#3
I bought it and worked.
I also saw the faces of people coming and going to the Academy Library several times, and there were a lot of people who seemed to like books that Mew saw a little bit each time he took over the library.
But, that man was different.
For some reason, it seemed to have been in the library for a longer time than Mew, who was in charge of the librarian’s work.
Every time he went to the library, he appeared from all directions, whether from the side or the back of the boy, and then disappeared into the bookshelf.
I love books… … I thought.
It’s not that Mu doesn’t understand that feeling either. Again, I was sympathetic. If you like reading that much, you certainly didn’t know how many things you had in common.
It was very unfortunate that Mew, who had no interest in other students at all, was not interested in other people for the first time.
The boy came to the library every day.
Through the color of the nameplate, he could tell that he was one year older than him, but as you can see, the existence of a senior didn’t mean anything to Mew.
An academy student who is just one year older. It was nothing more and nothing less.
The male student’s seat had a certain pattern. Most of them are tables in the corner of the window, or when there are really no people, they come to the center and sit down and focus on reading right away.
I wondered what he was reading so hard, and sometimes he put his hand on his forehead while making a strong impression.
So, what about his reading… …
It didn’t look very enjoyable.
Why?
Wasn’t it fun to read a book?
Each time the male student turned the page, he sighed so shallowly that he couldn’t hear anyone around him.
I go back to the previous page, moaning if I don’t understand the content, and when I read it thoroughly, I return to the original page. Then again this time, maybe I didn’t understand it, so I repeat it a few more times.
hmm… …
Why can’t I enjoy reading books? ?
At first, I started with such a question.
The boy was short. To Mew, a freshman, he looked much shorter than the average male student in his class. Compared to myself, I wondered if the crown of my head would come at about the level of my forehead.
Compared to his dwarf physique, the uniform seemed to be a bit large, and it seemed to emphasize the small and insignificant man. For that reason, the strength revealed by all men could not be found in that male student.
If he had an arm wrestling with that boy, he had the confidence to win in two seconds.
okay… … He was a boy who seemed to have ruled out all the masculinity that is common in books.
Black hair a little darker and darker than Mu’s own hair color. Eyes with a strangely blue hue, which are gently revealed whenever you pull your bangs with your fingers while narrowing the brow.
Her skin was white and soft, so she must have been older than Mew, but somehow she looked younger.
After entering the academy, the adjective that I realized is that I am handsome. It seemed that the boy would never have anything to attach to it.
However, to the question of whether he is ugly, he seemed to be able to immediately answer that he is not.
It’s just that he wasn’t as handsome as a young boy, but he certainly had a strange charm that I couldn’t describe… …
It had been about a month since I observed the boy.
Mew suddenly thought about it.
Perhaps that boy was unaware of the fact that Mew observed with curious eyes whenever he had a spare time, so he came to the library, borrowed a book, and continued to read. He didn’t pay any attention to those around him.
Aside from that, I had one question.
Can such a person be in a relationship?
… … It was a very rude thought, but Mew was genuinely curious about it.
Ezio was completely different from the type of male protagonist in romance novels.
He wasn’t handsome, he didn’t have the humor to make others happy, and he didn’t seem to have the ability to protect women.
Then, if I asked if there was anything else that could attract the interest of the opposite s*x, it didn’t seem like that. Seeing that he was only reading books day and night, it was clear that he usually spoke very little.
If such a person falls in love with someone, what is the beginning and the reason for it?
Seeing that
Mu extended his thoughts to his own situation.
… … So, what am I?
I’m pretty and cute like the female protagonist in a romance novel, but looking at the confessions of countless male students from the beginning of school, I can’t deny that fact… … Why am I still not sure what love is?
No, I know. Because I saw it in a book.
It is said that when you see your fate, your heart trembles. It was a feeling of excitement.
Even after waking up in the morning and before going to bed, I kept thinking of him, so I was infinitely tired in the morning and had trouble sleeping. Still, he said it wasn’t a bad feeling at all.
He said that he wanted to get closer to the other person, want to know everything about that person, and if he wanted to move away from the other person even a little bit, his heart felt like it was being ripped open.
