126 – If the hero’s companions collapse—
A little bit, it seems that my mind has returned to the point where I can think. My body felt a little cold, and the air seemed heavy.
A red-stained face. Is it current? is it the past? is it the future? It didn’t matter.
It didn’t matter whatsoever. No, the past might be a little better. Because I was different back then. There were times when I was cornered and acted more than necessary, but that was enough to say that it was cool.
The me of the past and the me of the present are fundamentally different. Even though I am now crowded, I am useless, and I was crowded at the time, but I was still useful.
Any cards that are useless are simply discarded. they don’t need me Still, I was a little grateful for the last kindness I received by accepting the request to reunite as an old colleague.
Can I live with this as a memory? Even if he had a guest speech on the street, it would be enough to say ‘I was a colleague of the first hero’. Of course, no one will believe me if I say that, and I may not believe it myself either.
If what I’ve been through so far is a little long dream, wouldn’t it be okay to think about it a little more expediently? I also received God’s revelation and became stronger…
no Isn’t this kind of thought itself admitting that I’m rotten? Even if I had been guided by God’s revelation and light, could I have become as strong as Rain? Obviously, if it were me, I would have settled for being moderately strong and refused to move forward. Like what happened after the breakup.
so? Are you really dreaming? If that’s the case, I think I can understand the current situation where I don’t feel any emotion even though I’m facing them with my bare eyes.
Frustration, inferiority, self-defense, reluctance, disappointment, incompetence, regret, depression, etc. There was nothing positive about it either.
It seemed that all the feelings towards the three… even the four of the Odrox were spread in white. As if I were looking at other people, I didn’t even think about seeing them. I didn’t want to think about anything.
If this dream was solving my unconscious desire, I might have wanted to receive attention that worried about me. The fact that they cared about me was no different than that they considered me as a colleague.
rian. I saw Ryan’s face. With a gloomy complexion, he knelt down and created a silver halo. It’s like drawing me in the days when I saved myself.
Lane’s eyes. Looking at those blue eyes that always served as a starting point, I didn’t think anything of it. It seemed that only the ashes left after burning everything were full.
Solar is also visible. She was absolutely right. It was obviously tailored to me. It was proof that he had been brought down like this after he slightly increased the speed of his actions according to Lane’s words. But why are you making a more sick face? I was wrong and you were just telling the truth.
Oh, yes. It was a dream. If that’s the case, shall we go out a little selfishly?
I thought so, but I gave up. I didn’t even have the will to open my mouth.
While I was thinking of 50,000 things in my head, my body was limp and did not even move. It felt like I was conscious of even breathing. To the point where I wondered if I would stop breathing and pass out if I erased that thought from my head.
Lane is saying something, but her ears and brain aren’t working properly. I could hear it, but I couldn’t interpret it. It was as if I was hearing the jargon of another country I didn’t know.
All I could do was hurt myself. What I can succeed without the help of others is to move your emotions in a negative direction.
But now I couldn’t even do that. You couldn’t even scratch your eyes with your hands drained of all strength, and if you couldn’t do that, you couldn’t move your emotions.
What’s left? Is it worth continuing this humble life? If I remain like this, I will only scratch your nerves, and if I remain like this, you will abandon me.
I thought it wouldn’t be bad to just end everything here, since I’m going to live scratching the ground ugly.
This is not a fairy tale. No matter when or how it ended, there was nothing strange about it.
so? What can I do in this situation? Even if you bite your tongue, you will not die. Life is tougher than I thought, so I didn’t die even if I rolled my body while struggling like that, and I didn’t die even if I shed blood to the point where my mind went blank.
ask?
yes.
If it was my last request, wouldn’t they help too?
because it’s the last Since you asked me to go out with you, I wonder if you’ll listen to this much.
“lane.”
called that name In a small voice that seemed to crack and sink to the ground. Even so, he heard the sound, and Lane met my eyes. Those eyes were shaking.
Only now could I see it clearly. Did he have the courage to face it head-on because there was nowhere else to retreat?
“Solar.”
you were right So don’t question your decisions and don’t bite your tongue. I wanted to say that, but my mouth was shut tight after the short words that called my name.
how did it look Solar’s expression changes in real time. you are right you were right Because you were right, I wanted you to stop making that face.
“Lian.”
It caused a lot of trouble. Anything I helped you with is more than enough to repay. Even though it seemed like I had monopolized the silver halo, I realized that you really cared for me.
That’s why I wanted you to close your eyes as much as Lian. Because I didn’t want to show a bad side.
“Can I ask you a favor?”
“Yes, of course. Tell me.”
“I’ll go outside. I have something to think about. Please, never, follow me.”
When you become aloof, then the words start to come out. At the word request, they hurriedly nodded. I thanked him for not ignoring me.
