＜Episode 83＞ Trial and Forgiveness
During the phone call, Si-eun talked as if she would forgive me. At least I thought so.
However.
“I didn’t forgive you.”
In the phone call that was made that night, Si-eun just cut back the answer.
but. Looking back, Si-eun never said that she would forgive. I just understood it that way in me.
I recall what Si-eun said.
I expected this to be the case. Including this aspect, he likes me. Since it’s your first love, you can overcome one mistake.
and… … It’s a few days late, so I’m hoping for something better.
In short, Si-eun had withheld his judgment. Depending on how prepared I am, there is a possibility that Si-eun’s anger will not subside.
Thursday after Chuseok. While waiting in the room for Si-eun to come home, I had such a thought.
I glanced at the presents that had been left in a corner.
Si-eun rarely reveals her tastes. Of course he never asked me to buy anything.
Therefore, it was not easy to figure out what Si-eun needed.
In the end, after much deliberation, I made a choice. I had no idea what Si-eun’s reaction would be.
I was worried about how Si-eun would receive the letter that I wrote with sincerity in my own way.
Now, I felt like the defendant waiting for the upcoming trial. Whether innocence or death sentence is in the hands of Si-eun.
Then the door lock rang from the living room.
No one else would have come into our house. As soon as I ran out of the room to check, Si-eun was still standing at the entrance.
“Wow, are you here?”
“yes. Long time no see.”
Si-eun responded with an emotionless tone.
I would have greeted you warmer if it had been the original. It certainly looked like he was still less angry.
As I stood in front of the front door with my head bowed, Si-eun smiled and poked my cheek. Long, thin fingers tickle your cheeks.
“I know you’re sorry.”
“I can’t know.”
“Maybe you don’t know 100 days?”
“… … .”
“It’s a joke.”
once a joke Maybe it was a joke in the first place.
Si-eun smiled as she raised her head and glanced at her. Keeping the corners of her lips pulled up, Si-eun parted her lips.
“Then where?”
And a word.
“Shall we check what you have prepared?”
It was the sound that signaled the start of the trial.
When we returned to the room together, we sat down at our seats. As always, I’m on the chair, Si-eun on the bed… … not the opposite.
I sat upright with my fists on my knees. On the other hand, Si-eun, who was sitting on a chair, crossed her arms and crossed her legs. A posture that shows off her smooth legs in stockings. It even felt a bit suffocating.
“ruler.”
I looked at Si-eun at the sudden sound.
“Start. hurry.”
“You seem to have prepared for some kind of chess show.”
“what. Aren’t you ready?”
Si-eun asked with a smile. He seemed to be saying that this was a very funny situation.
Well, I think I can roughly understand Si-eun’s intentions. After we started dating, didn’t I always have the upper hand? If I joke around and make fun of you, I will be punished. Because the fortress was always a repeat of this pattern.
But now, I am in a situation where I have no choice but to face Si-eun’s counterattack. It is no wonder that Si-eun is trying to take full advantage of this situation. It must have been the same as the reason for exhaling the queen’s force that didn’t fit her body.
there’s nothing to do
He reached over to the desk and picked up the letter he had written down. When I took out the letterhead from the envelope and unfolded it, a text decorated with insufficient expressive power entered my field of vision.
peek. As he looked over the stationery, his eyes crossed with Si-eun.
Si-eun opened her mouth with a mocking face.
“A letter?”
“yes.”
“Are you going to read it?”
“… … okay.”
“I thought you didn’t have to read it.”
What would happen if you just believed in these words and just sent out a letter? I hate to imagine He immediately turned his gaze to the letterhead.
After coughing in vain.
“Read.”
“yes. Read it.”
After taking a long breath, he began to read the letter.
“hi.”
“yes. hi.”
The flow was interrupted from the first greeting. I raise my eyes and look at Si-eun.
“Are you going to answer each line?”
“no?”
“It’s not that I don’t like it, it’s just a little bit.”
“okay. I will listen quietly.”
Si-eun smiles and puts a finger on her lips. He seems to be trying to keep quiet. It would be better to read it all at once, so I decided to read it quickly.
I turned my gaze back to the stationery.
“You will be home by the time you are reading this. It’s only been two days, but I’m going to miss you like this. It seems really strange.”
When I read it myself, my disastrous writing skills are even more evident. Even when I was reciting a sentence that did not contain even 1% of novelty, I felt even miserable.
He continues to read the letter, ignoring Si-eun’s ridicule.
