Chapter 4. Small changes (3)
Still, the shock of the happening that just happened has not gone away.
It was mostly because I was strangely excited since the two of us went out alone. Otherwise, such a mistake would not have happened.
How do you see Ludwig’s face?
Their lips almost touched. Staring at each other from such a close distance, they were overlapping their bodies without saying anything until his lady-in-waiting arrived.
If it was me normally, I would have been able to get out of his arms quickly, but I couldn’t.
No, in this case ‘didn’t’ would be more appropriate.
She wanted to stay close to him for as long as possible.
Even if he wasn’t conscious of it, there must have been an unconscious mind that he didn’t want to escape from that bosom.
“Huh… … .”
If Paula, who had gone to draw water, hadn’t returned, how long would she have stayed there?
I’m sure he’d stick around for a few more minutes, unless he let himself go. Perhaps, on impulse, he did more.
However, what bothered me was his expression right before he fell.
There was more embarrassment than shame on his face, as if he had done something he shouldn’t have done.
‘Ludwig… Did he hate it?’
I also had no context, so I couldn’t properly confirm what had changed in the lump that floated above his head. That only exacerbated the anxiety.
Maybe it was just an illusion that he started to like me.
At least I didn’t think that a man who had just grown up would make that face while holding a woman he was interested in.
‘I don’t like that… … .’
It’s a hope that I’ve been able to get. Wouldn’t it be too harsh to be broken so mercilessly?
However, when a person has negative thoughts, at some point, he plunges headlong to the bottom of the abyss.
It seemed that it was not a law that could be circumvented just because it was me.
No, rather, I didn’t know that I was more easily swayed by emotions because I was older.
Until I met him, I couldn’t find color in anything in the world.
No word in the world resonated with me until I had a conversation with him.
He smelled no scent from anything other than the flowers.
He is the man who opened up new horizons to the world in my heart.
Being far from him was, to me, no different than saying that a blind man who had opened his eyes would return to the days when he could see nothing again.
‘If you think about it… It might be natural.’
It’s not something I’m proud of, but I had a strange confidence that came from being teased a lot by guys my age.
I wonder if I could make him mine. Wouldn’t the day come when he whispers his love to me first?
However, I came to realize that it was only a conceit with no basis whatsoever.
There was no element in the first place that would light up the surroundings just by standing there and make a man so pure fall in love with me.
What I did when I saw him on the street must have been just a misunderstanding that arose because of the circumstances.
“Grita.”
“Yes, lady.”
“Am I the kind of woman who doesn’t suit him?”
Grita was the only one who let me know that I had a crush on him.
Because she was a woman of a similar age, and she had been helping me for a long time, I had the belief that she would not reveal this fact to the outside world.
In response to my question, Grita slowly approached the bed I was sitting on without saying anything.
A strange smile formed on her lips. A mother’s proud smile as if she had confirmed her daughter’s growth.
She was only five years older than me at most, but she gave off a very mature vibe.
“Is there any reason why you suddenly had that thought?”
“yes. Actually, I accidentally fell in the garden earlier. Ludwig tried to hold me, but I fell down with him, so I put my body on top of him.”
“oh.”
Grita protests, asking why he didn’t tell me such an interesting story in advance.
I don’t know if it’s an appropriate word for my lady-in-waiting to say, but I thought it was a remark very like hers.
“But he hurriedly pulled me away and stepped back. At first, I thought it was because I was shy, but the expression on my face was… It was strange.”
“It’s strange to say… … ?”
“Do you feel like rejecting me? It was as if you were touching someone you shouldn’t be touching.”
“It is a strange thing.”
Grita exaggeratedly said that any man would have made an ecstatic expression just by holding me.
Even so, it was useless consolation to me. Because there was only one man in the world who wanted to hug me and smile.
I was calmly moved by the way she drool beside me, thinking about what might have been the problem as if it were my own.
It was my expectation that thinking about it would not yield a plausible answer.
The fact that he didn’t feel anything more than a friend was self-evident from what he had done to me prior to that.
“In other words, the young lady came to that conclusion after looking back on her actions, feeling that Prince Aifretz rejected her… You mean this?”
“right… … ?”
“… I didn’t expect you to show such a fierce side.”
What a fierce look, where are you? I couldn’t understand what Grita was muttering while scratching her cheek with her index finger.
I’m never blind now Rather, more serious than anyone else. That’s why I was able to reach this result.
