54. Jerry Bruckheimer?
The first Top Gun was made with the full support of the U.S. Navy.
It was the height of the Cold War, and a story about cool guys blowing their enemies to smithereens would be a huge PR win for the military, like blowing your nose without touching it.
After all, it’s a well-known anecdote that the U.S. Navy’s recruitment rate skyrocketed in 1986 when Top Gun 1 hit theaters, with applicants flooding in from all over the country.
As a bonus, the Air Force also saw a spike in applications, thanks to idiots who thought it was a fighter jet.
By the way, this is the second installment of a proven formula.
Naturally, the U.S. Navy would have jumped at the chance.
“So you’re saying you’re not using CG at all, because you’re showing real Navy fighters?”
“hahahahaha! Of course not. We’re not going to use any CG, we’re only going to do a few shots, and we’re going to have the actors actually fly in the F-18E/F Super Hornets.”
“Wow! That’s amazing!”
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Just thinking about it made me feel magnificent.
This really is something that only the United States can do.
Because the United States is the only country in the world with a super carrier.
But, wait, what?
F-18 Super Hornets?
Why, when we have the F-35C, albeit early in its deployment?
“Huh? But the F-18E/F Super Hornet?”
“Yeah, the Super Hornet.”
“Why? We have F-35Cs?”
“Alex.”
“Yep!”
“Do you think the movie would be any good if a stealth fighter ended it with a medium-range air-to-air missile from a place you can’t even see?”
“…”
It wouldn’t be funny.
The best part of dogfighting is the dogfighting, no matter what anyone says.
“Well, I see.”
“Besides, what if I’m an old colonel, flying an old fighter jet with mystical maneuvers and shooting down the enemy’s new fifth-generation fighter jet?”
“Awww, that would be awesome!”
“hahahahaha, this is what movies are for?”
Again, Tom seemed to be a natural at this.
“So who’s the heroine?”
“What? You’re going to invest in a movie without knowing who the lead actress is?”
“Nah, Top Gun just needs Tom.”
“hahahahaha, that’s right, you do know something!”
“hahahahaha!”
“hahahahaha!”
I instantly became a know-it-all.
“The lead actress is Jennifer, Jennifer Connelly.”
“What? Jennifer Connelly? Why not Kelly McGillis?”
“Are you crazy, I don’t know how old Kelly is, and she’s out here?”
“Oy, how old is she?”
“Kelly’s over 60 now. She’s five years older than me?”
“Wow, already?”
“Already? It’s been well over thirty years since the first movie came out, and besides, Kelly hasn’t been taking care of herself, so she’s turned into a fat old lady, and if you’re like me, would you come to the theater to see me romance an old lady?”
“Never!”
I said, fantasizing.
“The movie industry is a fantasy, it’s supposed to make the audience’s dreams come true for them, but Kelly? I like Kelly, but not that one. At my age, Jennifer is perfect.”
“Okay!”
Later, we discussed my share of the investment and the investment amount, and when I was greedy for a share, Tom laughed and said he would make 20%.
From Tom’s point of view, I’m comfortable investing in a company like Tencent and not having any conditions like using Chinese actors.
I’m just investing because I’m a fan.
If it’s good, I’ll be a successful geek, and if it’s bad, I’ll be an asshole.
“Okay, then, if there are no objections, I’ll send a lawyer to your office tomorrow, so sign it.”
“Okay, Tom.”
“Hey, do you happen to have any interest in Mission Impossible?”
“Oh, yeah! Are they making more of those?”
“Sure! I’m going to start shooting it in earnest sometime in the second half of next year, how about you?”
“Hmph, that sounds great.”
Mission Impossible is a guaranteed box office check.
It’s a pittance compared to stocks, but you can make money while doing your favorite hobby, so what’s not to love?
“Is this the seventh installment?”
“Yeah, seven. By the way, how much do you want to invest?”
“Well, if you give me a lot, I’ll invest a lot. What’s your budget?”
“Something like Top Gun Two. Like, 170 or 80 million, because Rogue Nation, the sixth one, cost like 150 million.”
“So what do you say we put in 50 million?”
“You want to do that?”
“No, but hey, Tom. If it’s like Mission Impossible, people are going to be scrambling to invest in each other, do you think I can do that?”
I was a little puzzled by this.
Unless it’s Top Gun 2 and suddenly Tencent is out of the picture.
“To be honest, I don’t like it when investors do this to a movie I’m producing and starring in.”
“But with a brother like Tom, you don’t get much outside pressure, do you?”
“I mean, yeah, but it’s really annoying when they tell you who to put in, or that you can’t have anything political in it, or whatever. Especially Chinese capital.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, they think they’re the Chinese Communist Party, and if you say anything negative about China, they’ll go ballistic. I think it’s a good thing they’re done with Chinese capital, because they’re giving up on the Chinese market.”
Not because of Chinese capital, but because if you make a movie with the Chinese market in mind, you’re going to have to take this out, take that out, take everything out, which is really frustrating for a filmmaker.
This is why censorship is so scary.
If you start saying, “No to this, no to that,” people will self-censor.
Then it’s over.
Look at masters like Zhang Yimou and Chen Kaige.
