Chapter 4. Small changes (9)
Tomorrow I will have to let her go.
It may be because of that that the moon that has risen brightly looks twilight today, and that the scenery of the garden, which would normally have been clearly visible, feels faint.
So immersed in contemplation, Ludwig leaned against the balcony railing in the drawing room and nodded.
‘I need to sleep… That’s hard too.’
As he muttered to himself, he opened his eyes wide at the sound of a voice that was so heavy that he wondered if what he had said was correct.
I borrowed the power of alcohol, which I didn’t drink well, and tried to sleep, but I didn’t think about closing my eyes.
I couldn’t sleep at all when I visited the drawing room, so I only stopped by while touring the mansion.
He also went through several short and long breakups in this world, but it was the first time he felt so lonely.
Of course, I guessed why. Even if he was an idiot in the world, it wasn’t to the extent that he couldn’t even notice his own mind that he had become aware of.
However, it was nothing more than a small complaint, not knowing what to do with this empty feeling.
A man named Ludwig is originally a person who does not like to be fooled by others and does not like to depend on them. Within the word character, the story of when he wasn’t ‘Ludwig’ is also included.
However, the mind of a person is called the mind because even the owner himself cannot control it.
The confusion that came to him was also due to this point.
“ha… … .”
If I were to bring out my true feelings, it was clear that 90% of it was the desire to hold on to it.
It wasn’t because he would simply miss it, or because he felt remorse for having come to realize his own heart.
Perhaps it is a vague fear. If you miss the past and enjoy the present, the future is scary. Isn’t that what life is?
As you worry less about yourself, you now have new concerns.
It was really funny, but not in a bad mood, Ludwig gulped down the remaining contents of the glass.
‘yes… I have to send it away with a smile.’
Wasn’t that a sip mixed with not only the wine, but also the worries and concerns of the past?
Ludwig placed an empty glass on the table with a smile as if he had just brushed it off before a windblown petal rolled across the garden floor.
– smart.
“come in.”
It was safe to assume that few people would be able to knock on the parlor door at this late hour.
Even so, it was no different that he responded to the knock as if he knew who the person on the other side was.
“Bocchan, get ready for bed soon… … .”
“Until this time, the nagging… Would you like a drink too?”
“Thank you, but I will decline because I have work left.”
Paula appeared with her sky-blue hair, which was always tied up in a long braid, undone.
When her duties as an exclusive maid were over, this was her normal appearance.
Now, while doing chores in his room, he heard footsteps and hurriedly followed him, so he didn’t have time to tie him up.
“Go back and do it yourself. I’ll clean up the rest and go.”
“I cannot leave you alone at this late hour.”
“It’s late, so I’m going to leave you alone. Normally, you wouldn’t say things like this.”
Sometimes I just want to breathe in the dawn air alone and be immersed in contemplation.
That was all Ludwig wanted, but it seemed that it was difficult for her to nod straight away as she was strict in her work.
“but… … .”
“Okay, okay. I have to say more, I’m the only bad guy.”
In the first place, it was not that the maid had an obligation to stay by her side unconditionally, and rather, disobeying the order to be left alone might have been more ungrateful.
However, Ludwig, who regarded her as a sister-in-law before being a maid, did not want to say such a thing.
Rather, should I say that the one who loses is more comfortable? Although I don’t know if it’s an attitude suitable for the position of the owner, isn’t everyone’s values different?
Ludwig laughed at her words and leaned against the railing again.
Paula stared blankly at him, then slowly walked up behind him and spoke to him in a low voice.
“I think Lady Emilia is worried.”
At Emilia’s request, it was a title that soon became established. He felt that this side of him felt familiar now.
More than that, it must be her quick notice that I can’t adapt.
That behavior of always poking at one’s weak spot with just one glance was an area that was impossible even if one wanted to get used to.
“There would be no point in hiding it from you. that’s right.”
“What are you worried about?”
“Well. It’s hard to say because it’s a vague concern.”
vague
Other than that, I couldn’t think of any other way to express it. Because it was so literal.
Worrying may be deeper and more arduous because it is not specific. He was also a perfect example.
“How about holding on?”
“That doesn’t sound like you.”
The words that came out of her mouth were, like his words, unsuitable for a woman named Paula.
It was far from her, who was full of understanding and consideration, to push forward only her own opinions without considering someone else’s situation.
Of course, there were many exceptions when dealing with Ludwig.
Were you a little surprised by what you said?
