19 – Episode 19 – Deviation
sh*t. I regret it after saying it. No, it was an answer that came out without my knowledge to regret. Why did I do that?
Silence that lingers for a while. Junhyeok’s indifferent expression somehow feels very uncomfortable.
Looking back, I don’t think the answer was really misleading… … Still, I’m the kind of person who imagines a bad situation first.
“……Really? You don’t see a lot of kids who dye their hair at school these days, do they?”
“Uh. It seemed like that!”
After saying that, Junhyeok returned the cardigan to me. Then he just started sucking on the strawberry smoothie that was on the table.
definitely passed without any doubt.
After safely passing through, I felt that my body was losing strength.
Why did I have to lie like this? I don’t know if it’s because my head is already confused.
On a date with a boyfriend whom I enjoyed after a long time, I was scared alone and relieved alone thinking about other men. What the hell are you doing?
Seeing Junhyeok’s harmless face, I felt a sense of shame.
Please calm down and live.
###
The clumsy date, which took place in an improvised course, continued into the evening.
I thought the time passed quite quickly because I was so distracted, but when I came home and looked at the clock pointing to 10 o’clock in the evening, I started to feel tired.
A self-contained room obtained by adding money earned from broadcasting and support from parents.
No, what’s wrong with calling it a self-contained room? it’s an apartment anyway.
Normally, walking around the house would make you feel better, but today was a little different.
No, if you think about it, I always felt like this when I looked inside the house for the last few days.
A pile of dishes piled up in the sink and disposable containers of delivered food that were roughly discarded on the table.
There is no ventilation, so the air is stale and dust gathers here and there.
The light from the front door that illuminates the dark house seems to take away more energy that was not there.
Usually, when Junhyeok came to play, we would eat meals I made myself rather than delivery food. It’s me, I like to cook, and the fact that my lover enjoys my food is also good. Of course, Junhyeok also liked my cooking.
After eating two people’s worth of dishes, the dishwashing piled up didn’t matter too much. That’s about it, it’s not even labor, it’s always the first thing to do when doing housework.
However, after fighting Junhyeok, that changed a bit.
Looking at the sink was stressful.
When I looked at the pile, I always felt like I was the only one struggling.
I have lived listening to the saying that a woman should yield a lot to a man in a relationship, and I also gave a lot to Junhyeok and yielded a lot.
In addition, such concessions often penetrated into the realm of broadcasting. Most of my vacations were related to Junhyeok.
Still angry at me for filming a broadcast. How far do I have to retreat? Shouldn’t you respect me more as we’ve been together for a long time?
And at that point, the flow of thought starts to break again.
Am I blaming society for quarrels between lovers? Are you arguing too much about things like trading things while in a relationship? Surely there must be some concessions made by Junhyeok to me?
Did my personality get twisted while studying? Are you just doing this pathetically because you’re upset by yourself over something like this?
After going through a series of thought processes like that, I didn’t want to wash the dishes, cook, or do anything, so I ended up laying in bed and staring at a delivery app.
After taking Yuhan home yesterday, I came home without much thought, so why am I feeling so weak today?
I, a human being, have been watching for 23 years, but I still can’t figure out what’s inside.
Well, I can’t stay like this forever. have to go back to normal
After turning on all the lights in the house and opening all the windows, I went to the sink and put on rubber gloves before stopping for a moment.
Keep something turned on so repetitive tasks won’t get boring.
With the rubber glove on my left hand, I thought about it for a while, and there was something that caught me.
I don’t think I’ve ever properly watched Yuhani’s broadcast.
really… It’s bittersweet to think about it and dismiss Yuhan as a bad person.
While washing the dishes, turn up the volume of your cell phone so as not to be drowned out by the sound of water and enter Twizy TV’s Golden Sun channel.
Yuhan is in the middle of a game broadcast. The number of viewers is recording 89 people. Looking at it again, it seems to be on a pretty decent uptrend.
Is it because the character is clear that the broadcasting is growing rapidly while broadcasting the game with that terrible graphic?