Look at how much crap they’re putting out now that China’s censorship has gotten worse.
“Anyway, that’s why I love private investors like you, because you don’t interfere, you’re just an investor, and you just throw parties and introduce actresses, right?”
“Fuhahahahaha!”
I laughed out loud, relieved that Tom was being so honest.
“Alex, are you married?”
“No. Not yet.”
“Well, then, do you want me to set you up with a girl?”
“Really?”
“Do you have an actress in mind?”
“Ilsa! Ilsa Faust!”
“Who? Ilsa? Oh! You mean Rebecca? Rebecca Ferguson?”
“Hmph, she’s the hottest actress you’ve been with lately.”
“Hey! Not her.”
“Why?”
“Rebecca got divorced a couple years ago, and she’s been seeing a guy lately that she’s going to marry again.”
“Uh, okay.”
It’s not like I’m an actress crush or anything.
“Come on, you need to come to a party I’m throwing in two days.”
“Party? What party?”
“Look, brother, in Hollywood, parties are work, and I need to let you know that I’m alive, and I need to remind you every once in a while how influential I am on this floor, because my stature depends on how many stars, politicians, businessmen, and celebrities show up.”
Man, this neighborhood has it tough.
But when have I ever been to a party like that?
The last thing I want to do is stand around looking like a bunch of Orientals.
“I’ve never been to a party before.”
“I don’t care, you have me, you know, you know, this guy?”
“…”
I don’t know how I ended up with Tom Cruise as my brother and sister-in-law.
I don’t know if Tom has a crush on everyone, but he definitely has a crush on me, so let’s go with that.
It’s like having a crush on the Tom Cruise of the world.
“All I have to do is introduce you and tell my biggest private investor that you’re his brother, end of story, end of story, and you’ll probably have every hottie in Hollywood targeting you, eek!”
“Even though I’m Asian?”
“No flamboyance! What’s wrong with Hollywood? It’s the most progressive place in the world, and when you’re a hottie and super rich, all is forgiven.”
“Well, then.”
“You’re coming because I’ll put you on the list?”
“Hmph! Okay!”
And with that, I parted ways with Tom on the phone.
The next day, Tom’s lawyer delivered the investment agreement, which Jeffrey carefully reviewed and signed off as being in order.
“I heard Tom invited you to the party.”
“Huh? How would Jeffrey know?”
“Dude, you ran, didn’t you?”
“Did Tom tell you, but really, how the hell does Jeffrey know about Tom?”
“You always have a habit of underestimating me, and you shouldn’t. It’s me, Jeffrey, Jeffrey. Top lawyer in L.A.!”
“…”
Is smugness an epidemic?
I’ve been noticing a lot more self-deprecation from people around me lately.
“hahahahaha, kid! Tom was in trouble a long time ago, and I helped him out, so we’ve been friends ever since.”
“Ah, so Jeffrey’s invited, then?”
“Of course!”
“Uh, great. Does that mean he’s going with you?”
“Uh, not really.”
“Huh? Why?”
“I have a prior commitment, so I have to politely decline.”
“Oh, it would be nice to come with you, but—.”
“Is it a burden?”
“Well, a little.”
“It’s no big deal. There will be a lot of celebrities, but no matter how good they are, none of them will have more money than you. You shouldn’t judge people by their money, but that’s just the way it is, so you’ll just have to look below you.”
Come to think of it, right?
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Jeffrey’s words made me feel better.
“Hmph, thanks.”
“You’re welcome, but watch out for one thing. No, two things.”
“What are they?”
“The first is drugs! Tom’s the organizer, so there won’t be a lot of junkies, but there’s bound to be some weaklings on the floor, you know, drugs.”
“Don’t worry about that, Mash.”
No drugs for a hundred trillion.
“And the second thing is girls. There’s gonna be a lot of hot chicks down there, and they’re probably gonna jump all over you.”
“On me?”
“Yeah, because you’re already the biggest investor in Tom’s movie, and you’re physically good looking for an Asian.”
“That’s what Tom told me, too, but is it true?”
“Trust me. Besides, he’s really taken a liking to you. If we go to a party, he’ll drag you around and introduce you, and it’s game over.”
“But what are you telling me to watch out for?”
“What do you mean, don’t sleep around, and if you do, make sure you’re on birth control.”
“Aww, you’re talking nonsense.”
“C’mon, it’s real, go experience it. Get your sh*t together.”
“Okay.”
The next day, I dressed appropriately and went to the party, only to be overwhelmed by the sheer size of the party.
“Hey, Brother, what’s up?”
“Uh, Brother Tom. What a party, huh?”
“hahahahaha! This is the first party Tom Cruise has thrown in a long time, it should be this big, right? Now, come this way. I want to introduce you to someone first.”
“Huh?”
I asked.
Tom dragged me over to a middle-aged man who was chatting with several people.
“Hey, Jerry, say hello, this is the Alex I told you about.”
“Oh, this young fellow?”
“Alex, say hello. This is Jerry, Jerry Bruckheimer.”
“Jerry, Jerry? Jerry Brookheimer?”
Wow!
Oh my God, I’m saying hello to Jerry Bruckheimer?