Unraveled Memories
“…”
A faint light seeping through the window passed through my eyelids, waking me up. Instinctively, I rubbed my arms, waist, and legs lightly.
“…A dream. Yeah. But I remember.”
Everything I saw in the dream, the incident where I shielded Shu and had to give up soccer. I learned one truth that wasn’t spoken of in the game. Whether it was influenced by that dream or not, somewhere, the idea that I was just a different person who had possessed Toa until now was fading, as if I had been Toa from the beginning… It felt like my very soul was on the verge of assimilation.
That’s why, feelings akin to hatred towards Shu and his family, the cause of such emotions, seemed to overflow. However, the consciousness of “me” still remained. If it were only Toa’s consciousness, I wouldn’t understand, but as long as my consciousness existed, there was some lingering resentment, although not to the point of being unbearable.
“…I should eat.”
Getting out of bed, quickly tidying up, I headed towards the living room where Mom would be waiting. It seemed like good timing as breakfast was already laid out, and Mom, seeing me come down, smiled warmly.
“Good morning, Toa.”
“Good morning, Mom.”
Mom – Ayumi Yukishiro, though it might be odd for me to say, looked incredibly youthful for having a high school son. Sitting down with Mom, we progressed through breakfast. Yes, it was delicious today as well.
“You really seem to be enjoying your food. It makes me happy as a mother.”
“It’s really delicious. Thank you, Mom.”
“You’re welcome.”
What was a slightly awkward conversation a few weeks ago was now like this. There was no discomfort in talking, rather, it felt normal to converse like this.
As I cooled down the steaming miso soup and savored it, Mom suddenly spoke up.
“…I’m really glad you’ve gotten better.”
“Mom?”
Stopping my hand from eating, I looked at Mom, whose eyes were very gentle. Nevertheless, being stared at like that, even by family, could be embarrassing. It was very awkward… and kind of embarrassing. Whether she knew that about me or not, Mom chuckled seeing my reaction.
“…What’s up?”
I had to interject.
Apologizing, Mom continued.
“You haven’t been the same since you quit soccer. You tried to be strong in front of me, but I could tell, you know?”
“…Was it that obvious?”
“Yeah.”
“Immediate answer?”
…It’s strange.
I know which words to choose in conversation with Mom. And it feels like the fog that had been clouding my memories is gradually clearing. Everything from the event I dreamt of to the present, it’s all unraveling.
“But, after that incident, when Ayana-chan came to the house, you became lively. I’m truly grateful to that Ayana-chan from back then. Hey, what happened?”
As Mom asked with a grin, I struggled to find the right words to say. It’s embarrassing, yes, but it’s also a bitter memory. Yet, I finally understand. Why Ayana called me ‘Master,’ why she became so unstable at my words, why she devotedly served me.
As I pondered, Mom hastily spoke up.
“I-if you’re getting so lost in thought, I won’t ask anymore! Come on, don’t push yourself!”
“O-Okay…”
I unintentionally paused at Mom’s voice. I feel like if I hadn’t heard her voice then, I would have been lost in thought endlessly. Regaining composure, I resumed sipping the miso soup. Ah, delicious. This is definitely the best for mornings.
“Thanks for the meal.”
“You’re welcome.”
As I placed the dishes in the sink and was about to leave the living room, Mom said something to me.
“I think Ayana-chan will be fine, but sometimes, talking to her, I feel like she’s troubled about something. So, Towa, keep an eye on her, okay?”
“…Yeah. Understood.”
Even without being told, that was my intention. Mom seemed satisfied with my answer. As she began washing the dishes, she casually let slip something that made me involuntarily ask back.
“I heard about what happened at the hospital from Ayana-chan. I almost felt like grabbing a bat and storming in on them.”
“…You didn’t, did you?”
“Of course not. But when I asked Ayana-chan to mediate for you without your knowledge, I said something like, ‘If you mess with my son, I’ll come for you, you old hag.'”
“I didn’t hear that!?”
“I didn’t say it. It’s just that sometimes, remnants of my delinquent days come out.”
“…I’m off.”
“Take care~”
…I never knew Mom had a delinquent past. I vaguely remember seeing some old photos, and she did seem flashier compared to regular folks. Oh, I see. Those women who occasionally visit Mom at home, are they like her followers or something? I didn’t really want to know.
“Keep an eye on her… huh.”
It’s the second time, but that’s my plan. However… it’s strange. Even though I’ve remembered Towa and Ayana’s story, there’s still something lingering at the back of my mind. I don’t know what it is yet, but something inside me is urging me to remember it.
“…That’s cruel. Ayana is in trouble.”
“…Huh?”
For a moment, I felt like I heard a voice different from mine. It was oddly familiar, like a voice I’ve heard since childhood. Looking around, there was obviously no one else there besides me. So, I thought it was my imagination and tried to dismiss it, but when I tried to brush it off as irrelevant to soccer, it turned out to be the hidden truth. That’s why, anything that happens to me, big or small… I’ll pay attention. If I do that, I’m sure I’ll find my way to something.
“Why… why won’t you resist?”
In a room, the pained voice of a man echoed.
