76. Don’t be angry with the past
“So… Here it is… Crab… !”
Click!
When I pushed in the disassembled trigger, it engaged smoothly with a clear sound. I pulled the trigger a few times as a test, and it’s definitely smoother than before.
“A new coat of oil is worth it.”
“Ohh… !”
“Now, if I tighten this place like this….”
Kiririk—!
After tightening the screw slightly, the string of the crossbow, which had been slightly loose, was pulled and tightened again.
“Wow….”
“Isn’t it amazing? This is another crossbow made by a very famous craftsman.”
“Yes…. I’m so curious….”
“Certainly, the technology is considerable. I have never heard of such an elaborate crossbow.”
The night before we left for Mettelheim, we were checking out our equipment one last time.
It’s a pity that because I robbed the money changer yesterday at Becky’s request, I couldn’t replenish my groceries, so my departure here from Harman was delayed by a day…. Since the gate manager case was handled neatly, let’s think of it as an extra business.
I’ve replenished my groceries during the day, so I should be able to leave tomorrow.
I glanced at Sylvia and Luna, who were spouting exclamations of exclamation, as if I was curious to see myself servicing the crossbow.
We were at odds with each other just a few days ago, but now we’re sticking together, watching me fix the crossbow with wonder.
If I were Luna, it wouldn’t be easy for me to forgive Sylvia, but I wondered how they reconciled.
‘So, from now on… Let’s stay unknown to each other.’
… Is it because I couldn’t forgive? Placing the reassembled crossbow on the table, he asked Luna, who sat across from her and picked up a spear and sharpening stone in each of her hands.
“By the way, how did you reconcile with him?”
“Hmm?”
As if not understanding what I was saying, Luna tilted her head.
“No, why? I let you guys talk to each other that day, we went to bed first.”
“… Ah. Is it that day?”
“I was wondering how they ended up reconciling after fighting to death.”
I was very curious. It’s not simply curious about how they reconciled, but with what kind of mindset they buried the other person’s mistakes.
As if understanding the hidden intention behind my question, Luna also leaned the spear she was trying to trim on the table and put on a serious expression.
“What…. Although they fought fiercely with each other that day, they couldn’t continue like that. As we took a step back from each other, our anger eased a little.”
“… Take a step back?”
“Yes. As long as they don’t back down and put their heads together, the relationship between them will be the same after the fight is over.”
“Um…. Certainly, because I was wrong. So I sincerely apologized.”
Luna and Sylvia were not caught up in emotions.
Take a step back from each other… La.
If I… If I had taken a step back and tried to have a calm conversation with them….
As I was lost in my thoughts with my chin resting, Luna, who looked at me for a moment, continued her words.
“Well, in the end, if the wrongdoer asks for forgiveness, the recipient can forgive it.”
“… Did you make it that easy?”
I didn’t understand a little bit. Is forgiveness that easy?
From noble mtl dot com
No. It is not easy to bury the other person’s mistakes and forgive them. Isn’t there a saying that forgiveness is harder than apologizing?
Let’s consider Luna’s position. Luna was in a situation where she had been abandoned by her de facto owner, Sylvia, and she must have felt that betrayal.
By the way, you forgave me so easily?
“… How?”
“That is a complex question.”
“No, I’m really curious. Is forgiveness that easy?”
“Of course it wasn’t easy. Even in the process of finding a compromise with each other, unpleasant words were exchanged.”
I realized how absurdly difficult a question I was to answer was after I said it.
Luna said with her wry smile.
“If you were close before the fight, it would be even harder to forgive. The feeling of betrayal will be greater than you can imagine.”
“… Yes.”
“Austin. Just ask.”
I was projecting Luna and Sylvia’s reconciliation onto me and the hero’s party. Maybe, if so, what would have happened?
I was worried, Luna asked.
“You are now… Aren’t you forcibly breaking the relationship?”
“… ….”
“Of course, whether or not to forgive. The choice is yours, Austin, but…. Seeing that you keep asking these questions, I wonder if you’re forcing yourself away.”
“That….”
Every word that came out of Luna’s mouth was stuck in my chest like a dagger.
“Austin. Can you tell me why you joined the hero’s party?”
She raised her head and looked straight into Luna’s eyes. Sylvia had already gone somewhere else.
“… It was four years ago.”
* * *
Four years ago, the capital, Mettelheim.
At the time, I had left Ranger, but I had the money I had accumulated, so I didn’t have to worry about making ends meet.
However, at that time I still couldn’t forget Rott and Wyler, so I was a bit depressed.
When was that day…. Therefore….
Yes. It was winter. It was a bone-chilling winter day, when the snow had just begun to fall.
It must have been when he left the simple house he had acquired without difficulty and went to a pub he frequented.
“Uncle Bernard. A glass of Mandrake, please.”
