133. What are you sorry about?
[Not sleeping?]
A lot of time has passed. The light of the sword was turned off as if the Holy Sword and Muffin were asleep, and Choco, who was lying on the bed, also fell asleep.
Cream was reading a book using the light of a light bulb. The last page of her book crumbled in her hand at the same time I asked her question, and Cream turned her head away.
[Shall we go?]
“Yes.”
After I consumed Cream’s body, she lay down for several days. After Cream woke up, she immediately returned to Hair, so she had no chance to make time for the two of them alone.
We’ll be traveling again soon, and then it’ll be harder to find time. It may be a bit hasty judgment, but it is only now. When the afterglow of the sense of omnipotence that came to me remains even a little.
Cream stood up quietly. My vision as I looked at it gradually blurred.
“·······.”
Cream can look into my thoughts like the palm of my hand, but that is limited to the surface psychology. I deliberately let my mind sink deep into consciousness.
It is not a complete dive. Before I fall into the abyss of the unconscious where the soul I have reaped is located, I fix myself on just that precarious boundary. Now I have crossed the boundary between conscious and unconscious.
A skill that only a sleepless soul can do. Now Cream can’t read my thoughts. Of course, I also become half-conscious and insensitive to external stimuli.
Even at this moment when all things are floating in a haze as if the world is steaming, only the feeling of the inside holding me was clear.
[You did that last time, ask me to tell you a story from another world.]
“Yes, it was.”
Cream’s footsteps left the tower and stopped in a moderately deserted corner. After staring at the starry night sky for a moment, she took a short breath and sat down on her floor.
Even at this moment, God’s protection works without any problems. Even though she sat down on the muddy floor, her clothes didn’t have a single handful of soil on them. Still looking clean and chaste.
[It’s strange. I never once said that I came from another world.]
I have never expressed my words or even those thoughts through my surface psychology. Of course, you may have sensed some of it in my usual monologue. I’m not that good at self-control.
However, guessing and being certain are two entirely different matters. Besides, Cream went beyond saying that I came from another world, and talked about it as if he had seen my own world.
‘Listen to me later. The story of Karbal’s world, there are many interesting things.’
[Yes, I decided to tell you my story.]
Cream was silent. She just drops her gaze and looks at me. My slim black blade was like the night sky, and the starlight in Cream’s pupils reflected and shone above it.
[My name is Siwoo Kim. It’s not Carbal or Shu, it’s Kim Si-woo. Before I came here, I was a normal person who lived without being particularly good or lacking.]
Hundreds of years have passed and I don’t remember much now. If there’s one thing I still remember, I loved my life. There is nothing in this world so difficult to achieve as mediocrity.
Moderate wealth, harmonious family, normal daily life. There is no special sense of purpose, but it is satisfying enough in itself even if you just live as pushed. Such a life
And one day, when I opened my eyes, I realized that I had fallen into another world.
[I was embarrassed at first. When I woke up, I was in a completely different world. Fortunately, I was able to communicate with people, but could I have adapted to it? In a world like this where monsters roam even if you go outside the city, and swords and magic exist?]
A fantasy can only be enjoyed when it is a fantasy. The moment my fantasy became a reality, what I had to face was an extremely absurd and unreasonable world.
Things that can burst the same person like a boiled tomato with a single finger wear a human mask and live like humans, like humans. And no one is afraid of that fact.
This world is crazy. A single life is so easily cut off simply by a snap of a finger, not by some unfortunate accident or unavoidable circumstances. And there was no guarantee that it wouldn’t be me.
[Still, if you survive, you will adapt somehow. I picked up a knife because I didn’t want to die, and I became an adventurer because I didn’t want to know anything. Fortunately, I was lucky enough to somehow rise to a high position.]
But there are good people in this damn world. The receptionist noona who picked me up after I collapsed on the side of the road and made me a living being, and my colleagues.
Thanks to that, I was able to keep a little bit of romance. I came to like this world, even a little bit. The fear of death and nihilism could be shaken off.
Even if it wasn’t Kim Si-woo, who lived an affluent life, Shu, an adventurer in another world, also gradually adapted to his own life. The adventure became fun, and there were people I wanted to protect.
[You heard that too. Was I still quite famous? There was no one who didn’t know my name when I called Shu, the golden adventurer. Those were good times, really.]
And the famous golden adventurer Shu died. With one blow from the golem’s fist, it turned into an unrecognizable piece of meat, so in vain.
However, even after death, my life did not end. The elder lich wakes me up, transforms me into a sword, neglects me for decades, and then picks me up again and leaves the world.