I was grateful that they didn’t ask me where I was going or what I was doing. Or maybe they were hoping for this too.
“When you’re done thinking, let’s talk about us…”
“I have something urgent to think about. I hope you don’t follow me.”
“Ah.. uh.. yes.. do I have to come soon?”
I didn’t respond to that, and with a slightly lighter body, I roughly put on my open backpack and came out of the tent.
I heard the sound of something falling, but I ignored it and hurried outside.
I killed footsteps and signs so they couldn’t find me, and found a secluded place.
It was a sunny spot. Seeing that there is such a good place, the dream came true.
It’s time to wake up from the dream.
It didn’t matter if it wasn’t a dream.
What comes in the end is waking up from a dream or eternal rest.
A sturdy tree branch. A rope that I always had with me in case of an emergency.
Something black, wriggling inside, seemed to circulate throughout the body. excruciatingly fast.
But that feeling is over.
One last time I looked at the place I had passed. I had a selfish heart that I wanted to stop even after coming here. Didn’t you leave room from the beginning when you said it?
It was disgusting. What else do you want after putting them through so much trouble?
The body is heavy. It seems to have become a cloth soaked in water.
If it’s this heavy, wouldn’t it end right away the moment you hang yourself?
+++
A note dropped to the ground caught Solar’s eyes. The tip was wet with bright red, but there seemed to be no difficulty in reading the words written inside.
Solar held it up and turned it over one by one. expressionlessly.
What is written on the vinegar is the recipe for the dish. A few sheets in the middle were torn, and there were also blanks in the middle.
Sola’s hand stopped mechanically passing it over as if she was trying to focus on something.
Sentences that predict the actions they will take and write down their responses accordingly.
Why did you write this down? Is there only the word ‘smile’ next to what was written as response?
One page passed. Then another one, then another one.
Solar’s eyes caught one word. A short sentence of about two lines that starts with the word ‘I’ that starts like a diary, and two pen lines painted horizontally as if erasing it.
Even so, all the information was implied. His writing skills were not good. Even so, the emotions contained in it were conveyed by pressing each letter, so I had no choice but to understand it even if I didn’t like it. His feelings of worthlessness, his fear of failure, his need for recognition.
“You have to find it. Where did you go? Where did you go…”
Sola got up from her seat and hurriedly talked to herself, then created a familiar horse and launched it. The dropped note opened wide and showed the sentence Solar had seen to the other two. Rain and Lian also kept their mouths shut at the writing that implied their worthlessness and what they wanted.
“Oh, no..!!”
Sola was startled and started running towards the spot where he had found him. Solar started running with her own body, forgetting that she was using magic. But, of course, there was no speed. Only then did he open his mouth to chant the incantation and cast space movement, but Rain blocked it.
“Don’t block the rain guard! Why are you blocking it right now!! You must have seen it too!? Why in this situation!!”
Sola, who hysterically cut her hand off, tries to sing the chant again, but this time Lian blocks her mouth.
“Solar, you’re so unstable right now. You’ll fail if you try chanting.”
“Is that the problem? That’s the problem! You guys have seen it too!? I’ve seen what it says and what he’s trying to do. Why are you so still!! Let me go.. Let me go..!! Lian!!!!”
“Let’s all go together. Let’s go together…”
“you..”
Lian’s body trembled as he held onto Solar from behind. She was pretending to be okay, but she was also trembling with anxiety.
“Rain, please.”
“Okay. As soon as possible…”
Rain put his arm around Solar’s waist. Tremors were transmitted from the joints not protected by the armor. Lane, too, was insecure.
Everyone was of the same mind. I had to stop him right now and fulfill his wishes. It felt like the puzzle was finally being put together, and I felt like I could come up with a proper solution now.
It ran fast enough to create winds strong enough to uproot trees.
‘Cause I can’t be late Because I wanted to solve it as quickly as possible. Because I thought I knew everything by now. Because they wanted to accept his heart as soon as possible and convey their feelings.
Lane stopped.
sunny place. A place that is exceptionally open in the middle of a place where trees and grass were overgrown. Only the huge tree in the middle stands tall, not knowing how high the sky is.
I see a rope tied to a sturdy tree branch. It was in such a blatant form that one could see its use.
Haven’t gotten into action yet. I was about to hang it around my neck while standing on a rock.
It was fortunate. Now that I knew his heart, I had ample room for extenuating circumstances. If we talk openly to each other…
“I’m sorry. I said something harsh without knowing your heart. First, let’s stop and talk.. Huh?”
Solar raised the corner of her mouth and spoke first. In the sense of apologizing for his actions, he lowered his head and approached with a low attitude. Even with an attitude that didn’t match Solar’s personality in front of him, Ron remained aloof.
He let go of the rope he was holding.
“You don’t have to be sorry.”
By saying something like a face-to-face rejection of the offer to talk.