“Austin…. It’s kind of funny for me to say this, but wouldn’t it be better to cut back on your drinking?”
“Okay, give me a drink.”
… Now that I think about it, it seems that I suffered more than I thought back then. I’ve been drowning in alcohol
“Hey, Austin.”
“Big…. Why are you calling?”
“You…. Are you really going to continue living like this?”
“Then, then… What do you want me to do….”
As usual, when I was drunk, my tear glands weakened, so I fell face down on the bar table and cried. Because he truly cared for Rot as a colleague. I felt a lot of guilt because I thought that losing the lot was because of my greed.
“Haa…. The most useful junior is like this, because I am rotten inside.”
Perhaps I was pathetic, Mr. Bernard sighed deeply and handed me a piece of paper. By the way, Uncle Bernard was from a ranger who was my top jockey. It was his dream to run a bar after he was discharged from the military.
I snatched up the paper the tavern man handed me and read the contents with a frown.
“A hero… party member… Recruitment… ?”
Recruiting warrior party members. If you think you are skilled in any field, please apply to the Adventurer’s Guild in Mettelheim. Combat experts preferred. For each corps commander you defeat, you will receive a subjugation reward of about 500 gold coins.
… Well, I kind of remember it being something like this.
“It looks like the Demon King’s army has been setting up these days, but they say that the western continent has already become a mess.”
“… I know.”
“Well, you know better than I do. So, are you interested?”
“… I am not interested.”
Thinking about it now, I think I did a lot.
When I first saw the recruitment announcement for the warrior party, I didn’t really want to join the warrior party. I’ve been going through high school and lost a colleague and was discharged, but to work again?
Of course, the 500 gold coins dragged a bit…. I knew how dangerous it was to join a warrior’s party.
“… The hero summoned this time is said to have come from another world.”
“Yes…. Then the hero will come from another world, where will he come from….”
“You still don’t know, Austin?”
“So, what nonsense from earlier… !”
Around the time when I was getting annoyed at Uncle Bernard’s meaningless words, Mr. Bernard spoke in a low voice.
“No matter how strong the hero is, right now he is just a powerless person from another world. Austin.”
“… So.”
“However, if you have a trusted colleague by your side…. The hero will be able to subdue the demon lord much more easily.”
Uncle Bernard, who interrupted him and looked around for a while, lowered his head and continued to speak in a small voice.
“Aren’t you pitiful? To bring a person who was living well to another world, and then suddenly deal with a demon lord.”
“… It has nothing to do with me.”
As I continued to answer insincerely, Uncle Bernard’s face turned a bit grim.
“… Austin. Are you going to keep running away like that?”
“… ….”
Perhaps Uncle Bernard’s words served as a catalyst for me.
“Are you satisfied with that? If you keep running away like that, will Wyler forgive you?”
“I….”
“Come on. Read the road carefully. Combat experts preferred. You’re the one who’s good at killing people, don’t you still get it after seeing this?”
“… What do you want to say?”
“Austin.”
Uncle Bernard made an uncharacteristically spleen look on his face and spoke softly to me.
“The world needs you.”
I poured the remaining alcohol into my mouth, crumpled the paper that Uncle Bernard handed me into my chest, and stood up.
At the back of my head as I was leaving the bar, Uncle Bernard said.
“This time, treat your colleagues with respect. Otherwise, I’ll take care of it myself.”
The next day, I applied for a warrior party.
* * *
“That’s why I joined the hero’s party.”
Having told Luna about her past, I felt a bit embarrassed.
“… It happened. With pleasure.”
As Luna said, she crossed her arms and began to stare at me.
“… Austin.”
“… Why.”
“After meeting with the warrior party last time… It’s like this sometimes. Were you aware?”
“… No.”
“The day I met the warrior party, something must have happened. Am I right?”
“… Huh.”
“Perhaps he came after hearing about their circumstances. Am I right?”
“Right… ah.”
“Then, let’s make it clear here.”
Luna’s pupils stared straight into mine. As I unknowingly tried to avoid my gaze, Luna grabbed my cheek and met her eyes.
I couldn’t make eye contact with those eyes, as if they were telling me I was running away.
“You really…. Do you want to sever ties with them?”
I don’t know. I’m not sure either. However, I knew that no matter how much I struggled, nothing would change. I have already cut off the relationship unilaterally from myself, so what am I going to do now?
“Austin. I am you… I hope you won’t be swayed by your inner feelings.”
“… What should I do?”
“Forgiveness is hard. Living without forgiveness is even harder.”
“Ugh….”
“Austin. If you really don’t want to go out with them forever, time will probably resolve that feeling now. But, if that’s not the case….”
Emotions surged, so I bit my lip without realizing it.
“If not, Austin. Do not be angry with the past.”
It’s like, it’s like….
It felt like my heart, which had been stuffy until now, was being pierced.