30 – Believing in Sinners
After separating from Prince Reynus.
I asked Elpisia straightforwardly.
“Elpisia.”
“Yes.”
“What is your relationship with Prince Reynus?”
To my question, she responded with surprise.
“People always speak as if they were blowing in the wind.”
“I never thought you would see me that way.”
“Is that so?”
“Of course. After all this time, how could I not trust you?”
“Sigh…”
While I believed I had tightly closed the door to any other answer, Elphesia let out a sigh. Then, she stopped walking, leaned against my chest, and spoke in a steady rhythm.
“Harte, you know, people should always be suspicious, no matter how long they’ve known each other. If you don’t know that, you’ll be in danger. Surely… someday…”
“Even if you say that, I’m someone who believed in you no matter what.”
“I know that very well. Maybe too well…”
Elphesia grumbled as if she was displeased.
“I need someone who will always protect me… Someone like you.”
“Well, then I’m glad. Because Elphesia will always be by my side, right?”
“…”
As soon as she heard my words, she narrowed her eyes. It still seemed like my values didn’t sit well with her.
“This conversation seems to never end. Well, whatever. A contract is a contract, so I’ll always be there to help you. Feel free to cheer for joy.”
“If that’s the case.”
I grabbed Elphesia’s hand and reached towards the sky. Her small hand, touching the night sky, seemed to catch the shimmering stars.
Seeing me like this, Elphesia gave me a confident gaze.
The atmosphere was strangely surreal, so I added awkwardly,
“…Cheer for joy?”
“What should I do with you…”
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Well, I ended up not knowing anything.
Communicating with Elphesia was particularly challenging. If I were to rank the difficulty, Flothio would be in first place, followed by Elphesia in second, and Yurian in third.
Thanks to that, I had to search for words desperately. In the midst of it, my gaze suddenly lingered above Elphesia’s head.
Among the accessories Elphesia wore, the most inferior in quality was a hairpin. The hues of the red butterfly, fragmented on the pin, were as beautiful as Elphesia’s eyes.
A strange emotion stirred within me.
It was both pitiful and delightful that she adorned herself with such cheap accessories for this grand party.
So, I spoke more naturally.
“You brought it and wore it.”
“What are you talking about?”
“The first extravagance I’ve ever uttered in my life.”
“Ah.”
Elphesia brushed it off indifferently.
“I just dressed up with whatever the maidservant handed me.”
“Then, I should thank that maidservant. What is her name?”
…”
Momentarily speechless, she quickly regained her composure. However, unlike just now, Elphesia was now fanning herself with her hand, cooling the heat on her face.
“…Do I look idle enough to remember each and every maidservant’s name? You worry about unnecessary things.”
“I thought Elphesia, who is much smarter than someone like me, would naturally know.”
Even if it was genuinely the maidservant’s choice, if she didn’t like the hairpin, she could just toss it into the accessory box.
In the end, everything seemed to be Elphesia’s will.
So, as much as I was delighted, I didn’t spare any compliments.
“Beautiful. More than anyone else in the ballroom.”
“… Hmph, is this sudden flattery?”
“Not so godless as to speak obvious lies.”
“I don’t believe in things like you do. It’s unavoidable.”
“It’s okay. Then I’ll continue telling you until my sincerity reaches you. As you said, we’ll be together all along, right?”
I blurted it out without much thought when speaking, but upon reflection, a sense of embarrassment crept in. When looked at each sentence individually, it could convey a strange meaning.
So, I tried to make a belated excuse.
Until Elphesia makes her move.
“That’s right.”
She says.
“Since it can’t be helped, I’ll stick by your side.”
She adds one more thing.
“Because of the contract.”
“Yeah, because of the contract. I’ll be more grateful, being the one benefiting.”
“…”
One might misunderstand it as a heartless word every time the contract is mentioned. However, in Elphesia’s business-like way of speaking, there was an essence of respect and consideration, making me feel not at all bad.
Rather, I was pleased.
So, I had to throw another question at her once again.
“Elphicia.”
“You called?”
“What’s your relationship with the Second Prince?”
Certainly, I had no intention of suspecting any illicit affairs. Elphicia’s straightforward nature was like an unyielding object that would rather break than bend.
I simply felt a strange current, nothing more.
