116 – sloppy
The only thing that comes to mind is a question.
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No, even though I had already given an answer, I was chanting only the word ‘why’ in order not to believe it.
“What, why, you…”
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No matter what I tried to say, the words wouldn’t come out. Really, I couldn’t understand anything, so I just messed around with my head and said that.
“No, that…”
“I’m worried…”
“worry?”
“That… I wonder where you’ll get hurt…”
worry. That’s a good word. These, too, were of good will.
That’s why there is no place to express your frustrated heart. Even though I was obviously not doing anything, the place where I stepped on was gradually collapsing and it seemed like it would fall off soon.
It wasn’t what I expected. I didn’t write it down in my notes. Rain’s artifact and Lian’s magic stone for communication already knew their existence.
But I didn’t know that Sola used her familiar to observe me from before. Even less did I know that only Thor was communicating with Odrox about me.
“What are you worried about?”
I said it like a bit of a shot. It shouldn’t be like this. I shouldn’t overreact and incur hatred.
I put the tips of my trembling fingers into the palm of my hand and closed my eyes. The last time he saw Lane before he opened his eyes, his expression hardened. An expression of sincerity that cannot be created through acting.
worry. have to protect being in need of help. They are relaxed, but I am not, so I can be considerate. Trying to deny everything I was trying to do now.
It breaks. everything I thought of. relationships created.
If everyone is acting, am I going to be a clown? Are you enjoying my reaction?
I guess I need some time to think. somewhere, in a quiet place.
“..No. That was just a slip of the tongue.”
He shook his head and withdrew his words. It was a makeshift method, as if it had been spliced together and roughly glued on the verge of breaking into pieces.
However, no one directly denied what I said. As if there was something I wanted to continue like that, I just lay still with my eyes down.
It was frustrating. In the midst of such a momentary or eternity of silence, Solar raised her head.
“theory.”
Sola says. While showing a feeling of being stuffy and stuffy somewhere.
“yes.”
“Why do you keep saying you’re okay with that expression?”
they had said I show all my emotions through my eyes. He was good at managing his facial expression with his mouth, but it seemed that he had already been caught. Or maybe even saying this is acting.
“What face am I making?”
“..You’re asking because you don’t know that.”
“Nothing.”
“It’s not an expression of nothing. Why do you keep hiding something? What do you want? What do I have to do for you?”
Just as I was about to confront Solar’s question, saying that I was also frustrated, she first scratched her head and withdrew her previous words.
“…No, I’m sorry. I think I’m oversensitive because I have a lot to think about for a while. Yeah… Ron, if you’re okay, you’re fine. You know your condition best.”
The heart that was boiling at such a withdrawal cooled down. As if incomplete combustion, something that had not yet been burned seemed to rest on my chest.
An uncomfortable silence that could not even be imagined if it were us in the past. Rian clapped his hands to break the atmosphere and spoke really awkwardly, barely twisting the corners of his mouth.
“Now.. now..! We’ll go wash up too! Sola, if she’s soaking in the water, she’ll feel a little better! Don’t be too mindful of each other. We’re all colleagues, but each of us has a secret we don’t want to reveal, right?”
“..First, let’s organize our thoughts together. I’m sorry I was secretly looking at you. Really, I was worried about you.”
He nodded at Lane’s words. Apart from the nodded head, nothing was understood.
My head arbitrarily guesses, ‘I’m trying to find my flaws and use that as an excuse to cut ties’. Even the favor they give is arbitrarily interpreted as ‘the last good memory’.
I came out with my hair that looked like it was complicatedly twisted. They disappeared into the river, and Odrox appeared on the other side of them. With the magic stone attached to her waist.
“Where have you been?”
Wouldn’t Odrox tell me properly?
But if I said it properly, would I be able to react calmly?
“Nothing.”
ran away Once again, just like then. I was afraid to face the truth, making excuses that my mind was not ready.
“I see. How is the maintenance? I’d like you to check if it’s done properly.”
Odrox held out his greatsword. I ran my hand over the side of the sword once and put my finger lightly on the blade to roughly check how well the blade was sharpened.
