I am Towa, and Towa is me… yeah. It’s too late to realize that now.
Sometimes, there are moments when I can recognize that this is a dream.
(…This place…)
A pure white space, overflowing with cleanliness. Could this be a hospital room somewhere? When I tried to look around, I felt my body not moving as I wished. Why, how come, I thought, but soon I understood the reason. Firstly, my arm was bandaged. Then, my legs were suspended… and there was a feeling that my waist was stiffened to prevent movement as much as possible.
It’s very realistic for a dream… no, could this really be a dream? Such a realistic sense, almost feeling like an experience from the past… well, never mind. For now, let’s consider this a dream. Although, even if it’s a dream, it’s inconvenient not being able to move my body properly.
(If it’s a dream, I could fly in the sky or something. There are various possibilities…)
I really think so.
In a dream, one would be forgiven for anything. Like magic, another world, or a scene with Ayana… Ahem, that’s a bit disturbing, restrain yourself.
(Ah… Ah, Tesutesu. Someone help me. I’m trapped in a dream world.)
…I tried joking around, but no change, what is this really? I have no interest in being confined to a hospital room without being able to move. If someone has such an interest, it’s quite a peculiar preference.
I can’t move my body, and now I realize I haven’t been speaking. This is also a strange sensation. What should I really do? As I was pondering this, the door in front of me opened. It was Shu who entered. He was staring at me with red and swollen eyes. And as soon as he opened his mouth, he said this.
“Sorry… Sorry, Towa! It’s because I was spacing out… and you got into an accident… sniff!”
Shu was crying with snot running down, but from my perspective, I couldn’t understand what he was talking about… but, what is it really? If I could move my body right now, a furious desire to punch Shu’s face with all my might wells up inside me. I don’t feel puzzled by this anger… it’s as if it’s a natural sensation.
“Well, I guess that’s how it goes sometimes. Don’t worry about it. More importantly, I’m glad you’re safe.”
“…Why… Why are you crying so much? It’s me who should be crying, you know!?”
Towa’s voice echoed like a double sound… it’s me, or rather, that voice resonated.
Outwardly, pretending to be strong so as not to worry Shu, while inside, a fierce anger dominated as if resentful.
The anger Towa harbored melted into me as if assimilating. And then it emerged… why did this happen, why is Towa… “I” injured and in the hospital. It’s simple. I got into an accident… I became a substitute to shield Shu who absentmindedly walked and jumped out onto the road.
“This is hopeless. I can’t move at all. This, dealing with poop and all must be tough, right? Ugh, embarrassing!”
“…Damn… damn it! Why now… the tournament is coming up soon…!”
The tournament… that’s right. The soccer tournament is coming up soon.
Working hard with friends, practicing a lot, being cheered on by everyone. And mom even said she’d take time off work to come watch! Ayana too! Ayana said she’d come watch too!
A strange sensation of mingling emotions between Towa and me… honestly, it felt nauseating.
As I talked with Shu like that, a teacher in a white coat came in. The teacher opened his mouth with a somewhat uncomfortable expression.
“Yukishiro, let me be straightforward. Not only do you have fractures in your arms and legs, but more importantly, the condition of your waist is bad. I heard from Sasaki that you have a soccer tournament coming up… but give up.”
…I felt a pain akin to having my heart pierced.
“…I see. Right. In this condition, it’s impossible, isn’t it… hahahaha”
From Noble mtl dot com
“…………”
My mouth moved on its own, words were spit out on their own. Why… why is it so painful. It’s painful but tears don’t come out. Is this Towa’s strength, or is it because I can’t believe reality to the extent of being unable to cry?
The teacher left, leaving Shu in the hospital room. The door opened, and Shu’s mother and Ayana entered.
“Towa, are you okay?”
Perhaps they were very worried, Ayana, like Shu, had red eyes. Surely she must have cried because there are traces of tears.
“Did I worry you?”
“Of course you did! Seeing Towa collapse and unable to move… ugh… aah!!”
I gently stroked Ayana’s head with the hand that could move.
Ayana was crying… it’s insensitive, but it made me slightly happy. Oh well, I guess, I feel towards Ayana—.
