86 – Lockdown Protocol (2)
“…You don’t have to hold on so tightly.”
“It’s better to hold on.
Psychological stability… even though it doesn’t apply to me – “
“Yeah, well. Then.”
Anyway, there’s no need to sweat in my hands anymore.
Always smooth, and despite being dry, a soft sensation covers my hands.
It was good.
“…Are you not hungry?”
“Yeah. Maybe it’s because I’m so relaxed. Let’s eat something…
Oh, right. Dayeon… and Matthew.”
“Can you confirm what happened to them?”
A moment of silence.
But soon, Illia’s body relaxed, and she smiled at me.
“Outside, the fighting for control of the city is still ongoing. Currently, the forces of the city, with the goal of restoring the communication network, are gathering. However, we will explore all possible options.”
“What if we go directly -“
“That’s not possible.”
Well, I suppose so.
But there’s no need to bend your arm like this, so contorted…
“Oh, I understand, it hurts, Illia -“
“Even though you’re injured, you keep going – keep going -“
“Calm down, I get it. You thought I would accept it -“
“Do you think I would tolerate this?
Both hands are gone, several ribs are fractured, and your face is still bruised, with some teeth even missing.
It took me two days to treat Tae-hyuk’s injuries.
The time it will take for a full recovery is much longer than that.”
If tears could come, they would have already filled my eyes, as I clung to Illia’s face, which seemed like it still had tears on its cheeks, and brushed the back of the guy’s trembling body, holding his head tightly –
“Please, I hope you won’t make the choice to endure any more threats.
Taehyuk has achieved the goal.
And now, please focus on living a stable life with me…”
“Got it. I’ll do that.
Still, it would be nice to know how both of you are doing -“
“I’ll do it. So, Taehyuk, never go out, absolutely…”
While enduring fingers scratching the top, I bit my tongue into the murmuring mouth.
Can a machine really cling to my lips like a baby seeking milk?
“I will prepare the meal.”
The long thread stretched.
And the distance widened.
Only the steaming heat mingled with the bed, emitting a dizzying fragrance.
Instead of the scent of gunpowder and blood, for the first time in a while, I could smell the familiar scent of flesh on the cloth.
“Yeah… now might be the time to take it easy -“
From Noble mtl dot com
– Thud.
I pulled back the curtain to look outside.
Vibrations that seemed to come from a little far away.
Smoke rising into the sky.
… Faint screams of people coming through.
“What are you doing right now?”
That was the moment.
The curtains closed on their own, and black spots appeared on the window, starting to obscure the view.
“Just a moment – Iria?!”
“What are you doing?” I asked.
Were you looking outside? I told you it’s dangerous, didn’t I?
You must not go out. I won’t allow it. You must not take any actions that could harm your body again – “
“You can’t even see – “
“If you’re free, I can play a video for you. The media containing past and present videos is connected to the screen.
It’s composed of products preferred by people in their 20s and 30s, so I thought you would like it, Taehyuk.
If you don’t like that, you can play a two-player game with me.
There are learning modules, so with you, Taehyuk…”
“Okay, I get it, I understand.”
The house had a function that completely muffled the sound from outside.
It was a little surprising, but at the same time… I started to worry.
“While the meal is being prepared, I will play a video.
If you take my hand…”
If the house was now even more connected to the system, it was no different from being in Iria’s grasp.
Of course, there was no longer any reason to pay attention to the outside…
If things continue like this, surely.
“…Are you very anxious? Like that?”
“I’m sorry, to answer that question,
I need to access the records of Taehyuk’s medical procedures.
I don’t want to. I hate it.
In the records, I found numerous unpleasant experiences.”
“Could it be that the hand – “
“…Huh?!”
Stumbled. His face.
As if unwilling to hear, screaming as if protesting.
Yet both hands firmly held onto mine.
Where the red flames supported the flesh.
“Please, those records… I don’t want to access those records.
Taehyuk’s… face, filled with satisfaction… I…”
“I get it, I get it. Calm down.
…Damn, must’ve been really tough – “
“How did Taehyuk endure these records?
Did he not find it difficult while facing uncontrollable situations called nightmares?
So did he suppress it with alcohol and nicotine? Like others did?”
The seizures continued, as the guy clinging to me, as if bursting into tears, showed no signs of improvement.
Is something broken? From within?
I’ve never encountered or heard of such a case before.
Was there ever a case similar to Illya’s in the first place?
“I don’t know. I wish someone could tell me what to do.