He said that his happiness was his own. He also said that his sorrow was completely his own. If the person is happy and smiles, I will laugh too, and if the person is crying, we cry together.
Lastly, the author of a novel warned that it was a dangerous feeling that he could not see anything in front of his eyes except for him and his happiness, and ultimately gave up the world for their love.
Count the number of cases.
Mew shook her head.
After all, I don’t think I’m capable of ordinary love.
It has been about two months since I observed the boy.
2nd year in the Faculty of Integration at Lawrsen Academy.
The boy’s name was Ezio Cranil.
Judging by the surname attached, he was clearly a nobleman. At this, Mu was slightly surprised.
But at the same time, I understood. If it wasn’t for the aristocrat, he probably would never have entered this prestigious academy… …
Ezio borrowed a lot of books from the library.
Whenever I borrowed a book, I glanced at the title, and most of them were professional books, not novels I read to enjoy.
Swordsmanship or magic theory. There was alchemy, or magic engineering. Sometimes I borrowed books like stories of successful people without talent.
The field that Ezio was immersed in was undisputed. It seemed like he was just picking a book at random. If it was such a book, it would have been of no interest at all, but Ezio was sure to read it from beginning to end. I read it desperately as if my life was at stake.
You’re trying to find something.
Mu thought so.
However, the more I read the book, the more despairing I could see. Occasionally he would sit at a table in the corner by the window, grab his head and moan. But the book never let go. Be sure to finish until the end, and then after confirming that it can’t be done, it was only then that I gave up.
… … No, I didn’t give up.
I just put it on hold for a while.
Had he really given up, Ezio would never have thought of a book in the same field again.
Even though it broke a lot, it didn’t break.
“Ugh.”
He was a strange person.
It was the first type of human he had ever seen as a Mew.
… … A little bit, I was interested.
Ezio worked tirelessly.
However, he failed each time, and every time he tried to reconsider the fact that he had no talent, he seemed to despair, but he did not give up again.
Ezio’s appearance was surprisingly common inside the Academy. For example, after the library was closed, I personally used the various facilities of the academy within the time allowed. Naturally, it seemed to be experimenting with the contents of the book from the basics step by step.
All failed.
The foundation became an insurmountable barrier for him.
The remnants of the magic circle that exploded as they tried to spread the magic by raising the missing magical power, threw Ezio down on the sand. Ezio, who lay on his back for a while and looked up at the sky, wiped the dust off his uniform, got up again, and repeated the same thing. many times
Mew thought as she looked at her back from afar.
… … Why can’t I do anything?
The whole world seemed to hate him.
If you try desperately like that, maybe at least one will succeed. The world was not a person, so recognition would not exist, but looking at Ezio, it was inevitable.
He was a pitiful man, as if there was nothing he could do except read a book in the library.
“… … 』
… … So,
It reminded me of myself on the old bed.
All of a sudden, Mu made an unknown expression.
One day.
Ezio borrowed books from the library desk that he would not normally borrow.
[You and My Own World / Eukremian]
It wasn’t a theory book that mainly deals with things like professionalism, but a novel for reading and immersing myself in the story and just enjoying it.
Mew was also a famous novel that I had read several times, so I knew everything about it. Because it was a fairly tragic love story, the memories of sniffling in the blanket were certainly there.
Ezio took the book and headed to the window table.
And, about an hour later.
“… … ah.”
laughed
I didn’t see it wrong.
Ezio must have been smiling lightly as he read the book.
The appearance of moaning while squinting or narrowing the eyebrows disappeared, and there was only the image of a young boy turning the pages with pure pleasure.
… … After all, I used to be a book lover.
Mu was somehow happy about it.
I don’t know why.
Just, when Ezio laughed, I smiled involuntarily.
At the same time, I suddenly felt a strange feeling.
Why did a person who likes books like that start reading books that they don’t care about at random like now? I thought that was really sad.
It’s not something I want to do, it’s something I have to do because I have no choice but to do it.
For Mu, who has been doing only what he wants to do after his illness has recovered, Ezio’s appearance at that time was really sad.
so little by little.
The accumulated interest in Ezio gradually changed to a desire to know why he worked so hard.
In order to find out about Ezio Cranil, a sophomore in the Faculty of Integrity, Mew’s chosen method… …
Too bad it was stalking.
