23
Even after we left the coffee shop as if running away, our date continued.
I think we went to more places than usual on our dates, from the library to the movie theater to the department store.
But no matter how many places we went to, I didn’t feel like anything had changed.
Rather, it only made me realize our differences more and more.
Ever since that incident, we had been awkward with each other and couldn’t even have a decent conversation.
At the library, I didn’t know that the new book in the series Misaki liked had come out, and at the movie theater, I realized that she was more interested in the latest popular movie than in her favorite genre.
And at the department store, we bumped into Kijima’s group, who were there to hang out. While Misaki was talking to them, I completely faded into the background, feeling unspeakably uncomfortable.
Watching them talk to Misaki happily, I didn’t feel like I wanted to be among them, which just goes to show that I’m really not cut out for socializing.
I don’t gave know what kind of look I Misaki when she came back after finishing her conversation, but judging from the expression on her face as she bowed her head apologetically, it’s clear that it wasn’t anything like a compliment.
One month.
It seems like a short time, but it’s enough time for a person to change.
Misaki, as I see her now, is different from before.
So Misaki must see me differently too.
To Misaki, who now spends her time surrounded by a lively group of friends, I must seem like a really boring and unattractive guy.
And yet, I felt so pathetic for making Misaki apologize.
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I didn’t feel any sense of superiority from having a pretty girlfriend. I only felt guilty toward Misaki, who seemed to have been reborn with a new radiance.
That’s right, Misaki and I are no longer on equal footing.
It had begun to change into something too distorted to be called a relationship, with only a sense of inferiority and regret piling up.
Normally, we should talk things out, bridge the gap, and try to improve ourselves.
That’s probably the right thing to do, and it’s the polite thing to do to someone you love.
But, I was scared.
I was afraid of how Mio thought of me now.
It was pathetic, but I was afraid to face Mio head-on.
That’s why I avoided talking to her properly for the past month.
That led to the scene at the café.
It’s really no laughing matter. I despise myself from the bottom of my heart.
The scum of the earth must refer to people like me.
…Oh, it’s really no laughing matter.
By cursing myself like this, somewhere in my heart, I feel relieved. If I understand that I’m scum, then I’m still in the better category as a person, or so I think.
Is someone like me worth dating?
“I’m cold…”
As I left the department store, the sun was already setting.
They say autumn days are fleeting, but that’s especially noticeable now that winter is approaching.
It’s barely 6 pm, but just walking around makes my breath whiten.
The air is cold, and my fingertips are starting to get numb, even in my pockets.
“Hey, Kou-kun. Where should we go next?”
Mio asks me where we should go next, but I don’t have any particular place in mind.
Mio is taking the lead on today’s date, and I’m just following her around.
If I had to say, it would be dinner, but I’m not that hungry yet.
There are also fewer people walking around town compared to the daytime, so it might be best to end the date here and go home.
It’ll be dark by the time we get back, and it wouldn’t be good for us to be out late as junior high school students.
Mio’s wouldn’t be happy about it either.
“…We’ve been to a lot of places today than usual. I’m a little tired. It’s almost 6 pm, so it’s about time…”
“Oh, that’s right! There was a place I wanted to go to!”
Mio says this as if she just remembered, sensing that I wanted to go home.
“I was thinking of going to the glasses shop! I’ve been wanting a new pair for a while now!”
She claps her hands together as if she just remembered, but is that really true?
“Come on, let’s go, Kou-kun. Please come with me.”
I didn’t think so.
She seems a little desperate.
At the same time, I felt a sense of pain in her plea, and I—
“…Wouldn’t it be better to do that another time?”
“W-what?”
“Let’s just go home, Mio.”
I just shook my head slowly.
I didn’t want her to make that face anymore.