#11
In the past, I would have reflexively opened my mouth and denied that it was not.
Just as Rubia thinks of me as the most precious friend, I also thought of Rubia as the other half of my body.
But now.
The voice does not come out easily.
It took a lot of effort until I figured out the meaning of the question myself. The question of whether I dislike Rubia enters the depths of my heart, constantly asking me for a sincere answer.
What do I think of Rubia?
Just as Rubia felt guilty for me, I also felt guilty for Rubia.
Of course, it’s never been nice to have these feelings come and go between the right friends.
Then what are we
If the childhood friends Rubia and Ezio, who laughed brightly as they jumped over the valley together, are no longer here, then where should our relationship, which has been so disorganized, go?
More than anything else, how do I want to be with Rubia for the next 5 years, so that I can continue to maintain this cold attitude?
The desire to reconcile with a friend comes from the desire to get along well with that friend again. In that context, I would like to examine my feelings now.
I… … Do you want to be the most precious friend of Rubia and each other again like before?
In the past, I was not satisfied with it and made a big mistake. No matter how much I’ve changed, I’ve never been with Rubia again since then, so I can’t be sure of my heart.
I don’t want to repeat that horrible experience, and I don’t want to untie the knot between Rubia and me and relieve the entangled emotions, first of all.
I was too tired for that. in various ways.
“I don’t hate it.”
He didn’t even dare to sit next to Rubia’s bench, and sat with his buttocks on the dirt floor just below him.
Now, looking at Rubia’s face and talking, it seemed like she would never be able to say these words. That was not what I wanted.
Because.
“Yeah, I don’t even like it.”
“——!”
Even if I could hear Rubia swallowing her breath, I couldn’t see her, so I could speak here.
My face reflected on the water is still awkward.
It is said that the characteristic cynical eyes are still there, but everything else has changed so much. Even my parents, whom I met before entering school, didn’t recognize me.
To be honest, I was a little shocked.
Later, he accepted my change positively and was happy that his son had grown taller, but anyway.
I can’t find the old Ezio Cranil anywhere in the present me. Maybe it wasn’t just the outward appearance of the body.
“I think it’s good to keep childhood memories as memories, Rubia.”
“… … ”
It was too crowded during the day.
It was a very confusing shock, and it was as if my brain had malfunctioned because of the things I had to say and didn’t want to say, all tangled up in my head. Because Mew and Rubia were together.
it’s better now
As night fell, my mind calmed down.
Of course, the complexion was the same, but it was much better than the bright day when thoughts were scattered here and there other than the main point.
for example.
When I’m with Rubia like this.
Rubia was by my side right now, but she was definitely feeling different emotions than before. He didn’t want to fall off anyway, and he seemed to keep looking at Rubia without looking away. then.
Right now, I am uncomfortable with Rubia.
… … That’s sad.
It’s sad that it’s true, but it was even sadder that a single tear didn’t come out because I thought it was the right thing to do.
I only feel sad.
Because our relationship was so deep, the wounds left behind also settled in a deep pit.
Now, we have gone out a long way, and there are so many things that it is impossible to go back inside and fill the wounds. It was impossible to recreate the time when we only thought about the two of us without looking around, putting soil on our hands like we did when we were young.
Aaah
The wind blowing through the leaves puts something inside and taps on my ear.
The enhanced feeling absorbs the sounds and changes of things around me without missing out on it, and even the sound of water drops falling between the knees and thighs hugged by Rubia, who is next to me, is fully captured.
“… … I’m sorry, Ezio… ”
However, they still think of them as friends.
When Rubia cries, it still hurts.
He looks emaciated, and his depression is doubled.
He did not show any behavior such as holding me down and crying like before. As if that sadness was only her own, she kept her head down so as not to show me crying, and gradually wet the pure white negligee with a transparent light.
Soon, Rubia’s watery voice is heard.
“Even if I hate it… I have nothing to say. did that … But, I am very sick right now.”
“… … ”
“… … It broke my heart when Ezio tried to get away from me, but if that’s what Ezio wants… I thought I shouldn’t get any closer to Ezio. Actually, it shouldn’t have happened, but I shouldn’t have… … ?”
You wouldn’t have asked me.
After a moment of silence, Rubia continues.
“I’m sorry, Ezio… … I guess I shouldn’t have refused back then too. i think i’m too young I think the love I knew was completely wrong. Seriously, I’ve never had anyone I could rely on other than Ezio… … ”
“That’s not something you should apologize for, Rubia.”
When I asked what you were talking about, what happened then?
If you look at the relationship, the main culprit that ruined the relationship between Rubia and me was none other than myself.
Because of that, whenever I saw Rubia, the emotion I felt was no longer a feeling of comfort, but a feeling of guilt or discomfort.