… … I didn’t really think it was weird.
It wouldn’t matter if I approached him directly and talked to him, but I thought this would be more interesting. If he noticed later, it would not be too late to talk at that time. maybe.
anyway.
Mew has been following Ezio from a certain moment.
When I was walking down the hallway with a few friends in the main building and at some point I saw Ezio’s back, I naturally got out of the group and sneaked behind Ezio. That kind of covert stalking continued.
After more than a week of observation.
“… … Aren’t you lonely?”
Ezio was completely alone.
I always went alone without friends, ate lunch alone in strange places like the stairs in the backyard before going to the library, and I was alone both on and off the academy.
Being alone, no one knew of his efforts. That fact was a little disappointing.
Ezio wouldn’t be any less difficult if someone knew. Of course, I didn’t mean to be that way. Not yet, not yet. Mew himself did not know the detailed reason.
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Days like that go on and on, by chance.
Mew, who was looking at the documents related to the new book order application, which was the biggest reason for applying as a librarian, suddenly turned to somewhere.
It was a personal book loan book in which the loan details were automatically engraved through the engraving engraved on each book.
Come to think of it.
Ezio was Mew’s senior.
I have been going to and from the library continuously since Mu entered school, so when did you start going to the library? Until now, he had appeared every day without missing a single day.
I was a little curious about that.
palak.
Carefully looking at Ezio’s ledger.
“… … Oh my gosh.”
and,
It unfolded in front of Mew.
[ Student Loan Details / Ezio Cranil (2nd year integrated undergraduate) – 234 books (calculated every 6 months) ]
… … Ezio’s dream.
Countless things I wanted to become Ezio.
From the end of the second semester of the first year of middle school until now, that is, from the winter day of the first year, until the early summer of the first semester of the second year comes… …
Over 200 books.
In other words,
Over 200 failures… …
Ezio has never just read a book.
I read every single book from start to finish, and as always when I looked at patterns, I tested it from the basics up, reviewing the contents of the book and repeating it endlessly, and in the end, I failed every time… …
for only 6 months.
over 200 times.
Still, Ezio was not discouraged.
… … Right now, I was there right now.
“… … 』
Mew was staring blankly at Ezio.
Although Ezio wasn’t looking at Mew, Mew had nothing to do with it and just stared at Ezio with his chin on the desk.
Ezio’s loan history.
Interestingly, Mew had no interest in theoretical books—but there were several novels that were similar to Mew’s taste as much as the borrowed book in the middle.
“Aha,” said Mew with a small smile.
It wouldn’t be enough.
You won’t get what you want in the end.
After all that effort and hard work, it is not that I have not been able to achieve my goal until now.
In that case, it would be more beneficial to give up rather than giving up.
… … I would have to do that.
why? so desperately?
You can’t do what you don’t want to do.
Isn’t it possible to live life more happily if you only do what you want to do like yourself?
To stand up again while constantly frustrated and despairing like that, seemed far from the joy of life that Mew thought.
… … No, mu.
It’s not that he doesn’t want to
I don’t even want to do it anymore.
there’s no choice but to do it
He had to work hard because he had to, but there was nothing he could do.
It was sad.
I’m sorry.
I feel sympathy.
However, such a modest sympathy seemed to negate Ezio’s efforts to shred bones altogether.
So let’s not sympathize.
Let’s not have pity either.
Let’s not grieve with him for his disappointment.
So, what should Ezio look like?
I’ve never seen anyone so desperate in my life.
If there was only one thing, it was the one who wanted life in tears as death drew near.
Except for him, I’ve never seen anyone so engrossed in something, endlessly crumbling and breaking, eventually getting up again.
Because the present self was clearly in the class of geniuses.
Ezio’s search for missing talent could never be understood with the same heart as the current Mew.
… … However, at some point, Mu.
A brief stop at the library in the morning, lunch, the bi-weekly extracurricular time, and after-school dinner—even while returning to the dormitory and flipping through the pages of a novel to pass the time.
The appearance of a small but huge male senior,
It was something I kept in the corner of my head.
Occasionally, Ezio borrows a novel to cool off his overloaded head, reading it at the window table and stifling a smirk.