During my conversation with the Second Prince, I sensed her reluctance to intervene. It was awkward for her to join the conversation. There seemed to be some connection.
Since I, too, was now involved with the Second Prince, I believed it was essential to be aware of it.
It was after Elphicia had walked about six steps that she finally parted her tightly sealed lips.
“… Should I say it?”
“I’d appreciate it. We can tackle awkward things together because we’re a couple.”
“It’s a contract, though.”
“Yeah, it’s a contract, but we’re still a couple.”
There were many nights when Elphicia clenched her lips. As there seemed to be some friction, I refrained from pressing her any further.
The sound of Elphicia’s voice often coincided with the melancholic chirping of crickets, filling the space between us.
“There’s no contact with the Second Prince.”
“None at all?”
“… Instead, I know Rinea Chandelier, who is his fiancée.”
“If she’s the Second Prince’s fiancée…”
Recollections of the early evening ballroom were vivid. The young lady dancing with the Second Prince seemed fragile. Everyone gossiped about her, some even accusing her of selling her virtue. I couldn’t help but find it truly lamentable.
“Are you close with your fiancée?”
“Of course. We have an unparalleled connection.”
“I see…”
There was an unusual trace of resentment in Elphicia’s tone. What could have happened in the past that would make someone like Elphicia, with her strong personality, dislike people?
Curiosity welled up within me.
“In short, it was me who made Linnia Chandler look like that. I let my anger get the best of me and made a mistake in a moment of fury.”
“… Did you do something with the Duke’s power?”
“No.”
“Then what?”
“I cursed her with harsh words. That’s all.”
“I see.”
I had never witnessed Elphicia sincerely berating someone. So, I couldn’t imagine how she would curse Linnia Chandler.
As I fell into silence this time, Elphicia seemed uneasy and spoke first.
“Is that all the reaction I’ll get?”
“Yeah, that’s it.”
I caught a flicker in Elphicia’s eyes. I was certain she considered the words I would say to be of great importance. So, I gently took her cold hand and supported her.
“I trust you because you have always been truthful. And now, as a husband, I have to trust my wife. I believe there must have been a reason for Elphicia to be angry.”
“…”
“But things will change if we do this.”
“… What do you mean?”
To her, with a perplexed expression on her face, I confidently revealed my intentions.
“I feel responsible for your regrets. So, I thought I could be more proactive in helping you.”
“Just a moment, Harte. I don’t particularly have any regrets.”
“If you truly had no regrets, you would have spoken up from the beginning without hesitation. Because Elphesia Luminele is someone who shines enough to be worthy.”
“…”
Indeed, tonight was a strange night.
It was too common for Elphesia, who always carried herself with confidence, to be at a loss for words.
The silence that enveloped us continued until we returned to the ballroom.
◈
It was always like this.
Harte doesn’t know how well people hide their ugliness. That’s why he smiles at me, an evil person who seems willing to give up the world.
Pathetically, I feel relieved every time he does that.
Since he can’t see through this ugliness, he can stay by my side for as long as he wants.
Harte said I was a shining person, but the only person who truly shines in this world is him, and him alone.
I shamelessly throw harsh words at him, even though I should let go.
Because I can’t let go.
Because I can’t forget the miracle of bringing color to my colorless world.
Because I can’t leave you, who once left the world for me.
… I cunningly got close to you with a cowardly trick.
“You saw right through me. You.”
This is about Linnia Chandler.
I don’t mind being persecuted.
That’s an unchanging fact.
But the moment I insulted Harte, my patience ran out, and I kept the words I shouldn’t have said in my mouth.
It would be a lie if there were no regrets. Because I was a villain who had no reason to persecute Linnia Chandler.
… Yes, that’s right. I was a sinner who became human in prison, only after stepping on your sacrifice.
So, in this life, I want to repay the sins I’ve taken on, by your side.
That is my only hope.
So please don’t interfere.
It’s you.
You who follow us with hesitant steps as soon as we return to the ballroom.
You who look at my husband with the eyes of a woman, not a saint.
The difference between you and me is simple.
I prioritize my husband above anything in the world… but you prioritize the mission you must fulfill as the owner of the baptismal name.
The game has already been decided there.
So…
“Do not commit adultery.”
I shot back at the saint instead of Harte.
“That’s something my husband really likes to hear. Even if it’s done in the heart, not in action, he says it’s a sin…”
“… So what?”