“Shu, is Ayana outside too? I need to talk to him.”
Shu’s mother, Mrs. Hatsune, spoke like that. Shu accepted those words and headed outside the hospital room. But Ayana alone said she wouldn’t leave my side.
Mrs. Hatsune looked puzzled at Ayana, but quickly returned her gaze to me. Her eyes were like accusing me. I knew from the past that she, along with Ayana’s mother, didn’t think well of me, especially because of what happened with Ayana.
Now, what will she say? Mrs. Hatsune began in a sharp tone.
“If Ayana-chan were to get injured, how were you planning to take responsibility? It was fortunate that it was you.”
“…Eh?”
“Huh!?”
Honestly, for a moment, I didn’t understand what was being said. Ayana seemed to be looking at Hatsune-san with her head raised suddenly. Her expression was as if she was looking at something unbelievable.
“You know, you’re not needed. Ayana has Shuu, and Shuu has Ayana. Maybe you were punished for intruding as an outsider.”
“…”
“Hatsune-san! What on earth are you saying?”
I wonder what this person is really saying.
I was just… being with them as friends.
“I see.”
“Did you say something?”
“No.”
I see, maybe their world is self-contained.
Shuu and Ayana, a world where the two are bound is the world this person desires. hahahaha…! It’s laughable. In reality, a person with such thoughts wouldn’t exist, but… that’s right. This world was a game world. In that case, it wouldn’t be strange for there to be individuals with such flawed personalities.
Although linked to Towa’s emotions, unlike me, who can see things somewhat objectively, what did Towa truly think when she was told these words? Did she resent it, or did she give up?
Hatsune-san finished saying what she wanted to and left the sickroom, leaving behind an indescribable tension between me and Ayana.
“I give up. I never thought I’d be so disliked.”
“Towa-kun…”
I think there was no need to go that far. But I must be like a harmful pest to those people.
Ayana, who was looking at me worriedly as I hung my head, was comforting in that moment. When I reached out to her, she gently held my hand. Feeling her warmth, I expressed a wish to Ayana. Something I would never say under normal circumstances, but with Ayana, I was confident she wouldn’t refuse after our long relationship.
“…Can you hug me? Can I cry?”
“I-If it’s okay with someone like me…”
Saying so, Ayana hugged my head to her chest.
A warm and gentle touch, a comforting scent. I cried my heart out while being embraced by Ayana. I cried and cried until I could feel embarrassed in this position.
After a few minutes had passed, I tried to pull away from Ayana, but she wouldn’t let go.
“Ayana?”
When I asked, I heard a voice from her that was colder than I had ever heard before.
“This is absurd. Why does Towa have to go through this? Why does he have to be spoken to like that?”
Ayana’s words didn’t stop.
“Towa should be the one suffering the most… If I could, I’d switch places with him. Why are those people… huh? People…? Are they the same… as us? People…? I see. Those people are…!”
“Ayana!!”
“Huh!? …Towa-kun.”
Feeling something dangerous in Ayana’s muttering, I called her name strongly. Ayana looked at me as if she had regained herself. Reluctant as I was, once released from Ayana’s embrace, I lay down on the bed.
“…Phew. I’m tired from all this. I guess I’ll have some free time from now on.”
“I’ll visit you every day to show my support. I won’t let Towa-kun feel lonely.”
Indeed, it’s lonely, but having someone come every day… “I’ll change my words then. I’m lonely… Is that not allowed?”
“I’d like to see someone who can refuse after being told that much.”
“In that case…”
“Please come. I want to talk to Ayana every day too.”
「Ah… Yes!!」
I was relieved to finally see her smile.
Feeling reassured after seeing Ayana’s smile, I felt a bit sleepy and closed my eyes. Until my consciousness sank completely, Ayana had been holding my hand by my side all along.
Will I forget this strange out-of-body experience when I wake up? No, I was confident I wouldn’t forget. But now, it feels like I can see things I didn’t know before. Yet there are things I don’t understand… no, that’s not it. There must be something I need to remember. Because now that I’ve become Towa, there must be something I can do. I have a feeling like that.