64 – I want you inside me (1)
Duchess.
A word made up of just four letters brought out countless memories. Yuna’s expression always hardened whenever she said her name. Lonely steps walking in the endless rain. And, Yunara, that poor girl who was trapped in her room and suffering from loneliness.
“…Anyway, you’re the type of person who goes out of your way. Isn’t that right? If something happens, you go there. I’m not saying it’s bad, but I can’t say it’s good for education. As an educator, I have no choice but to oppose it…”
Because he did not know her detailed circumstances, Professor Sarah told a series of stories about her. She would have been right if it had been a simple mother-daughter relationship. But there was a deeper story hidden behind them. There was a fear that if Yuna faced her duchess in this situation, the fragile girl’s heart might be broken.
And since that confrontation was entirely the result of my own creation, a deep sense of guilt oozed out. Yuna may deny it, but if I hadn’t done something stupid, the Duchess wouldn’t have come to visit.
So I had to take responsibility. I had to be by Yuna’s side for just this moment.
“Professor.”
“Huh?”
“Please let me out now.”
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“What?”
Professor Sarah looked at me with an absurd expression. But I raised my head without giving up.
“Please do me a favor. I have to go now.”
“No matter how much I do, I can’t grant such a request, Ellen. Even if the punishment is unfair, I have to compensate to some extent.”
“I know, but we have to get out somehow.”
“I understand. Still, there are things I have to follow at this moment.”
“If the professor stops me, I will do whatever it takes to get out. So…”
“Ellen.”
Although it was a rude tone in some ways, she did not get angry and put her hand on my shoulder. And she smiled softly.
“If you’re doing it because of Yuna, you can rest assured.”
“But, Professor.”
“Contrary to what you think, I know enough to know. So don’t worry.”
“Still.”
“And you. If you keep doing this, you might get expelled. Is that okay?”
“That’s…”
I was speechless. Because she was just reciting the facts as they were, not a threat, she couldn’t even hold her tongue. When she could not bring herself to open her mouth, Professor Sarah patted her on the shoulder as if scolding her.
“So, just be patient. I’ll let you go out today no matter what, so just be quiet and go to class. Understood?”
“Yes…”
In the end, I bowed to kindness, not authority. But even so, it was not possible to completely suppress the inherent rebelliousness that was like an instinct.
“…Then please finish as early as possible. At the end of regular classes.”
“That’s not possible. Then there’s no point in punishment. I guess that’s because it will last at least two more hours.”
“Just one hour.”
“No. I don’t want to look at it.”
“I’ll listen better tomorrow.”
“That’s natural. If you keep doing this, I’ll let you go later.”
“Or do you need anything? I’m a bad guy, so I know how to get things you can’t get at the Academy.”
“Are you trying to fix that? So stop.”
“Professor, do you like alcohol? If you send it in early, I’ll get you a few bottles of the good stuff.”
“I was disciplined for that, so would you drink again? Ellen. No matter how hard you try, you can’t bribe me…”
“Or would you like to be introduced to a man?”
“…”
For a split second, something caught Professor Sarah’s throat. But she soon cleared her throat and shook her head.
“Uh…Ellen. If you’re doing this because of something you said at the ball, I hope you’ll forget. I just said it for fun at the time, right? And I’m married to magic. Why should a man…”
“As you know, I could ask my friends to introduce me to a beastman and an elf.”
“Ellen.”
“Perhaps even children of nobles.”
“…Cough.”
Beastman and elf. I don’t know which part of the noble family stimulated her taste, but it seemed clear that those names disturbed her mind. Professor Sarah hesitated for a while, and eventually she let out all her confusion with a sigh.
“…I think I understand why you’re at the center of all these problems, Ellen.”
“I often hear similar stories.”
“It’s never a good thing. Getting attention may be good for you, but it often makes things difficult for the people around you. Whether you intended it or not.”
“You’re right.”
I smiled and answered. And he added a bitter note.
“It’s really difficult these days because there are a lot of things that attract attention unintentionally.”
“It seemed like that. You and Miss Yuna. I get the feeling that others want to stay quiet. But I wonder if that will work out the way they want. Will the people of the world really leave the duke’s daughter and the commoner student who loves her alone?”
“That’s right. I wish they would just leave me alone. The world won’t let me do that.”
“If it were you, would you just leave it alone? Such an interesting story?”
“That’s absolutely not true.”
We looked at each other and smiled softly. For the first time in a long time, I felt very at ease.
“That’s why I’m holding you back, Eren. I know it. It’s unfair to keep you locked up like this. But I wanted to give you an opportunity to consult with an adult. It’s good for you to think about it among yourselves, but If I do that, I might go back too far. Actually, the person I really wanted to talk to was Miss Yuna.”
“Yuna?”
“Yes. The more I see of her, the more I feel like she is living a precarious life. It certainly seems like she is trying her best to be happy, but in fact, it feels like she is trying for the happiness of others, not herself.”
“That’s…”
“I can’t explain it well in words, but I feel that way. I once met a similar friend. A person who lives hoping for the happiness of others more than his own. I wouldn’t say that’s necessarily a bad thing, but if you live like that, you actually end up hurting yourself. “You may become unhappy. That other person may also end up falling into misery because he did not achieve happiness on his own.”