The saint received it with a triumphant air. However, she was nothing more than a novice, rare to engage in arguments even while living.
“If the lady saint develops feelings for a man, wouldn’t it be worth considering? It’s one of the disgusting vices that Ii emphasizes. Don’t you think so?”
“Huh? Well, yeah. Human emotions are inevitable, but… we accumulate merits to deal with it somehow.”
“Harte. In that case, Lady Saint must also have a high level of refinement, right?”
“Needless to say. He’s like a symbol of the temple. Ivria has a ‘friend’ to be proud of.”
Not at all, Harte.
In fact, that woman is committing the sin of adultery at this very moment. You alone see her as a friend.
“Ugh…”
The saint openly wore a wounded expression.
I don’t want to say this.
Well, I am a sinner.
It’s an unbearable situation to pierce the pure heart of the saint.
Even if I hadn’t harbored lingering feelings for you, who is already my husband, I might have chatted amicably.
Nevertheless, the sin runs deep.
Do people remain unchanged even if they are reborn?
I miss that small orphanage more than ever.
When I was there, I was happy without such convictions…
Paradoxically, selfishly, I miss the children.
The young ones I persecuted and pushed around…
“I miss them…”
In an instant, the desire that slipped out of my mouth was blocked by the threshold of reason and swallowed up.
But did I say it out loud?
Surely, the world must be under some strange spell.
◇
The atmosphere is subtle.
Even if I’m insensitive, I noticed the tension between Elphesia and Ivria.
… Why?
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Why are these two people, who just met today, exchanging fiery glances? Moreover, because they are who they are, the attention of the crowd is overwhelming.
I decided it would be better to tidy up my seat.
I asked Ivria for permission.
“Ivria, sorry, but we should go because we have a companion.”
“A companion? Who?”
“Our child.”
“… What?”
Ivria looked at me and Elphesia alternately, clearly surprised. I couldn’t figure out the reason, but this was the perfect opportunity while her mind was blank.
“Let’s meet again later. If possible, I’ll visit the shrine occasionally.”
“Wait a minute…! A child? Huh? That woman… I mean, Lady and you have a child?”
“Yes, if you want to be specific, there might be three of them.”
“Triplets…?!”
Well, since all three of them are the same age, it’s okay to call them triplets. How is it possible to have such a coincidence?
I instilled confidence in Ivria, who was observing Elphesia’s abdomen intently.
“Well, that’s how it turned out.”
“It… can’t be…!”
Ivria approached Elphesia with determination. But her hand seemed to be searching for her belly, of all places.
“It must be a mistake… Ivria wouldn’t harbor any desire for a woman.”
The priority was not Ivria’s absurd delusion of desire, but rather Urian’s well-being. It was time to bid farewell to an old friend.
“Let’s go, Elphesia.”
“Yes, Harte.”
Elphesia’s face brightened as she leaned on me. It was as if she had just drunk a refreshing carbonated beverage.
At that moment, Elphesia spoke to me, glancing around.
“If it’s Urian, it would be faster to find the Court White of Aruel.”
“Oh, then it would be quicker to find him.”
“Huh? Why?”
“Um…”
I was about to mention the disgraceful insult that I couldn’t even bring myself to utter.
To think that I would let such a despicable thought escape my lips, attracting attention.
Truly, it was a lack of dignity towards the Lord who had given me everything.
“The Court White is quite tall, you see… So I thought it would be easy to find him.”
“Is that so? Now that you mention it, I feel embarrassed about the deception I just shared.”
“Deception?”
“Yes. It turns out I wasn’t with the Court Physician Arwel, but with the First Prince.”
“The First Prince…? Out of nowhere!?”
I quickly located the spot Elphicia had focused on. Just as she described, Yurian and the First Prince were facing each other, engaged in a conversation, their gazes not benign.
As I moved my steps, I opened my hearing.
Even without any divine power, it was possible to activate the senses to some extent.
Then, the content of their conversation was so nonchalant that it was hard to believe they were brothers.
“Know your place, like Raynes does.”
If it had stopped there, it could have been perceived as a light skirmish in the imperial court.
However, the First Prince deliberately touched on Yurian’s painful wound.
“If you must intervene… like the Second Empress who annoyed His Majesty, you’ll quietly wither away, just like that.”