Mew was fed up without realizing it and smiled together.
Ezio seemed unaware of Mew, but Mew had already learned a lot about Ezio in secret.
He was so interested, he followed him and even stalked him without being noticed. There was only one reason for that.
about that interesting old man,
Because I wanted to know more.
“… … Ahh, maybe.”
… … Mew felt a little afraid.
I felt something strange.
He said that his current state was as if he had seen it somewhere.
But wrong. It wasn’t yet.
Thinking that could never be the case, Mew reassured himself that he had not yet felt the slightest bit of that feeling while looking at Ezio.
At that moment——
“… … ah.”
With Mew’s eyes staring blankly at Ezio with his chin resting for a while, Ezio suddenly took his eyes off the book and reflected.
Ezio was looking exactly this way.
each other’s eyes met.
“… … 』
Ezio’s eyes, as clear as the deep sea, glanced at Mew and were sucked into the book again as if he didn’t care.
He really didn’t seem to care at all.
All the male students except Ezio were either embarrassed and hastily averted their eyes when they made eye contact with Mew, or lost their words and lost their minds, and most of them could not take their eyes off Mew for more than 5 seconds.
But Ezio was different.
Again, it was special.
“… … 』
… … Mew rested her hand on her chest for a while, and did everything she could to calm her heart that was beating as if it was about to explode.
The end of the first semester of the first year of middle school.
just before the start of summer vacation.
keep watching
Watch, watch, and watch again.
‘Cause I can’t stand it
I want to have everything from seniors… …
So, I confessed.
“Let’s count it as a confession, and go back to your friends. What if you are around here… I’m sorry for not showing the expected reaction. He’s not a funny person.”
I was treated as a joke and I was told to go back.
Mew returned to the dormitory that day and laughed out loud.
to the point where tears are shed. I didn’t show any tea in front of my seniors, but somehow I was happy.
for kicking yourself
It felt so funny.
… … Ezio got better.
Really, I can feel Ezio’s honest demeanor that he doesn’t care about anything around him and only looks at one thing… …
That heart… I just wanted to make it oriented towards myself.
So this time, he teed hard to see me. Without taking your eyes off the library all day long, approaching Ezio-senpai closely. He sent a strong signal asking him to look at him next to him.
The old man was in trouble and avoided him.
It was so cute that I wanted to scream involuntarily.
It was the first time I’ve ever thought of wanting to hug someone so fiercely.
I wanted to enjoy seeing him in more trouble, but then my seniors would hate it. So let’s do it in moderation.
On the first day, Mew was content to follow Ezio silently.
And the next day.
He confessed to Ezio again.
Again, it was tea.
Mew felt a little depressed at that time, but that was only for a moment. It also felt like Ezio-senpai.
If I steal the heart of such a strong person, if I directly connect with my heart right now… … What kind of relationship will Ezio-senpai and I become?
Wouldn’t it be an ideal relationship that someone can’t separate even if they want to?
Unfortunately, reality is not a novel, so I’ve seen many people break up and have conflicts and eventually break up their relationships.
But if it’s Ezio-senpai and yourself.
Somehow, like a relationship in a novel, it seemed like it could last forever.
A bond between lovers that no one needs to be anxious about.
I think it could be.
I’m confident that
If only seniors allow… …
… … So, don’t give up.
OK.
“… … work hard Probably not.”
Mew struggled to hide the cheers that were about to explode.
… … I was happy.
Heartily.
My heart pounded again at that answer.
Unable to bear it, I sat next to the senior and started meddling.
I was given the right to jump into my senior’s life.
I had a pleasant conversation with the senior I had been watching.
I’m so glad that
I’m kind of happy… …
Mu himself was clearly aware.
I can no longer stop this heart from growing.
I had no intention of stopping it in the first place.
——Because I must have loved my senior.
#4
okay.
… … I was happy to be with my seniors.
It felt so good that my heart was filled with happiness.
Realizing that it was love for the first time through Ezio-senpai, Mew really cherished that vague feeling.
The book didn’t lie.
Rather, it was to the extent that words were not enough to contain all of this earnest desire.
But, unfortunately.
The happier you are, the happier you are… …
got greedy
That desire grew bigger and bigger.
