#6
—Square, square.
Early on a Sunday evening, in the second female dormitory.
Rubia, who was constantly thinking about something while sitting on a chair in front of her desk with the curtains closed, sighed in frustration as if she was facing an unresolved problem.
“… Whoops.”
I do not know. I don’t know, but I don’t know either.
Books neatly stacked. Including open books, over ten specialized books in total filled Rubia’s desk space.
Hold the pen in your finger and spin it around. I tried putting it on the back of my nose and moaning, but eventually my head converges in a mess.
‘Why can’t I concentrate like this?’
It was stupid advice. Because I knew the answer anyway.
The text doesn’t catch my eye. I understand the meaning of each word, but I did not understand clearly what they were combined into sentences. It was proof that he wasn’t concentrating on his studies at all.
My physical condition must have been better than before. The shadows around his eyes had faded even more.
‘I have to finish it quickly… … ‘
The content that Rubia is currently organizing in her notebook was a draft for the presentation of the group task, which had a short deadline. Of course, we also do data research. It was the identity of books piled up like a mountain next to Rubia.
Structural diagram of a general magic circuit. The development and history of magic. What is intrinsic magic, etc… … These were books on the topic of group assignments.
Rubia had already read them twice or more, and now it was the stage of organizing the information obtained by combining them.
The group task was divided into two parts. To put it simply, write and publish a research paper related to intrinsic magic. And complete the coloring of the presented picture using the unique magic of the members.
The latter is not yet. This is because the members of Rubia complained about the difficulty of smooth execution.
On the other hand, the former was progressing steadily. Under the leadership of Rubia, who was promoted by a majority vote. No, even to be called a leader is really nothing. From one to ten, Rubia was doing everything by herself.
What was the color of the unique magic power that Rubia’s crew helped with? In order to use it as a reference material, at the time of the meeting, I brought what I had colored roughly on a sheet of paper, and based on that, I was organizing the survey.
‘I may not be able to finish it by Monday… … ‘
I remembered the conversations I had with the crew members I had met before.
—Because if we did, the result would only be weird. I’m very weak in theory… … Rubia, you say you’re an Epic class? Was it there 4 times? Really great. Then, will you be able to study well?
—I’m really weak in this kind of thing. They all looked very high-level. If I do something wrong, everyone will be deducted, right? To be honest, I’m not even sure. Besides, when I made a presentation, I kept stuttering. I can’t stand it in front of the professor and other kids-.
— Admit it. Are you feeling nauseous?
-Is not it? I’m not the only one doing that. … Anyway, that’s it. Actually, I also came in with talent, not through skill… … You can’t ruin the first group assignment, right? Still, I wonder if I have to get an A or higher to live up to my parents’ expectations. Rubia, I heard that you are very sincere and study very well… Is this the perfect schoolboy? I’m begging you! please help me
-right. It’s my first time in an academy life. research papers? I’ve never heard, read, or used anything like that. Of course, you could do some research, but the information could be wrong. If it’s okay though… …
-Ah Okay. Guys. I’ll try my best I’ve done this a lot in middle school… …
-really?! thank you! You’re a good friend too! I love you!
I love you, you shouldn’t say things like that easily. Of course, she was a woman like Rubia. I remember being in trouble because I was suddenly embraced.
In any case, Rubia was able to carry out all of the first task on behalf of the crew in that way.
To be honest, even Rubia had a very slight suspicion. In the end, there was no way to reveal it.
One way or another, Rubia was Rubia. If I went into society like this, I didn’t know that I would get caught up in a hurry. It’s better for me to be harmed than to harm someone. Unless this way of thinking is rectified from the ground up, Rubia would live with this kind of damage for the rest of her life.
I don’t want to hurt anyone, I don’t want to hurt anyone.
It is a wish that is closer to an ideal than reality.
People who dream of ideals in the world are not necessarily dreamers, but in most cases they either stop drowning in pursuit of their ideals and die because they cannot see under their feet – or after realizing that they are impossible to achieve, they eventually turn around and face reality.
Rubia, well. I thought no one would know which one it would be. or his own indecisiveness. Sometimes you need to express yourself clearly, but there are points that you can’t. There are a lot of things in the world that you know, but you can’t do it even if you know it. The realms of simple thinking and pure practice were clearly separated.