The wounds that Rubia would have suffered as a result were also clearly my fault.
So this was never something Rubia had to apologize for.
If I have to, my side is closer.
“Sorry.”
Rubia sighs in response.
“… … What’s wrong with Ezio?”
“Just, everything.”
What I confessed to Rubia.
Things that have gone too far away.
The first emotion that Rubia feels, the guilt, stems from the thought that nothing would have happened if I had not been a little bit worse.
It’s sad. All of these situations.
Rubia, who had been quietly silent, suddenly opened her mouth.
“… … Ezio.”
“uh.”
“I think I’m starting to become a bad kid.”
“… … why?”
I didn’t know those words would come out of Rubia’s mouth. It was an unexpected moment, so I took my eyes off the pond and looked back at Rubia for a while.
A voice comes out of his head buried in his knees.
“I know it’s very strange to think like this… … I used to be so anxious You worked at our restaurant. There was nothing wrong with Ezio’s words back then… I was very upset, and at the same time, I think I was angry. … Oh, I wasn’t mad at Ezio. Just to myself.”
“… … ”
Rubia shook her head with a confused face.
“… I don’t know. Yuri is a good kid. cute and nice I know that too, but seeing him having fun talking to Ezio… I was anxious. I’ve been so far away from Ezio, and it’s strangely upsetting to see a new kid trying to get closer to Ezio. Why? I’m really weird, Ezio… … ?”
“… … ”
It wasn’t like I was asking a question hoping for an answer.
Rubia mumbled to herself.
“… … In the restaurant, it was. I can’t even get along with Ezio the way I used to… It’s all just old memories now, but even for a moment, leaning on those memories, there were so many memories between Ezio and I… … I guess I was trying to reassure myself that way.”
“… … ”
“Ugh, it doesn’t mean anything now, but… … ”
Is it correct to say that it is not?
I don’t know what to say.
Now that Rubia and I have become ambiguous even as friends, it seems like glass is coming through them.
Much less, it seemed that Rubia herself did not know the details of the emotion… …
Well.
I still think of Yuri as a cute little sister, but… I don’t feel uncomfortable like Rubia, so it might be a good idea to some extent.
If the status quo remained as it is, it was clear that Yuri would probably be the closest person to me right now than Rubia.
From what Rubia has said so far, it seems that Rubia wants to restore her relationship with me. that would be natural I know that feeling too.
However, it was not what I wanted.
To tell the truth, I don’t want to be close with Yuri, Rubia, Murand, or anyone beyond a certain level.
It was natural to build a wall.
It’s not easy to predict what’s going on in the world, so I don’t know what will happen in the future, but for now, that kind of thinking was mostly in my mind.
at that point.
Rubia raised her head slowly, wiping her tears-soaked cheeks with her fingers.
“… … During the day, Myura and I talked for a while.”
“… … okay?”
“yes.”
Rubia asks a sensitive question.
“Tell me you dated Ezio. that is… Really?”
Oh, did Mew tell Rubia that?
It doesn’t matter.
It’s already a broken relationship.
At that time, it wasn’t just Rubia that didn’t know, but the whole Academy students didn’t even know that Me and Mew were dating. It was extraordinarily tight security.
However, looking at Mew’s sudden actions, it was a secret love relationship that didn’t look like a secret love relationship, but it’s because the two of us don’t really get along. Surprisingly, very few people inside the academy thought that Mew and I were lovers.
Rumors were never going to spread.
“It did.”
“… … ”
At my affirmation, Rubia was silent for a moment.
I thought I had something more to ask, but Rubia did not open her mouth for a long time after that.
As the silence continues, my thoughts wander.
I don’t know how deep the night was. Will I be able to wake up properly tomorrow morning? As it is a place where elites among the elite gather, they must be very strict about attendance and evaluation. If you’re late, you’ll be fine.
I couldn’t even enter the hut, which was the goal of the day. I met a completely unexpected person, and I ended up having a conversation in such a gloomy atmosphere. Like Rubia, I still felt uncomfortable with Rubia, so it wasn’t a very good break.
The night air floating on the promenade is cold.
Rubia was wearing a negligee with her shoulders completely exposed, so she might catch a cold if she stays here wearing one of those thin clothes. There is some moisture around here.
As the curiosity about Rubia’s strange condition in the restaurant has been resolved to some extent, I think it’s time to go back.
There’s not a lot of advice from my side to talk to Rubia first. very… … I didn’t want to talk any more.
“You will be cold. Let’s go back, Rubia. Go to bed now, get up tomorrow and go to class.”
After wiping the dirt off the ends of the cardigan and the dirt on his pants, he looked down at Rubia and said that.