The man was pinning down a woman. At first glance, it may seem like the man is attacking the woman, but the woman’s demeanor seemed to contradict that.
“There’s no need to resist. If Towa-kun desires it, I don’t mind.”
“…! Why… why are you… why do you… Ayana, about me…”
Ayana harbored in her eyes a readiness to yield without any intention of resistance to everything Towa would do to her from now on. Towa understood from Ayana’s demeanor that she would never reject him. A vile voice in his dirty heart urged him to make the non-resisting woman his own. But Towa couldn’t do that, because Ayana in front of him was a precious presence. He had vowed never to hurt her.
Towa knew that Shu, his longtime friend, had feelings for Ayana. Even without being told, it was easy to discern from his actions. If they had spent time as childhood friends, Shu’s relationship with Ayana would undoubtedly be longer than Towa’s. It was easy to agree that Ayana was a wonderful woman, so it wasn’t strange for Shu to fall for her.
“…Damn.”
However, Towa found himself drawn to Ayana as well. But he had suppressed those feelings, thinking of Shu. It had been that way even after the accident… but as he continued to watch Shu, he couldn’t help but feel a rising hatred. The accident was an accident. Towa knew in his head that it wasn’t something Shu caused. Yet, when he was in despair from losing soccer, Shu asked him to support his relationship with Ayana. Looking back, that was the turning point… something changed within Towa.
And now, he had followed Ayana home to cheer up the downcast Towa and ended up pinning her down.
They never averted their gazes from each other. But Towa had no real intention of moving forward. It would be fine if Ayana rejected him; that way, if anything distasteful occurred, he could bring closure to these feelings. That was what he had thought, but then came the sudden sensation.
“…!”
“Mm…”
The soft touch on his lips belonged to Ayana.
Towa, bewildered by the suddenness of it, Ayana, blushing after releasing his lips, murmured, “We… kissed, didn’t we?”
“What…?”
Despite her embarrassment, Towa’s heart raced at her beautiful smile. It wasn’t enough with just that, his inner self clamored to savor more of Ayana. Ignoring his inner conflict, Ayana began speaking.
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“Towa-kun, I’ve always pondered why I exist. Whether I’m here for Shuu-kun, his family, or to live in the world set up by my mother… I used to think that way. But that wasn’t it.”
Ayana’s words continued.
“I was probably born to meet you, Towa-kun. The first time we met, I thought you were a mysterious person. As we interacted, that turned into love, and before I knew it, I wanted to be by your side, to support you.”
Towa’s eyes widened. It was the first time he heard Ayana speak like this. She held Towa’s hand, gently guiding it to her chest. With a large, soft sensation, though firm, his fingers gradually sank in. And from that touch, the thumping sound of a heartbeat was conveyed.
“Towa-kun, won’t you give me a sign? I don’t belong to those people… Please, engrave proof on my body that I belong to you alone. I promise that my existence is solely for you, to always comfort you. So, please accept it. My love, dedication, and all of myself.”
And thus, their shadows overlapped.
In that sweet, echoing space, regardless of the process, it was the moment their feelings aligned. However, Towa felt somewhere deep down that something was amiss. Yet, as time passed while being swept along, their relationship became a secret between the two of them.
At that moment, after their union with Ayana, she whispered this in Towa’s chest.
“Towa-kun, please wait a little. I won’t let anyone interfere; I’ll definitely clean it up. It’ll take time, but I’ll definitely make sure of it, so please wait until then.”
“Ayana?”
“…Hush… hush…”
Unable to discern the true meaning of her words due to her terribly quick sleep, Towa eventually embraced the naked and beloved person sleeping in his arms, feeling a hint of happiness as he drifted off to sleep, pretending not to notice the vague unease smoldering in his chest.
Meanwhile, Ayana was still awake.
Watching Towa sleep with a relieved expression, a smile escaped her lips. It was a moment of passionate intimacy, driven by impulse, yet for Ayana, it was an irreplaceable moment of happiness. She had always loved him, and their union instilled in Ayana emotions like never before.
Just being touched by him sent a rush of heat through her, and the feeling of being loved by him was indescribably delightful. Holding onto the happiness she had felt just a while ago, Ayana’s eyes gradually sharpened with a hint of resentment.
(…In the end, it was them who cornered Towa-kun this far. Seeing him in such pain… I will never forgive them.)
The filth that spoke without knowing anything, the thoughts that surfaced in her mind, she would make them regret it someday.
(…Shuu-kun.)
Towa had been concealing his feelings about Shuu, a fact discernible from their conversations. While his kindness was one of Towa’s virtues, after seeing that smirk on Shuu’s face, all that remained in Ayana was disgust. Unaware of her own feelings, Shuu, always by her side, prompted a certain sentiment in Ayana.
(I’ll use everything. I’ll use all his kindness toward me, and then I’ll tell him. I don’t care about you at all since a long time ago.)
Someday, she would definitely confess these extraordinary feelings… but for now, just for now.
(Towa-kun smells nice… *sniff*… Also, he was quite strong.)
From a heart tainted black, a complete transformation into a peachy pink, perhaps due to being a girl coming of age.