From here on, it was all my sincerity.
“I’m sorry I didn’t take care of you for 100 days. I knew I had to take care of it. I didn’t count the dates like an idiot, so I didn’t know that 100 days had passed.”
It was like an excuse. While reading, I even regretted that I should not have written it.
“Still, we do not take our relationship lightly. I remember every single thing I went through after dating him. I don’t know if this will relieve my anger… … It really is.”
voice has diminished. It was because I was a bit confused. Thinking about Si-eun, who had been looking forward to it all day on Monday, made my heart ache.
“I think I was born again after I met you. Until then, I didn’t eat well, messed up my room, and couldn’t speak directly to people, so I was an anti-social person.
But now, my body is getting healthier with the meal he prepared for me. live in a clean room. Talking to other people… … No, it’s still there.”
“Ahaha.”
When I raised my chin to look, Si-eun was listening to the reading while holding her mouth with her hand. I learned for the first time today that laughter can come out of a closed mouth.
“Anyway, meeting you is a great fortune and blessing for me. I want you to be that person too. I feel happy because you like me, and if you feel happy, I will be more than happy.”
If it was true, I shouldn’t have forgotten 100 days. Continue reading, reflecting on small reflections.
The letter is now half over.
“As I was about to write the letter, I remembered the words your mother had told me. Love is like a chemical reaction. When bad things happen, we have to go through them together. Marriage is a reality, so we have no choice but to share difficult times.
But you’ve been having a hard time for a long time already, haven’t you? So… … .”
I feel like my throat is choking. “Hmmm,” he said, clearing his voice, and then continued.
“I mean. I wish it didn’t happen to me. If I can, I want to block everything in front of me. I want you to hide behind my back and experience only happy things. This is how I feel.”
This time there was no sound.
Perhaps Si-eun is seriously listening. I don’t have the guts to face you after talking like this. I didn’t even want to show my red cheeks. I hid the paper close by.
“But if you’re behind your back, you can’t see your face. So… … I want you to stay in my arms from now on. Even if I can’t be a hero who can block everything, sometimes I wish I could cover my eyes when things get tough.”
The letter is slowly coming to an end. He lowered his gaze towards the last paragraph.
“So what I want to say is.
… … .
I love you.
… … .
I also did it because I really wanted to tell you.
What I want to say is this. I don’t know how it felt. I think it will be fun to exchange letters from time to time in the future. Because there are times when words that cannot be seen face to face are possible through writing.
So goodbye.”
With my eyes open from the stationery, I lifted my head and looked up at the ceiling. It was embarrassing to look at Si-eun. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, but it was just unfamiliar. It seemed to be the right word to say embarrassed.
But I was also curious about Si-eun’s reaction.
After taking deep breaths for a while, I turned my gaze to Si-eun, who was sitting on the chair.
Si-eun’s hand that had covered her mouth before was now covering her eyes.
“… … Are you crying?”
“Don’t cry.”
The voice that answered was watery. I wish I could be honest with you. Rather than acting like a mismatched queen, I’m more grateful to see her crying because she’s moved by the letter.
After a while, Si-eun released her hand and looked up at me.
Both eyes were slightly bloodshot.
“Letter, thank you.”
“no. Sorry for being late.”
“done. It’s better because it’s late… … I’ll take a look.”
Si-eun said with a soft smile.
With just one letter, Si-eun seemed to have loosened up. A sense of relief came, and I let out a sigh involuntarily and shook my head.
At the end of that line of sight, a large box entered.
Come to think of it, it wasn’t just the letter that I prepared. The atmosphere had already become quite warm, but it would have been right to hand over the prepared items.
He smiled bitterly and got up from his seat. I leave Si-eun’s gaze blankly chasing me and move. He headed towards a corner of the room.
He lifted the gift box and held it out in front of Si-eun.
“ruler.”
“… … Is it a present?”
It was a skeptical look. In this situation, can you offer something other than a gift? He smiled and replied.
“okay.”
Si-eun tilted her head. As if when I received the gift, I suddenly wondered what the gift was.
However, the reason why Si-eun was puzzled must have been different.
“Why so… … big?”
Si-eun was surprised because the gift box was too big.
A cube box about half my height. Excluding the items inside, it was huge enough to fit a few Si-eun. Thanks to you, bringing it here was a pain in the ass.
“Open it.”
At my words, Si-eun got up from her seat and hesitantly reached out towards the box. Si-eun slowly opens the lid of the box. Eventually, the objects inside are revealed.
its essence.