Thinking about that, I started scrubbing the dishes with a scrubber, but I heard strange words.
[oh… look at that zombie It’s like all of you who are crazy about s*xual desire… . It’s a pitiful look… .]
“Poohye!!”
crazy! I almost dropped the plate! What the hell is that all about!
[Stop f*cking… ? You seem like a viewer who doesn’t fit well with the cultured Taeyang when he uses really harsh vocabulary… . Just one more b*tch and I can let you go… ?]
oh my god. Is this the Seong Yoo-han I used to know?
The person with that easy-going tone and cool personality that makes you feel like a woman?
No, why are you exchanging swear words with viewers in the first place?
Doesn’t the more hakobang, the more the viewers are treated?
When I put down the dish I almost missed and look at my phone, on the large cam screen behind the small game window in the corner of the screen, Yuhani sits with a pillow on her lap in a dignified posture and speaks harsh words with a soft voice.
And the chat window… …
-Please stop f*cking with the host.
-Shi,,,Show me some of Balom’s tight thighs,,,,@@
-Your brother’s panties are so wet, so please wash them hahahaha
-Do you think that would stop s*xual harassment?
– I can never stop
What’s this.
It’s a very different atmosphere from my broadcast. I know that the atmosphere of chatting in each room is different, but I have never seen such an extreme difference.
No, in the first place, isn’t that kind of chat a complaint? Most male cam streamers would be able to go out of their minds over a naked chat like that.
In an incomprehensible situation, I took off the rubber glove on my right hand and started chatting.
[Aristo235: What is this?]
-What are you
-Please refrain from using polite words.
– Just keep the s*x drips and grasp the atmosphere
– notice level
what… … Why are you cursing? Even when I see bad comments, I am at an age where I am not particularly hurt, so I have more doubts than resentment about swearing.
I thought I was a person who was good at understanding the atmosphere, but this time I really don’t know.
[Who was the one who just cursed? If I get caught swearing at a viewer, I will get banned for real. And Aristo, thank you for the respectful chat… … . Thank you.]
-radish
– ㅇㅇㅋ
-radish
-ice
-Why are you cursing at us?
-ㅇㅋ I’ll only curse at you
Is this a cultural difference? It’s hard to even call it a culture in the first place.
After receiving a mysterious shock, I was disposing of the remaining dishes and arranging the trash scattered around the house. Ever since I watched the broadcast earlier, I felt a shady desire keep coming up from the depths of my heart.
No, maybe it has already been uploaded.
He brings his cell phone back and goes into Yuhani’s live broadcast.
Broadcasts and chats that are no different from before.
… … Even if I do one or two chats like that, no one will recognize me if I get mixed up in those suspiciously lively chats.
This account was created separately to use when watching other broadcasts, so its own anonymity is guaranteed.
Anyway, Yuhan doesn’t seem to be trying hard to block those chats.
… … Ehyo. You’ve finally gone crazy, Arya. What are you thinking? No one knows, so you want to s*xually harass people through chatting on other people’s broadcasts?
It seems I’ve been under a lot of stress lately.
I thought I had lived a moral life all my life, but there was a filth that I didn’t even know existed.
… … ugh… … Still, what… … .
Uh, in a way, isn’t Yuhan contributing to some of my stress? Of course, I concluded that I was wrong first, but even so!
And I’ve never said anything bad on the internet before, at least once. Wouldn’t it be okay for just once?
Anyway, it will be buried as something only I know. don’t be like that
Of course that is nonsense. That’s what I know best. But for me to be conscious of that fact and to stop, I felt like I had gone crazy somewhere.
Fingers move randomly. No, it must be moving as my body tells me. Isn’t it a problem in the realm called instinct?
A line of chat sent like that.
I don’t remember what I hit.
One thing I remember is that after typing that one line of chatting, a terribly exhilarating pleasure passed through my body.
The pleasure that comes from a single deviation is beyond imagination.
and.
My body was already sending a second chat the moment I realized I would never forget the pleasure.
Until one o’clock in the morning, I couldn’t stop the act.