21 – Quiet During Class (3)
His face approaches, riding on the pounding heartbeat.
“…”
Contact with others is like ruthless violence to someone. Especially to me. Whether it’s physical or mental, it doesn’t matter. Family. Friends. Lovers. The concept of others is more unfamiliar to me than the galaxies in a distant universe. That’s why I feel more strange and afraid when someone approaches me than when encountering aliens.
“Yuna.”
“Yeah.”
“Are you ready?”
“…Yeah.”
But I can’t help but nod to his request. It’s my own foolishness. My own powerlessness. Since there’s no one else to blame, I can only blame myself for everything. It’s not unfair. It’s the destiny I created. But it’s inevitable to resent the destiny that I had no choice but to be born into.
“Then, I’ll go.”
“Yeah…”
He either knew or didn’t know about my life, but he bowed his head inwardly. I couldn’t bear to look at him and closed my eyes. Then, like a small creature cornered in a trap, I shivered uncontrollably. Please, show mercy. I tried begging the predator in front of me, but it was meaningless.
However, there was no mercy for the one who couldn’t save themselves. His presence approached with warm breath, and the scent of others brushed my nose. Is this what it’s like to speak like a weakling who granted wishes to the devil?
Yes, wishes. Uttering words like granting wishes was not allowed. This was the purpose from the beginning. He had casually thrown such words, deceived by his outward appearance of a gentle lamb. Why didn’t I know? In every man’s heart lies a hidden desire.
And women are creatures destined to succumb to that desire.
While regret lingered belatedly, he finally came close to my face and grabbed my chin. I almost closed my eyes tightly as if about to burst into tears. He sneered at my reaction.
Then, with all his might, he slapped my forehead.
“Ouch!”
“Ack!!!”
Amidst the sharp pain, an involuntary scream escaped me. The struck area felt like it was burning intensely. Even though I knew there would be a mark, I desperately rubbed my forehead.
“Ah…”
“Ugh…”
“Hey… don’t laugh…”
“Ughmireu…”
“For real!”
“Hey, your voice just got louder. Seems like the professor noticed us?”
“…!”
Upon hearing that, I quickly lowered my posture and faced forward. However, the elderly professor who entered this time was locked into his own voice and didn’t pay attention to others. Most students, tired of the boring lecture, had their heads on their desks, dozing off. Seeing that, when I glanced at Ellen with a frown, he finally asked in a soft voice.
“Did it hurt a lot? It didn’t seem like I hit you that hard.”
“I thought my head was going to split open. Does it make sense to hit with all your strength and then claim it wasn’t hard?”
“Sure, your face did turn a bit red. But if you feel unjust, let me know, okay?”
“Ugh…”
It felt insanely unfair. However, as Ellen said, even if it was unfair, there was no other choice. Spend 10 minutes playing during every class today. That was his wish. No matter how absurd the wish might be, a promise was a promise, and I had to keep it.
…No. To be precise, it was the third wish.
I had lost five times in a row in the life-or-death game of rock-paper-scissors with wishes hanging in the balance. Until the third loss, I thought it was just bad luck. When I lost the fourth time, I cursed the world, and by the fifth loss, I understood the despair of gamblers who went crazy and blew all their possessions. Seeing me in such despair, Ellen began listing the accumulated wishes one by one.
But I couldn’t grant the first wish; it was too embarrassing. The second wish was still impossible to fulfill. So, when I rejected two wishes, instead of withdrawing the wishes, Ellen proposed a compromise for the third wish.
The content was simple. Instead of playing for 10 minutes every class, he offered to eliminate one wish each time I won a game. If he won, he promised to hit me once with all his might. It seemed too advantageous for me, so I agreed readily. Besides, he said he would change the game every hour. I even had the naive thought that I wouldn’t lose in every game.
And yet, I lost in every game until the last hour.
Thinking about it, it was only natural. Someone playing all day and someone studying. It was obvious who had the upper hand. It’s frustrating, but that’s the reality.
But it’s frustrating.
Really, I’m so frustrated I might go insane.
“Ugh…”
“Did it hurt that much? Should we stop now?”
“Who’s stopping? Let’s play one more. We still have time, don’t we?”
“You really feel unjust, huh?”
“Hurry up and get ready. Why, are you afraid I’ll lose slowly?”
“Um… no, no. Let’s do it. Just one more game.”
As always, Ellen laughed leisurely and crumpled the paper into a makeshift ball. I tore a sheet from my notebook and turned away.
The rules of this game were quite simple too. Make a paper ball and throw it into the trash can right behind. The rule itself was simple, but the game was quite challenging, requiring precision and concentration.
“Hmm…”
Before throwing the ball, I exhaled a tense breath. Ellen, that guy, managed to get the ball into the bin only once or twice after doing this all day. On the other hand, I had never successfully made a shot. Either the distance was too short, or maybe too long. Even when it was just right, it sadly hit the edge of the opening and bounced out, failing to succeed.
