29 – Spring Rain (1)
The clear sky quickly turned gloomy again. Just like how a clump of dirt would instantly stain the water of a small pond, the cloudy sky faced the earth with a faded expression.
And so, the spring monsoon began.
Pitter patter…
“It’s raining again.”
I absentmindedly scratched my chin as I watched the pouring rain. It had been three days already. The gloomy weather continued, but I didn’t feel particularly bothered by it. I wasn’t the type to care whether it rained or not in the first place.
“Yeah, I guess so.”
But on the other side, a sigh escaped. And upon hearing that voice, I couldn’t help but chuckle. No matter how much I tried to make it seem otherwise, tragedy always appeared as comedy to the spectator. So, with a smile on my lips, I turned to Ellen and asked:
“Why did you open the window again today?”
“Even if I didn’t have to, it’s sad when it rains. It gets humid, mold starts to grow. Sometimes, if there’s a leak somewhere, I can’t even sleep.”
“So, you couldn’t sleep last night either? You look a bit tired.”
“Well…yeah. But you also look really tired. The dark circles under your eyes are really noticeable.”
“Well, I couldn’t sleep either.”
“Because you were thinking about me?”
“…Ugh.”
I was momentarily speechless by the sudden sneak attack. Ellen playfully smiled at me and tilted his head. But since I had gotten used to it by now, I quickly recovered and pushed his forehead away with my finger.
“Stop talking nonsense and solve the problem already. How long are you going to struggle with just this one thing?”
“But it’s difficult.”
“It is difficult. But if you just remember what I told you earlier, you can solve it quickly. Come on, solve it quickly. If it was a real test, you would have already gotten it wrong.”
“Uh…”
Ellen wrapped his head again and focused on the problem. Seeing him, who was always relaxed, in distress, I strangely felt a sense of exhilaration. It was as if a hidden, mischievous tendency was awakening. I didn’t feel any guilt because it was all Ellen’s doing. Despite what others may say, it was Ellen who willingly agreed to study together every day last weekend when I suggested it.
Since that day, during lunchtime, Ellen and I came to the library and studied together for an hour. Every single day without fail, precisely for one hour. Occasionally, the elf girl would come to sneak a peek, but as soon as we focused on studying without doing anything else, she lost interest and disappeared.
If you were to ask me if there was any improvement from doing this every day, honestly, I’m not sure. As I mentioned before, Ellen had neglected studying for too long, and it wasn’t something that could improve within just a few days.
Of course, that didn’t mean this time was beneficial for me. Despite people saying that your skills improve as you teach, I didn’t see much value in it, especially in a situation where exams were just around the corner. It could even be considered a situation where I was unilaterally at a disadvantage.
However, I never thought of it as a loss.
Because at the end of this seemingly pointless service, a definite reward was waiting.
“…I’m not sure if it’s correct, but I’ve solved it for now.”
“Really? Let me take a look.”
Anticipating eagerly, I turned my head towards Ellen upon hearing her response. As expected, there was the wrong answer written, just as I had anticipated. Ellen looked at me with an uncertain expression and asked.
“Is it wrong?”
“What do you think?”
“Asking like that makes me somehow think it might be correct. Right?”
“No. It’s wrong.”
I turned my gaze to the paper, breaking the hope coldly. I quickly scanned through the messy calculations written with a pencil.
“There was a basic calculation mistake. The formula was slightly off, and… most importantly, it took too long.”
“Well, it was a difficult problem, so I couldn’t help it.”
“It wasn’t that difficult. This is just an average level.”
“Still, it’s a bit disappointing, isn’t it? We were close.”
“No, not at all. Completely off the mark.”
“You’re surprisingly cold in situations like this, you know?”
In response to continued criticism, Ellen expressed a bit of frustration. However, I deliberately responded dryly until the end.
“Still, a mistake is a mistake. Exams are like that.”
“…It’s true, though.”
“But still…”
After Alan’s voice awkwardly subsided, I cautiously lifted my head. Then, in a noticeably brighter tone, he spoke.
“I understand the principles, so I’ll count this as correct.”
“Huh?”
“Well, if you got it right, I should give you a reward, right?”
To Alan’s unexpected response, I could see a slight bewilderment in his expression. However, without hesitation, I got up from my seat and sat next to him. I leaned my head on his shoulder.
“There. I’ll give you a little pat. Okay?”
“I’ve been thinking, isn’t this kind of reversed?”
“Doesn’t matter. Let’s just do it quickly.”
“hahahaha… Alright.”
Alan let out a forced laugh but never resisted. Slowly, he reached out his hand towards my head. I, like a dog waiting for praise, looked at that arm with a hint of anticipation.
And the moment his warm palm touched the top of my head, I involuntarily closed my eyes.
“…”
“…”
In this moment, as always, silence prevailed. However, never once did it feel awkward. Instead, this silence was like a seasoning, enhancing the experience of feeling his touch. Darkness spreading in closed eyes. The gentle sound of light rain in the ears. And the warm sensation covering it all. It felt like entering a cozy blanket after returning home on a cold winter day.
At first, I couldn’t understand why such an act was included in the mission list. However, someone caressing my body held much deeper meaning than I had initially thought. Just the fact that someone was comforting me in this way brought true peace of mind. Now, it had become an indispensable part of my daily routine, like drinking coffee in the morning.
Perhaps, having never felt the warmth of others before, my longing for such a thing had grown stronger.
But 30 seconds was too short. Just like the spring breeze brushing my cheeks suddenly vanished without a trace, his touch also began to register in my consciousness the moment it arrived and soon departed. Today too, Alan quickly withdrew his hand.
“Alright. It’s over.”
“Already?”
I hastily covered my mouth, surprised by the words I had just uttered. In response, Ellen chuckled, running her fingers through her disheveled hair.
