Chapter 14. Toward the destination (2)
Right away, Emilia was more surprised and questioned than joy.
Why? Why at this time?
he wasn’t stupid Even if he had a slightly clumsy side, the Ludwig that Emilia had been watching so far was a very intelligent man.
If so, there’s no way you wouldn’t understand the current situation.
What he had to do now was not to hold out the ring and propose, but to distance himself somehow. That was the most correct solution.
The only way to overcome this situation was to get away from this troublesome woman as quickly as possible.
But more than anything else, what was unfortunate for her was that she couldn’t stop her beating heart at his proposal.
pleased. I was so happy.
I wanted to get up and dance right away, I wanted to say ‘Yes!’ in his arms.
It was, so to speak, a clash between reason and emotion.
Feelings that call us to accept his sweet proposal that we have been waiting for so long.
The opposite sex asks if he would cling to his kindness while hiding everything again.
In the meantime, Emilia felt like her head was about to explode.
“Don’t you like the ring? I thought it suited Emilia’s taste.”
“Oh no! Rather, it is so pretty… … .”
“Because you’re pretty?”
Because the ring was so beautiful. So I didn’t hesitate to reach out.
It wasn’t because the jewel that adorned the center was brilliant, or because the shape suited her taste.
It was just that the meaning of the ring was too dazzling to her.
“Emilia, you know what?”
Putting down the box containing the ring for a moment, Ludwig abruptly changed the subject.
What else are you trying to shake your heart with?
How do you get your mind Why does this person mess with his heart so easily?
Still, I was curious about what would happen next. Because he always made me look forward to it.
“Actually, I read the diary that Emilia hid.”
“… Yeah?”
The sudden confession cut Emilia’s consciousness.
Ludwig had never said a word about the notebook.
How did you find out about its existence?
I bet he couldn’t even see the silhouette of himself writing on the notebook.
Did you accidentally see it while opening a drawer? No, because of his personality, he probably wouldn’t have peeked at the diary he came across casually. That much could be predicted.
“I’m sorry. I don’t think you’ll forgive me, but I felt like I had to tell you the truth.”
“Oh, no… How else?”
“Actually, I heard it through Tanya. When she was young, Tanya came into Emilia’s room and stole something like a diary and got caught. It was also said that Emilia was very angry at that time for the first time in her life.”
Only then did the puzzle begin to come together little by little in Emilia’s head.
Come to think of it, it seems like something like that happened a long time ago. It was a story that even in her head her memory was blurred.
Ludwig smiled wryly at Emilia, whose eyes only blinked, got up from his seat and came to the seat next to her.
She subconsciously tried to step back, but was caught in his hand and let go.
“Let go, Ludwig. As it is now, I can’t see your face… … .”
At least I wanted to reveal it with my own mouth.
I didn’t want to be this miserable.
Even though I was so determined, I was afraid of the words coming out of your mouth.
So please let go of this hand. I’d rather treat me like a stranger… … .
Warak.
At that moment, Emilia’s thinking stopped.
The warmth and comfort that embraces the whole body.
The familiar feeling she longed for every day, but thought it would end today.
As she felt his warm hand on her back, something hot boiled in her chest and rose to her throat.
He caressed her back as if he knew everything, but said nothing.
After getting to know her true intentions, I could see how much suffering was in every word she spoke.
How much pain was contained in all those times when they talked as if nothing was wrong.
“Emilia, I know what you will say. If you are kind enough to be stupid.”
“No… Ludwig. Something like me… … .”
Until now, I’m just a stupid woman who relied on your kindness.
Why are you hugging me so warmly?
If you had seen everything written in that diary, you would have known how selfishly I’ve been dealing with you.
He was just rationalizing.
I don’t want to lose a man named Ludwig. Rather than bet on the possibility of what if, I would choose to live with him.
I didn’t tell you anything about me properly while reciting such cowardly excuses.
Do you consider this one-sided dependence as love?
