65. Say goodbye
“That’s why… Austin, thanks to you defeating Galan, the worms that ate our mana cores are gone.”
“… ….”
“… It must be confusing. Because we did too. I wouldn’t mind saying this, but… But please, just once… Please consider our position as well.”
“… A little. Shut up.”
“Oh, I see….”
My face contorted involuntarily at the feeling of my stomach boiling, as if I hadn’t eaten anything all day.
My stomach feels stuffy. It feels like my throat is completely blocked with a stone the same size as the width of my throat. I felt like a chimney, wanting to quickly swallow or spit out something so stuffy that I couldn’t breathe.
I washed my face repeatedly and frantically poured water into the water cup in front of me.
Gulp….
Tak—!
“Whoa… ….”
I’m not much of a drinker, but now I’m driving myself crazy. Very, very strong alcohol, enough to make me forget what I just heard from Gracie.
Perhaps he is lying. I raised my hand and squeezed my brow,
‘… No. It’s not a lie.’
Remembering that there was no awkwardness in their attitude when we talked a little while ago, it didn’t seem like they were lying to me. Honestly, that made me even more confused.
If it was a lie, I’d just tell them not to talk dog-bone-eating bullsh*t and leave.
“What a f*cking dog… under.”
If a person is too frustrated, there are often cases where something rises up in the heart like a volcano erupting. I was like that now. I vomited out my stuffy mind and erupted without filtering out the screaming inner voice.
“f*ck… Something like an asshole… Amy, like a little horse… Whoa… Ah!!!!!!”
Although I knew that it was a public space and not a space where we were alone, I wanted to scream close to screaming. This, too, was unbearable.
“Haa… ha….”
Because if I didn’t shout at least, if I didn’t let go of my anger like this, I would really go crazy.
“Sniff… Whoa… Black….”
When I had a f*cking fit, Maya’s whimpers started from the quiet crowd.
I was so angry. No, Sipal, why the hell are you mad?
Because I didn’t know anything while these b*tches were at it. I felt like an idiot for thinking ‘I just don’t like the way I look.’
Why did it have to be me who went through that? The answer was immediately drawn to that as well.
Since I didn’t have a mana core, I couldn’t plant that seed of distrust or something. Apparently, the worm seems to be parasitic on the mana core.
But most of all, what angers me the most.
I feel like I’m trying to get past what you guys did to me, just for that convenient reason. I am so angry about that fact that I can’t stand it.
If you guys came out like that, what about those f*cking things I had to handle all by myself?
Yes. I know their situation very well. Maybe they’ll feel bad for themselves too.
However, Gracie clearly spoke of the seeds of mistrust as “Making it difficult to control emotions.”
Will there be smoke in the chimney? In other words, they had such feelings for me in the first place. Even if it was just a very small, invisible piece, it was said that he had been hiding his dissatisfaction with the position I was entrusted with as a scout and his dissatisfaction with me.
This fact made me feel a tremendous sense of betrayal even now that I left the party.
I didn’t show it on the outside, but at the time the girls’ attitude changed, I felt like I was rotting inside.
Imagine. From morning to bedtime, those who have been with me every moment and have been like family, start to treat me coldly and ignore me from a certain moment. They even do chores like this and treat them as servants, and if they make a mistake, they bite them like they’re going to die. To top it off, I don’t even know the exact reason why.
I really thought I was crazy. Having endured for the past two years was practically nothing short of a miracle.
Because I remember when they treated me well. Because I believed that someday, they would return to the girls of those days.
That trust has been brutally betrayed over the past two years, and I eventually left the party. I became angry just by looking at you guys.
And now, they are asking for forgiveness for their mistakes.
I couldn’t help it. I’ve been subjected to something similar to brainwashing.
But that doesn’t mean… The memories of what happened to me won’t go away.
“Seriously, f*ck….”
“Huh… We too… I mean, we didn’t want to either….”
Is that an excuse? Now, I just hate their double attitude. I was disgusted with myself for not being able to figure out what caused the girls to change, and I was unbearably angry that human ties were ruined for such absurd reasons.
I asked Isabel, who looked at me with tears in her eyes.
“Galan planted that strange bug. This is it.”
“Sniff… yes….”
“You guys were playing with Galan’s plan.”
“No, that’s right….”
“By the way, what should I do with this? That Galan is already dead.”
“… ….”
This is what pisses me off the most. The guy who provided the cause is dead, so what do I do?
“What do you want me to do?”
“That, that… Bounce!….”
Should I forgive them like this? I mean, it’s easy.
“If you guys come out like that, where am I going to take my anger out?”
“Oh, Austin… Sorry….”
“I’m sorry. We… Ooh, we’re sorry… Because… !”
Tears welled up in the eyes of the hero and Gracie looking at me.
“I, for the past three years… I tried my best to accommodate you guys.”
It’s just that my head is confused. I don’t even know what I’m talking about. The words that I had been holding down in my heart were coming straight out of my mouth without going through my brain.
“Three years. It’s our time together.”
“Heeuk… black….”
“Two of those years… If it were you, would you be able to hold on while taking on all sorts of chores for two years and eating curses?”
