Letter from the North-1
discomfort.
Can I use that name to describe this sudden sensation?
Mirazen looked at Robert.
Why does it feel like I’ve seen this situation where I’m talking to Robert?
A sense of déjà vu? No, it just didn’t feel like that.
Words that seem to have been heard someday, words that seem to have been uttered by oneself.
She was enveloped in this bizarre feeling of repeating it again, and then flinched slightly in surprise at Robert’s gaze staring at her.
It was always empty, but sometimes there was a cold light in the corner of the eyes that showed a soft light.
“…It can’t be, can it? It just doesn’t happen.”
“I guess so. This is the first time I’ve called Robert.”
is this the first time There was a memory that bloomed between the blurred consciousness.
It didn’t fit at all, and the time was jumbled up, so he forgot what he was trying to give to Robert.
I was definitely going to give something, but there were so many things I was trying to give.
“Miragen.”
There was a voice that cut through my confused mind.
By the time she felt a hand on her shoulder, Mirajen realized that her body was shaking.
Since there are memories that keep popping up in my head, I couldn’t bear to hear the voice that came to me.
Robert was also present in that memory.
“Oh, it’s okay. I guess I was just a little mistaken. Did you intend to give this to your brother?”
“Is that so?”
He laughed lightly at the calm voice and shrugged his shoulders casually.
It may have been a moment of misunderstanding. Isn’t it just a delusion that suddenly popped up?
Mirazen, blushing for no reason, brushed her cheek.
If others found out about this idea, there was nothing to make fun of.
Oh my God, Robert whispering that he loves her.
No matter how likable this was, this thought crossed the line.
I didn’t want to tell anyone, and I didn’t even want to say it in front of myself.
The hand holding the shoulder was very wide. I wasn’t conscious of it before, but these days I’m becoming conscious of each of these things.
At first, the grateful person who helped him, then the foolish person who foolishly tried to save him.
Then the person who didn’t contact me often. And then what?
Well. Mirajen didn’t seriously think about what came next.
Every time we met, it was clear that he was a new person.
Sometimes it looked like it would disappear if I didn’t keep an eye on it, and sometimes it came close to me like a man possessed by several women.
Even though I didn’t allow it, he would cross the gap and stand in front of me.
If you ask me I don’t like that. Somehow I couldn’t answer easily.
Because at some point, I naturally accepted that gap.
If Robert didn’t approach, I felt awkward for no reason, so it was Miragen who occasionally checked to see if I was in a bad mood.
At times, he wondered if the relationship between the princess and the duke’s Confucius had some meaning.
If he had intended to become the family head from the beginning, it would have been okay to exclude himself.
Rather, as long as he cooperated with the crown prince, couldn’t he have ridden himself and further increased the prince’s power?
But why did he help himself, and why did he come to him before my older brother in the first place?
Sometimes I used to question that.
Now that I think about it, nothing will change. I knew that Robert’s attitude was strange in many ways.
Aren’t there any benefits to gain for yourself?
If that’s the case, it means that he came with genuine goodwill, but even Mirajen himself couldn’t figure out what he saw in him.
“Robert.”
When I called quietly, Robert, who was walking forward, turned his head.
It was not very different from the sudden memory.
Read at noblemtl.com
Just a little colder, a little less laughing. For some reason, it was all about making a vague expression.
If there was anything I wanted to ask, it was if you had ever told yourself that you loved yourself.
In a very brief memory, Robert said so,
Maybe he didn’t even know he said that while he couldn’t remember.
However, the lips did not come off easily. A grateful person, a stupid person, a sad person.
It was because he didn’t know how to face Robert if he became someone he liked after that.
Maybe it has come to that mind already, but Mirazen has decided to take a step back.
It wasn’t that time yet. It hasn’t been a few days since we met each other.
Adrian… didn’t think of Robert as just a close friend.
“What are you doing?”
“…I just called.”
Even in his memory, when he called it like this, Robert turned his head away.
Her expression was colder and calmer than before, but Mirazen once again overlapped her memories with Robert.
I didn’t know if this was a memory or a shameful delusion of my own.
Read at noblemtl.com
Just. Maybe it’s because I didn’t know that I forgot.
#
We don’t know exactly what the conditions are for recovering memories.
Isn’t this the first time I’ve been repeating the regression.
I wasn’t sure if the longer they were in contact with me, the more they remembered, or if someone recalled them.