Her hair, shining in the moonlight, flows down Rubia’s neckline and back.
and then.
Rubia, who had blinked slowly in front of me, suddenly raised her head and opened her mouth with eyes filled with transparent moonlight.
“Ezio, can I ask you one last thing?”
“… … What do you want?”
If my leg hurts because I’ve been bent for too long, I’d like to grant you a request to get me up instead.
But unfortunately, that didn’t seem to be the case.
“I want to be a bad boy just for today. No, only now.”
I wondered if that was a request, but then Rubia frowned and laughed like a fool.
“I was very upset, and I wanted someone to comfort me, but not someone else. I think I will be able to sleep comfortably today only if I am comforted by the person I love. Otherwise, I think I’ll stay up all night like this.”
Rubia got up from the slippers she had been wearing with her feet down and looked up at me, looking up at me from a very close distance.
Rubia’s face was seen up close again.
From my point of view, looking straight into her eyes, I couldn’t deny the fact that she had grown more mature than she was at the Larsen Academy.
“I don’t care what Ezio thinks. Just thinking that Ezio is only for today… I want you to do my favor.”
pierce—
Even in the dark background, Rubia’s dazzling face color suddenly turned red.
Rubia spread her arms with a faint smile.
“Can’t I just hug you once?”
Even though his face was blushing in embarrassment.
The appearance of Rubia, who asked so much with glaring eyes without avoiding my eyes, made me unable to respond to that unreasonable request.
“… … I’m so glad to see Ezio again. But I won’t ask about it. Just, thank you for being there. Of course, Ezio really hates me, but… … But, can’t I just hug you once?”
“… … ”
Because I keep my mouth shut.
Rubia slowly shook her head.
“… … ugh no Because I’m going to be a bad boy today. I don’t care what Ezio says. So… … Can you stay still?”
bruises, bruises.
Rubia smiled faintly again.
He took only two steps towards me, who was frozen in place, and gently embraced me with both arms that were wide open.
Aaah
Rubia’s pale pink hair fluttered gently.
The cold wind blows, and the sweet scent of rubia carried in it wraps around my body as it is.
Rubia leans her soft right cheek against my chest and mutters while gently closing her eyelids.
“It’s cold on the outside, but it’s very hot… It’s solid.”
“… … ”
cuckoo.
I give more strength to the arm that wraps around my back.
I can clearly feel Rubia’s small and delicate body, which is very close to me. It was so thin that it would break even if I applied a little bit of force, but it was warm like the spring sunlight and soft enough that I would never want to let go.
Even if she closed her eyes like this, she seemed to be able to understand the shape of Rubia’s body. Occasionally, Rubia’s hair fluttered in the wind gently sweeping through my waist and legs.
Rubia says softly as she is buried in my arms.
“It’s huge. It’s hard, but… … It’s so comfortable. I feel like my heart is melting furthermore… With my ears closed like this, I can barely hear Ezio’s heartbeat. It’s amazing, really… … ”
Rubia smiled naturally as if she was really happy. From the perspective of looking down, he could only see a small crown and a pointed nose, but Rubia was clearly smiling faintly.
Rubia’s body was cold when she hugged me for the first time, probably because of the cold wind.
However, as I was sitting still in my arms like this, my warm body temperature began to seep through my shirt. Rubia was now wearing only a thin cloth, so it was felt more clearly.
I couldn’t do this or that, just put my arms down. As if that was enough, Rubia continued to hug me tightly, wiggling her tiny body and slowly opening her mouth.
“… … I’ve never been held in the arms of a man other than Ezio since I was little, but when I grew up, I ended up in Ezio’s arms. Ehehe… The Ezio now is completely different from the old Ezio, but after all, it’s the same Ezio, so it’s really comfortable and happy, isn’t it?”
“… … ”
Rubia slapped her cheek against my chest like a cat.
and… …
“Ugh, I also like Ezio the most. Thanks to Ezio coming back and being by my side… really really happy Ezio is my most precious friend, and my only sanctuary that will never change.”
“… … ”
“yes… I don’t want to lose it again… precious… … ”
I vaguely knew it was going to be like this.
cuckoo.
Gradually, the power of Rubia who embraced my body grew stronger, and with her thin hand at the end, she gripped the back of my shirt.
Little by little I wet the place that came into contact with my face with transparent water drops, and in a trembling voice, she constantly repeated the words she was sorry to me.
In my opinion.
It is normal to comfort your friend when he is crying.
… … I would have.
My hand was still facing the floor, and I was just standing there motionless, because that only felt sorry for Rubia, who was holding me and crying.
In order to comfort Rubia with a sincere heart that was not there, I would rather wait for her to shed a little of my sorrow, and at the end of the promenade, staring blankly at the moon.