When I suddenly protested, Grita sat down next to the bed saying she would excuse me.
An action that only the servant girl who has been watching over me for a long time can do. I didn’t even point it out and waited for Grita’s answer to follow.
“priority… Lady, it is not so easy to determine a person’s behavior and expression.”
“That’s natural. I know.”
Does Gritta think of me as an idiot?
Even though they say they have these eyes, I was well aware of the fact that it is impossible to easily discern the original mind contained in it and the mind beyond it through human actions alone.
Why is this story coming out now? All I want to know is why Ludwig pushed me away.
Before my doubts were even gone, Grita grabbed my hand and continued talking.
“If you knew that, my lady wouldn’t be thinking like this. If what you say is true, where are the favors she has sent you so far?”
“That’s just a courtesy as a friend. All I want is more than that.”
“ha… miss.”
Had Grita ever made such a face in front of me?
She frowned as if frustrated and shook her head. Am I missing something? Probably not. obviously i… … .
“Your lady said it. You can’t make a decision based on your actions. But the young lady is making decisions more easily than anyone else.”
“I? What do you mean?”
“What is it? It’s his heart. Why does pushing you out on the spot lead to the fact that you rejected the lady?”
“Yeah… … .”
uh?
I felt my thoughts stop at Grita’s words.
Come to think of it, why did I think he rejected me?
Because you didn’t look good? Because you simply physically pushed me off the spot?
no. It never could have been. If it were me, I would have thought there must be a reason, and I would have stopped at a simple happening.
‘me… Did something really happen?’
I couldn’t even remember what I was thinking. In an instant, my mind was engulfed in chaos.
It was exciting. Because the expression he showed me was different from usual. Because I was sure that I was favored as a member of the opposite sex.
At some point, it was me, not anyone else, who began to be conscious of each and every one of his actions.
“Ha ha… … .”
“… Are you a little more conscious now?”
As I covered my heated face and fell face down on the bed, I heard Grita’s pitiful voice.
It was embarrassing. The fact that, as the eldest daughter of the Bayemurn family, she behaved in such an indecent way.
Why did you have such a stupid idea? Some part of the body responsible for thinking must be out of order.
The way he pushed me away from the spot, and the embarrassed expression on his face.
It was an action and an emotion that could happen to me no matter what kind of emotions I usually have.
It was that I was impatient.
It is clear that reason and thinking were paralyzed because he was so influenced by his presence, like a child who stumbles on his feet because he has something he wants so much.
Covering her face with a pillow, she repeatedly kicked the blanket with both feet.
I heard Grita’s short sigh and a soft blanket covered my body.
“Mi-I’m sorry, Grita… There must be something wrong with me… … .”
“Nope… Rather, it was a wonderful experience. I never thought that the day would come when you would show me this kind of side.”
Actually me too I never expected that I would become an ignorant woman who would listen to you.
I always thought I would live with only one sword in my eyes. Only then are they no different from ordinary women.
“Don’t you feel strange yourself? That you have changed so much.”
“Interesting. But I’m a little scared. That I still don’t know his heart properly.”
“… yes? What are you talking about all of a sudden?”
Contrary to my words, Grita tilted her head and replied with her eyes even wider than before.
Did you say anything strange? I looked back at the sentence I had uttered, but there was nothing particularly problematic about it.
“I was overthinking it. The fact that Ludwig blushed when I held him outside today, and the fact that he couldn’t speak properly, must have been some misunderstanding.”
“Yes? oh no girl Why is it suddenly going in that direction… … .”
Gritta urgently called me from the side, but I didn’t have time to answer.
yes. I saw him as too easy a man.
Even though they were friends, it was not unreasonable for them to blush with embarrassment when a woman of the same age suddenly came close to them.
Even when I held out my hand to help him up after the training was over, there was a possibility that I didn’t want to touch him wet with sweat if I couldn’t grab it, and there were plenty of reasons.
After all, human emotions are difficult. How nice it would be if I could notice everything with these eyes.
I thought that it would not be long before I could get closer to him, but it seems that I was very wrong.
“What the hell is love… Phew.”
From the side, I heard Grita let out another deep sigh.
I must have felt pitiful when I witnessed my master, who was ignorant even for a moment.
Don’t worry, Gritta. I won’t misunderstand you anymore.
As the eldest daughter of the Bayern family, I couldn’t make the same mistake twice.