“Mi, sorry… Sorry….”
Even though they tried to speak calmly, except for Adrien, they just kept bowing their heads one after another saying they were sorry.
“… You said it makes you unable to control your emotions. For sure.”
“Heeuk… no, that’s right….”
“It’s hard to control your emotions, so you treated me like that.”
I didn’t want to mix things up anymore. I don’t know if we talk next time, but right now, my heart hasn’t calmed down.
I nailed it.
“You mean you had those feelings for me in the first place.”
At my words, the girls who had shed tears widened their eyes.
Of course, living in a group cannot be without complaints. Having been trained by the Rangers, I know this better than anyone. But.
“Honestly, in my eyes, it only seems like blaming the seeds of distrust.”
“Oh no… no… !!!”
Maya shook her head frantically and grabbed her arm. Even that attitude was disgusting and I couldn’t stand it.
I just feel resentful. You guys are resentful.
I easily shook off Maya and stood up from her seat.
“You guys seem to want me to forgive you… Forgive me for that bastard, I’ll do as much as I can.”
With tears in my eyes, I glanced over at the girls who were looking at me.
“So, in the future… Let’s stay unknown to each other.”
Let’s stay as strangers. In fact, it was no different from saying that I was going to quit the kite.
And after hearing that, Adrienne, who had been quietly bowing her head in her corner, started clinging to me.
“Oh, Austin… ! Please… ! Please don’t say that… ! Please… Because I’m sorry… I apologize for this, so please….”
“… I’m sorry, Adrienne. It must be a pity that I couldn’t use it as a bow practice target.”
“Oh no… ! Then that… Uh, that’s just… !”
I shook off Adrien, who was clinging on pathetically, and trimmed her clothes.
You guys complained to me. It’s because of the seeds of distrust. I couldn’t help it. That it was not my intention.
My emotions, which had nowhere to go, rushed like a wave. With the girls in front of me, I didn’t want to see each other again. Just seeing each other face to face is painful for them and for me.
So, I said goodbye to them one-sidedly. For me, for them.
“Oh, Austin! For a moment… ! Just listen a little longer… !”
As I gestured toward Robin, Gracie jumped over her table and grabbed my hand.
“… Gracie.”
She had a lot of mixed feelings. When we were young, when we first met, we were so friendly.
It was disappointing that I couldn’t recognize the old me and the current me, but I was even more disappointed with the broken Gracie now.
Time savagely neither held onto nor let go of past relationships.
“For the past three years, I thought you would recognize me.”
“Sniff… uh, what is that….”
“Three years have passed since we reunited, but you have changed a lot. If we ever meet again, I wanted to meet under that plum tree then.”
Gracie’s eyes started to shake as if there was an earthquake. First panic, then doubts, then doubts, then convictions. Gracie’s eyes, filled with astonishment, finally looked at me.
“Plum, plum tree… wait a minute Austin! How do you… !”
“The plum tree lady. See you again tomorrow.”
The words we spoke without exception while playing together in the back garden, under the plum tree above the garden at sunset. When we played without knowing each other’s names, those words came naturally, hoping to meet again tomorrow.
“… I won’t be able to see you anymore.”
With that said, Robin and I left the room, leaving Gracie alone.
Thankfully, they didn’t catch me.
… Thankfully.
* * *
As I stepped out of the restaurant, a warm breeze unique to summer brushed my face. It was getting closer to evening time.
“… Robin. Long time no see, would you like to have a drink together? Because I will live.”
“… Seniors.”
“Ah… Didn’t you drink well? Then, buy something delicious separately and head to the inn….”
“Senior.”
Robin, who always looked up at me, grabbed my neck and hugged her head.
“… Are you okay. Thanks for your efforts.”
As Robin gave her a warm hug, she noticed now that her hands were shaking just before.
“I… I have nothing to say. Just… It’s just, you’ve been through a lot.”
“… Robin. Me, i….”
“Senior, you did your best.”
“Huh… ugh… Ugh… Me, i… Just… “
Robin’s warm arms slowly began to get wet.
“I could have just smiled and forgave you… I would have… My, i… Just smile, as if nothing had happened… It could have been… Me, i… I am….”
“It’s okay. Are you okay….”
Severing ties between people… Furthermore, it was heartbreaking to completely sever the ties that were split due to misunderstanding and alienation.
Today, I cut off precious ties with my own hands.
I had promised not to have any dealings with them before, but at that time I didn’t know much about their circumstances. It was close to something I did out of anger.
I could have forgiven you. I could just watch it casually, laughing like I did during the first year.
However, the memories of the past two years were shackled to my feet.
“Huh… Me too, it was hard… I also wanted to be acknowledged as a colleague… I didn’t want to hear that I was a useless scout….”
“… Well, bear with it.”
We hugged each other in the middle of the street and cried for a while.
The resentment that had accumulated over the years was completely washed away by tears.
Hero, Gracie, Isabelle, Adrien, Maya.
For the past 3 years, I have been grateful and resentful.
From noble mtl dot com
Now really, goodbye.
At least, I am.
Holy Molly… This was a painful goodbye