Paula blinked her eyes at his point and wondered if she looked back on her own actions, but then hurriedly picked up her words and handed her an apology.
“It was a mistake. I’m sorry, Bocchan.”
“No, you are not wrong. In fact, I also had a desire to hold onto it.”
What he pointed out was because it was strange, nothing more and nothing less.
As he waved his hand as if he didn’t care, Paula lifted her bowed head and examined his mood.
He remained as relaxed and peaceful as usual.
However, the color of the air may have changed a little. That was the impression she felt.
“But I can’t let my friend go with a smile when she says she’s leaving to become better… Isn’t that too narrow an idea?”
“Since we’re friends, that kind of foolishness isn’t acceptable.”
“On the other hand, there are some foolish things that we shouldn’t do because we’re friends.”
What he said was the truth itself. That was the reason Paula couldn’t deny it.
More precisely, it seemed that it should not be denied, rather than undeniable.
He hesitated at the sight of the master he had sworn to serve for the first time in his entire life.
It was Ludwig she remembered who always enjoyed life as it went by and showed a detached appearance even in relationships with people.
It was a rare act for him to open the distance as if to ask not to say more while covering himself with a shell like today.
That’s why I couldn’t help but hesitate to comfort him and persuade him.
Except for his parents, especially since he had been watching her for a longer time than anyone else.
The more familiar they are with each other, the more likely they are to feel a greater sense of difference when they discover the other side they are seeing for the first time.
“So leave it. Because I decided to stop worrying.”
“… Okay. If that is the will of the Bocchan.”
Sensing that the words contained multiple meanings, she lowered her head slightly, and said nothing more.
As he turned around in silence, Paula cautiously reached out her hand behind his back, but withdrew it.
It may be the first time he has felt so far away from his master.
To the point where I feel that the moon rising in the night sky is rather closer.
She bit her lip and took a step back.
This kind of distance would be right. Because the relationship between master and servant is like that.
The full moon disappeared behind the clouds again.
I always thought of my owner when I looked at the moon, but today I thought that I was reflecting myself.
Is it simply because of the mood? Or is it a change of heart? I don’t know.
* * * * * * *
In the end, Ludwig, who stayed up all night, had to step out the next day to see Emilia off with a pretty face.
What is unusual is that, just like when they first met, he is the only family member who has come out to the front of the carriage to send her away.
It was because Carol and Diana had been invited to a ball and had temporarily left the estate the day before yesterday.
“I’m sorry, Emilia. For some reason, it has become a repeat of that time.”
“Don’t apologize. Ludwig. Rather, it was a strange feeling, so I just liked it.”
It’s amazing, what is it about?
As he was about to ask, he hesitated for a moment and smiled as if he could predict it.
It was a strange feeling because it was the same.
On the day I saw her off for the first time, of course, I felt regretful, but I also had a little bit of a desire for her to leave quickly to sort out my confused thoughts at the time.
But what about now? It was he who, until just yesterday, was alone, possessed by wandering thoughts, and terrified.
That’s why the time was truly amazing.
Until then, Emilia, who had left her, was filled with sadness, but now, on the contrary, Ludwig, who is leaving her, is restless.
Time has such a profound influence on human ties and bonds that it seems invisible.
“Didn’t Paula come out?”
“They said it wasn’t a place for them. I will water the flowers in the garden and wait… … .”
“That’s too bad. Of course I said goodbye… … .”
Emilia knew the reason why she couldn’t come out here, even if it was a guess, but she didn’t bother to say it.
Similarly, his maid, Grita, was also making time for the two of them while getting on the carriage first.
Although the reasons may be somewhat different.
“It’s just a pity that I couldn’t do anything properly and let her go because it was so sudden.”
“Ludwig is really… Did I tell you?”
“I know. I don’t want to get scolded anymore, so let’s end this.”
He let out a low laugh, but she could vaguely tell that there was still a piece of regret left in his voice that he hadn’t been able to shake off.
“Flowers that are only watered will wither. A flower that has gone through many journeys, sometimes hit by wind and sunlight, finally bursts into bud.”
Although he is not talented with words, he compared it to his favorite flower and offered words of consolation to alleviate his sadness as much as possible.
However, as he listened to me as usual, there was still a small lump in his eyes that was like a thread.
Are these words not enough? Just as he was thinking about it, he took out a small paper bag from his pocket and opened his mouth.
“You said it, Emilia. You are not a flower, but a friend.”
“ah… … .”
