11 – From the First Step to Running (2)
“Haah… Haah… Haah…”
I coughed out the rough breath, scratching my heated lungs. With each step that propelled me forward, my heart pounded, and my mind was filled with a hazy mist, as if a white smoke was swirling around.
“Haah… Haah… Haah…”
Even though I had reached the point where it was difficult to breathe, with every breath already filling up to my throat, I kept running. Running until I could see the back gate of the academy. As soon as I entered the inside, I quickly pressed my body against the wall, as if someone might be chasing me. And with a slight tilt of my head, I looked outside as if expecting someone to come after me.
“Haa… haa… hak…”
My breath, which was being spit out rapidly, soon turned into hot drops of sweat and trickled down my cheek. I desperately held onto my slipping glasses and tightly closed my eyes. Perhaps it was because of the forced running, but my heart was still pounding like crazy.
…No.
The reason my heart was racing wasn’t because of the sprinting.
“Haa… haa… haa…”
Amidst my unsettled breathing, memories from just now surged chaotically. The silent library. The two arms pulling me. And the warmth that filled my cheeks, belonging to someone else.
“Haa… hak… haaa…”
Is it okay for my heart to beat this fast? My whole body was in pain because of my thumping chest. I glanced at the door once again before collapsing onto the spot, sitting down.
Please calm down. Breathe slowly. One, two. One, two. I tried to calm my breath while counting slowly.
But I just couldn’t calm down. My throbbing heart continued to pump out hot blood, and my empty arms still yearned for someone else’s embrace. If someone else had seen this, they might have thought it was an exaggerated reaction, but at least not for me. Well, it was the first time I had been held by someone else.
As someone who didn’t even have a proper friend, let alone a lover, could I have such a noble experience? Even the embrace of my family was hazy and unclear, but the recent events had come to me as an excessive stimulus. How could they just intrude like that? Who the hell is that guy anyway? Is he really just an extra? Can you believe that such a crazy character wasn’t even mentioned in the original work?
“Haa… haa…”
…
“Haa… hoo…”
It took a long time for my pounding heart to finally calm down, and I slowly wiped my chest, gathering my thoughts. No, it’s possible. It’s not the world I used to live in, so morals and concepts might be a little different here. It’s normal for someone to embrace another person.
Yeah.
This much…is normal…
…
There’s no way it’s normal…
“…”
My breathing had calmed down, but my body temperature hadn’t returned to normal. I clenched my burning cheeks and lowered my hand towards my chest to feel my heartbeat. Although I had calmed down a bit, I could still feel the strong pulsations.
…
Come to think of it, his heart was also beating really fast back then.
But that couldn’t be. I found myself recalling the memory once again. The sound of someone else’s heartbeat was so intense that it felt like our hearts were touching. Listening to that sound, I felt a release of tension in my body, and for a brief moment, I let go of myself.
“Hmm…”
I caught myself reminiscing and unconsciously brought my hand to my coat collar, pressing it against my nose. His scent, which was once unfamiliar, still lingered there. It was different from the artificial perfume of the nobles, somehow nostalgic yet familiar. There was something that kept tempting me, digging into the depths of my heart. If I had to compare it, it was like the smell of honey in a beehive…
…
“Oh.”
What am I doing?
“…!!!”
The moment I realized my perverted behavior, I forcefully pushed away my coat collar and hit the back of my head against the wall. A deep pain, reminiscent of a hangover, echoed through my entire head.
“Ugh… I’m really going crazy!”
I couldn’t hold it in any longer and shouted. What is this? Everything was going well, but because of that strange extra, everything is falling apart. Everything, everything was going smoothly.
“Just because of him…”
Out of frustration, the thought escaped my lips. And at the same time, my glasses, which I was wearing, slipped down and rested on the tip of my nose again. I instinctively reached out to adjust my glasses.
…
Come to think of it, I was still wearing them.
After taking off my glasses, I stared at the large lenses with a hollow look. My face, my body, and the knowledge in my mind. The only trace of me that remained now that I had become Yuna was this pair of glasses. Even though I had obtained them here, they were quite similar to the things I used in my past life. Perhaps that’s why wearing them sometimes helped to satisfy my nostalgia for the previous world.
