49 – Impression (2)
“Is the necklace okay?”
The hand that had just thrown off the jacket unexpectedly moved to the upper garment that covered my body, rather than focusing on accessories.
The metal heart hanging around my neck was shining in its place.
“…This,”
Without taking off the clothes completely,
The face that hesitated while carefully wrapping it with hands looked somewhat dazed.
Holding the gift tightly with both hands, the visual sensor that looked at me,
No,
When our eyes met.
I realized that this was not just a simple ‘service’.
“No, I just asked in case it might be uncomfortable.
It’s okay if you’re okay with it. If you like it, that’s enough.”
“If I… like it.”
It wasn’t simply moving according to my reaction.
It wasn’t about preventing others from approaching,
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It wasn’t about answering my questions.
So,
This was a pure thought of Ilia…
“I would appreciate it if Taehyuk looked my way.”
“He’s already doing that.”
“Just a moment, like that…”
The one who said he would continue if I liked kissing always used provocative movements, as if trying to release desires.
As learned, ‘entertainments’ to make me feel better.
But now,
“…”
Approaching cautiously, feeling the lingering warmth on the falling lips,
Moving the visual sensors here and there as if not knowing what is what.
“Purpose… meaning…”
“Are you okay?”
“I… to Taehyuk. No, Taehyuk to me…”
Instead of trying to say something,
The gaze that occasionally looks at me with the necklace still not let go is too warm to be called a machine.
And, the cautiously approaching hand –
“…”
Gently touched my cheek, slid the lips with the thumb.
And then, coming in through the collar of my still unbuttoned clothes, slowly placed a hand on my chest.
Not daring.
Not intense.
As if calmly learning something, the side not holding the necklace merely paused on top of my heart.
“Do you feel it?”
The dismissive remark that it was just a machine in the form of a woman had bothered me from the moment I heard it.
And rightfully so, because the trembling didn’t start from the moment this body was assembled –
It started from the moment I saw the one inside the awakened body recognizing me.
But if there’s something to admit,
“According to my knowledge, the reason a human’s heart beats fast is -“
“Because of excitement. Because of you.”
Since taking on such a form, I began to expect more than just a comrade from that guy,
Could it be that I started anticipating a relationship beyond that?
“For me, is that so?”
Always a relied-upon companion,
Through countless rescues and being rescued,
Even if the Illya in my memories had a steel body –
Now, all those moments…
“Otherwise, it wouldn’t be like this.”
“I, I…”
As a woman, was being revealed.
Holding the gifts in a beautiful embrace, not knowing what to do,
the machine inside the accident module, which I couldn’t see into, seemed confused as it passed countless letters,
as if it were slowly taking its place as my woman.
“Are you number 125?
Or are you just a war machine with the name I gave you?
Or,
are you a free being who moves as you wish, guided by your own judgment?”
“I have the authority to…”
“You do.”
With my belongings nestled in the hand on my chest,
and facing the existence in those eyes that look at me,
even if it were just a cluster of commands –
I smiled at the locks that bound it, breaking them,
to the one who was there for me.
“As your companion, I want to see how far you can go.”
The words of gratitude that the guy said to me when I grabbed his hand and pulled him up from the ruins of the collapsed room.
The tasteless combat rations I received afterwards.
The words of gratitude I threw at the guy who pulled me out, drawing a line on the floor with red blood, when I was wounded and sprawled on the ground.
The days when, in return for salvation, I diligently wiped the dusty body.
Suddenly, those days passed through my mind.
It must not have been a mere coincidence.
It wasn’t just because I had gone crazy from the long battle and developed affection for the machine,
Nor was it simply because I was submissive and chose it as my lover,
And it certainly wasn’t just to release my desires by spewing out words indiscriminately.
“I, I-“
In an instant, it reaches out its hand and pulls me into an embrace,
The sensation of its arms tightening around me so intensely that I can’t feel any pain,
“I love you.”
I burst into laughter at those whispered words flowing into my ear,
Because I feel the same way too.
“Tae-hyuk, I, I can’t define this reaction with just the words ‘I like you.’