“…”
Professor Sarah’s words brought back thoughts that had occurred to me before. She thought that she was living for Yuna Richmond’s happiness, not for her own. And as Professor Sarah said, she looked so dangerous that I even thought that Yuna’s inner self would collapse if she were not careful.
What on earth is binding her like that? Why on earth does a branch hanging from a tree have to worry about the life of the tree?
There were still so many secrets about her that I didn’t know about.
“…I really want to bring Yuna here. I want her to talk to the professor.”
I smiled bitterly and collapsed on the desk. Professor Sarah also shrugged his shoulders as if he was tired.
“I am earning a salary from this academy, but there are times when I am not satisfied with the way things are done. I am just as dissatisfied as you all.”
“Even though the professor is young, he seems to have a lot more experience than I thought. He seems wiser than most older professors.”
“Well… I lived at the academy too. And did you know that you look too experienced for your age? I can’t believe you’re the same age as the other students.”
“hahahaha…”
As always, I glossed over the answer with laughter. Then Professor Sarah cleared her throat and straightened her back again.
“Anyway. No matter what I say, I can’t let you go early, Eren. Even if I introduce you to a handsome young elf.”
“I think your true feelings have come out?”
“But instead, I can give you some advice. Eren. When you go out, don’t go somewhere else and go straight to your dormitory. Now that you’re so famous, you don’t go to the nobles’ dormitory to look for Miss Yuna or go to the academy building for no reason. “If you move around, trouble can happen.”
“Being famous is tiring.”
“So. Anyway, keep what I say, okay?”
She pounded her desk sternly. Then she narrowed her eyes at me and added something.
“Because you will never lose anything.”
For the first time in my life, I decided to quietly follow what others said. Following Professor Sarah’s advice, I headed to my dormitory as soon as correction time was over.
…To be honest, I sneakily turned onto the road leading to the nobles’ dormitory. However, an unusually large number of students and servants were heading there today, so I gave up and turned around. Sometimes, there were times when you had to shut down your rampaging rebellion and put it down with your pride.
Unlike usual, the dormitory we arrived at was very quiet. Is it because it is evening time? It was very quiet except for the occasional unfamiliar student passing by. Even in Guero and Illya’s room, the lights were off.
In the end, I quietly headed to my room. First of all, I felt like I needed to change my clothes.
“…Cough.”
As always, as I entered the semi-basement space, moldy dust greeted me. Even if I just breathed for a moment, small particles floating in the air piled up in my throat. Like an hourglass with dust instead of sand, my room was a grim executioner that strangled its occupants over time.
Nevertheless, I sat down on the floor and lost in thought. What is the best I can do in this situation. I thought about how I could help Yuna. As a Nazi, I have been immersed in the concept of thinking for quite some time.
So, to be specific, it meant that I thought about it for about 10 minutes. It has been a long time since I lacked the virtue of waiting.
“Ugh…”
I finally couldn’t stand it anymore and jumped up from my seat. Of course, I didn’t know what to do so I just wandered around the room aimlessly. It would have been nice to have Illya by my side at times like this. Anyway, I had to change my clothes first, so I headed to the closet.
“…”
Of course, a closet as poor as mine didn’t have that many clothes in it. At most, an extra set of school uniforms and one and only casual clothes. Is it just a set of high-quality clothes worn at the ball and a servant’s uniform prepared just in case?
…
It’s a servant’s uniform…
Suddenly, the image of servants running to the nobles’ dormitories flashed through my mind. I was quietly lost in thought while holding my uniform in my hands. And although it wasn’t a good idea, a series of plans nonetheless began to emerge.
…
It might be worth a try.
As soon as that thought occurred to me, I immediately changed into my uniform and headed toward the door. The sound of pounding footsteps was loud. Without hesitation, I tightly gripped the door handle. The touch of cold metal tingled my fingertips.
And at that very moment, the sound of the only window in my room breaking, accompanied by bright blue smoke, rang loudly in my ears.
Click!!!
“Wooooo!!!”
The moment all the glass shattered unexpectedly, I screamed and clung to the wall. I thought the shards would scatter, but perhaps because they were broken by magic, the glass shards gathered together and flowed down in one place like a stream of water.
“????”
I was still confused as I saw the falling pieces of glass. Immediately afterwards, a new voice came from outside to answer my question.
“Uh…Huh? I’m sorry! Is anyone there?”
“Huh…?”
However, rather than being resolved, the question only amplified. The owner of that voice was someone I knew, or at least someone who couldn’t be here. I wondered if I had heard wrong, but the voice came again as if to reassure me.
“Hey… Is there anyone? Are you hurt? Is it Miss Guero? Or is it Illya?”
“Uh…”
After hearing those words, the identity of the other person became clearer. I opened my mouth in a daze, then hurriedly walked over and opened the door.
And then, I made eye contact with her.
“Huh…?”
“Oh…?”
As soon as we faced each other, we let out questioning voices. The tone of voice was as if they had never imagined that they would meet each other.
But even putting that issue aside, we were more curious about each other’s appearance. I had nothing to say since I was suddenly wearing a servant’s uniform, but I felt a greater sense of discomfort when I saw water droplets dripping from her entire body, as if she had been dipped in water and then drained.
In the end, the only way to resolve the question was to ask directly. We called each other’s names without even knowing who went first.
“Is it Yuna?”
“Ellen?”