There was no way I could judge properly because my mind wasn’t here.
“Good.”
“Right.”
Odrox nodded at the soulless answer and retrieved the greatsword. Even his reaction is distorted into an action based on ‘the last good memory’.
“I’m going to get food. So you can rest.”
I didn’t respond to his stiff words and sat down on the log that was lying on it. I was helpless. My head was spinning, but all my thoughts and guesses were meaningless miscellaneous things.
What should I do? How should we act? If this is really their performance, and if this favor is a last-minute good memory, how should I take it?
If it is destined to be abandoned in the end, wouldn’t it be right to really treat these memories as last and enjoy them?
He grabbed the corner of his mouth and forced it to curl up. To pretend to have finished organizing all my thoughts, to imitate the old me that I can’t even remember now.
A little more, I went into the forest for a while to clear my mind. Listening to the sound of bugs and rustling leaves would be a little more comfortable. maybe.
+++
“Solar, why did you suddenly get ahead of me?”
“..It seemed like I was hiding something from before.. Anyway, I have so many things to think about these days.. Ghh.. I’m sorry.”
“What were you thinking about? You called us earlier and hesitantly turned around.”
“It happened because of my mistake…”
“When did we ever care about that? We’re human. Of course we make mistakes.”
At Rain’s encouragement, Solar opened her mouth with difficulty. About everything we know about the demon named Erion.
“That bastard tried to kill Ron. So I tried to talk to you guys separately without Ron. To be honest, I want to catch him and rip him limb from limb right now… Judging from the state of the portal, it’s a priority to deal with this side first.”
“Why are you talking now?”
“..Just to tell you in advance. There is a tracking magic, so you can find it right away.
The other two nodded at Solar’s words. There was no awareness that the person who asked him ‘what are you hiding’ just before was hiding something from him.
“..But, of course, watching secretly was a bit like that, right? I just talked about what I was doing..”
“That’s right. No matter how worried you are, it’s the same as invading your personal area…”
“There were other reasons besides worrying..”
At Lane’s words, Lian narrowed her brows and tilted her head. He seemed to be questioning that there were other reasons besides worry.
“Another reason?”
“..personal desire.”
Lian tilted her head once more at Lane’s answer. Her hair was much brighter and whiter than her own.
Still, thanks to Lian, the atmosphere seemed to have eased up a little bit.
+++
To focus on something, I picked a few herbs and crushed them with a stone to make a simple herb. After stuffing it into my backpack, and tying my eyes tightly with new bandages, I went back to camp.
I couldn’t organize my thoughts, but my heart that was bubbling calmed down a little.
“You’re here? ..I’m sorry earlier. Really. I won’t ask for forgiveness. I just want you to give me one chance.”
“There’s nothing to do but forgive. We’re colleagues. I’ve already forgotten most of that, so let’s focus on what’s left.”
I calmly accepted Solar’s apology. Along with the sound of firewood breaking the silence in the campground, a mouth-watering fragrance was spreading.
This time, Lane was watching the seasoning as he stirred the boiling water. Although he was wearing armor, the tied back hair and it matched strangely, so he looked more like a soldier dispatched to cook than a knight on the front line.
“It’s done. Let’s eat.”
At that time, I was hungry because my stomach had grown since I ate the porridge they made for me. If their plan is to fatten me up and eat me like the bad guy in the old story, I wanted to tell them that it was going very well.
I took a drink of Lane’s food that I couldn’t eat at the time. In between the savory taste of heated dairy products, a different savory taste of meat fat is added. It blends harmoniously without interlocking, and the sweet scent of heated root vegetables is harmonized in between.
Even if the fragrance is good, there are times when you feel like ‘just like that’ when you actually eat it. Maybe this is the case too.
I popped it into my mouth without expecting too much. In the first place, I thought that I wouldn’t feel much taste because it was in the condition.
But as soon as I put it in my mouth, my tongue danced back and forth in surprise as if the taste didn’t lie. He rolled the pieces of vegetables floating in the thick liquid in his mouth. The vegetable, which had become soft enough with just such an action, could not maintain its original shape and cut itself off, presenting the flavor and aroma it had.