“Teddy bear?”
“yes.”
It was a giant teddy bear.
Si-eun, who opened her mouth in surprise, straightened out her hands and took out the teddy bear. The doll was as big as the size of the box. When she held the doll, all of Si-eun’s upper body was covered.
Soon, Si-eun leaned over, revealing her face to the side of the teddy bear. With a look of dissatisfaction.
“Are you trying to play with the doll again?”
“I just kept making fun of them, so it’s good to buy them once in a while.”
He smiled and answered.
Of course, the intention to make fun of you was right. But that wasn’t the only reason. He spoke with a smile on his face.
“From next year, I will be working. At that time, even if you commute to work, there will be times when you won’t be able to go to training camp for a few weeks. If you get lonely while I’m away, I live in the sense of hugging you and growing up.”
“While you are away… … .”
“okay. And you like soft stuff too. It was very soft.”
Si-eun pressed and hugged the teddy bear. Wherever you apply force, your fingers and arms are sunken. Just looking at it gave me a feeling of softness.
Soon after, Si-eun spoke softly.
“huh. thank you.”
Somehow the reaction wasn’t very good. I think it was better when I read the letter.
It’s only because I don’t have this good sense of gift selection, so I’m worried about the future. Still, I can’t give you clothes or cosmetics as a gift, with no fashion sense or anything. For me this was the best.
It was a gift I bought after a lot of hard work.
Feeling regretful, Si-eun immediately spoke up as she tried to regain her appetite.
“Sit on a chair.”
“why?”
“hurry.”
I get it.
I sat down on the chair following Si-eun’s words. Then Si-eun lowered her posture while holding the doll… … It immediately took a seat on my lap.
It’s a skinship that I’ve been enjoying since lately, but today was especially with a teddy bear. Si-eun in front of me, and a teddy bear in front of Si-eun. The doll was so large that even the shadows were dimmed.
Si-eun, who sat on my lap, rubbed her face against the doll. It seemed that he liked it, perhaps because he felt the softness. At first, I didn’t even like it that much.
Even hugging a doll like this gives the impression of a child. I’m the same age as me, and I’m good at housework and I’m smart, so I’ve never had that kind of feeling before.
I pat my head and say.
“Because it’s like this, it’s like a little sister.”
“What about your sister? We are the same age.”
“why? It’s about half a year apart if you count your birthdays.”
“Who cares about your birthday?”
It was a conversation full of dissatisfaction. So it is. I decided to treat my younger sister only internally.
Si-eun silently accepts my hand while holding the teddy bear.
Then Si-eun lay down on my side and put her head on my shoulder. Then he turns his head and looks at me.
“Are you thanking me for going this far?”
“Of course.”
“If it had been a woman other than me, I probably wouldn’t have come home.”
“In the first place, I wouldn’t have been able to date a woman other than you.”
Well, first of all, it’s my house, but it doesn’t seem like I couldn’t come… … . This was not the time to pursue this. He didn’t stop stroking his hand.
“Sorry. I will not forget it in the future.”
“okay. Idiot. Never forget it in the future.”
“yes.”
When I answered with a smile, Si-eun took a deep breath.
“Actually, I don’t think it’s 100 days or anything, and it’s not a very big day.”
Isn’t it a great day? When she asked for an explanation with her eyes, Si-eun spoke softly.
“It is one of the many days we will be together anyway. Whether it’s the 100th day or the 103rd day. Because I just had to give it meaning to that day. I wasn’t really angry at all.”
“Well.”
In fact, Si-eun didn’t look very angry.
Even on the 100th day, he gave me a hint. After 100 days had passed, didn’t they even leave a letter to inform them about it? Even on the phone, it wasn’t a big fight.
Si-eun pursed her lips and continued speaking.
“Still, that’s it. If you leave out anniversaries like this, it makes you wonder if you’re not interested in me. So I was very, very slightly dissatisfied.”
“I guess… … . Sorry.”
When he apologizes again, Si-eun smiles as if relieved.
“I’m only going to forgive you this time.”
have been merciful to me
He really has an angelic heart. I was grateful and happy, and even though I was already hugging him, I wanted to hug him even tighter.
With these feelings, I answered with a smile too.
“okay.”
And our lips naturally overlapped.
When the lips parted after a time to reaffirm their love for each other.
Si-eun’s cheeks, who had just been pretending to be pale, were very red.
As if to hide it, Si-eun buried her face in the teddy bear.
It was a really cute look.