‘I feel tired… … ‘
It had been less than eight hours since Rubia had slept and woke up. Still, the rush of fatigue. It was probably not because I just looked at books day and night. The reason why I haven’t been able to concentrate since before.
Naturally, it’s because of his childhood friend, Ezio Cranil, a boy in his class.
‘really… I must have been crazy.’
He said that to Ezio in a situation where he was pushed to the brink, both mentally and physically, enough to realize that he was in a serious condition.
If it seems that I love you—.
“Heh… … ”
Rubia lowered her head. He placed his arms on the desk and rested his forehead on it. foolish. Why did you say that? real idiot
If you really didn’t want to hurt Ezio anymore, you probably wouldn’t have said that.
But it had already passed. I couldn’t turn it back. Ezio said he would do what he hadn’t heard of. The last time he ran into Ezio, he acted as if nothing had happened.
That was a little daunting.
I had several thoughts at the same time. Now I don’t know what face to look at Ezio. I wanted to believe as much as Ezio had said, but to be honest, how could I possibly forget? Of course he would remember. Ruby knew that too.
I do not know. I really don’t know. Now, he really didn’t know what his feelings were for Ezio.
intimacy. longing. guilty. remorse. guilt. sorry. comfort. sadness. pleasure. Unbelievably colorful emotions that come to mind when looking at a person’s face run through Rubia’s head in a mess.
Conventionally, it boils down to one.
——Love.
“… … ”
… … really?
I buried my head in my crossed arms and thought quietly.
The definition of love that Rubia knew has not changed yet. You must have a desire to be happy with that person forever. Rubia, who is extremely afraid of being hurt in a relationship, should not face any catastrophe when she is with the person she loves. That was the prerequisite.
that it was wrong.
Recently, Rubia was slowly realizing.
I’ve already distanced myself from Ezio once. In other words, the relationship was broken. Experiencing the process firsthand, Rubia slowly collapsed. The hometown, the empire, and the continents were turned over, crying out the name of just one person.
The importance of realizing it only after you have completely lost it. Is it really the end like this? At a time when I wanted to put everything down, I got it back. Rubia never wanted to let go of the hand that had been miraculously recaptured.
Yeah, like this——
There is no such thing as eternity in the world.
Right now, even Rubia herself knew that she was going to die someday, and that if there was a meeting, there would be parting.
If you really want to spend the rest of your life together.
Until we meet the end together someday, maybe we should build up a lot of memories as soon as possible. So that no matter what the outcome is, no regrets remain. After the breakup, it will surely hurt to the point of death, but for the time we spent laughing, we would have been truly happy.
And, in the beginning.
If I didn’t start, I wouldn’t know anything.
A coward who hesitates to step forward for fear of a vague future. that was him We have to worry about the near future we face right now. I haven’t tried it, and I don’t know what will happen in the future. I start to worry about the future, which is far away from the present.
‘… … What a fool, I.’
Are you trying to achieve happiness without any hardship?
It was nonsense from the start.
Rubia was a girl of ideals. If it doesn’t seem like what you’ve been hoping for, avoid the problem. Otherwise, they choose the path where they suffer damage in return for not achieving their ideal.
I thought so, but after all, Rubia was not a god who could contemplate all things. It does not take into account all the hearts of someone who will suffer from such a choice. Someone suffers because of Rubia’s suffering.
So, no matter which one you choose, there are times when you don’t get the results you want. Rubia never wants that to happen.
just want it or not.
The wide world does not listen to the small voices.
While he hesitates about what his feelings are.
Ezio, Mew, did you date that friend once?
Like the future that Rubia was worried about——
Even if it looks like it’s already broken.
When they were completely unaware of it, the two would have secretly spent precious time together somewhere.
Rubia’s tiny hand slowly shriveled up.
That kid was pretty. It was also popular at the academy.
I still don’t know how we met. There must be some reason why Ezio opened up his heart.
somewhere in there. In a blank hour that Rubia did not know. Ezio and Mew became lovers and lasted for at least a year. One year is pretty long. If each day is precious, their year must have been very, very long, considering the fact that it goes more slowly.
spring Summer Fall Winter.