I’m sorry for Rian, but it was so delicious that it couldn’t be compared to hers. Is it because of the savory taste of dairy products? It tasted better than anything I made. enough to sell for money.
“Where did you get the milk?”
After longing for a taste, I passed it down my throat and asked where the dairy product came from.
“I brought it.”
Odrox answered. Milk is not suitable for a long trip, but it’s better to eat this kind of food in a place like this. It felt like the main purpose was to look at the scenery and eat delicious food, not to subdue the labyrinth or remove the dimensional gate.
“How does it taste?”
Lane asks with a rare expression of uneasiness. Like a test taker waiting for an evaluation. is this smoke? Or are you serious?
“It’s so delicious. You want to eat it every day?”
“Every… every day?”
I don’t know why he showed me that way, but he complimented me for doing my best. I’ve heard somewhere that the best compliment to the person who cooked is to say ‘I want to eat it every day’..
After hearing what I said, Lane dared to confirm it one more time and showed off her joy without hiding it. It was a bit sad that even cooking was delayed, but there were no major emotional ups and downs.
Was it because he forced the corner of his mouth up, or was it because he listened to various sounds in the forest and calmed himself down?
I emptied the portion that was reduced to my portion and ate it. Of course, even though my stomach got bigger, it was still small, so I couldn’t eat much.
The sun had completely set and we sat around a campfire. A slightly more relaxed atmosphere than before. But somehow it feels awkward.
Maybe they read that atmosphere, but unlike the first day, they didn’t force me to rest. The vigil continued to discourage me from doing it, but if it went on like this, tomorrow I would be able to find something to do too. Now that I’m here, I wonder if that’s meaningful, but I still have to do something.
It was the time when darkness spread over the land and the moon and stars illuminated the land. We settled down with them and entrusted our safety to Lian, the first person on the night watch. Of course, I didn’t forget to say I’m sorry. It doesn’t change that I’m resting alone, and it doesn’t change that they are suffering more as much as I rest.
With a vaguely uncomfortable heart, I went to sleep in the tent.
And I woke up to the sound of someone entering the tent. I opened my eyes – I expressed it, but since I was wearing a bandage, nothing had changed on the outside. If he managed to break through Lian outside, he must be quite strong. I don’t think Rian was victimized, but I think there are quite a few situations where I can escape her surveillance.
That’s why, while breathing as evenly as possible, he vowed to slit his throat right away if he was aiming for someone else inside the tent, wiggling his fingers and trying to bring it to the nearby armament.
“Rain.. wake up.. shift time..”
Has it already been that time? Yesterday I didn’t wake up during shift, but today I woke up as soon as I opened the tent entrance. Did anxiety make you sleep lightly again? Or did he fill up all his stamina and open his eyes with surplus power?
Whatever it was, once my eyes were opened, I did not think to close them easily. When I thought of one thing, I couldn’t sleep properly because other thoughts followed one after another.
Lane got up, put on her equipment, and changed with Lian. Once inside, Lian lay down in the same spot where Lane lay, and immediately fell asleep with a groaning sound. Judging by how quickly they fell asleep, it must be true that they suffered as much as I did not work. I’m kinda sorry
I straightened up and closed my eyes again, but sleep still did not come. When I woke up, I should have closed my eyes and erased all my thoughts, but it seemed that it was already too late.
As I was passing the time thinking about how good it would be, I heard the entrance of the tent shake.
intruder? No, you can’t escape Lane’s eyes, right? Is there a thief with that level of skill here? I’m glad I was awake once. This time with a dagger…
“Sigh..”
I heard a sigh full of trouble, as if I was pouring out my frustrated heart. I tried to keep the sound down as much as possible, but I guess I couldn’t hide the sound of the ironclad. No, I could have hidden it if I wanted to hide it, but I don’t think I did.
Lane came into the tent. Did I leave something behind? As I was thinking, she approached the place where I was lying.
Chunk. The sound of ironclads could be heard right above.