for my own peace of mind was so comforting that I would probably die if I let it go.
Even if the affection directed at her was ordinary in size, even if it was a sham, Momo would die without the fact that she was loved by her senior. There was nothing more important in this world. It had to be my senior. I I didn’t want anything else. I wanted to be loved. I wanted to be loved by this person alone.
“Momo likes your face, and she likes your voice. But this isn’t a matter of preference, it’s just because they belong to the person she loves. You’re older than her, so she thinks older men are wonderful right now, but she doesn’t think other older men are wonderful, do you understand?”
“But…”
If love is about thinking about the other person’s happiness, then maybe this isn’t love.
Momo couldn’t back down. If she really loved him, she would get him even if it meant sacrificing everything.
“My first love was taken by another woman, but I’m happy to be your first and last girlfriend, Senior?”
Even if it was the heart of her beloved senior.
“I can monopolize all of your fresh expressions and your growth as a boyfriend that I’ll get to know from now on. I won’t let any other girl have them. I’ll make everything about you mine.”
“W-well, isn’t that kind of… the other way around…?”
“Do you hate aggressive girls… or rather, do you hate aggressive Momo?”
My senior doesn’t know. He doesn’t know the cunningness of Momo, who is taking the long way around to extend their time together. He doesn’t know that she gave up something important as a hero to get this time.
He doesn’t know that the feelings he has for her right now are “fabricated.”
“Rather, I like it.”
“Ahahahaha, you’re using polite language because of Momo?”
Please, don’t know anything. Just keep dreaming of being lovers with Momo forever. Let me see it. Be Momo’s boyfriend for the rest of your life.
“…Fufu, I really like how flustered you are, Senior. I don’t need you to be tolerant, so please show me more of your flustered side, okay?”
Even if it’s a sham. Even if it’s just a hollow heart.
“Doesn’t it feel like I’m being a wimp?”
“I still like you.”
“Is that how it is?”
“That’s how it is.”
I will atone for the sin of distorting your heart by continuing to be the best girlfriend.