And it also helped me concentrate on my studies.
After gazing at the glasses for a little while, I took out the glasses case and stood up from my seat. Then, I searched with my eyes for the paper that was often stuck to the wall near the back gate of the academy. Soon enough, a large bulletin board hidden in the shadows caught my eye. At the top of the paper filled with numerous names, my name was written along with a brief statement.
Results of the 1st midterm exam, 1st semester, 931.
1st place: Yuna Richmond.
2nd place: Elise
…
…
…
1st out of 300.
It could be seen as a rubbery result. Since the academy’s standards were so high that even the imperial crown prince could enroll, being simply 1st out of 300 was an irreplaceable achievement. To exaggerate a bit more, it could be seen as the grades leading the region, no, even the empire.
Nevertheless, I couldn’t be satisfied with this result. Because I’m not Ellen, not Elise, but Yuna Richmond. With a grade that couldn’t satisfy the elders of the Richmonds. The reason I was pressured to marry the prince, whom Yuna didn’t love. It was because of that. When Elise started falling behind in grades, the parents’ instruction to seduce the prince came down.
It was the same this time. If I couldn’t achieve remarkable results at the academy, they would somehow coerce me. It would be futile to try to stop them later. Their ambition exceeded my imagination.
So, my goal was not to be 1st in the midterm exam.
Top graduate of the academy. That was the condition for a happy ending.
To achieve that, I always had to be at the top.
“…”
I engraved that goal in my heart once again, tightly closing my lips. There were still the first vibrations and traces of others there. Yet, thinking about the goal could somewhat numb it.
Don’t have strange thoughts. I don’t have the luxury for that. There’s still too much I don’t know, you know that too. And now, I can’t create another variable.
Yeah. A variable. That man is a variable. Think of it like that. Don’t get excited, don’t think of it as something special. He’s just an extra in Yuna’s life.
And even if he loves me…
…
That’s because. It’s because I love Yuna.
That single phrase sharply pierced through my heart. The mere listing of facts felt strangely chilling today. A life never loved by anyone, and even after possessing someone, there was nothing joyful about being loved.
“Sigh…”
I took a deep breath and took a step forward. Only then could I finally twist my body away from the lingering emotions earlier. I continued to advance, step by step, deep in thought.
Now, what should I do about this guy? I realized that consistently ignoring him wasn’t a viable option. So, the next choice was to keep him close. It was better to confine a known variable to a manageable area rather than hiding it in an unseen place. That’s why I made that suggestion earlier. If he needs money, I’ll provide it periodically.
Thinking back, it didn’t seem like such a bad idea. The problem lay in the vague criteria for sponsorship and Ellen’s unpredictable actions. But this was just an initial trial and error; with time, I could learn more about this situation.
Now, what else do I need to do? As I pondered, the notebook in my arms suddenly came to mind. It contained information about all the characters in this novel, except for Ellen. I had asked casually earlier, but I needed more. More about this mysterious extra, more stories.
Yeah.
I need to find more information.
With a conclusion in mind, the destination became clear. I could find any information in the teacher’s office or the student council. Since the teacher’s office was right in front of me, I headed in that direction. Normally, students without business were prohibited from entering, but it didn’t matter. I was Yuna. A sudden surge of confidence filled me. I boldly opened the door, gripping the doorknob.
However, the moment I opened the door, the sight that met my eyes quickly crushed that confidence.
“Did you call me? Professor.”
“Yeah. Ellen.”
“…!!!”
I froze, still holding the doorknob of the teacher’s office. I could sense the gazes around me, but I paid them no mind. What is it? Again? Why does he keep following me? Countless questions filled my mind, some almost escaping my lips.
But before that could happen, I quickly covered my mouth and discreetly moved to a corner of the office. I heard the sound of the door opening, and Ellen turned around, but he didn’t seem to notice. I hid behind a desk, cautiously lifting my head.
“So, why did you call me here?”
Fortunately, it was still the early part of their conversation. Calling a commoner to the teacher’s office must mean something important. There had to be something crucial. I focused on listening, hoping to catch an important clue. Soon, the professor, who had summoned him, spoke heavily.
“Ellen.”
“Yes.”
“You’re expelled from Class A.”
…
…?
“Huh.”
“What?”