It’s completely different. It doesn’t align with the dictionary definition at all.”
Like when I first collided with its body with all my might, I hold the head of the being that is trembling at my fingertips,
And I fully accept the pressure from the narrowing space.
“Only through this input,
Can I perfectly express the feelings and sensations I perceive in the information I receive, other than the word ‘love.’
I, I find you adorable, Tae-hyuk. I love you. Thank you for everything you’ve done for me.”
“Ugh-“
The pounding sensation that violently strikes my rushing body is my own heart.
It’s the pounding created by emotions that are as wild as the creature, squeezing my lungs as if they’ll burst and making me gasp for breath.
“In the moments we shared, the kindness you showed,
The reactions you displayed until my power was about to cut off,
The choice you patiently made amidst a decade of injuries,
And the decision to willingly understand my immaturity,
All of that is love. I believe it can be defined as love.
Any other interpretation is impossible for me.
Taehyuk cared for me, loved me.
Even now, in this moment,
Renaming me, naming the gun as a companion, all of it is love.
However, I, all this time, continued to serve blindly,
Unaware of the true meaning of those actions,
Repeating only the literal definition of the word ‘lover,’
Seeking only behaviors in line with Taehyuk’s commands.
Those are not acts of love.”
As Ilyah, pressuring with the force to break the already stiffened rib, finally revealed her face once again.
There was no longer an expressionless mouth to speak of.
“But now, I think I understand what I should do,
How I can fit into the relationship defined by Taehyuk,
Now, I might be able to know.”
The awkward smile was now gone.
With just a slight lift of the corners of her mouth, the mechanical face that once contorted itself was no longer in place.
“Oh, really?
Then… what is it that I want?”
“Everything you’ve done for me.
I knew you were angry with me that day because you hoped I understood the meaning of those things.”
There was only one beautiful woman, looking at my face and tilting the corners of her eyes.
Telling the story of the day she scolded me for seeking such a day through ‘logical’ judgment,
Iria grabbed my face.
And in the dimly lit car, she showed me my lips turning red.
“Now I understand the disappointment you expressed to me.
I know how similar it is to the dissatisfaction you’ve shown me all this time.
Because you hoped I was not just a mechanical reaction,
but that I loved you as an independent entity,
and that you hoped I wouldn’t make judgments based on principles.
Is that correct?”
I never expected the statement of not being a simple artificial intelligence to be proven in this way.
I only meant to resolve misunderstandings between us and exchange gifts as a gesture of getting along better.
Now reached somewhere beyond that.
I…
“When told that I didn’t need to make rational judgments, I couldn’t comprehend it.
Since then, I only went as far as selectively applying that regulation to bypass some authority.
But now, I understand the intention behind that statement.”
Iliya, who had only received caresses, was suddenly stroking my cheek,
Gently passing over my head as I had done to her before.
If it was just a simple imitation,
If there was no difference from other service droids,
It would never show a face like this, with added expressions.
“Because you, Taehyuk, wanted me to personally choose you.
Even if all other principles and facts were ignored,
It was because you wanted to prioritize Taehyuk.
At the same time, the reason for cherishing my survival as an essential condition was –
Because you wished for our relationship to continue without breaking, isn’t that right?”
” – ?!”
Blocking my lips, about to answer, with her hand,
The one who closed her eyes while pressing her lips against the back of that hand…
“The probability of it not being true is significantly low.
Also, even if you deny it – the probability of that being false is extremely high.
This would be the selected answer for the response to my bewildered reaction.
In other words,
Taehyuk desired love with me.
Despite Tanaka Haru and Goda Yeon’s advances,
Taehyuk chose me.
It left a deeper impression on my heart than the numerous marks left on my neck.
Was it helpful that he repeatedly assured me there was no need to be anxious?
Or did the necklace I gave him become a decisive factor?
But one thing is certain,
“Taehyuk, I want to respond to that choice.
So, even if the place is somewhat inappropriate, I hope you understand.”
The events about to unfold from now on are not the ones I chose,
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but rather the ones Illya personally chose.