As other classmates have told me, the image of Ezio and Mew walking down the street holding hands friendly——
“… … 👌”
I buried my head and closed my eyes.
The imagined image was very clear.
At the same time, the heart beats disproportionately. It even stings like a needle stabbed in the chest.
It’s a terrible feeling that has been bothering Rubia a lot lately. It was very uncomfortable and difficult. For the past few days, Rubia has grunted in this unpleasant feeling. When you encounter Ezion or Mew. Or, when you notice the strange air current between Ezio and Stella… …
“… Ouch.”
Why are you doing this? weird.
Is it because the emotions are a bit intense? Even things that I would not normally have imagined come to mind.
Ruby’s heart fluttered. I don’t know why. I don’t want to imagine any more. It feels like being forced into bondage and injected into the scene.
——In a secret school space, perhaps in someone’s home. Immerse in darkness and distant stillness, only each other’s breath comes and goes without conversation. Was he looking into his eyes, or was he avoiding it because he was shy? Was it he or was he shut up? I have no experience at all so I don’t know. However, the situation somehow approaches its climax.
Ezio from the past is sitting on the bed. Mew tucks the hair under the ears gently behind the pinna. He looked down at Ezio with eyes full of disquieting longing. Yes, it’s an unsettling longing. They are students who have not yet reached the age of majority.
But they are lovers. Get out of school and play secret pranks. A prank with sincerity.
Shoulder, neck, or even the waist. Where the hell was I supposed to get it? He grabs Ezio’s arm loosely and pulls him in. Support the back of your neck with your hands and slowly bring your head closer. The hot breath mixes and intersects.
Eventually, the bridges of their noses touch each other. My head goes blank like a fool. I can’t think of anything but each other. The only thing that is reflected in my white-dyed head is someone’s lips that are slowly opening up.
Mew’s long side hair gently brushed Ezio’s cheek, and finally soft——
Ezio’s eyes met in an instant.
There, not Mew, but himself was reflected.
-thud!
He slammed his forehead against the desk with a weak force.
“… … ha ha ha.”
hurt. He stroked his slightly red forehead.
Both cheeks and ears were more bare than that.
‘… it’s crazy. it’s crazy. it’s crazy.’
That’s too obscene. What are you thinking?
He couldn’t even think of the name of the act, and he just felt an endless sense of shame at himself, who had just imagined something he couldn’t even imagine.
This, it’s all because of my middle school classmates. If only they hadn’t said strange things next to me. He must not have had the resources to imagine the specific situation. Serylda, Daisy, Puka… … you guys ruined me… …
“… … ”
He was beating so fast that if he listened, he could hear his own beating heart.
After waking up from the illusion, Rubia wrapped her hot cheeks with both hands.
You’re going to go to jail for such obscene fantasies. No, someone will despise me like this. even just thinking about it. This must have been a completely private space as no one could enter without Rubia’s permission, but Rubia glances around just in case.
Then he sighed and placed his hand on his chest.
thump, thump.
I closed my eyes slowly, and suddenly sucked in my lower lip.
“… … ”
In fact, more than just a slashed forehead.
My heart ached more.
Although he was only imagining.
Maybe they already.
Because it might have been put into practice.
Why is this heartbreaking?
Rubia didn’t know yet.
No, I didn’t want to understand.
“… … Would you like to rest for a bit?”
At first, I thought I needed a change of mood. Rubia, who brushed her head and erased all the bad thoughts, got up from her chair. I put a bookmark between the pages of an open book, and closed it.
Anyway, it’s better to finish it by the end of today. Let’s go for a little walk and come back.
… … Where is Ezio and what is he doing? He didn’t have the courage to see his face properly yet, but he seemed to avoid it when he met him. For some reason, I wanted to see Ezio more than usual. It was just that. Rubia became a little more honest.
like that.
I went outside and saw them sitting on a bench.
He held out his arms and talked about something. Embarrassed Ezio. Growing mu. It’s a common sight to have a drink rightly. Wherever the former awkward atmosphere went, they were there looking like close friends.
“… … ah.”
Again, it hurt.
Rubia opened her mouth slightly.