“Why, feeling regretful?”
“Well…”
I almost said yes. But I exerted my last bit of self-control and tightly sealed my lips. Just then, the bell signaling the end of lunchtime rang. I stood up as if I had been granted salvation.
“Oh… no! Uh, I’ll go first. It’s about time anyway…”
“Sure. Go ahead.”
“Yeah. See you in the classroom.”
As I bid my final farewell, I found myself unintentionally smiling softly at Ellen. However, I quickly turned away and hurriedly walked away. Thud. Thud. My heart raced in sync with the rhythmic sound of my footsteps. I clutched the book tightly to muffle the noise. But this troublesome chatterbox heart of mine continued its rough beat.
As if my heart was whispering.
It’s fun to be with Ellen.
So, I want to be with her a little longer.
Thud. Thud. Thud.
The echoing continued even as I headed towards the classroom. With each heartbeat, I held the book even tighter, as if doing so would unravel the mystery in my heart. Yet, no matter how much knowledge was in that book, it didn’t contain the answer to such a question.
Is it okay for me to feel this way?
I didn’t know. Since Ellen held my hand, it had been a continuous dilemma, but I still couldn’t grasp it. If the author of this novel were writing the story continuously, I would want to grab them and ask. Is it okay for me to feel this way? Is it really okay?
Of course, there was no one to provide an answer, so I had to solve it on my own. As time passed, my reasoning process changed. Initially, it was ‘this is not right.’ Some time ago, it shifted to ‘maybe it’s okay.’ And recently, my conclusion was this.
It seems okay to feel this way.
Because right now, I am Yuna.
I came to make her happy, but my life has been just as difficult as hers. So, for now, I can enjoy this small happiness.
Even if someday, even if I collide with an inevitable wall.
“hahahaha…”
As I thought about it, a little laughter escaped me. It wasn’t a hollow laugh, but a genuine laughter that came from deep within my heart. Lately, I’ve been feeling like I’m getting closer to the approximation of happiness for the first time in my life.
And at the center of it all was Ellen.
She was my second problem. How should I think about you? Of course, there were many candidates. A sudden variable that barged into my life. An eccentric extra with no name. My first friend in life. And perhaps, something of a deep relationship that I’ve never experienced before.
Whichever it was, they were heavy names for me. Ellen was surely one of them, or maybe all of them. There was only one thing that was certain. If I see his face sitting next to me in the classroom, my cheeks will flush and I won’t be able to say a word.
As I thought about it, I unconsciously started walking faster. I need to go to the classroom quickly. And if Ellen comes back with a prank, I should go easy on him this time. I have some free time, after all. With these thoughts in mind, I turned the corner on the way to the classroom.
And at that moment, I collided with someone coming from the opposite side.
Thump.
“Ah…!”
In a fleeting moment of screaming, the books I was holding spilled onto the floor. I brushed off my bumped bottom and let out a faint groan.
“Ouch…”
“I-I’m sorry!”
Seeing my pained expression, the person I collided with apologized and quickly bowed their head. I replied vaguely that I was fine and tried to stand up by placing my hand on the floor. But as soon as I confirmed the other person’s face, I unknowingly stopped moving.
“I’m sorry, Yuna-yang! Please forgive me!”
“…Elise-yang.”
Elise.
The protagonist of this novel.
The destiny that has haunted me for the past few months appeared before me in the guise of a coincidence. Elise approached me with a voice that was overly kind, just like in the novel.
“I’m really sorry! Are you hurt anywhere? I was just lost in my thoughts…”
“Uh…”
Instead of answering immediately, I lifted my head and looked beyond her shoulders. Students heading into the classroom. Some nobles who had been following Yuna before. Even the Crown Prince. Everyone was staring at this place. I stared at their gazes, smoothed my expression, and stood up abruptly.
“It’s okay. And there’s no need to apologize. It was my fault for not looking ahead properly.”
“Are you… really okay? Let me check if there’s any injury first…”
“I’m really fine. So you don’t have to worry. We should hurry and go into the classroom. It’s getting late.”
As composed as possible. But not aggressive at all. I portrayed a nonchalant noble lady with all my strength. And perhaps it worked, as Elise quietly stepped back.
“Ah… Yes. I’m sorry again, Yuna.”
“It’s okay. Let’s go inside.”
I arrogantly lifted my chin and subtly glanced around. Fortunately, no one was paying attention to this side anymore. It seemed like handling it this way was the right answer.
Phew…
I inwardly sighed with relief, brushing off the tension in my chest. It was a sudden twist, but I thought I handled it quite well. And even though it was just my acting, it felt pretty good. Just now.
I wanted to compliment myself for handling it well, but unfortunately, there was no one to acknowledge it. Maybe, has this reward psychology woven into an obsession with Ellen’s petting? It seemed like a reasonably plausible hypothesis. No, it felt correct. So, I should receive that reward even tonight. Mental management is necessary before exams, after all.
In that moment of contemplation, Elise’s voice suddenly pierced my ears.
“Hey, Yuna.”
“Yes?”
Startled, I turned my head, and Elise was looking at me with a strange expression. After staring at me for a while, she tossed a strange remark.
“You’ve become unusually kind these days.”
Her tone was not kind at all while saying that. It didn’t feel aggressive either. It was just a tone confirming facts.
From Noble mtl dot com
“…”
I entered the classroom without intentionally responding. I felt her gaze sticking to the back of my head, but I never turned around. As always, I made an effort to maintain an emotionless expression and took my seat.
…Let’s not mind it.
Anyway, it’s something irrelevant to me now.
I didn’t want to insert Elise’s name into the test paper of my life, already filled with numerous problems. If that problem arises, it would be extremely harsh and difficult.