Do you still think of me as your lover?
Why?
“I thought it over. About why Emilia would have kept this secret until now.”
“Yeah… … .”
“But suddenly, I had an idea. Ah, I wonder if I would have done the same thing if I had been Emilia.”
“… to?”
Emilia, who momentarily wondered if her ears were wrong, escaped from his arms and met his eyes.
What are you talking about? There’s no way a kind person like you would commit a folly like me.
However, his appearance and mood, smiling softly, did not seem to lie.
Did you really think so?
“Emilia always said. I am a kind person.”
“Yes, that is correct.”
“And the Emilia I thought of was also a kind person. It’s just that we’ve changed positions.”
It just happened because our situations were different and we couldn’t properly guess each other’s feelings.
Ludwig was sure, even if the positions were opposite, Emilia would have behaved similarly to her current self.
Because they were so much alike.
“So, Emilia, don’t blame yourself. Even if everyone in the world resents you, you should not be the target of that.”
People always need a place to lean on.
A place where you can catch your breath for a while no matter what extreme situation you are in.
And even if he was a person abandoned by the world, the final place had to be himself.
He still vividly remembered what she had said to him during their stay at the Mule.
‘Please be the place I will return to.’
After becoming her lover, I thought it was just a confession she had overheard, but looking back now, I wonder if it was the cry of her broken reason.
Her desperate cry that she had nowhere to put me.
“Now you know? Emilia. The fact that I didn’t present this ring without thinking.”
“… Whoops. yes… !”
“Oh, why are you crying? On such a happy day.”
Ludwig, unable to bring a handkerchief, wipes her tears with his sleeve.
Then, ‘Of course, it’s the story of when Emilia accepted the ring.’ He added a joke to induce laughter.
“Puh… Whoops… … .”
“Look at that, you’re pretty because you smile.”
It was more of a laugh than a joke.
I never thought I’d throw a joke in this situation.
In the first place, he already knew what his answer would be.
What woman would not fall for the courage to give her the ring, even though she knows all about her dark inner side.
Emilia lifted her head, which had been lowered from crying, and smiled broader than ever.
“Why is Ludwig trying to marry a woman like this?”
“Um, that’s a bit too much of a question for the fiancé you just proposed to.”
“Then I will change my words a little. Would you have made the same choice if you hadn’t looked at the diary?”
It wasn’t sarcastic. Just pure curiosity.
Even if you go through the same darkness, you will be familiar with the darkness where the lights have already been turned on.
However, how many people can easily get through the sudden confrontation in the dark?
The path Ludwig chose right now would be the former.
So, how did he react when faced with the latter situation?
just curious about that
At that, Ludwig laughed as if it was an absurd question.
The diary was just an opportunity to advance the schedule a little further for him.
It was because from the day she was trembling with anxiety, she had already made up her mind not to postpone the wedding.
“Anyway, it would have been the same as it is now.”
“It’s like Ludwig.”
Even just words were good.
No more eyes following his face, but above his head.
Even if the jewel in this ring is not a diamond that means unchanging love.
Every word you gave me was worth more than that.
“Does it suit you?”
“Yes, it suits you very well.”
“What about Ludwig’s? I want to fit in.”
“Here I am. I knew it would happen and prepared for it in advance.”
How well do you know yourself?
He was a very well-prepared man.
Usually, don’t you propose to a woman by wearing a ring on your hand first?
Well, it’s customary, so it doesn’t matter. For me, this was more of a welcome thing.
“Does it suit you?”
“Whoops, very much.”
“I’m glad.”
Emilia, who was staring blankly at her lover who smiled calmly, ended up being strongly embraced in his arms, as if letting go of the emotions she had been holding back.
You saved me twice.
Even in that pitch-black pile of dirt.
Even to me who couldn’t find a way out of the dirt pile alone.
This will make it even more certain that you are mine and that I am yours.
More than anything else, that fact made me happy.