However, now I felt like I was getting the hang of it. I focused on the sensation at my fingertips and lightly clenched the ball. Then, I threw the ball, pouring all of my previous experiences into it.
“Huh…!”
…
Tick.
But unfortunately, the ball that was drawing a parabolic arc hit the edge of the entrance and bounced off, falling to the ground. It was disappointing, but I didn’t have time to despair. I refined my mind and breathing at the same time and tore another sheet of paper from the notebook. Ellen looked a little surprised as she watched me and asked.
“Uh…Yuna. That’s not a blank page, right? There’s writing on the back, isn’t there?”
“It’s all studied, so it’s okay. Just throw it quickly.”
“Uh…um…okay.”
Ellen scratched her head and shrugged, then lifted the ball. I swallowed my saliva as I looked at her fingertips. And when the ball left her hand, I found myself holding my breath without realizing it.
“Yaap.”
From Noble mtl dot com
…
Tick.
But her ball also unfortunately skimmed the edge and went off to the side. I raised my hand, calling upon my determination. Ellen couldn’t make it in one shot. This was a golden opportunity. I absolutely couldn’t miss it.
“Whooo…”
I took a deeper breath than ever before. It was probably just my imagination, but it felt like my heart was trembling even more than when I took my first midterm exam.
“Whew…”
“Um…don’t you need to lift your elbow a bit more?”
“I need to concentrate, so be quiet.”
“Oh, uh, sorry.”
“Whew…”
I took a deep breath to calm myself and raised my elbow. Don’t fully extend your arm, just bend it slightly. Hold your fist lightly. If you grip it too tightly, the sweat will affect the ball. Look slightly upwards, and then throw it lightly. Lightly.
I engraved all those lessons in my heart and tensed my wrist. Now, my senses were so heightened that I could even feel the flow of the wind that hadn’t blown yet. My pounding heart. Blurred focus. Dry mouth. As I felt the clear signs of tension, time seemed to stop and the wind that had been shaking my heart finally ceased. In that fleeting moment, I didn’t throw the ball, but rather released my last opportunity into the air.
“Phew…!”
…
The ball soared, scattering a beautiful trajectory, heading towards the trash can. For the first time, a perfect parabola that I had never drawn before bloomed in my field of vision like a rainbow. The ball, floating in the air for a while, reached the climax of the parabola and momentarily went out of my sight, only to reappear, tearing through the space, and hurtling towards the trash can.
And it gracefully sank into the deep inside, which it had never touched before.
“…”
“…”
“…!!!”
In that moment, I pressed my lips tightly shut. I knew very well that I would cheer myself on.
“…!!! …! …!!!”
I poured out a cheer through my tightly closed lips. But even with this joy, I couldn’t control myself. I clenched my fist tightly and hit my thigh. I found myself smiling brightly, with my uplifted corners of the mouth, as I looked at Ellen.
“…! …!!!”
“I got it. I got it. Congratulations.”
“…!!!”
Could this be how that deafening elf girl feels? It was frustrating to realize that this overflowing joy couldn’t be expressed in words. I kept pushing down my throbbing chest and tightly held Ellen’s shoulders.
“I… I won…”
“I know. Me too.”
“I finally won…!”
Now I jumped up and down, banging my thigh. Ellen looked at me with a smirk. Ha, are you laughing? Soon you’ll be contorted in pain. Are you laughing? Finally, I savored the moment of revenge that had come.
“Alright, come on, quickly.”
“Huh?”
“What ‘huh’? We need to settle this fast. Come on.”
“What are you talking about, Yuna? Why should I agree to this?”
“Why agree? Because you lost, obviously…”
I was chuckling when I suddenly fell silent, looking at Ellen. He responded with a smirk, his lips pursed, and a mocking tone.
“If I win, I get to give you a good smack, and if you win, I promised to grant you one wish. Remember?”
“…”
“Well, I’ll grant you one wish. Oh, since you haven’t made your fourth and fifth wishes yet, how about you forfeit one of those? Sounds fair. Let’s go with that.”
I stood there, speechless. Suddenly, all the joy vanished, replaced by a sense of emptiness. Ellen, perhaps sensing it, subtly proposed an alternative.
“Um… having trouble deciding? How about we skip the wish and settle it with just one good smack? I don’t mind either way. What do you say?”
“…”
I shook my head slightly and got lost in thought. But the contemplation didn’t last long. The pain on my forehead, caused by the fringe brushing against it, was enforcing retribution. Soon, a faint but deep voice emerged, accompanied by bloodshot eyes.
“Let’s do it quickly.”
“Yeah.”
Ellen grinned and leaned in towards me. I took a deep breath as I observed his expression.
Who cares about wishes? I can finally hit that annoying jerk in the face. And as for the wish thing, can’t we deal with the removal of the wish later? Now that I’ve won once, it’s my time. I’ll make him taste humiliation starting tomorrow. What simple game can I not handle?