However, there were people who did not want to recall their memories.
So I was a little surprised.
When Mirajen asked if she hadn’t experienced something like this somewhere, she was full of desire to ask about all those memories.
However, if I said I had experienced something like this, it would be a headache, so I just said I didn’t know right now.
If possible, I hoped not to think about it for the rest of my life, but I know it’s not something I can control.
If I could control it, I would have tried to do something.
However, this memory comes without warning.
It was the same with Theresia, and it was the same with Adele.
Yuria was forcibly summoned through magical powers and hallucinogens, but this moon stone used to evoke memories of people with deep ties to me.
…I thought I had come to see Miragen for no reason.
Even if it’s a memory that I’ll remember later anyway, I hoped that time would be a little later.
Mirazen’s expression was quite different from before.
Even though I was staring at me, I blushed myself, and my head was confused about what the reaction was.
“It’s embarrassing to see that.”
Mirajen opened her mouth slightly in surprise when she answered succinctly.
It seemed that he was lost in his own thoughts.
I wished it wasn’t the memory I mentioned earlier, but I wondered how far I remembered it.
It would be convenient if I could read people’s thoughts. Unfortunately, I didn’t have that ability.
“Ah…I was just thinking about something earlier.”
“Do you mean something that seems to have happened somewhere?”
“Right. I wonder how many times I’ve brought Robert here. There will never be such a thing.”
His expression hardened for a moment, then he quietly shook his head and replied.
never had that Exactly, it should have been, but it shouldn’t have been.
Mirazen’s memories weren’t all that good.
I thought it would be better to completely deny the memory if possible.
It was different from Adele, who didn’t have many memories, or Adrian, who didn’t have them at all.
Mirazen had far more memories than the others.
If only I had good memories, wouldn’t there be memories of Mirazen killing me himself?
If you recall that memory in this relationship now.
I couldn’t guarantee that she wouldn’t harbor guilt herself.
If it was Miragen, it would surely blame itself.
Confused by my continued denial, Mirazen finally sighed and nodded.
Although he was doubtful in many ways, he did not seem to be convinced of it.
When I met Mirajen’s gaze, I saw that my cheeks were turning red again, so I smiled and opened my mouth.
“Have you ever had a strange imagination? You seem to be particularly shy today.”
“That, it’s not like that.”
Seeing them hesitantly, my feelings were complicated in many ways.
Even if she recalled it, it was fine as long as she remembered only good things.
Memories to remember anyway, if you remember only the good things, there won’t be anything bad about it.
However, on the contrary, if she only recalls negative memories, I don’t know if she will be able to endure it.
-I hated you.
The words I heard from Mirazen, I probably don’t remember, but…
If he recalled something like this, Mirazen couldn’t help but blame himself.
What if I remembered that she cut my throat herself?
If you imagine recalling those memories when I’m not there. I didn’t even want to imagine it.
“Anyway, I will use what I received. It would be best not to use it if possible.”
“It would be nice to have it as a decoration. I thought it would be better not to use it either.”
“Then it would have been nice to have something else as a present.”
“I know. By the way…”
Mirajan, hesitant, glanced at me again, then continued talking with a slight smile.
“just. I didn’t want to get hurt while holding that sword. I was a little concerned about the injury I got when I came to save me. I’ve been looking for something like this, but I thought that would be the best.”
It was quite different from what I had heard before.
Instead of the woman who used to think of herself every time she used a sword,
There was only a woman who was embarrassed because she couldn’t realize her heart yet.
Still, I was grateful for that feeling, so I quietly smiled and nodded my head.
It’s probably impossible not to get hurt.
The same goes for thinking of Mirazen every time I use this sword.
It was true that it was impossible to predict what would happen after today.
As if the current Miragen is a different person from the Mirazen I knew before.
…Will Miragen regain her memory? Or, since I can’t find my memory, will I regard today’s incident as just a small incident?
I couldn’t be sure of anything.
All I want is for Mirajan’s memories not to come back, but the wind of fate will bring them back somehow.
I also thought I didn’t know.
Maybe this is my first life, so if I want to know something, I have to confront it myself.
It was something I knew I had to live for tomorrow.
If family head Robert wanted to know the 101st Miragen, he would have to get a little closer.
I closed my eyes for a moment, and a cool wind blew from the darkened sky.
Winter is over, and now one day in full bloom in spring.
The wind was cool, and it seemed that my stuffy heart was relieved a little.