＜ Episode 150 >
When your eyelids cover the world, you remember a time in the past.
It was fun, so I was full even if I didn’t eat, and I smiled even when nothing happened.
But when you open your eyes, a harsh reality is upon you.
The past is not irreversible.
Likewise, all human beings can only move forward into the future and cannot live forever in the past.
Loss is like that.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned for sure through years of suffering, it’s that there’s nothing to be gained by being engrossed in loss.
The pain of loss cannot be erased. But it would be foolish to do nothing in despair.
Even if what’s left is infinitely shabby compared to what you had before, you have to take a step forward.
she knew
I understood.
When I saw them, my physiological disgust rose.
It made no sense to use them, so I objected.
But he didn’t listen.
Then, she realized.
that I have to choose again.
In the past, she did not choose.
As a result, both what could be saved and what could not be saved were lost.
I didn’t want to make the same mistake twice.
She looked closely at what she had.
I carefully weighed out what could be thrown away and what should not be thrown away.
Even if you lose 9 to save 1. Even if you lose 99 to save 1.
It’s better than losing 10 and 100.
I moved with that feeling.
There were also good co-workers.
He was friendly with her.
He seemed to think of his acquaintance with her as a means of gathering information, but he was wrong.
Friendship is not just a weapon against others.
Any sword can cut its master.
He decided to give up his fame and fame.
After all, if she stays still, not only her but no one in her household will be able to hold her face for the rest of her life. The only difference is whether it is late or early.
I could have given up enough.
The decision was difficult, but once the decision was made, the action was swift.
spread rumors Some of those who heard the rumors tried to ascertain the source of the rumors, but they were unsuccessful.
Well, who would have thought, she herself had come up with the rumor.
Searching for answers without running away.
Even if she suffers from snowblindness and sees only a faint light, she gropes forward.
If you can’t walk, even crawl.
The past cannot be turned back.
So we just move towards the future. without rest.
The moment it stops, a huge tsunami will sweep away everything.
The only thing she fears is to realize that she thought she was running, but her legs weren’t moving at all.
In the frozen land without a guide, if there was anything she needed the most, it was certainty.
***
“The tea tastes good.”
“thank you.”
The woman patted her stomach and smiled happily.
“But don’t you?”
“Because it could be harmful to the child.”
“okay.”
“Princess.”
“Yes?”
“How did your relationship with the child’s father come about?”
It was a stone throw.
“Yes… yes?”
“No one talks openly, but there is no one in the world who doesn’t know.”
“That… that…”
Perhaps even embarrassed by herself, she looked around, with blood rushing to her face and blushing to her earlobes.
“I… aren’t you going to tell anyone?”
“sure.”
she grinned.
“I think your Majesty is a good person. He is worthy of love.”
“yes…..”
“But did your Majesty come first?”
“No… Actually, it wasn’t.”
“sure?”
“There was nothing to come. We were always together.”
Anastasia laughed awkwardly, twisting her hair.
“That… you know that our second sister was originally going to marry His Majesty, right? I even got pregnant while living together, but then my partner suddenly changed, you know?”
“Who doesn’t know?”
That’s what caused a civil war. Of course, the real cause of the civil war was different.
In fact, in the media or in a political fight, the common sense of the world is that the empress, who tried to strengthen the imperial power, put an unreasonable number on her husband’s affair.
“Actually, it caused some family quarrels. At the end of that fight, we decided to yield one foot at a time. So… let’s share. Let’s give up all monopoly, but let’s be happy with each other.”
Of course, reality is always more fantasy than imagination.
“Ah yes.”
“Well, that’s just what you’re saying… well… agreed headwind…no, headwind isn’t the right word for this. What should I say?”
“It can be said that he chose a path that was loved by all four of them, that no one was sad and that friendship was not broken. But your Majesty?”
“Um… I couldn’t speak to His Majesty openly. But… Your Majesty was kind of on two legs anyway. So… First of all, since we are a married couple, we do our duty as a couple, but we also go to visit our second sister, and as it is known to the outside world, the true love of His Majesty is the second sister, but the older sister forced her to marry her. The eldest unnie is sorry, so I don’t see her… like this.”
“So?”
As she silently pressured her to skip the known or obvious stories and tell the truth, Anastasia blew up a truth unknown to the public.
“Then they changed direction a little…. In the name of reconciliation, the eldest sister went to visit the younger sister, and the three of them stayed together before going to sleep at night.”