With that thought, I earnestly clenched my fist and, with all my strength, flicked my finger towards Ellen’s forehead. Soon, a solid sensation and a refreshing sound, akin to opening a soda, resonated.
Thunk!
Satisfying.
“Ugh…”
As I lay on the bed, the exhaustion of the day rushed over me in an instant, pressing down on my eyelids. Unable to resist the overwhelming force, I closed my eyes and the faint light from the ceiling melted into the darkness. With my eyes closed, I recalled everything that had happened throughout the day and let out a deep sigh.
“Haah…”
…
In the end, I wasted the whole day.
A slight sense of self-disgust settled uncomfortably in my chest. I glanced over at the desk and saw all the things I needed to review piled up, staring back at me. But the feeling of guilt wasn’t that deep. Instead, other thoughts began to emerge slowly.
But it was still fun.
“heheheh…”
Laughter escaped involuntarily from the corners of my mouth. The exhilaration of that hard-earned victory still lingered in my chest, even until the very end. Now I didn’t have to hold back anymore, so I hugged my pillow tightly and kicked my feet playfully. When the image of Ellen’s blushing face after our late-night encounter flashed in my mind, I couldn’t help but giggle.
“hehehehe…”
Why am I like this? Is it because this is my first experience of its kind? There was always a magic in the first of everything, whether it was something nerve-wracking, enjoyable, or painful. But this one belonged to the realm of enjoyment. The warm energy that filled my mouth confirmed it.
Skipping class, fooling around with my friend, playfully hitting someone’s forehead… While it might be a small rebellion for someone else, for me, it was a significant deviation from my usual routine. I spent the whole day playing instead of attending classes. It would have been impossible for the timid me of the past to do such things.
If it weren’t for Yuna, it would have been an experience I might never have had.
…
That thought made my excitement subside a little. Suddenly, the arms that I tightly clenched felt unfamiliar. The fingers, the breath, and the strange scent that I sensed there all felt strangely awkward. I thought I had grown accustomed to them a long time ago. But possession had a way of unexpectedly filling my mouth with discomfort.
Is it okay for me to be like this? I came to save Yuna from a bad ending. Can I really behave like this?
Until recently, the answer was a resounding “no.” But because of the extra that came into my life, my thoughts were gradually changing. Anyway, now I am Yuna. Just as long as she has been. No, maybe even longer, enduring pain. Perhaps this life is compensation for a past life.
Still, maybe it’s okay to enjoy it just a little.
…
I don’t know. The only thing certain is that today’s progress got pushed back significantly. I probably won’t have time to write in my diary today. Gathering myself, I stood up from my seat.
“Hoo…”
As I sat at the desk, a sigh escaped involuntarily. A chapter on imperial history. Three pages on magical studies. Five magic potion recipes. Six pages on nature and truth. And two chapters on languages. The pile of studies was towering.
Ellen probably isn’t even thinking about this right now. Sometimes I envied him a lot. But if he continues to neglect it, he won’t achieve anything. Or maybe he is secretly working on it. No matter what, he can’t completely ignore it.
Should I ask him tomorrow…
Tuck.
While pondering such thoughts and organizing the books, a letter suddenly fell to the floor. What was that? Without thinking, I picked up the letter. And the moment I saw the name written on the surface, I froze.
Sender: Duchess Eden Richmond
Recipient: Yuna Richmond
Certainly, it was a letter from the mother at the main house to her distant daughter, but everything could be inferred from the full name written mercilessly on the envelope. There would be no words of encouragement or praise inside, only disguised urging and criticism.
Moreover, it was a letter addressed to me, not Yuna, as it had arrived just recently. In a way, it could be a kind of report card for my life so far. But once again, I placed the letter under the stack of books. Of course, that didn’t ease my mind.
“…”
Suddenly, a chill swept over me. I quickly took out my glasses, thinking it might be the occasional bout of nostalgia, but that light weight couldn’t support my life. Amidst the unknown loneliness, a sudden thought crossed my mind.
Come to think of it, I didn’t get a pat when we parted today.
No. To be precise, Ellen missed the opportunity. Maybe I should let him pat me twice tomorrow morning. Just thinking about it made me embarrassed, but today was filled with even more shameful moments, so my face didn’t blush. Yeah, it’s like those wishes Ellen made.
The more I thought about it, the more absurd it seemed. How could he blurt out such things? Is he always like that, or is it because I’m the other party? Or maybe both. Despite thinking that it might be ordinary in this world, it didn’t seem like it at all. Just imagining myself asking that kid for such wishes…
I was lost in thought and suddenly glanced around for no apparent reason, as if someone might be listening. Even though I confirmed two or three times that there was no one around, I turned my gaze back to the front. And, I reluctantly mouthed the wishes he made.
“For me…”