“Even if it’s a journey for your own future, please don’t be foolish on the day when I can’t just bless that difficult step.”
It did. That was what I said.
After all, I must be a fool in front of you. Otherwise, I would never have been born as a crucian carp that couldn’t remember the words it uttered.
You’re not sad that I’m leaving
It’s just that he feels sorry for himself for not being able to add any strength to his friend’s new journey.
‘just… Because we are friends… … ?’
Is it because of your limitless consideration?
Or is it just because they consider me a close friend?
What color are the fragments of emotion embedded in the corner of the heart?
If possible, I hope it has a similar color to the piece of jewelry I’ve been hiding for a while deep in my heart. I had a sudden thought.
In that moment, it was his voice that awakened my consciousness that had sunk deep into the abyss.
Ludwig handed me the paper bag he had just taken out of his arms.
It was quite crude and thick to be called stationery, but there was nothing that I could guess about the other contents.
“It is a letter. Emilia.”
“Yeah? This thick… You mean?”
The wad of paper she was handed was virtually as thick as a short book.
I never thought I would hand out this amount as a letter.
Emilia, dumbfounded, tilted her head while looking at him and at the paper envelope that had lost its function as stationery.
“Even if it’s a letter… There are so many stories I couldn’t tell you, so I just wrote them down for a while. If you get bored on the way, open it up.”
“If you can’t tell the story… … ?”
“It’s a bunch of stuff. The books Emilia asked me about, the stories I heard from my parents when I was little, and the strange landscapes I saw. It is all written in it.”
Only then did Emilia guess what was written on the letter he held out, so she let out a small sigh and squeezed it tightly so as not to miss it.
As he said, most of them are really pointless and miscellaneous stories.
It’s not a good word to wish you good fortune, a plausible aphorism left by wise men of old, or a sentence to calm your mind that loosens up during arduous training.
Those are just stories.
“… Thank you. Ludwig. I am more than happy with any gift.”
“If you think so, I’m just happy.”
But it was what she wished for.
There were many things she hadn’t heard from Ludwig. And, there are many stories that have not yet been told.
If you were to point out what you regret not being able to do before you set off on your journey, that would be the number one priority.
If you read this letter, you could listen to him, even if you couldn’t tell him the story.
The diary in the heart that has not yet been filled, although it is only half, can be filled.
‘How can he know my heart so well?’
There are many times when even I myself am confused and do not know. How are you?
“I always get it from you.”
“Don’t think like that. Are you friends?”
Quick. Her eyebrows twitched briefly at the word friend.
The word, which had felt warm just a moment ago, was now somewhat dissatisfied.
His friend, his friend, his friend. Do you want to draw a line or something? It wouldn’t be of much use if I tried to draw it now, but it gave me a heartache for some reason.
Is there any means of revenge?
For some reason, Emilia, who felt like losing, searched the surroundings like a wild beast in search of prey.
In the meantime, his thin, slender hand, like a woman’s, caught my eye.
smile. A playful smile formed.
“What do you do when you receive… Ludwig, could you give me your hand?”
“hand… You mean?”
“Yeah. Please close your eyes if possible.”
Suddenly, what hand? Seeing that he told me to close my eyes, I wonder if he meant to put a gift on it.
Ludwig unconsciously held out his hand, palm facing out.
“Ah, I made the back of my hand look out.”
“Yes… … .”
the back of your hand? It was an even more unexpected requirement.
However, Ludwig obediently turned his palm face down and held it out with the back of his hand facing outward.
Emilia, who was staring blankly at the scene, quietly grabbed his hand, then pressed her face in and kissed the back of her hand.
A cute sound resounded, and Ludwig hurriedly opened his eyes at the strange touch and opened his mouth with his face blushing.
“Eh, Emilia!? just that… … !”
“Huh, it’s a reward and revenge. I’m confident I won’t forget Ludwig, but on the other hand, you might forget me, right?”
Holding the wad of paper in her hand like a treasure, she turned around and approached the carriage.
“I hope you are doing well.”
“… what i will say Please come back in good health. Emilia.”
Emilia nodded vigorously so that he could see, and finally got on the carriage.
The driver swung the whip at the horse until it clicked, and soon the carriage began to move slowly.
By the time her platinum hair fluttered outside the window and was no longer visible, Ludwig turned to the mansion.
It was a story about the time when the red tulips that had been blooming all over the garden gradually lowered their heads, and the gloxinia, which resembled roses, slowly began to bear buds.
Damn bro Emilia is such a chad