[You know that feeling?]
I raised my consciousness, which had subsided, only at this moment. In a short time, for Cream to read my mind. Her complexion turned pale.
When I became a sword overnight, it took me a long time to accept the present. Being a tool that can’t do anything by itself.
Even the senses felt are heterogeneous. 360 Degree rotating field of view. The sense that the material world and the spirit world overlap. A taste that cannot be satisfied no matter how much you eat.
“Sorry.”
[No, no need to apologize.]
But there was something else that bothered me the most. The soul is volatile. The soul is easily corrupted. An ego weapon with a piece of soul embedded in it, an undead whose soul does not leave the body.
Both of them have memories of their lives and use their names, but does that maintain the continuity of their existence? Can existence before death and existence after death really be the same?
And after a long thought, I came to a conclusion. No, it’s not. Now I’m just a sword that inherited the memory, soul, and past of a person from another world.
[Because Shu, who deserves your apology, has already died a long time ago.]
The sword does not worry about its own identity. What matters to a sword is whether its blade is sharp enough to cut an opponent, not its name.
Nevertheless, the reason I bothered to bring up this story was simple. It is neither appealing to know my pain, nor resentful of the unreasonable fate of the world. But.
At least that’s how it sounds to the other person. Even more so, if the other person cares about me, the words I spit out like a dagger will surely shake her heart.
“I…”
[So, tell me now. About the truth entangled in us.]
I couldn’t hide those thoughts, so I put a river that completely hid my surface psychology. Even now, I am barely balancing on the horizon of my consciousness, but if I am wrong, I feel like I will fall straight into the abyss of my unconscious.
Once you enter, it will take a long time for you to come out again because of the ghosts that cling to you. Then the opportunity you seized will be wasted. So, you should listen now.
Crim said nothing, but her skin was whiter than usual. Soon, her pale lips opened slowly.
“I don’t know either.”
[What?]
It was dangerous. For a moment, my composure was shaken. I licked her tongue at the cream’s strong taste. Even though I sold my emotions this far, it doesn’t work?
No, it worked. On the outside, Cream still had a sullen expression, but I could easily read the sadness and guilt inside her. It’s fortunate that it’s a sword without an expression.
From noble mtl dot com
“······Really. I knew, I had, but I forgot everything.”
What are you talking about? I picked myself up to cry. Cream is pure. Her words should be taken literally, not guessed.
[What, did you get amnesia?]
“Yeah…”
[I will turn around.]
Oops, my usual tone came out inadvertently. At my cold response, Cream lowered her head in despair. After, yes Let’s calm down. You came all the way here
If it was the usual cream, even if I thought of a topic like this, I would gritting my teeth and pretending not to hear what I was saying. Still, now she at least shows an attitude of trying to answer seriously.
[When it comes to memory loss, how do you know you’ve lost your memory? Seeing that he looks fine these days, he seems to have lost only the memories of the past.]
“Little by little, coming back, there.”
[Remember?]
“Yes.”
Isn’t it too good even if the real excuse is good? What’s even more embarrassing is that there’s a high probability that those words are true.
Even when I consumed Cream’s body, I couldn’t read her memories. No, it wasn’t that I couldn’t read it at all. However, the categories I could browse were limited to recent ones.
When I tried to recall the memories of the past, something like white darkness blocked my event. Even though I was infinitely close to omnipotence at that time, I couldn’t break through that ban.
“I’m sorry. Sorry······. I’ll tell you everything later.”
[Whoa.]
Whoops, ruined the atmosphere. Seeing Cream start to cry now, my heart weakened. No matter how much I look at it, she doesn’t seem to be able to tell me properly, and in the end, I have to find the answer elsewhere.
It’s not that I’m so zealous about chasing down the Dark Church for nothing. They are an ancient group that has probably existed since the creation of the world, and they have a close relationship with God.
Of course, we captured the secret records of the Dark Church, but that was only about our future plans. None of what Cream said mentioned anything about the past. The part I need the most.
[Okay, then let’s just ask this.]
If you’re going to do this, you should have listened to the stories of those secret transmitters or something. Well, if George sees it, another one or two will come out.
I sighed and raised my consciousness back to the surface. The blurred bond became clear again, and a look of relief turned to Cream’s face, who had become spiritually close with me once again.
Well, it’s just a trivial question. I let such thoughts float in the surface psychology, and before my consciousness fully emerged, I threw out a question woven from the depth psychology.
[You brought me into this world, right?]