“Ummm…”
face is hot Thinking that maybe even her face was red, she smiled as she thought that Anastasia’s face was also red up to the nape of her neck.
It was worthwhile trying to get really busy and friendly. Of course, as in the legend that the king’s ears are the ears of a donkey, it is difficult to keep secrets in the first place.
It was also the right answer to attack Anastasia, who is the cheapest among the sisters.
Well, it’s a story that only women can talk about.
“And after a while… we got together again, saying it was reconciliation, and we had a glass of wine. Naturally, the older sisters went to bed with their brother-in-law, and then came out saying they would wash up and come back… Instead, the two of us went in and held out until morning.”
“So what happened?”
“Well, what’s next, isn’t it obvious? The brother-in-law said he was sorry, the older sisters forgave by pretending not to win, and in the end, the brother-in-law became responsible for all four of us. My brother-in-law doesn’t have the personality to pretend he doesn’t know the woman he touched. Especially if you have children.”
Yes, I wanted to hear this.
“And my brother-in-law is very weak in alcohol,”
“Yes? I think I’ve heard he’s quite drunk…”
“Oh, is it? It’s all Goura, Goura.”
Anastasia, who was joking around, said softly with a recalled face, as if she was revealing a great secret.
“He, when he called his subordinates and drank vodka, he used tricks and pretended not to drink alcohol. I can’t get drunk because I don’t drink properly, and if I tie my hands and feed them, my legs will loosen up in an instant.”
“……okay?”
It is an unexpected harvest.
“okay.”
***
“Is that what you said?”
“Uh… did I do something wrong? You’re not the one to talk about…”
“No.”
Olga sighed.
“I just don’t know if I want to use it.”
“Use?”
“What am I supposed to say about this……”
Olga sighed, wondering if the explanation was a pain in the ass.
Actually, it’s not the first time something like this has happened.
Those who believe in and follow them are more important than their own safety, and among the women who are determined to protect their country, there is probably no one who does not think like that at least once.
After all, the Russian Empire is a country where one word from the Tsar can change everything.
“Then what should I do?”
“Leave it.”
“……..uh?”
“Anastasia.”
“…….yes.”
“Even if it’s Charina, you can definitely monitor and control everything a human being, and besides, that person is so… a good person. There is no tolerance for that.”
“…….yes?”
Anastasia knew everything else, but it was difficult to agree with the latter part of the sentence.
If that cold-hearted person is a good person, where in the world was this world where only angels lived?
According to my memories of seeing the death row inmates being mechanically shot one by one with a pistol from a distance, I wondered if that human had a body made of mercury and steel instead of some kind of blood and flesh.
Of course, the misunderstanding could be solved by myself, but…
“At least you’re kind to people you know.”
“That’s right.”
“He’s a kind of person with a good line, and he’s very kind to the people inside, and he does anything without expecting anything in return, but he’s cruel to the people outside… Well, to cross the line, crossing the line is the easiest thing to do.”
“That’s a tautological repetition…”
“If you understand everything, don’t gossip, little brother. Wouldn’t it be much more helpful to just keep your mouth shut?”
“In a word, how difficult is it for me to dodge my eyes and cling to you?”
“Um… What if we block it with the intelligence service?”
“Looking at her personality, it’s counterproductive.”
It’s a bit odd which one you’re talking about – or maybe both – but Anastasia understood the gist of it and nodded her head.
“Anastasia, it’s a question rather than a story I’ve heard before, how many people walk around Red Square in a day?”
“……How do I know? And a person who doesn’t have much to do is sitting down counting the number of people going in and out of Red Square? Statistical office staff will know that.”
In fact, the National Statistical Office and other public officials are in a state of disrepair, so there is no way they can do it and run out of time, counting the surplus of human beings, or the daily moving population of Red Square, which is worth doing and not worth much.
“It’s two.”
“……How many powers should I not have?”
Olga took a deep breath and continued.
“Those who will be helpful and those who will become threats, of course, it is not a one-to-one substitution of allies and enemies. Those that are neither this nor that are not worth counting.”
“……Which one do you think the older sister is?”
“It’s not my opinion that matters, it’s my opinion that matters. Sometimes, I see that I am a person who lacks self-control in a strange way… I gave up on that. Anyway, I just had to be faithful to my family.”
“Wait, then…”
Anastasia asked, with a frown on her forehead as if realizing something.
“Has anything similar to this happened before?”
Then, Olga stood up without answering.
“Oh, it’s already 2:40, I’ll have to go.”
“sister? Give me an answer and go! That takes a few seconds!”