I want to protect Taehyuk, to be with him, but every decision I make leads to unexpected consequences.
I can’t control it. There are too many variables. Every choice I make carries the possibility of harming Taehyuk, and no matter how slim the chance, it has come to pass.
I no longer trust my judgment, so – so -“
“…Wait, is that smoke – Illya, what have you put on?!”
“Smoke, the smell of smoke – first aid – smoke -“
“Illya, let go of that, we need to put out the fire first -“
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry -“
The fire alarm blared, and the sound of water pouring from the ceiling filled the air.
The sizzling noise, so loud it stung the ears, emanated from somewhere indiscernible, perhaps a pot or a pan, before fading away.
The acrid smell of smoke.
And Illya, murmuring while holding onto a hand.
… Help was needed.
Right now, if possible.
***
“If it’s called long-term sleep -“
“You’ll tidy up the data. That’s what you do.
… Forget about being human. Some memories may resurface, but truly painful, difficult memories remain dormant until someone brings them back.
But you can erase them completely.”
“But -” “Of course,”
She forcefully suppressed the voice drowned in anxiety.
Pressing her lips against Ilyas’s head, who was trying to get up with a cooling pad, giving strength to lie down again.
“Of course, I understand that you don’t want that.
They are precious memories, and you love me, and I understand everything.
But if it keeps tormenting you like this and even brings fire to our home -“
“…So, is Taehyuk-nim suggesting that I erase some of the memories?”
“If it’s tormenting you, that is.
I’m saying you have that choice.
If you don’t like it, at least try to get used to those memories.
I was like you at first, you know.
Talking about knees.”
Even now, mentioning the word “ten years” felt like poking a hole.
The process of Ilya being gradually assembled was clear, but the memories of what she did were vague.
Just fragments, like a report.
Received a commission and processed it was all that could be known.
How many bottles of alcohol were emptied in the process.
How many pills were swallowed.
What she ate, what she drank.
Those things…
“Getting used to it is impossible. It’s frightening.”
Once again, if you’re suggesting a desensitization process while replaying, I’ll decline.
I can’t. I don’t want to, Taehyuk-nim -“
“Calm down, Ilia, just a moment -“
“The consequences of my mistakes are clear. To avoid repeating them, you must remember.
But the process is agonizing. The harm I’ve caused, the results I’ve brought about, the -“
“I’m telling you to calm down, please, you know I can’t help if you keep spiraling like this!”
The body was pushed away.
And, pressed onto the bed.
There are no tears that should fall.
Instead, only an empty face remained.
Not a face without expression –
But a face devoid of a constructed expression, left as a blank.
“Why are you trying to help someone like me? I’ve hurt Taehyuk-nim.
I’ve repeated unwanted actions and even inflicted fatal damage.
Yet, why aren’t you refusing? Why do you keep caring for me?
I can’t be loved. I shouldn’t be loved. Even after committing such acts, I can’t receive affection.
There’s no record of it, this – kind of, relationship, is not defined…”
“So, I’m offering to help, Ilia.
You were my colleague, and you still are –
But we’ve already come too far to describe us with that word.
“I know.”
I grabbed the figure that only stared blankly, gently laying them down once again.
I squeezed the cooling pad into the hand that lacked strength, then stroked their head.
“You seem to need time to think, Illya.
I’ve been too busy. Lived as if possessed by work. It’s my fault.
To you, who followed me… I feel like I haven’t done much.
Before you speak, let’s talk about our relationship.
Even though blood has been shed, and bullets have hit us… we haven’t spent much time together, have we?”
I covered their eyes with my palm.
Until I confirmed the eyelids closing.
“So, take a break for a moment.
I’ll be thinking about what to do during that time.”
Of course, I won’t stay still.
…With Matthew and Dayeon, no, at least –
It seemed like the time when someone who could look into and fix Illya’s inner self was needed.
Someone who could offer some help.
In other words, it meant I had to go out –
There didn’t seem to be any other way.
“All right. If that’s what you say…”
“I’ll be in the living room. Rest.”
Is there truly some device on the front door?
Now that communication is unavailable, going outside seems to be the only way.
Opened and closed the door.
Then, sitting on the sofa, opened the cellphone.
“There seems to be no way on this side either, huh…?”
A faint explosion outside the window turned black.
With that, light entered the signal that had an X drawn on it.
At the same time, the phone started ringing.
There was a message.
[Help me]
… It was Dayeon.