Because Mew was selfish.
Because he was the kind of person who had to have what he wanted to get his personality… …
The desire for monopoly certainly existed in everyone, but the feeling was deepened especially for Mew, who had been exposed to the oppressed environment for too long.
I thought that the conditions were sufficient, so I thought there would be no problem. If enough time and effort were invested, Ezio-senpai would be able to connect with Mu himself at any time.
… … It wasn’t.
Still not connected.
Mew was still looking only at the senior, but not the senior. Even after they became lovers, even though they became much closer than before… … Mew felt lonely at times.
I wanted to have all of the old man’s heart.
I wanted to make everything my own.
But, by the way… no.
It was absolutely impossible.
A bond deeper than Mew was located within Ezio.
Clearly, Ezio’s heart had shifted to Mew a little after he and Ezio became lovers.
It certainly couldn’t be denied.
… … still.
It wasn’t all yet.
If Ezio had 100 hearts, he could only take 90. No matter how hard I tried, 90 was the limit and maximum. There was an area that Mu could never enter.
… … The remaining 10 are so worrying.
Those ten, who could not be pushed in at any time, gave Mew an unbearable anxiety.
The more you spend happy time with Ezio, the better.
It was seen in the eyes of Mew, who began to learn more about Ezio. Even when I was with him, I could feel Ezio’s strange atmosphere as if he was still drawing someone who was not here, just as much as Mew.
Because it was Mew who learned a lot about Ezio.
I knew who it was.
So one day, I was going to say something like that to Ezio.
Self is not a substitute.
I’m the only one who really likes seniors.
But it soon stopped.
because you already knew
Ezio was trying to see Mew as a woman. He was definitely trying to do that. As Mudo Ezio’s lover, I definitely felt that feeling, but——
… … Trying to love
Is it really possible?
Starting from one summer day, Mew changed little by little.
He felt nervous and anxious when there was one thing he didn’t know about in his day. While talking to Ezio, I felt like I wanted to confirm the truth, so I repeated the same question over and over again.
Even though he already knew that there were no more connections inside the academy other than him, he was anxious. why. why. He must have already been in a relationship with Ezio-senpai. Ezio-senpai obviously doesn’t hate me either. There’s no reason to be anxious… …
Ezio and Mew usually met secretly.
From that day on, I started to worry about it too.
Of course, Mu wanted to reveal as much as possible. Because it had nothing to do with his position.
If only I could be happy with my senior, well, but I think senior would hate it. Because my senior didn’t like to receive burdensome attention from others. If so, it would be better not to reveal it.
Therefore, Mu himself thought there was no need to do that, so he just acted like close seniors and juniors in the eyes of others. When someone asked if they were dating, they shook their heads while thinking of their seniors.
Ezio and Mew have been like that for nearly a year.
In retrospect, come to think of it, there was only one time when Ezio said it was okay to reveal our relationship. At that time, Mew rejected the senior’s position on his own.
That’s right… …
It was ultimately his fault that he refused it.
at the very beginning.
It was Mew who offered to fill in the gaps in Ezio.
It was also Mu himself who said it was okay to not think about anything.
The image of Mew, who said that he would always be the strength of his seniors, and that he could always rely on him, left a deep impression on Ezio.
… … Rather, it would have been better to have tea on the outside.
When Ezio had no choice but to tell Rubia’s story, when it was also done at his request. As if dissatisfied, he playfully inflated the ball. He didn’t show any more jealousy.
That was it.
Mu was selfish.
Since Mew declared war in the first place to interfere directly with Ezio’s life, their relationship undoubtedly started out of Mew’s utter selfishness… …
Because.
really terribly… It was selfish.
You didn’t care about your senior’s will from the beginning. It was all things he wanted and caused himself because he was greedy. You already knew that.
It must have been Mew himself who knew and wanted to have a relationship, but, why the hell would I——
“… … Because that’s what the senior looked like, it’s just that she had no choice but to hate her. Who the hell was in love with someone like a senior? Like a senior, how much——」
On that night when everything fell apart.
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During Ezio’s most difficult time.
Mew had her last conversation with her lover and the senior she loved for the rest of her life… … It started with a word that would hurt Ezio the most.